GURU, MASTER & MENTOR: ARE YOU IN THE HABIT OF VERIFYING THE TITLE? (ISSUE 76)

By Diane Gold

Are we so in the habit of using the words Guru, Master, Mentor with every teacher who advertises a class on a social media network that the words no longer hold their traditional meaning? Do we wonder what these words mean and how a person gets the title?

In 2013, these words of distinction are similar to the word, “natural” in the early 1980s. The word “natural,” according to the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) is a generic word that misleads and misrepresents. It can refer to anything that is minimally processed and not manufactured. It can be animal, plant and made from a substance that is naturally occurring in the earth such as petroleum. So its original intent is worthless. The words guru, master and mentor seem to be going in the same nebulous or altered direction.

I realized that the words guru, master, mentor had special meanings in the 70s when I started learning meditation from a 30 year master. But, at the time, there were lots of hacks because meditation was then the rage.
It must have been in the 1980s when I was charging $40 to give a one-hour piano lesson. I had been paying $80 for the best teachers on the planet, Norman Gold and Sanford Gold (no direct ancestral relation to me or each other). And THE ever-popular, all-in-one New York music store offered the same duration piano lessons for $12 a pop.

It must have been in the 1980s when I was charging $40 to give a one-hour piano lesson. I had been paying $80 for the best teachers on the planet, Norman Gold and Sanford Gold (no direct ancestral relation to me or each other). And THE ever-popular, all-in-one New York music store offered the same duration piano lessons for $12 a pop.

They had students as teachers. But the idea of “master” musician had already crossed my radar, and I knew these students did not have decades of training in them. I knew I had learned from two masters. Sandy had 50 years training. Norman had 30. That’s how it was supposed to be. Right?

I had earned a Bachelors and a Masters in Music, and I had had lessons for over 15 years. Teaching harmony was my forte because Sanford laid out the simplest, most ingenius approach to it; and I was fortunate to have learned it from him, personally. I was a beginning teacher, and that was a supervised part of my lessons.

But there were people out there teaching after having played or having taken lessons for 6 months or a year. (It’s not as serious as having surgery done by a medical student, but there should be some public differentiation between teacher and student.)

Next, from 1995 to the present, I’ve been in the martial arts business. And the same thing has happened. Throughout my martial arts career, I have seen people who trained for a year or two or people who trained for three months and won one tournament, open a school and hang a sign that said “Master Smith’s Martial Arts.” I have also experienced teachers along the way who were called “master” but did not possess the honesty, integrity, knowledge, skills or humanity to hold the title.

Many people whose careers have soared because they were charismatic, good at business, connected to celebrity or just plain well-marketed use the titles. Their seminars or conventions sell out; they teach hybrid versions of their subject, and they are not master teachers. But they use the title, anyway.

To this day, I have a debate with myself regularly,

“Is it better to have people out there teaching half-baked versions of a subject or is it better to have them withhold that information because their qualification is limited on their subject? Meaning, should we restrict teaching to 20-year veterans who may have mastered their material, or should we marvel at clever entrepreneurs who create education systems for the quick fix, abridged lesson or certificate program? Then there are the good, old honest people who just love their subject and want to pass it along, so they teach it.”
I am concluding, more and more, definitely that there is merit to all learning, but the public should have a method of distinction. Much like educational institutions give different degrees for different training, it might be helpful to have some qualification next to the titles of guru, master and mentor, so that the general public can understand the intent.

AN EFFICIENT METHOD OF LABELING

It could be as simple as placing two dates next to a teacher’s title, the chronological year studies began and the chronological year teaching began. This would create a transparency that everyone could understand.

Below is a sample of what I mean:

As a martial arts teacher [1986/1996, additionally, 1971-1976], it is my role to provide a peaceful way of resolving issues as well as the physical skills necessary for this to happen and as a personal protection regime should peaceful encounter fail. In doing so, I have to instruct students to call me something. “Teacher” has been the word of choice for the past several years, especially since every internet marketer who makes six figures is deemed a guru.
____

In 2013, with our shrinking world, we have much information at our fingertips, both accurate and inaccurate, much to build consumers rather than for academic knowledge or creative culture. Are there “gurus, masters and mentors” leading classes just because their publicist billed them as such? Of course, but the info may be useful, just the same. Or are these lessons being taught to keep us mediocre? Maybe.

PERSONAL STANDARDS

We each use our own standards to discern the master dilemma. It is easy to parrot knowledge, even easier to regurgitate tiny bits of it. Not so easy to “master” a subject in such a profound way as to interpret it and make it useful in a creative or scientific way.

It is not common knowledge that the black belt in martial arts is a symbol of a dedicated student who, if very conscientious, has learned no more than 10% of her subject. All over the world, though, because we can acquire testing fees and sell uniforms to go with new belts, this very fact is rarely emphasized or understood.

The black belt is symbolic of the dirt on the white cotton belt of the Chinese rice farmer whose belt got dirty from years of labor. (The farmer’s belt then frays from wear and tear and becomes white again with time, symbolizing that, after the student becomes the master, the master is always and becomes the student.)

We all have our own method of evaluating mastery. It could seeing a PhD after a name, which is a common academic standard. It signifies study in one particular subject in great depth. Another measure could be to evaluate a teacher by the number of people who gather to listen to the teachings.

In the 70s when I was following the meditation training of the philosophy, Radha Soami, the leader was named guru. He wore a turban as those in his tribe did before him, and he taught people how to live happily in the world. The word “guru” was not bandied about for every successful seller of wares. He studied the teachings of his teacher and his teacher’s teacher and was chosen to be the one disciple upon death of the previous guru. We didn’t buy T-shirts, cups or pens.

And then, in that very era, probably due to the Western thirst for knowledge, more gurus popped up, many with T-shirts and uniforms.

