Posts in "Self-Esteem"

Homeless: How We Can Help

By Diane Gold


Homeless - How We Can HelpAre we aware of what it is to be homeless? Probably only if we are homeless or if we work with people who are homeless.

Are we blind to suffering? Probably only if we are not suffering.

These suppositions have to do with how aware we are when we are living a situation but how unaware we become when we are not. Think of having a baby. It’s very painful. Do I remember the pain? No, I remember the joy. Or think of being sick when we are not.

Do I remember being sick? Depends upon how long ago I was sick. For me, it was just the other day, and it was the kind of sick where I could see life’s end. But, the last time I had an ache, a pain, a cold where I was totally clogged is but a small memory since it happened so long ago.


How I began to think of being homeless had to do with asking my step-niece, who works with homeless and housing as the administrator of community housing in Austin, to do an interview. What also got me thinking was a young feral cat I was feeding who arrived as if she had just gotten lost from her inside home with a human. I found her a new home and was able to trap her and give her to the seemingly willing family. Due to some error in nurturing, she ran away from that family and has to start all over again making her way not to starve.

My feral cat responsibility started a few months back when the cross-the-street neighbor who had been feeding 3 cats for, at least, 10-15 years, moved. I didn’t know about ferals and was told by a cat person that feral cats who have become dependent upon humans most of their lives would starve if not fed. So I started to feed them. Not until the young one who arrived, got trapped by me and brought to a seemingly willing family, and, subsequently, ran away, did the idea of homelessness really start to weigh on me.

The feral cat situation is difficult. Neighbors fear disease and late night cat fighting. But, how can we let the dependent ones starve?


This brings us to humans who are homeless. I was first introduced to people who lived outside when I went to the beach every morning to teach class. There were always the few same people under blankets when I arrived, who would be gone and in town by the time I was ready to leave.

Why are people homeless? Don’t we have plenty of money in this country to provide for everyone? This reminds me of the reaction of a virtual techie I had hired who was at a university in his country of birth, India. He did not know the great United States had homeless. Or that the statistic is around 600,000 people, 2/3 of whom live in shelters. That’s 200,000 outside homeless, including 50,000 who are veterans.

The hard righties say that everyone should work, and people who are homeless have no reason to be there. The hard lefties say that we should provide for those who are homeless, no matter why. In the middle, we can look at why people are homeless which may impact what we think is the answer.


Most homelessness revolves around the almighty dollar.

Most homeless people get to the street, bench or field by some event that puts them over the line, such as losing a job, domestic abuse, becoming too sick to work, losing a loved one who no longer provides.

We know there are homeless because of sexual abuse or because some have lost limbs, eyes, mental capacity or emotional balance in the United States military and could wait no more for veterans’ organizations to exhaust their waiting lists. The street is there, and it is filled with people.

Shockingly, there are some people who prefer homelessness to making money as someone’s or some corporation’s minimum wage slave.

I had a student who chose to live under the pier because he said it was cheaper than having an apartment on his construction helper wage. Others prefer the idea for ethical reasons where they object to making money by manipulating others through crafty marketing designs and can find no other work. These two examples put a burden on the rest of us, yes.

This is in the United States? YES. Is it our responsibility to help our sisters and brothers and their children who are homeless with our money and our time? YES.


Those of us who have homes are fortunate. Those of us who do not are not as fortunate.

I’m not faulting anyone for having a 20-room house or for being a maker of a money making life. Utilizing the self for financial gain is great. I’m only noticing homelessness and how far away it is from most of us who have homes. In turn, I am not faulting anyone for becoming homeless. For most, it is not a choice. Or, if it seemed revolutionarily glamorous at one time, people get stuck where they are.

I do think some of the makers in software design and writers of TV show plots can create some radical new housing scenario that serves the homeless as it serves the community. A great example of a creative group’s doing something is InfoExchange, a software company that won Google’s Impact Challenge in Australia. The company is building an app for homeless to connect them to all the shelter services on a nightly basis based on location.


Homeless - Shopping CartNo matter who we are, we don’t want to be homeless. As George Carlin used to say,

“I need a place to put my stuff.”

This very concept is why we see people walking around with shopping carts filled to the brim.

Whether we push carts that hold shiny new products we have just bought at a store or whether people who live outside are pushing them, we need a place to put our stuff.

Consider the good fortune of housing. May it teach us the patience to understand and help those who live on the street.


1) Be kind to a homeless person, and know s/he could be you.
2) If you are a creative, consider creating a better way to connect people with housing.
3) Connect with a project in your local community that helps homeless.

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Know that you can reach out to a fellow human, probably to the person right next to you. If that interaction works out poorly, do it again. It’s worth it, since most people are nice and want to connect with you.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, has been a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, has been a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying peaceful conflict resolution, habit replacement and has been certified in plant-based nutrition.

She believes we can never be too kind. She says,

“Aside from the fact that we should care for each other, both the ugly and the beautiful, how would we want to be treated if we were homeless?

“There was a movie about a rich person being relegated to living in the street. He had learned to be resourceful by the nature of having such large responsibilities, but he got to see a side of life that many of us, more fortunate, will never see.

“We don’t know why someone is homeless, and we are not better than someone who is homeless. Although we may own the land on which the homeless sleep, this property ownership doesn’t mean we are better or spiritually richer or more worthy.

“Let us be kind. Not only because it could happen to us. Let us be compassionate and understanding because we are human and we are our sister’s keeper.

“Let’s take overall good care of each other and ourselves – including loving ourselves and our fellow beings at all costs – because we are all always worth it.”

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The Secret Of Habit Change Is To Step


By Diane Gold

The Secret Of Habit Change Is To StepThe secret of habit change is to step. No one’s saying it’s easy. I am saying it’s not complex. I don’t care how many times we’ve heard the idea that we have to believe in ourselves to motivate or have a positive mental attitude to get it done; it’s just not true. It may be an easier road, but that may not be our reality. And, once we step; we will believe and motivate.


It’s easy to walk through the tunnel when there’s money waiting for us at the other end.

It’s easier to get started when we have a partner with which to work or a coach screaming,

“Let’s go, let’s go,”

in our face.

It’s pretty simple to take a positive step when our world is balanced and clean.
But, these conditions are not necessary.


On the other hand, It may not be so easy to take a step different from the one we have the habit of doing should this habit be huge and not supportive of what we are doing. Definitely, we automatically think it’s not easy.

It’s not so easy to make a change when we are in pain of any sort is present since pain diminishes power in each of us.

It’s not so easy to walk in a new direction when everyone else is walking the other way.

It’s not easy to step when we are tired. And if we have been working on replacing a habit for a long time, the energy we have consumed in thinking about it and doing things about it can make us very tired.

And, it’s not so easy when most people tell us we have to endure some multi-step process that is more than one step. One step is hard enough.


The Secret RealityThe secret reality is that we can take a step even when:

1) we have no motivation to self-change,
2) we don’t believe in ourselves,
3) we have no personal balance,
4) we are in pain,
5) we cannot find joy in our lives.

Look at these examples of how people use other focii to get them to take a step, proving the 5 conditions are not necessary.

1) Military and religious personnel commonly refrain from cigarettes, the object of their addiction, during training runs or services.

2) Many religious practitioners in addictive behaviors refrain from their addiction on their Sabbath day, because they place a higher value on their God belief system than they do on their body’s need for a substance or activity. Many people in addictive behaviors refrain from their addiction for a few hours of church time, valuing the God system over the addictive reward.

(Unfortunately, there are some people in addictive behaviors who do not refrain on the Sabbath day but value a God belief system second. Most God belief systems include guilt for not valuing the belief system more than the object of addiction. Therefore, this scenario means guilt fits into the particular equation.)

Delay Using Their Object Of Addiction In Trade For A Future Reward3) Some clinical trials have had participants delay using their object of addiction in trade for a future reward of a possible heightened amount of their substance of choice or getting a small amount of money.

