REVELATIONS OF A WEIGHT WARRIOR, TRISH CARR: A TESTIMONY FOR MOMS AND DAUGHTERS-PART III (Issue 35B)

by Diane Gold

We are back with Part III from the interview with Trish Carr and her weight story. We open here talking about making an exception to the diet on Sunday and the cravings it causes.

We left off with Trish talking about the munchies she makes for good eating all week. She begins a conversation about the cycle sugar starts.

URGES

Trish
It’s the sugar. The sugar is really poison. Even on Sundays, when I choose to eat something that has refined sugar in it, I know it’s going to cause me to have cravings.

Diane
Well, that’s the thing. What I don’t get personally, I can’t just have one thing for one day. I am not that kind of addictive personality.
If I have something on Sunday, I will want to have it on Monday.

Trish
Right.

Diane

And I will want to have it double on Tuesday.

Trish
Yeah, absolutely.

Diane
And that’s how it will go. So, for me, I would usually prefer not to have it at all. And that’s fine. I’m good with that.

For me, it’s not usually food.

Diane Narrative
This comment is my testament to the fact that I have throughout life, had many urges. Food was not usually one of them but it tempts me now. Any urge, though, creates the same process in my body and requires the same control as for any other substance. I have even felt addictive feelings for a significant other.

Diane
Even though I’m slender, I could be unslender in a pinch. Sometimes, I’ll bring something home which might be sweet. And I know, well, I did that today, And, oh, well guess what? I brought the same thing home two day after that. And two days after that. And then, I’ll just not do it for a year. I absolutely have to control that very carefully.

Diane Narrative
Or I could be sucking up excess fats and oils in a heartbeat.

The urge cycle is rarely talked about. In many programs, we are encouraged to tell stories about events that have taken place such as,

“I went to the health food store and purchased two pints of coconut milk ice cream. I came home and ate them. I felt sick,”

Instead of being restricted from talking about events and still encouraged to talk about what made us act on an urge like this,

“I was feeling alone since I had no friends. Instead of going to the library group, the full moon celebration, the free dance session in the park, I ate too much coconut milk ice cream and felt sick.

If we spoke more about what led us to act on these behaviors, we might be in a better place.

Now I ask Trish what she would say to people who cannot control the cravings that come after the relaxed Sunday schedule. (And based upon the rate of relapse, most people do not control themselves well for any length of time.)

URGE TIP OF THE YEAR

Trish
What I do is when I have something that’s going to cause a craving, I will tell someone else to please pay attention that I don’t have any more of this, and ask them to call me on it. So, I need an accountability partner.

Diane
Accountability partner is great. Which is why people who want to lose weight, have most of the time, used some type of group weight loss program. It’s the accountability. It’s also being able to communicate with others about it and the bonding.

HAVING A SUPPORT STRUCTURE

Diane Narrative
Trish talks about enrolling other people in supporting you in being accountable.

Trish
How many times people say I’m going to …lose weight? But as soon as you say it to another person, it raises your level of accountability.

Diane Narrative
There is an interesting article, from 2004, by Charlotte Huff. It’s called “Teaming Up To Drop Pounds.” She references a study that shows that participants who enrolled in a program with friends had higher rate of successfully keeping the weight off after six months than those who enrolled alone.

SUPPORT COMMUNITY FOR DAUGHTERS

Trish
One of those people is your mom. But the mom’s got to come from ‘I love you,’ I care about you,’ ‘I see you greater than you see yourself.’

Diane
That is fantastic. I love that one.

Diane Narrative
I ask Trish about what she would suggest for warriors of weight whose families bring the wrong food into the house.

Trish
For me, it’s about having a conversation with the other person.

Diane Narrative
When it’s the daughter who needs a special food plan and the adults are not helping, it is very difficult. Listen to the other things that Trish mentions that will definitely help.

IT’S THE MIND

Trish
There are lots of things that I did.
1)    I journaled every day what I ate.
2)    I start the day with, ‘This is how I plan my day to go.’
3)    I set my intention for the day.
It’s not just the food. Let’s be clear. Food is not the problem. Again, my mind is the problem.

