Declaration Of Tolerance For School Agers: Kindness Is Cool

DECLARATION OF TOLERANCE FOR SCHOOL AGERS: KINDNESS IS COOL (ISSUE 53)

By Diane Gold

No curriculum in tolerance exists in regular public schools.

“Why not?” we might ask.

It would prepare us for living in our world and creating harmony along the way.

If, as kids, we had tolerance class to learn such a set of rules along with math and language skills,

OH, THE DIFFERENCES WE WILL SEE!

It’s common knowledge that kids are cruel, pull the cat’s tail, become insensitive when their friends make social blunders and gang up on kids because they possess physical and mental attributes that would not qualify them for a typical beauty or intelligence contest.

Yes, they’re young. Yes, their freedom to express naturally is important and the line between mocking and self-expression is subjective. And, yes, children need to build up strength should intolerance be directed at them.

Also true is that children are impressionable. They are impressed (a mental embossing occurs) by popularity and strive for it. I heard a TV teen say that the purpose of high school was to become popular.

Wouldn’t it be fair to say that we all crave popularity of some type, whether it’s to be thought of as the most just, the most intelligent, the most creative, the most macho, the most humble?

 We follow others, as kids and adults. We call this social proof. If no one goes to help the person who fell down and everyone walks by with no regard; we are less likely to rush to help the afflicted person.

If 3 people are already helping, we are more likely to offer a hand.

Not that we are all sheep, but, without specific intervention training, most people do not take the initiative to run to get involved in serving another if no one else does.

TOLERANCE IN SCHOOL

So what does this have to do with tolerance?

Kids form belief systems and opinions at home, in school and with peer groups. It is a given that we are influenced on a grand scale by our parents, our caretakers. Prejudice in the home rubs off. But many kids have their first encounter with intolerance, either as target or aggressor, in school.

If Jayne makes fun of Julie at school and school mates follow this behavior, this intolerance festers and grows. Its presence caters to fortify the belief that it is good. How cool it is to be part of the group. It’s a good feeling. But, aren’t their lines, even for kids? We don’t have court in school, but we are responsible for teaching what’s right.

Everyone has to deal with being the target of someone. And, yes, as mentioned, we must develop personal self-esteem to balance out external negativity. But, school is a place of learning. And the job of each teacher – and that truly means any adult – is to instill good values, individually and as a community of teachers.

For this reason, I created a simple document to which all school-age children should be exposed and on which all school-age children should have training. If we don’t address tolerance at an early age, role play about it and make it a life-long study even if we discuss it once a week for 15 minutes, we are leaving out a core value that needs attention.

Imagine if we had the tolerance in childhood we would want others to have. And we lived this for our entire childhood.

OH, THE DIFFERENT WAYS WE’LL ACT!

ACTION STEP

Employ the kids declaration of tolerance at your earliest convenience. No, wait. Do it now, without waiting.  Bring it to your school. Share it through your social networks. Bring it with you to the parent-teacher meetings. Go over it at home at every opportunity. Role play it. Learn it. Be it. Write another declaration to add below.

Here it is:

1)
I will imagine I am in a wheel chair. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

This means I will not abandon a person because of this situation; I will not single out the other person and laugh at someone else’s tragedy; I will show respect for the other person. I will be a compassion leader.

2)
I will imagine I am 2X as big as I am now in body weight without getting taller, and I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

3)
I will imagine that my hair has fallen out, and I feel sad. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

4)
I will imagine I just tripped on my shoe lace and scraped my knee and my elbow. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

5)
I will imagine I have lost my pet and I am crying at school. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation, When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

6)
I will imagine I have a mark on my face that makes me look different from others. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

7)
I will imagine I don’t remember any of the lessons the other students remember at school. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

8)
I will imagine my family makes me dress different from everyone else. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

9)
I will imagine someone has just teased me, and my feelings are hurt. I will think about how that feels. I will treat others the way I would want them to treat me in that situation. When others laugh at someone else in this situation, I will recognize this as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool.

10)
I will imagine someone has just teased my friend. I will think about how my friend feels. I will treat my friend the way I would want her to treat me in that situation. I will recognize the teasing as bad behavior and not follow it. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and teach that kindness is cool. I will support my friend with kindness, not aggression toward others.

11)
I will imagine that my community has been fighting with another community for a long time. I will think about how many bad feelings there are because of the old fight. I will treat the outside community the way I would want it to treat my community: with respect, with harmony and with tolerance. I will recognize that, as a young person, I can stop the fight. I will not follow my community history in fighting. I will lend a helping hand, show an understanding heart and help educate both communities. I will support my community with kindness and make friends with the other community.

CONCLUSION

The longer we study a subject, the more proficient we get at it. If we study tolerance from an early time, we will become familiar with how it goes. We will learn about being kind, being fair, being able to pass on these concepts.

Implement the Declaration Of Tolerance For School Agers, and be instrumental in taking a step toward the reality of creating world harmony.

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She passes on ways to create human harmony, which may not be coincidentally related to her love of music. She says,

“The best time to talk about peace and tolerance is when we are young. That’s why it’s so important to include a human relations curriculum (also called a peaceful solutions program) that extends past the study of our ancestors and their geographic regions. True, it’s nice to know how we got here, but it’s just as important to build tolerance and conflict resolution skills in the present. This will maximize the positive effect on global harmony.”