There was one such clinical trial in which trial participants were given a choice: abstaining for a longer period of time than others with the promise of a chance of getting more of their object of addiction at the end of the daily protocol. This meant the participants might not get the enhanced amount of their object. Even so, most chose abstaining longer with the chance of receiving the enhanced amount of stimulation.


More Comfortable Living ConditionsMotivation to change, self-belief, balance, pain and joy do not enter into these scenarios. Commitment to military protocol or a belief system has caused people to delay the object of addiction. More comfortable living conditions have caused people to delay getting the object of addiction. And finally, the concept of the thrill of receiving an increased amount of the object of addiction was an excellent motivator.

The big picture is that the secret of habit change is to step, make that move, move the foot over the line. That’s what it takes. Only to step! That is the secret.

It must be done with expediency since we only have a short time to step. Otherwise our old behavior will surface, and we will get lost in it. I can hear the quiz show music where the clock is counting down. I couldn’t have pictured that when I was in the middle of struggling to replace a habit, since I would have been busy with my urges. All I could do was step. That’s all anyone has to do.

Let the secret of habit change out in the open. Just step!


There is only 1 action to be taken. Within 5 to 15 seconds of receiving the urge to take the action that usually gets you to your object of addiction, step. Even if you take 1 step in the direction away from the door that holds the object of addiction and then run right back to your object of addiction; that can be considered a successful step. Maybe tomorrow you will take one step. And then another, before you run back to your object of addiction. This, too, is a success. There Is Only 1 Action: Step!

Please consider these words. Any 1 step in a new direction is a success. Rome was not built in a day. Your habit was not built in a day. Be patient. But step. To change a behavior, always take 1 step in a new direction from your old one. Until you’ve done that, don’t worry what’s next.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, peaceful conflict resolution and habit replacement.

She has looked at what worked for her. She says,

“Without immediate action, I do my habit, whatever that habit is. If I act, in any direction other than the habitual one, I begin creating my new habit. The next time I feel my urge, I will be experienced at taking immediate action and may walk further in any direction other the habitual one. As I cement my new habit through repetition and consistency, I will continue using the new direction.

As I see it, it is not important to process whether I like the new direction for, at least, six months. In fact, it is important to choose not to consider whether the new direction is right for, at least, three. This way, I give myself a chance to take a step.”

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

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Think Life Sucks? 10 Things That May Not


By Diane GoldThink Life Sucks? 10 Things That May Not

Think life sucks? I’m the first one to acknowledge however anyone feels.


And, if you think life sucks, I dedicate this article to you and ask you to reach out. I also send it out to anyone who has a minute for a person who believes that life sucks. We all matter, and we are all our sisters’ and brothers’ keepers.


No feeling is weird, inconsequential, strange, out of reach of understanding, unworthy, stupid, immature; and someone will listen if we reach out. We may have to reach more than once, but someone will listen. When we think life sucks, we usually don’t have the energy to reach out once, much less twice. So, each of us has to pool together in this world of sensitivity, and we have to read each other, making sure we are all OK.

Feelings are feelings, and we feel the way that we feel. Just because I don’t think life sucks doesn’t mean that you don’t. And vice versa. Just because someone in my life told me that I was being a cry baby a weakling, a spoiled brat by saying that life sucked for me doesn’t mean life doesn’t suck. It means the individual who said those words to me was, in her own way, being supportive or being completely insensitive. It doesn’t mean the feeling is weird.


There are many things in this world that may not suck. I am listing 10 since most people have one of these things. Others, and many, may have all of them. These are reminders of how life does not suck. They are also our ACTION STEPS for today.


Breathe InOn every day that we awaken, we breathe in and breathe out. When we pay attention to the act of breathing, it is pretty fascinating. Imagine watching as we breath from inside our body. What a perspective.

This lovely process is a gift to be honored. We all need it to take a look at the other 9 things that may make life not suck.



Hear MusicIf we have our faculty of hearing, we can hear music. What’s great about this is that music can bring us to many special places. When I wanted to be pensive and sad, I listened to Sad Eyed Lady Of The Lowlands by Bob Dylan. When I want to dance, I turn on Progressive House Music and start dancing around the room, the street, the store. Yes, I’m the one with the headphones, pushing the shopping cart in rhythm to the music.

Music can miraculously adjust our emotions. It can be a friend as well as a way to expand our lives. It is something to be considered that makes life not suck. And, there are other, non-traditional ways to feel music, should our ears not work.

By the way, to have hearing is a gift. Many without it consider their method of listening also a gift.

Create Cartoon Characters Painted On Fingers

No matter who we are, no matter what abilities we have, we can create something. It can be as simple as a sentence uttered at the right time or cartoon characters painted on fingers that may save someone’s life. It may also be some art or science form that impacts the world as we know it. Having such ability may be considered a way the life does not suck.



For those of us who are fortunate enough to have sight, we get to view the world in all its color. It might not seem like much if we think that life sucks. But, we can close our eyes for a moment and honor the colors we see. When we open our eyes a minute later, we may be ready to rejoice. And the closing of our eyes while awake may help to see clearly in a place that does not suck.


I think each of us has tasted something that we like. Yummy. This is not nothing. It’s a joy that is part of the life we think sucks. And we always have the opportunity to encounter another taste that makes our bodies shimmer and salivate. Another gift.


Smell AromaI just started appreciating smell more fully because I have become attracted to the smells of my super foods. Not everyone enjoys the same smell, yet, almost all of us have the ability to smell.

When we think life sucks, why not smell something. It, alone, may not make life not suck, but it is one step of many that may do it, and we can honor our ability to smell as a wonderful one.


Touch SomeoneThe truth is when we think life sucks, we might not have anyone to touch. So, we have to do the next best thing. Marvel at the many parts of our that are sensitive to touch. That’s a lot of nerve endings.

Even if we go to the corner store and see the kind proprietor we have seen there for 10 years, we can reach out. We can shake hands with our neighbor or our familiar police officer or librarian.

Animals are someone’s someone. The sensation of petting a dog or touching the neighbor’s ferret gets us out of ourselves and into a world that may not suck. When we touch another, our perspective changes. We are not so alone. We may see that people care about us; we only have to let them.


Have we ever felt secure? Some of us, yes. I have. It’s when we feel strong enough to fend for ourselves, to defend for ourselves, to feel supported. Those of us who have experienced this feeling know that it’s a good one.

When we think life sucks, let’s recall a time, even if it were 40 years back. Or think about the time that a loved one held us. If we can remember that, we are fortunate and may add that good fortune to why life doesn’t suck. If not, we can look forward to feeling it. We can make it happen by an action: reach out.

Further, we can take comfort in the fact that we are not alone. There are others around us, ready to meet us.


We all have memories. Most of us can think of some that are precious to us. Life would suck more if we could not remember. So, let’s rejoice for now because we can remember something pleasurable. And take a moment out to remember something nice.


Be Like WaterEven though we may think life sucks, we have the ability to bounce back from the feeling and start flowing. That’s another thing that’s so great about living. We can step out of our feeling sucky at any time and start to be like water. We can feel free as birds’ flying, snakes’ slithering, brooks’ babbling, people’s mingling. Even if we don’t do it because life sucks now, we have the ability.

What a gift that we can assimilate like a droplet of water into a lake or a single student into a lecture hall filled with others or an advocate for a cause. All because we can be like water.


We have just gone through 10 things that are outside the realm where we think that life sucks. We may claim some of them in our lives. Maybe even most. Out of breathing in, hearing music, creating, seeing clearly, tasting food, smelling aroma, touching someone, feeling secure, remembering, being like water; we can see some that have gift-like qualities.

Just for a moment, can we consider these 10 in light of the fact that we think life sucks. And, when we think of each, imagine, for 1 minute once or 1 minute once a day, that life doesn’t suck. In doing so, it may suck just a little bit less.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, peaceful conflict resolution and habit replacement.

She has looked one step ahead so that life does not suck. She says,

“There are so many wonders in life. Should we choose to, we can look at one, only one, that we already have. This way, we can look at it without judging that we are doomed for not having it.