So, there’s a lot of mindset things to do. And … once I do those, … you can put in front of me [some tasty chocolate snack], and I won’t want it.

But, if I’m white knuckling it all the time, with ‘Oh, I’m craving, craving, craving,’ then eventually you’re going to give in.

WHAT IF YOU HAVE NO SUPPORT SYSTEM?

Diane
It’s very hard for many people who don’t have that support system. And the other thing you had said that daughters should use the support system they have in the home which is the mom. What about daughters who don’t have a support system because either the mom isn’t going to listen or there isn’t one.

Trish
Right. And that’s where creating your own structure comes in…Every time you want to eat something that’s not on your food plan, pick up a pen and paper and write down what you’re thinking.

Diane
Absolutely.

Trish
Why are you having these thoughts? What is really going on? Because food is just a therapeutic way to get past whatever it is you’re feeling. Just like drugs are. Food is my drug of choice.

Diane
Um-hmm.

Trish
It’s really those mindset things, Diane.You can work with the food and manipulate the food and get to the size you want, but I don’t want to be white knuckling it for my whole life.

Diane
Right.

BIG TIPS
DON’T WEIGH IN TOO MUCH

Trish
I also very much kept track of my success. I have a spread sheet that I keep. Once a week, I weighed myself. Didn’t do it every day. Big mistake, getting on the scale every day. The greatest demotivator is when you’re not losing or you actually go up when you worked very hard.

I also did my measurements so that I could see. When I added exercise on a regular basis, I lost almost a whole size without losing one pound.

Diane
That is how it goes.

Trish
So, if I’m looking at the scale, I’m thinking, ‘Oh, wow. Too bad I haven’t lost anything. Well, why should I bother working out?’

Diane
Right.

TAKE MEASUREMENTS

Trish
But if I take my measurements, I can see, wow, I’m [one size less than I was].

Diane
Great point.

Trish
The other thing is semantics. We’re always losing weight. What’s the first thing you do when you lose something?

You look for it. So get rid of that expression.

Diane
Yeah, delete.

Trish
People say, ‘I release it.’ That’s too gentle. This is something that you hate. This is something you do not ever want to see again. So don’t be gentle. You get rid of this stuff so that it doesn’t come back.

CONCLUSION

Preparing this set of articles was very enjoyable for two reasons:
1) because the interviewing process is such a great way to get to know someone and
2) because the 3-article-set is so chock full of amazing strategies.

We hope you take from the article and use a tip for yourself.  And, if you have a tip or story of your own, we’d love to hear from you.

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE at http://warriorsofweight.com/?p=1121. And, when you’re on Facebook, go to http://facebook.com/warriorsofweight and click LIKE. We’re working on the page and would appreciate comments.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.

She is on the look-out for the next story and has a new passion within interviewing: hearing about weight stories and turning interviews into articles so that all can benefit. Diane says,

“If you take any one tip from this set of articles and use it for a 3 days in a row or more, it will bring greater results than you can possibly imagine. Do it!”

REVELATIONS OF A WEIGHT WARRIOR: TRISH CARR, A TESTIMONY FOR MOMS AND DAUGHTERS: PART II (Issue 35A)

By Diane Gold

This is the second of three parts based on an interview with Trish Carr, a speaker, author and leadership expert, who has, in her words, “gotten rid of 100 pounds,”  rather than “losing” them, because she certainly doesn’t want to look for them again.

Diane
What actually made you gain weight, if you can remember, and if you would like to share that?

Trish
You know, because it’s been a lifelong issue, I can tell you that what makes me eat is what makes me gain weight. And that is, let’s see. It runs the gamut of happy, sad, frustrated, angry, elated, joyful, you name it. If I’m emotional about it…

Bored is big.

Diane
Yes.

Trish
Bored is big. The worst thing for me is the couch. If I’m sitting on the couch, I’m thinking about what I can eat. So, I’ve got to stay relatively active.

SECRET WARRIORSOFWEIGHT.COM EXERCISE

Diane
Have you ever tried sitting on the couch sitting on your hands?

Trish
Oh, no.