“When we focus on it for just 1 minute, we can realize its greatness. That may help us to turn life from sucking to not sucking in that moment, if only for that moment.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

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Recognizing 9 Early Warning Signs Of Depression


By Diane Gold

9 Early Warning SignsRecognizing 9 early warning signs of depression may sound like a thoughtless, insensitive question, uttered by someone who does not understand or is not experiencing depression. Let’s just say immediately that it takes extreme courage and focus to see ourselves, in general, and to see what is happening to us, in specific, while it is happening.

The reason it is monumentally difficult to see early signs of depression is because the small changes in our behavior that started out as subtle itches and repetitions of certain behaviors over and over again are now normal every day events. Once behaviors become habitual, meaning they are second nature, it takes pure focus and understanding to see and the will power of a saint (which we all have) to do something to replace it.


When we get a cue or urge, it triggers a behavior. When we execute the behavior, this leads to some sort of comfort or reward, negative or positive. When we repeat this cycle over and over, we develop a habit, which gets more ingrained with time.

According to Deepak Chopra, MD and spiritual author,

“Once it [a behavior] turns into a habit, depressed people no longer need an outside trigger.”

What this means is that, when depressed, we don’t have to have an outside event like a car accident, a bad mark on our exam or a relationship breakup to trigger behavior that makes us depressed. We are already there. And this reality is not exclusive to depression.


Living In The Lowlands, The ValleyWhen we are in a depression, we are not looking at it because we are busy experiencing it. We can think of living in a valley (a depression in the land) in much the same way. We are not looking at our lives from the perspective of mountain dwellers since we don’t live in the upland. Our perspective is from the point where we are, living in the lowlands, the valley.
When it comes to living with depression, people who have experienced it know how it feels. And, in most cases, depression did not appear immediately. And that’s what this article is about: noticing the ever so small changes that contribute on a daily basis to what results as depression.

So, I ask each of us to be diligent. Many of us will say,

“Oh, I am fine. I could never have such a problem,”


“Don’t worry. My friend is fine. She’s just going through something right now.”

The truth is we are all capable of great sadness. When something happens, we react. Because feelings are subjective, there is no measure for what emotional reaction is right or wrong. The measure comes from whether we can adjust and bounce back and live well.



 Going To Lonely PlacesLittle by little, we might see that we are spending more time at home, missing a little work here and there, having difficulty getting dressed to go out to socialize, going to lonely places. As with all actions, when we repeat them, they become more comfortable to do again. Kind of like tying a shoe or brushing our teeth.


If we find that we are continually deriding ourselves, blaming ourselves for situations that exist in our minds or in our physical circumstance; it’s time to take notice. This could be a sign.


No matter who we are, we can feel sad, hopeless, listless. We may have a billion dollars and be responsible for philanthropy that is responsible for health giving sanitation to a whole country and still be sad. We may be stuck in a CEO or a janitorial position and feel trapped. We may not make ends meet for our family. We may not make ends meet for our family and then find out we have a life threatening disease. We may win the lottery and get depressed over that occurrence. Although we are all connected as sisters and brothers of humanity, we are all affected in different ways.

We May Be ComediansWe may be comedians, making everybody laugh – which increases the lifespan of every laugher, and still be sad. It is, after all a great burden, to be the one commissioned to make everyone laugh. Much like the model or the beautiful actor is expected to be as perfect on camera as off, in case a photo is snapped at an off hour; so the comedian is expected to have a 24/7 smile. We may be parents with kids who sometimes hide our feelings so that we don’t burden the family with our doom.

It’s important to notice whether this is happening and tell someone if it might be, even as a joke over beer. This type of feeling creeps in, most of the time. What was one little bad day may progress gradually until it ends up as far away from where we thought we were in no time at all.Text The Word ANSWER To 839863


The best crisis phone resource I have seen to date for any crisis is to text the word ANSWER to 839863. It’s text support that responds almost instantaneously. (This resource will be repeated in action steps.)




Usually when we are depressed, we feel it. However, it can sneak up by body changes. Our weight, eating, sleeping, energy, bathroom habits may change. These, alone, signal any number of things. Together, with any of the other signs, may be the early warning signs of depression we are referencing.


The more we know ourselves, the more we will be able to recognize the early warning signs is a false statement. Noticing has nothing to do with how high we have elevated ourselves. The signs are so subtle that the result may hit us like a ton of bricks.

1 Inch SquareThink of a one-inch square made up of 72 red squares, kind of like a crossword puzzle. And every day, for the next 72 days, one of those red squares turns light red. All of a sudden, in 72 days, the entire square is light red, and we may not have noticed it. That’s the subtle change.

It is the responsibility of all of us to watch out for these signs in our co-workers, our family, our friends. Of course, we can work to see them in ourselves, but we may not want to see them, we may not feel it’s important to see them because we aren’t going to share them with anyone anyway or we may figure we’ll go to sleep today and get back to recognizing tomorrow.


Here are a set of action steps that may be of some help, even if we read them once.


Know that you can text a number and get a response: dial ANSWER to 839863. And, if you forget 839863, it’s TEXTME.

I am thankful this exists and can service anyone with a cell phone in the United States, free of charge.


All Of Us Have The ResponsibilitySince most of us will not reach out when we are in dire straits, because we are too depressed to do so, decide to be on the lookout on behalf of others. All of us have the responsibility.


Even if it’s through a social media site on which you really don’t know anyone personally, express how you feel on a scale of 1 to 10, once a week. If you don’t use computers or phones, give yourself a rating and tell it to someone. This is a protective layer so that if the number keeps dropping in your own mind, you will know something is up.


Being around others, just having human contact, can change our perspective drastically. It can help us start to heal, or it can put us into a tailspin, depending how close we are to that tailspin. More times than not, having 1 or 2 words with a stranger can help us cope.


If you really have no one with whom to converse, and you are determined not to go out; call the local library. This seems silly, but talking about a book gets you out of yourself and connecting with a person. This double connection may lead to stepping out in public.

This article is dedicated to anyone who suffers from or who has suffered from depression, including Robin Williams. It’s also dedicated to my late ex-, Jaren Levitt, who is in my heart, whom, some said, Robin looked like.

Let us be our sisters’ and brothers’ keepers as well as our own.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, peaceful conflict resolution and habit replacement.

She believes we are connected to each other. She believes we are our sister’s and brother’s keeper. And that it is not righteous to leave them to suffer. She says,

“Depression is subtle, and we may not know it’s creeping in. But, our family might see it; if we have any friends or work associates, they might see it.

“It’s hard to catch it ourselves until it is a full blown depression. But, once it shows up, whether someone told us about it or we are able to see it,; one immediate step can make a difference. I know this sounds callous, but, if we take one of the suggested action steps immediately, we might be able to pull ourselves up.

“If we are in despair and we don’t have the ability to move, hopefully someone else can see it, can guide us or keep an eye out for us. We are not alone. We are part of an entire world. It is true, even if it hurts to think it.

“In our movements throughout our day, maybe we can be a bit more observant. It could save someone else, or we might even save ourselves.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are worth it, even if we don’t feel it!”

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Inflated Ego At The Expense Of Others


By Diane Gold

Inflated Ego, Good Job


The inflated ego begins the
minute we are exposed to a pat on the back or the chant of someone’s saying,

“Good job.”

This incantation teaches us, from a very young age,

1)   there is something to judge, and someone is judging us;

2)   we have a lone or team of cheerleader(s) to make us feel safe and not alone;

3)   we work to act in ways to cause the chant “good job” to be repeated so we can feel warm and fuzzy;

4)   if there is a good job, there must be “not a good job;”

5)   we copy the behavior we see, so we begin to judge ourselves and others.

The chanting of encouragement is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s extremely important to have support at every stage of our lives.

Although we all like encouragement, we can become dependent upon it. Unfortunately, hearing we did a good job sets us up to buy into the “compare me” way of living (on which most societies depend), rather than the “no judgment” way of living, on which few societies depend.

With this said, our society judges: our laws are based upon behavior within certain rules; this keeps order, for the most part. Our acceptance into schools and job positions has to do with how well we are judged as people and through academic and personality testing.


Special TribeWhen the preacher or leader of our chosen group discourses that our particular congregation of members is loved more than other religious groups, we are refining how we see the world. Our ego becomes falsely inflated with the knowledge that we are in a special tribe which means we have been taught that there are other tribes less worthy. We have been lifted up while others have been lowered.



We go to school and get rated on academic prowess. The tests we take for our ratings may be nothing more than our ability to memorize well. For performance of the task that is tested, we may hear,

“Good job,”

by the teacher or

“Not such a good job.”

This reinforces the idea that some people do good jobs and others do not.

Although it is true that some people do better jobs than others, the rewards through smiles and cheers at home, house of worship and school set us up for the laser-focused competition circuit. We get social credibility from classmates and home/ house of worship credibility from the success or failure of our intellectual endeavor.

And so the comparison game is in full swing now. We’re comparing ourselves to others at home, at house of worship and in school. Which means we are pushed to focus on ego issues rather than on the importance of bettering ourselves for ourselves.


Finally, we choose a field assignment, aka a job, whose acceptance or rejection may be dependent upon our being better than the girl who interviewed before and after we did. We are measured by the grades we received in college and community. Or how many customers buy our product. Being faster, wiser, a better learner all matter on the path to securing the work we desire or that for which we trained.

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WHAT’S MISSING? Strive To Be The Best

It’s great to strive to be the best that we can be. We become more knowledgeable for the effort and may end up helping humanity as a result.

The lesson that is missing, in general, and it goes way back to the first day we were told,

“Good job,”

for the most part. It is that we are all equal. Most of us rarely consider this point, and we are often too busy getting the better clothing, car, phone, vacation to think about it. And, let me be the first to say it’s fun and great to play with new cars, clothing and collectibles. But, without realizing that a human is a human, we may live a sad life.

Comparing our worth based on financial status, color, intellect, college status or vehicle is one way of looking at life; as I see it, this is the plastic dance (plastic referring to something that is not real or genuine). We are not considering that it takes air for each of us to breathe. It takes water for each of us to survive and it takes nourishment for each of us to live healthy lives. No exceptions.

Would we refuse the hand of someone who was unschooled if we were hanging off a cliff?  No.

Would we refuse lifesaving medicine our baby needed from the only doctor on our isolated island because her skin was the wrong color? No, again.

How can we judge that a person with a high profile job is a better human being than someone whose position is low profile?
Electricians may say,

“Teachers have easy jobs. We, the electricians, are the ones who are really working.”

Or teachers may say,

“Those multinational CEOs sit around in their offices all day doing nothing while we work hard.”

Or CEOs may say,

“Teachers have the easiest job. They get to go in late, leave early; and we have 12 hour days every day.”

This inflated ego talk is harmless and never carries over to discrimination that may result from the comparison game.


Let’s look at what happens when people are labeled. Being labeled “gifted” does not mean we are better than someone labeled “intellectually challenged,” or as I say, “intellectually different.” It does get us better jobs and acceptance to better schools because the world runs on the comparison system, and with more intellectual expertise, we can engage in more complex projects. Although we may be able to generate more income than the next person; it certainly has nothing to do with our worth as a human being. Unless that worth is being measured by how much financial value a person has; then it is true.


Bullying To Inflate The EgoAnyone who teases, bullies, insults  people with lesser intellectual capacity, less expensive clothing, a physical imperfection,  is doing it to inflate the ego. It serves no other purpose. This has come out of the original “good job” that was uttered way back when to encourage us along into the competitive world. This simple statement or one like it started our competition engine, but competition is not the culprit here. It what we were supposed to learn along with this concept.

Anyone who teases, bullies, insults  people with lesser intellectual capacity, less expensive clothing, a physical imperfection,  is doing it to inflate the ego. It serves no other purpose. This has come out of the original “good job” that was uttered way back when to encourage us along into the competitive world. This simple statement or one like it started our competition engine, but competition is not the culprit here. Kindness Is More Important Than CompetitionIt what we were supposed to learn along with this concept.

I’m talking about the “kindness is more important than competition” rule and the concept that supporting people who ignore this rule means we are breaking it.  

The whole concept of some comedic acts is to tease and bully others. We laugh while one person cringes. I know I’m being dramatic, but comedy can be legal use of a non-lethal firearm in a crowd. We say comedy is in fun, yet comics who rely on singling out individual’s defects in the audience probably never learned that kindness overrules the need to feel powerful.  Worse than this type of comic is the bully who picks on her victim’s ethnicity, religious difference, sexual preference or physical traits.


Excelling is great. Belittling someone whose excellence is slower, weaker, less beautiful, less academic wreaks of poor self-esteem, nothing more.
Let us make an effort to keep our inflated ego from causing others emotional harm.

“If it’s not kind, truthful or necessary; don’t say it.”     I have a friend who used to say,

“If it’s not kind, truthful or necessary; don’t say it.”


Here are several steps we can take to insure we turn our kindness up a notch.

1)   Notice the next time you gossip about someone in the same room. Stop doing it as soon as you realize it.

2)   Vow to help someone or converse with someone you have ridiculed in the past or have thought less of for any reason.

3)   Stop yourself the next time you are having a random comparison conversation aka gossiping about someone who is not present.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, conflict resolution and habit change.

She believes we must temper ourselves to enjoy a great life. She says,

“Just like any habit, we can take praise and get addicted to it. This happens when we don’t get strong within ourselves. In this case,when we do get praise, we’re seemingly balanced. When we don’t get it, we become savage-like and bully others to cover up our insecurities.

“We will get bigger and better the kinder we are to others. The more we replace our bullying behavior with niceness, the more we will like ourselves.

“Let’s be nice instead of nasty to those we see as weak. Let’s treat others the way we’d want to be treated if we were vulnerable and weak (which we are). This will make us strong and balance our need for inflated ego at the expense of others.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

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When We Delay Gratification…

(ISSUE 132) JUNE 10, 2014

By Diane Gold

Delay GratificationWhen we delay gratification, we use one skill which allows self-control: we replace the behavior that would have led us to the immediate reward. Whether we are young children or adults, it is the same strategy. Whether we can throw ourselves deeply enough into a new activity to control our behavior is different for everyone.

When we are adults, we can reason a little more easily than when we are kids; but the ease of control may be the same. Our discussion, here. will slant toward the cravings that occur in people whose urges make it impossible to delay gratification without habit replacement rather than those who can delay at will for fuller satisfaction.

Some people may say, why delay? Let’s have fun; no need to wait. We each make choices about when to hold off on receiving a reward, often based on whether the reward is good for our lives. Take the example of love making. Some people will want to rush to receive a reward, and some will want to savor the act for a long time. Or another example is drinking alcohol. Some people will want to savor the great taste, and other people will hurry to finish one drink to compound the psychoactive results effects of alcohol with the next drink.

Always a factor is whether someone has the personal discipline necessary to delay gratification and whether not delaying will harm us. Some people have the self-control. Some people need to create it through hard work and continual effort.


Marathon TV Episodes
I was reading a current article about the way certain online TV and movie providers supply a full season of one show , aka, marathon TV episodes, as opposed to week by week content, and the delay of gratification issue came up. Some of us look forward to setting up our schedule around a schedule that entertainment companies created for what they envisioned as the most profit. Others of us prefer to view a season of TV as one longer movie available all at once. (TV episodes shall refer here to entertainment that can be viewed on a TV or other media device.)

I was reading a current article about the way certain online TV and movie providers supply a full season of one show , aka, marathon TV episodes, as opposed to week by week content, and the delay of gratification issue came up. Some of us look forward to setting up our schedule around a schedule that entertainment companies created for what they envisioned as the most profit. Others of us prefer to view a season of TV as one longer movie available all at once. (TV episodes shall refer here to entertainment that can be viewed on a TV or other media device.)