Diane
It’s really fun. It’s also a very interesting way of doing an abdominal exercise.
1)    You put your palms flat on the couch, which means the back of your palms is going to be right under your coccyx.
2)    And you just hang out there.
3)    You tuck your butt.
4)    And you raise your shoulders a slight amount.
While you’re on the couch, why not work?
5)    Hold for between 15 and 30 seconds.

Diane Narrative
This exercise can be done sitting on the couch or lying on it. Make sure to keep the back straight and elongated so that the abs are working the whole time.

NOTICE THE STRAIGHT BACK ON BOTH PHOTOS

The top photo has no pillows to obstruct the view of the straight back. For those who are just beginning working on the abs, a pillow is a good choice so as not to strain the back or neck. In the second (lower) view, the fluffy white pillow is lifted up by position of the hands to hide the straightness of the back; the back is NOT caving downward but is straight, as in the upper photo.

MAJOR POINT

This exercise can decrease the appetite and make us feel very focused, powerful and confident.

Diane
Let’s say you wanted to help moms of 13-year-old girls who were an extra love size. (There’s a fashion designer who has a size extra love, extra extra love, so I love that expression ‘cause a lot of times girls don’t want to hear “big, large, extra weight.”)

Diane Narrative
We will be featuring Sabrina Barnett, Empowerment Clothing, in the coming weeks. Watch for it on July 16.

Diane
Right away, we know that the daughters are going through or will going through hormonal changes. They’ll be feeling unattractive because they have pimples, their body changes and now they have a little extra weight ‘cause their muscles are also growing.

And they’re probably ready to fight with their moms because they are going to be going through feelings of wanting to be independent and also feelings that they don’t belong.

So what would you say to moms from your experience with weight, knowing what you know about the eating cycle that would put moms on the right track to communicate effectively with their daughters so that the daughters don’t snap at them or ignore them?

And partly, I’m asking you this because you deal with a lot of people and you’re a speaker and you also coach people individually. So I know that you know the human reaction spectrum. So I’m asking on that level. How can you help moms approach their daughters, or can you not?

Trish
That’s a good point. Can you not!

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

The most important way to help your daughter is to model the behavior that you want your daughter to have. And not be obsessive about it. It’s just, ‘Oh, this is how I eat,’ not, ‘Oh, I’m watching what I eat so I can stay thin and I can look good’ because then it becomes around looking good and not feeling good and being confident. …”

ARE YOU THE RIGHT PERSON?

Diane
You know how often we, as moms, jump right in to come to the aid of our daughters – or so we think. Here’s a great point that I consider every day with my own daughter so as to be supportive and considerate without being intrusive and selfish. I have a lot to learn.

Trish
…And as far as the conversation with your daughter, depending on your own relationship with your daughter, you know that your daughter often times won’t hear you, but the same thing can come out of a friend’s mouth or a sibling’s mouth and they’ll get it; so you’ve got to question whether you are the right person. And if you are the right person, then the conversation goes to,

‘Hey, look. I’m here to help. All I want to do is make your life the best that it can be. So you tell me what I can do. I can give you a couple of suggestions on what I think might help. But,it’s all up to you, and it’s all your choice what you want.’…

The worst part was when I was a fat kid, and my mother would want me to go on a diet or help me lose weight when she wasn’t doing it herself.

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Diane
This goes back to leading by example. I asked Trish her feelings about the double standards her mother was conveying of asking her to go on a reduction diet while not progressing in that direction herself.

Trish
The same thing with anything that your parents do, ‘Do what I say, not as I do.’ …There was no way she was going to give me buy in in doing anything if she wasn’t doing it herself.

Diane
Yeah, be the example.

Trish
Absolutely. You’ve got to model what you’re looking for.

SELF-ESTEEM

Trish
So the other thing to remember is that if your kid is overweight and you’re not, then they’re constantly beating themselves up. They are not happy. They are not comfortable. I was not a happy kid inside. Outside, I was fabulous. I was outgoing, But, internally, I was like, oh, my god, I’m so fat, I’m so fat. It would make me want to put another doughnut in my mouth.