The craving to watch a season of a single TV series all at once instead of once a week creates the same urgency for some people as  anticipating the taste of a favorite cake or the initial effects of alcohol. This may seem highly unlikely to occur. But, I guarantee I experience this type of craving. Having the ability to choose my viewing preferences, that is, once a week or all at once, brings out this urge I know so well. I always choose to watch all of a series at one time. And I am compelled to continue watching.

Watching TV or cable episodes may not seem like a harmful habit. However, what would happen if there were 10 seasons of episodes to watch and I kept watching them without doing my work? That would be problematic. And so it happens that I have to curb my behavior in a similar way as I curb alcohol, food or drugs.

Changing Behavior Requires Immediate New Action

This urgency to continue watching these episodes requires immediate new action in order to replace the behavior or watching the episodes with my work. The optimum word is IMMEDIATE. That is the trick.
Which takes me to talk about a strategy to delay gratification I read about in a book. The book is fiction, but the strategy is brilliant.



I just finished Robin Cook’s latest novel which is all about a phone app’s replacing the primary care doctor. Currently, we can measure our heartbeat by downloading a free app. Tomorrow, maybe we will have an app that acts to measure all our vital signs by our grip on the phone or a drop of our spit on the screen. Hopefully, there will be enough transparent monitoring so that the app can’t hijack our bodies. (The book was quite impressive as Robin Cook, an MD, himself, is vividly creative about how problems can occur should we turn over part of our healthcare to an artificially intelligent doctor, built to learn as it goes. What if it doesn’t learn the value of human life?)

One of the functions of the app doctor in the book briefly mentions the benefit of having an immediate medical doctor with whom to speak 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This brings up the immediate support system need for cravers, aka, people who cannot control their passions, to have an instant intervention directed at them. This fictitious app doctor could be modified into an actual real app for emotional issues, especially with the urge behaviors.

When the craver grips the phone too tightly, or when the heart rate increases in a certain way or when hormonal changes – which are similar every time – appear; this often would indicate that urge behavior was present. The support app could then suggest a set of behaviors to replace the one we want to replace. By a support system’s being in place, the craver can execute the new behavior and get into a new, more beneficial habit.


We Need A Cheerleading TeamThe biggest downfall in the ability to delay gratification happens in the first 10 to 30 seconds after we have an urge: we haven’t planned for our replacement behavior or we need a cheerleading team to provoke our behavior change and don’t have one. We have ourselves. Of course, the goal is for us to create this gallery of cheerers within ourselves so that we can do what is best for our lives, immaterial of what our hormones tell us to do. This may take time.

What if there were a phone application that would immediately tell us a choice behavior to do to take us in the completely opposite direction from the craving behavior? A cheerleading app specifically for cravings. Wow! Until then, we plan and use the plan. Until such time as we have consistent success with doing our new behavior and stepping away from our old, we can work! After we have success, we will have to work, too.


In the late 1960s-early 1970s, at Stanford University, Walter Mischel did several famous studies published in The Journal Of Personal And Social Psychology, where he put a cookie, marshmallow or pretzel in front of 600 young children. He gave them a choice of eating the food immediately or waiting for him to walk out of the room on an errand and come back; those who waited would get an extra cookie, marshmallow or pretzel. He learned, through this and follow up studies 20 and 30 years later that the children who waited for the extra prize had higher SAT scores, were more likely to finish college and had seemingly happier lives.


This leads us to ponder whether the delay of gratification can be taught since there are indicators that control in gratification leads to more success.

To some people, no matter how long they have been in a teaching program to learn restraint, it is always difficult. They will have the urge to revert to their old lack of control behavior in a flash. There are fancy names for this, but I prefer to keep it simple and lead to action steps.

Delaying gratification builds foundation and may require replacement of behavior. This is true. However, it does not work the same in each person. Some people can turn their backs on playing the slot machine one more time or on drinking one more drink of alcohol or watching one more episode in a TV marathon. Others have to go through a tedious process on an ongoing basis in order to continue the behavior replacement.

Many techniques of delaying reward teach that we need to look at a variety of things. Then we can build our characters because we want quality of life through many changes. It’s important to consider that people are different and must be treated as such.

How To Delay Gratification


My technique of teaching delay of reward is simple: plan a few new behaviors and do one over and over again. Congratulations. That’s it.




Here are some action steps for working to delay gratification. They can be used by anyone.

1)   Plan ahead only as far as the next time we get an urge we want to delay (or put into dormancy). The plan would require, at least, 3 behaviors to execute within 10 to 30 seconds of the urge such as:

a)   Drink two 12 ounce glasses of room temperature water.

b)   Run around the house, office building, office bathroom if you can’t leave, for 5 to 10 minutes.

c)   Go into the bathroom and jump up and down for 30 seconds. Rest. If you are not feeling sick, do it again. Rest. If you are not feeling sick, do it again. If you feel sick after the first or second set of 30 seconds, walk in place instead.

d)   Run in the opposite direction from the one you want to get away from for a full minute. If you can continue, go for 4 more minutes.

e)   Speak to a person or to the coming soon non-fiction supportive cheerleading team app on your phone.

2)   Stop thinking anything judgmental about yourself. You are too busy doing one of the planned steps in 1) right now.

3)   Resist the urge to celebrate your success. Once you have had 1000 successes, know that once a habit, always a habit. So what you have succeeded in changing 1000 X is within you and requires diligence on an ongoing basis to keep it dormant. Be cautious not to think you have changed for good, since the work is ongoing.

4)   Enjoy the journey. There is light after a while.

5)   Whether you are a craver or find it easy to delay gratification, show understanding to everyone with regard to this issue.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She is very interested in expressing how it feels to delay gratification. She says,

“Many people find it easy to hold off on giving themselves a reward. Then, there are others who can wait with great effort, or sometimes, not at all. For those who delay, sometimes there is extra pleasure at the end. For those who do not, sometimes there is out-of-control painful outcome as a result.

“It’s important to know that, with a tiny plan, anyone can begin to charm this process: if only by replacing the original action that rewards us with something else. Analyzing our desires is not as helpful as taking a new action. Thinking about how we compare to the rest of the world in self-control is not as helpful as taking a new action. Blaming ourselves for the last time we did not delay gratification that harmed our life never helps. Focusing on our new action does.

“With repetition, we can get used to taking a new action no matter how many times we have taken the same, old one in the past. Take one new step, and take it again.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”
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The Habit Of An Eye For An Eye


By Diane Gold

We are raised to believe an eye for an eye is a civilized technique for cooperation and balance in our society. Social proof teaches us that many live by it, and social proof is the phenomenon that lets us feel comfortable about doing what we see others doing. So, we do it. When someone wrongs us, scorns us, steals from us, murders us; our egos are burned. We sit in humiliation because we didn’t see it coming. that Our ego tells us that if we don’t act, we will look weak. We wonder why we weren’t the first to scorn. Is this the way of civil, educated people?


WoundedEgoRecently, I learned a big lesson, or, rather, I was reminded of an old lesson that I believe is as inherent as our survival instincts which lead us to an eye for an eye. I was asked to help a friend use the punishment system on her child. I did not look at the end results of this situation that was spinning out of control. But, I said I’d lend a hand. Not until the punishment I helped to deliver was hijacked by intervention from the other parent did I realize I was acting out of my belief system and into a system which lacks cooperation and respect.

My ego started to jump around and think I had to show the punishee that no one gets away with circumventing my mighty rule. I was watching my ego be out of control And then, I was able to break the cycle of thought and realize that this ego stroking, not only doesn’t help the situation but had nothing to do with the original issue I was working to help. I had relegated myself to licking my wounded ego. With this realization, I stopped and started writing this article.


The Habit Of Punishment We’ve spoken before about habits that are internal, such as addiction to cocaine, and external, such as the habit of punishment and feeling powerful from this technique. In this case, I agreed to use the deprivation method of behavior to restore order, that is, the taking away of a freedom to maintain discipline. There is a better way.

The synonyms for civilization – that means being civilized – are advancement, enlightenment, development. How can we call barbaric, vindictive behavior for the sake of ego soothing any of these? It is preposterous.

We, humans, are a funny bunch. We cling to our basest behaviors even though we go all out in the personal development department. What’s the use of meditating or doing our tai chi if we don’t take the knowledge and apply it to world situations?


In martial arts or other mind/body training, we say that the only way to evaluate how far we have progressed is to look at how we behave in adverse situations. Here’s what I mean:

When we are kind to someone we like, this act does not require us to utilize the patience, love and understanding we have cultivated through any cultivation of mind/body aka personal development training. When we are civil to someone we do not like, this shows our discipline and personal power, our “civilized” mind and is the only time we can know our true nature.


I regularly get to see the punishment system in action in almost every fiction film and television show I watch. She murders him, so she has to give up her life to prison. An eye for an eye. One way it works may be familiar to us:

When someone commits a crime and shows no remorse; we tend to have no sympathy, no mercy, have no inclination to show understanding, wish for a large consequence to be handed down and label the person a sociopath.

RemorseWhen someone commits a crime and shows remorse; we are often eager to lend an ear, show mercy, wish for a small consequence with special privileges for this person and label the person a regular one who made a mistake.

Judges and juries, who determine what consequence a wrong-doer will get, are supposed to be impartial to the influence that knowing the subject’s position on remorse yields and are supposed to evaluate facts. Since whether or not someone shows remorse is a fact, it may come into play with either the most experienced judge or the first time juror. From where this vengeful feeling for the non-remorseful labeled sociopathic comes is a matter for further study.


All through history, there are stories of an eye for an eye, stories of how the person who does a wrong pays with a consequence of time in prison or beatings or sacrifice of life. What benefit comes from imprisonment? If someone is on a killing spree and is removed from being able kill, obviously society is being protected. When people commit crimes of non-violence, what’s the point? Couldn’t another method of consequence work?

What if we had a different set of protocols for non-violent crime where the consequence was based on earning back the reputation? What if people became used to seeing this new method through social proof? Would we evolve to a society without need for the penal system as we know it? Truly, I am confident this answer is yes.


Consequence Badge 1) The wrong-doer would wear a consequence badge on the right breast pocket at all times, which would signify having done a social wrong and would be warn based on the giver of consequences’ decision. A digital readout would display total time of consequence and total time served.

The philosophy behind this is that we care what others see in us and would avoid doing wrong so as to avoid such a badge. Another possibility would be to wear a bright orange ID tag around the neck that was required to be seen from the back of the wrong-doer.

2) When someone committed a non-violent crime; part of the protocol would be to use that person’s skills to build or maintain an already built organic fruit/vegetable or solar or wind farm that those who had no skill would learn to work. This would not be a reward for committing a crime; it would be a way to fortify our society. A large percentage of the wage salaries made would be donated to fund an education program for the unskilled in our society to become skilled. Win, win.

3) The wrong-doer would punch into a website at various intervals throughout the day, similar to head count in a prison. Since the wrong-doer would be responsible to keep her GPS device on for tracking, any failure to comply could be corrected without much trouble.

I am reminded of the hierarchy in a drug rehab in Delray Beach. The structure was based upon patients’ gaining status for tattling on the other patients to the staff. If we tattled, we would get closer to being the head patient with more responsibility. This worked famously because everyone wanted to be the head patient since it looked good to the probation officer. Everyone was telling on everyone. Well, not everyone, but it was a system of training people to rat on each other to get ahead, for the ease of the staff under the guise of being therapeutic since it is true that secrets don’t work when we hide things from ourselves.

What I am thinking is that there could be a group of wrong-doers who have completed more than half of their consequence. They could be responsible for the physical tracking of wrong-doers who were in their first half of serving their consequence. That way, if the first halfers went off grid and tossed their GPS trackers, some of them would be in the purview of the second halfers who were, so to speak, confidential informants for the new method of penal system. The idea would be to develop honor in wrong-doers which elevates the essence of a society.

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The benefits of not putting non-violent wrong-doers in prison is huge. We’d save loads of money, although private prison boards might frown. We’d use wrong-doers’ skills to create sustainable farms and to teach the unskilled a trade. Both the working and the training would put the wrong-doer in productivity mode which would lead the wrong-doer to be a productive society member at the completion of the consequence. (Check out some recidivism – re-offending – rates from the Bureau Of Justice Statistics, halfway down the page at These show how an eye for an eye system does not work in two-thirds of the cases and how changing the penal system for non-violent crimes is a good idea.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She has been researching why we are addictive, aggressive, selfish, vengeful, arrogant, egocentric. She says,

“It’s important for us to elevate ourselves. If we are lucky enough to have access to schools/ knowledge, to civilization; we certainly might want to use these for the good of humankind. This means learning to temper ourselves.

“If we continue along acting out our habit of an eye for an eye, we know nothing will change and we will be hitting each other over the head like cave people in the Stone Age.

“Let’s take the opportunity to grow so that we can leave our archaic ways behind and advance as a people.

“And, finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

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Move Over Botox, Exercise To Rejuvenate Skin


By Diane Gold

So many people are concerned with how to rejuvenate skin that they inject various fillers into themselves, like Botox, mostly into their faces, in order to reduce the age they look. As is common with so many things, they look outside themselves, outside of what their bodies naturally can produce rather than inside at the marvels  of the body.

Rejuvenate The SkinA new study conducted in Ontario at McMaster University by Mark Tarnopolsky (MD, PhD) and his team came up with something astounding: that exercise can rejuvenate the skin.

Many of us know that, usually in our twenties, collagen production reduces, we exfolate less and our fat cells shrink. The outer layer of skin gets thicker and drier. The next layer under gets less elastic and thinner by losing cells, making it look saggier.

So researchers in 2010 started wondering whether exercise could stop or reverse this aging process and looked at mice bred to age prematurely. The ones who stayed sedentary became frail, demented, ill, gray and bald. But the ones who exercised with a running wheel stayed healthy, alert, furry and didn’t turn gray.

Three Hours Of WorkoutSo Tarnopolsky and team did testing on a group of 29 men and women, ages 20 to 84. About half were active, doing three hours of workout per week. The other half did less than one hour a week. So the team examined skin on the butt, since that area would have less sun damage.

The scientists biopsied the skin and did microscopic examination.  When compared strictly by age, older volunteers had thicker outer layers of skin and thinner inner layers.
But when researchers divided them by exercise habits, they found that those who exercised frequently had skin closer in composition to that of 20- and 30-year-olds, even if they were over 65.

CyclingTo factor in whether lifestyles and diet made the difference, they took another sample of individuals for study. They put a group of previously sedentary people, 65 years and older, to exercise after first sampling their skin, which looked average for their age. They did a routine of jogging or cycling for 30 minutes two times a week for three months. At the end of this period, their skin measured that of 20- to 40-year-olds.

Tarnopolsky marvelled,

“I don’t want to over-hype the results, but, really, it was pretty remarkable to see.”
He said that under a microscope, the skin of these formerly sedentary volunteers
“looked like that of a much younger person, and all that they had done differently was exercise.”

The researchers are not totally clear as to how this works. They did do portion of the study to find that substances released into the blood stream called myokines increase from exercise. And the myokine IL-15 was found to be 50% more prevalent with exercise.

The researchers also said that taking a pill or applying an oral application of IL-15 would not have the same effect as exercise. They also did not conclude that sun damage could be restored with exercise.

Tarnopolsky did say,

“It is astonishing to consider all of the intricate ways in which exercise changes our bodies.”

Which leads me to talk about people’s habit of changing from the outside what they could more efficiently change from the inside.

Injection Procedures To Make The Face Look Less WrinklyI stepped out the other night because I promised a friend I’d meet her at a bar for people over 60 with music from the 1950s and 60s. Since I don’t drink because I don’t drink just two, I was able to observe the crowd. What I was not prepared for was the amount of people, both men and women, who had had injection procedures to make the face look less wrinkly.