Diane
I mentioned how daughters think moms will never understand. And we discussed the circumstance when the daughter may be overweight, and the mom is not overweight so the daughter is going to think, doubly, that the mom will not understand.

I asked Trish how a mom could maintain a daughter’s privacy and still get her daughter to believe in her and believe there is no competition. Trish brought up the point of our belief in our daughters.

TRUE BELIEF IN DAUGHTER

Trish
It’s all about seeing them for who you believe they are and not who they appear to be at the moment. So, if you see your daughter as confident, strong and powerful and you speak to her in those terms, then that’s what she will become. But if you say that she is confident, or you say to her, ‘Oh, you’re beautiful,’ or you say, ‘You’re a confident young girl,’ but you don’t really believe it, then the truth will no hit her. She’ll know that you’re insincere and there’s an inauthenticity there.

So the first place you’ve got to look is at yourself. Do you really believe that that’s who your daughter is.

Diane
I thought that was a tremendously good point. Often times, we, ourselves, get stressed out by the difficulties of our daughters, such as unhealthy weight in our daughters. We may lose sight of how much we really believe our daughters and focus on the the negative. This doesn’t help.

I mentioned how one of panel psychologists pointed out that when parents come to him to work with their children, the biggest thing is to work on the parent.

Trish talks about her having supervised a large staff of people as training manager (a mentor or parent-type role). She talks about a woman’s coming to her who thought she was shy. She expressed that nobody ever comes to her for ideas.

In this woman, Trish saw something special. Trish’s nurturing instincts come out here as she says,

“That woman had something to share that no one else had tapped into. I just treated her as if she were fully self-expressed, as if everything she had to share was really important;
and she blossomed because I did that.

BELIEF ACTION STEP

“And you have to do the same thing with your children. You’ve got to see in them what they don’t yet see in themselves.”

MUNCHING

Trish
And the other thing is when it comes the whole food situation, the bottom line is having food in the house that really delicious, that they can open the ‘fridge and get it.

FOOD ACTION STEPS
WHAT TO COOK

Trish’s Method: She shops and cooks on Sundays to have things on which to munch:
1.    Fresh beets.
2.    Stir fry.
3.    Veggies on the grill.

WHAT TO MUNCH ON

Trish
I’m a muncher. And I’m not changing from that. So I need to have things in [the refrigerator] that I can munch on that are good for me and that I really find delicious. Not, like my mother would say, ‘Have an apple,’ or ‘Have a carrot.’

But you give me grilled vegetables that have balsamic vinaigrette on them – that’s good!

HOW TO STIR FRY THE VEGGIES

Trish
1)    The easiest, fastest thing to do is cut up a bunch of vegetables,
2)    throw them in a pan,
3)    stir fry them with a little bit of soy sauce,
4)    if you like curry, take a little bit of … curry, mix it with soy sauce and throw it on there,
5)    stir them, and you’re done.
6)    Then, they can sit in the refrigerator for 3 or 4 days; and you can eat them every time you’re hungry.
7)    SPECIAL TIP: make it pretty with red pepper and carrots. Make it vibrant looking.

FOOD ECONOMY TIP

Trish
I go to the farmer’s market and spend $12 to $16, and it feeds me for the whole week.

Diane Narrative
This dollar figure refers to fruits and vegetables, excluding protein. This means that, instead of buying 3 bags of junk chips or cookies a week, following this buying model, we could eat nutritiously wonderful snacks for the same or less money. And, of course, we’d be improving our health.

CONCLUSION

We have some really important tips in this piece on how to help our daughters with weight, the biggest of which is sharing our true vision and belief in our daughter.

The tip on how much Trish spends on her munchies may help put things into perspective. As a vegan, my fruit and veggie bill exceeds this, but it is an indicator of how well we can eat for a small amount of money.

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.

She is most pleased with the number of people who are getting involved in this story-telling part of WarriorsOfWeight.com. Diane says,

“We all have these fascinating stories to tell, some about pain, some about pleasure, some about frustration, some about joy, others about failure and its levels up to success.

We should all have the opportunity to be heard, be nurtured and grow. I will work to create such an environment.”