Botox, an FDA approved substance that uses botulin toxin A, a neurotoxin from the bacterium clostridium botulinum was the first one of these injectables to get popular. The toxin inhibits the release of acetylcholine in the nerve endings which inhibits the contraction of muscles; so it comes down to no moving, no wrinkling. That’s why we have all seen frozen faces on some people. The muscles are prevented from moving naturally. Side affects like paralysis seem to take a back seat to the possibility of looking younger for a few months.

There’s not only one company with one patent for this kind of thing. There’s also Juvederm which uses synthetic hyaluronic acid made with bacteria (genetically modified prior to January 13, 2013).  But, wait. It is one company. Allergan (in the news for possible restructuring today) owns both Botox and Juvederm (and if its proposed buyers merge it with Bausch and Lomb, the resulting conglomerate will be the number one seller of lots more).Run

Wouldn’t it be simpler to jump rope, swim, bike, run, dance, or other work out?



We want to rejuvenate the skin because we like the look and how others look. Or some of us think about it, and that’s great. However, we look outside ourselves so often when the answer is within. It would be greatly advantageous if we saw our own inner tools and power. When we get injections, massage, chiropractic adjustments; someone is doing something to us. When we use our own body and mind to further our lives, we are doing for ourselves.

It’s always best to heal from within because it lasts. That’s why doing exercise to rejuvenate the skin is a win-win activity. Whatever we choose, we all have beauty for the world to see, and it’s good to take care of it as we choose.


1)   This set of action steps is simple:

a)   Do an extra 5-15 minutes of workout this week, depending upon your usual routine. Write about that time. Then repeat for 3 more weeks in a row, writing down the specific experience each time.

b)   If that works, do an extra 5-15 minutes twice a week for 4 weeks. And write about it.

c)   Finally, if that works, add another 5-15 minutes making it 3 times a week for 4 weeks. And write about it.

Health Through ExerciseThis will get you moving and creating your own health through exercise. From your inner self out to the world.

2)   Drink many 12 ounce glasses of water a day.

The skin study at McMaster University was presented in April, 2014, at the American Medical Society For Sports Medicine’s annual meeting in New Orleans.

Tarnopolsky’s quotes were taken from Gretchen Reynolds’ New York Times article on April 16, 2014.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She is a believer in doing the work from the inside out but has great respect for everyone who makes decisions with independent thinking. She says,

“Although I, personally, am not interested in injecting my face, I like it when I look vibrant and when my wrinkles soften. This happens when my body likes the food I give it and from exercise, rest, love, creativity, good mental state and sharing.

“For all those who add chemicals to themselves for cosmetic reasons, be careful. For those who think one product is safer than others, remember the marketing you hear was created by the manufacturer.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

The Real Scoop On The Health Care Law!

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By Diane Gold

Congressional Budget OfficeThe Health Care Law Is Projected To Shrink The Work Force. This headline looks at full-time workers in an estimate from the Congressional Budget Office. According to Jason Furman, Council Of Economic Advisors Chairman, the change in number of workers has to do more with people’s choosing part-time assignments rather than that employers are deleting jobs to avoid employee’s health insurance costs.

Let’s remember that the Affordable Care Act subsidizes those who work, for the most part. And, if people have enough money to pay for their insurance and their lives; they are contributing to our economy whether it’s with a full-time, part-time or self-employment situation. This is the exercise of beautiful freedom of choice.


Here’s the habit, though. We, the sheep of America, have been groomed to go to school, strive to get a corporate or non-profit job, in part, for the health insurance benefits provided. Getting the right job that happens to include health care benefits is fabulous. It’s not the only way, and now, it is becoming a less chosen option.

The Right JobCertainly, we are bound to contribute to humanity in a way that sustains us in some financial way and in order to leave a personal human legacy. We don’t have to get it by having a J-O-B in an environment, where group health care was the only reason we took the job. We can be CRE-8-TIVE and do what we love, which, for most people, is not what they do at their J-O-B. They can be small business owners, putting them in a category to be able to pay for themselves, but out of the headlined category: full-time W-2 worker, about whom the CBO is estimating.


There are those of us lucky enough to have trained in a field that we adore and actually work within that field. Or there are those whose job title is “artist,” and we have been fortunate or talented enough (both) so that people don’t think twice about calling us “artists,” which, of course, brings in income from the many who love us. (We are in the habit of calling people who paint, play music, write “people who fool around with art” if they don’t have popularity, and, therefore, aren’t financially sound, unfair as this can be.)


EntrepreneurshipThere is so much creative energy that we all possess that is channeled by some into entrepreneurship. The people in this division make some of the breakthroughs that make our country great and make us happy Americans. We are thriving spiritually because of choices like entrepreneurship. Yes, there are just as many, if not more people who have that same spark of invention who don’t make a living at it and struggle. But they deserve the time to keep working at it.


As I see the health care law headline about shrinking jobs, it makes me grateful to be American. Why? Because I believe America’s greatest benefit is its FREEDOM. We are free to be our wonderful selves, in all our creative glory, to choose what is right for us, based on our current situation. What may be seen as a bane in shrinking corporate workers could produce the next breakthrough in health care, technology, space, famine, peace. Isn’t that huge!


Spiritual HealthIt’s fair to say that what keeps us happy and healthy is our own personal foundation. When we have a belief system or a set of ethics by which we live; this drives us to do act the way we do and make the decisions that we do.

As I see it, this category is the most important one we have. If we are personally “together,” as they used to say back in the day; we have what it takes to go on from there.

If we have our own value system, we know how to act as human beings, not just based on what feels good to us (hedonism), but based upon how we can benefit humanity and create a legacy of our own. I’m talking about the fact that building our virtue builds our legacy of choice. Spiritual health may not collect a billion dollars in money. Yet, if we have set up an ethic that helps others or creates harmony; we contribute spiritual health to the world.

When we work less, we have more time for this type of growth.


Health Care LawThe Health Care Law aka The Affordable Care Act aka Obamacare is part of the legacy of Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States. It allows for people previously uninsurable due to health issues to be insurable. It allows for people who could not afford health insurance to be subsidized enough to get it.

Another feature of this policy is that some citizens get to choose a lifestyle that does not include working full-time in a distasteful position just for the health care benefits. Although most of us cannot afford to work part-time or at our dream task; the law, formally called the Affordable Care Act, offers a new and unscheduled benefit: that of personal freedom.

We knew the ACA would give us more security, a way to reduce health care costs by having many more insured and not expending enormous medical costs by emergency room health care. No one talked about the freedom that might become available to some. According to the predictions, the economy will not suffer from these choices because we will have more contented citizens who maintain a higher level of health due to peace of mind from health coverage and spiritual wholeness and we will be using less expensive health care services.


I’m quite a fan of the ACA, since I have seen, first hand, its benefits. As with most headlines, though, it’s important to evaluate alleged proof and investigate media slant. In the case of the Health Care Law, the prediction of shrinking of employees is not a bad thing. It may mean people are choosing to work less and spiritualize more. It may be the trend of our current generations’ understanding of the importance of personal growth. It definitely will have to do with our lowering our health care costs, another plus.

This example of headline grandstanding is an opportunity to step back and see for ourselves. It’s also a good time to inventory our own choices that may or may not be possible for us at this time but that may give us some insight.


This might be eye opening and only takes a minute. Answer as if you were in the particular situation, even if you are not. And actually ask yourself the question. When I asked myself one at a time, they had more of an impact:

1) On scale of 1 to 10, 10 being high, if you were single, would you rather have a steady large organizational job or a steady part-time job and the time and freedom in which to be creative?

2) On scale of 1 to 10, 10 being high, if you were single, would you rather cut down on spending to afford a steady part-time job and the freedom to be creative or keep your steady corporate or non-profit job?

3) What is more important to you, money or spiritual health?

4) If you were responsible for a family, what would you want to show your kids, that it’s more important to provide luxury for them and have a corporate job that you don’t like or live with no frills and have a part-time job which afforded you time for creativity, spirituality and family?

5) Are you surprised at yourself?

If you would like to share your answers, please hit reply in your email program with the questions answered.

FreedomFinally, it seems as if freedom of choice is the reason for the shrinking employee headline. We’re all different. There’s no one way to be. And, through the ACA, the United States has just happily extended our freedom.


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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we all deserve health care. She says,

“I believe it is a right in the civilized world. Because of the Affordable Care Act, more people can be insured. A brilliant feature that is a secret benefit is the reduction in full-timers that is predicted. These are not the dedicated folks whose work is their passion. It is the people who have yet to find their passion. And their part-time status may lead them to it which will lead them to become more productive citizens to benefit us all.”

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The Number One Method For Habit Change


By Diane Gold

Before we reveal ”The Number One Method For Habit Change” for free, in this very article; let’s look at habits, in general, to understand how many we have and the potential simplicity of changing them.


Our habits are either personal or non-personal. We all easily identify with habits and actions that relate to ourselves, since we are usually quite concerned with ourselves: whether we can or cannot control our eating, drinking, drugging, picking, blinking, speaking. These habits are physiological or mental and connect to our senses, rather than related to ways we act toward the outside world.

Non-personal habits define how we act toward our environment through repetitive actions passed down from families – political agendas, belief systems, what paper towel brand we use, what is acceptable to wear, eat, the way we were brought up to speak, the way we do or do not speak with people on the street or in our neighborhoods, listening to certain music because that’s what we’ve been exposed to, the amount we allow ourselves to dance in public, our understanding of social customs of our area, the way we treat others, the way we resolve conflict, whether we are first to help or wait for the crowd to do it first. These are all external to our own personal habits. They influence them and cross over into the personal, but they are outside them, for the most part.

Both personal and non-personal habits make us who we are. Although we will focus on the personal, the number one method for habit change is the same for each.


Appearance Affects Habit ChangeWe develop habits based on how certain actions make us feel. Whether we wear designer clothes, keep our hair immaculate or stay fit because we enjoy people’s staring at us; we act out behaviors regularly to achieve these good feelings, aka rewards. The cue, which is the original feeling that makes us do a behavior urges us to work so we have access to buy clothing, get our hair done, so we look how we like. This urge also pushes us to work out so that our bodies look good, which gives us the end result: the reward of having people acknowledge our beauty. Appearance

Clothing To Make Us InvisibleThese are only examples of appearance habits we may have. There are others of us who specifically wear clothing to make us invisible, since we don’t like it when people stare. And there are others of us who do not consider what people think; they are busy with their own lives and work.


Quite often, our habits become founded in the urges we feel. By acting out a certain behavior, we can receive a hormonal rush of happiness. Because we want to experience this “reward” again, we repeat the same behavior to get it. That’s how habits begin, with repetition.

The craving, urge, cue, whatever we call it, that drives us to behave a certain way can be a similar feeling no matter what reward our end product (the result of our action) achieves. Whether we eat a yummy food, take a tranquilizing drug, drink a drink that makes us tingle, play a card game that thrills us; we are seeking the end delicacy that our hormones produce.


As may be common knowledge, once we have a habit, it belongs to us. Like gene expression, it can be dormant or active. We don’t unlearn to ride a bike, and we don’t lose our blue-eyed chromosome that may express itself in our children, even though our eyes are brown. When we turn social drinking into excessive drinking, we own it. That doesn’t mean we have to express it in the future.

Habit In The ClosetWhen we choose to change one of our habits, we replace the habit that was there with a new one. The old one is still there, but it is a “habit in the closet,” so to speak. As long as we are doing a new behavior and not opening the closet, the habit will stay put. For as long as we choose. Habit In The Closet

So the big trick to creating a new way of acting is SPEED, not the drug, but the swiftness with which we act after a cue. We have to be ready starting now for the very first cue that comes that has previously made us do the habit we want to change. From now on, we must replace this action within 15-30 seconds of getting that cue so that the mind doesn’t have a chance to intervene.

Immediate Action Required

Once we have made the decision to do something different, that is, change a habit, we can remember,

“Immediate Action Required.”


That’s the simple answer to what could seem a monumental issue. Rather than struggling with “not” executing an act we have done over and over again, like giving in to our desires that lead us down a path we want to avoid, we take our attention and our bodies to a new place, a new action and, therefore, a new, but rewarding, outcome.


1) As soon as the almighty urge shows up that sends us to get our reward, IMMEDIATELY DRINK WATER, TWO GLASSES AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. Bam! That’s it.

2) OK. That’s not exactly it for some people. We may need another action to lead us to the reward we want which is to look good, feel good and, ultimately, change our habit. We may need to VERBALIZE that we have had the craving out loud to another person or people.

Of course, if we have an appropriate friend, we can tell the friend. If not, we can tell a stranger. It’s surprising how many people want to listen to what we have to say, even if we just know them from shopping where they work. Naturally, we can reach out in social media, but this digital admission does not give us the same mirror reflection that telling a live person gives us.

We may be afraid, nervous, embarrassed to admit our urge. That’s fine. That has nothing to do with taking the action. We have plenty of time after we admit our urge to be afraid, nervous, embarrassed. As long as we take the action of saying it out loud first. This works best if it is done within 5 minutes of drinking the water.

If you’re near the beach, tell a lifeguard. If you’re in-city, tell a librarian. If you’re on the farm, tell a fellow farmer. The worst that can happen is that you will be judged by someone else. Most people are not qualified to make a judgment, so the judgment would be like someone not liking the color of your eyes. Those who are qualified to judge who make a negative judgment about someone’s decision to change a habit lack the compassion and humility that are found in a quality human being.

Think about it. What’s worse, not changing a habit whose time has come or the possibility of embarrassment? The obvious answer is not changing.

Granted, it does get tricky when we have children and they will be heckled in school. In that situation, it is time to trust the children and speak to them honestly.Focus

3) Here’s a quick step in not being embarrassed. FOCUS on discussing your urge and on doing the new behaviors. When you are finished drinking water and verbalizing, you will have time left to be embarrassed. Or you may feel the power that comes with self-help.


What habits we develop depend on who we are, what we decide and our body and mental chemistry. Not every person raised in luxury with servants and dinner parties has the habit of overdrinking. Not every person raised in poverty who gambled in the park to feed her family lets gambling take over her life when other financial opportunities appear. The number one method for habit change works universally.


When we are ready to change a habit, this is the process:

Contract With Self1) Make a contract with self to replace a behavior for a day or a week. The contract must include the action step to be taken immediately upon having the craving that starts the habit process in motion (such as when the urge to drink alcohol or eat a cookie comes; drink water, not alcohol or drink water, instead of eating a 3:00 pm cookie).

2) Take the contracted action step immediately every time the urge shows up, starting immediately. It’s only for a day or a week. You can un-contract yourself at any time after the first contract or renew it. Your choice.

3) Be consistent with the contracted behavior every single time you feel the craving or you start to think about it. It’s only for a day or a week, whichever you have chosen.

Once this process is completed, you have the choice to renew the contract or stop. The choice for changing a habit is yours.


If this process does not work the first time, it’s okay to start again and again.

If someone says anything about your habit change question, it is not important. What is important is to do the action steps. That’s it.

Believe You Can Do It!


It is not necessary to believe you can do it to succeed. What is important is to act. By doing so, your belief in self will arrive, while you are changing your habit. You will believe when you see what you have done.





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Please leave a comment below.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we complicate. She says,

“Simplify, simplify, simplify. When we make things so complex, we miss what’s right in front of us. When we have one choice, we take it. When we have one road on which to walk, we walk it. The habit change process outlined as ‘The Number One Method For Habit Change’ proposed to do just that: offer one choice and one road on which to act out the choice.

“When we look at one thing at a time, we just might accomplish our goal. So let’s make a contract, act on it and repeat the actions for the contracted duration. That’s all we need, and that’s plenty.”

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