CONCLUSION

Should we abandon the words guru, master and mentor from meaning true studiers?
In my opinion, there’s no need to feel anger at the overuse. Language is alive, and it changes as we change it. There’s no need to delete any words. They have taken on a more casual meaning, but they also maintain their original meanings. Here’s what I think.

ACTION STEPS

 

1) When you see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; look at the person’s biography and check for study time in (years of study) and “teaching since” year. Then evaluate whether it’s the old word or the new. If this is information is not plainly spelled out through video, audio or print (or any newer technology); chances are the title is being used the new way.

 

2) When you see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; it’s important to evaluate for yourself whether you resonate well with the person. Even if the guru has 50 years, we are all different and have to choose what teaching will work for our own learning mechanisms.

3) When we see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; and we discover the title is the new millenium title, we may be quite satisfied with the teachings this person has to offer.

4) Be happy we can choose from whom to learn.

5) Respect the words guru, master and mentor as words as meaningful words whose depth vary.

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She has been in learning situations through Sound Yoga and Martial Arts where the words guru and master are used. She says,

“Throughout my training, there are distinctions between the standard teacher and the guru. However, along came internet marketing. This field overused the words drastically, and now, aside from Guru, the rapper, each person with the ability to teach a money making technique online is known as a guru. And many start off their pitch by mentioning the abuse of the word “guru” and that they are not abusing it.

“We are habitual. We tend to trust a title without verifying expertise. Some gurus have studied long and deeply to procure the title they hold. Others made money with a great product, and they are the new gurus. It is our responsibility to discern the difference. To do so, we need to take a peek at credentials, just so we clarify terminology. Someone who can help someone make money is a valuable asset. 20 year veterans who can teach meditation, instruct in martial arts, teach plumbing to junior plumbers and paint a masterpiece that will be shared for centuries are gurus of the rare and olden kind.

“Our habit of trusting must be adjusted to be a habit of verifying. Then we can live with this language of our day. “

THE PEACE PROCESS FORMULA: PHASE 3 (ISSUE 74)

By Diane Gold

The Peace Process Formula is an evolving series of steps that gently create dialogue and resolution of a peace conflict based on our sameness and not our differences. This is Phase 3.

The Peace Process Formula: A Step By Step Guide, was published on December 3, 2012. The process involved a moderator’s talking to 1 person who had experienced geopolitical conflict and really listening to what that person had to say.

The Peace Process Formula: Phase 2, from December 10, 2012, outlined role playing action steps involving a moderator and 2 people from the same conflict role playing leadership roles. They each would have individually been through Phase 1 of the process, where each talked about her (his) experience.

After seeing the documentary, The Two-Sided Story, a peace process story about bringing together bereaved family members from both sides of an age-old conflict; I am convinced, more than ever, that The Peace Process becomes solid when people talk to each other and get to see their humanity in each other. When I watched this movie, it was as if I were seeing this process in a film that I had directed.

 

The poster for the process at The Parents Circle-Families Forum says,

“It Won’t Stop Until We Talk.”

This seems simple enough, but, as we know, it is not.

 

Nelson Mandela said,

“…courageous people do not fear forgiving, for the sake of peace.”

This simple quote points to the importance of stepping off our path of revenge for the greater good.

 

The fact that my family was blown up by your family is a big deterrent in the peace process. My blowing up your family to stop you from future action is another action that stops peace. The heart does not forget, even when we show forgiveness on the outside. So, what are we to do?

 

What if we tell another bereaved person how we feel? It will be extremely difficult, at first, because we do not want to be in the same room as our opposite bereaved tribe member. If we make the choice to do it, we may see that our feeling of pain and loss is very much the same as that of our fellow bereaved on the other side and that continuing violence upon violence to revenge violence upon violence perpetuates violence upon violence and doesn’t help our loved ones or our children. The big picture shows that both sides of the conflict, whichever one it is, have suffered tremendous losses. History shows that killing begets killing and more sorrow; listening begets understanding and the possibility of peaceful co-existence.

To outline the steps in The Two-Sided Story, participants go through a process:

1) Bereaved people from opposing sides of a conflict share their story, 1 at a time, with the whole group. (Image depicts a generic group.)

2) They continue listening by separating into pairs of opposite tribes and share their story with the opposite tribe member who is sitting next to them.

3) They role play by getting back into the group and speaking as if they are their counterpart, describing what the counterpart has said about life and situation.

4) They become empathetic by talking about how they feel as if they are their counterpart.

5) They notice they are beginning to understanding their partner is not a monster, even if just a little.

This 5-step process, shown in Two-Sided Story, produced by Yoav Leshem, directed by Tor Ben Mayor, created through The Parent’s Circle-Families Forum, resulted in emotional healing, human understanding, personal friendships and a wonderful peace model for others to follow that has begun to be successful.

 

CATHARSIS

Since The Peace Process Formula is a fluid, open process; we are open to evolve the more we understand and experience. With this said, Phase 3 of the process focuses on sharing the individual perspective. 2 people from opposing tribes will get together with a moderator. To follow is the rationale.

 

 

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WORLD TAI CHI DAY IS A WEEK FROM SATURDAY

World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day is coming up on April 27, Saturday, at 10:00 am. There are events all over the world. It’s free and fun, for beginners or experienced people. If you are in Boca Raton, I’m coordinating the event at Sanborn Square, my 14th year in Boca. I would be honored to have you attend. Spread the word! If you’re not going to be local, I will look for an event near your location if you contact us.

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RATIONALE

We know that “what’s in it for me” is always an easy way to get people to listen. If we could bring back the life of a loved one lost in war, we would immediately pay attention. Unfortunately, we cannot. If we could erase the hatred our neighbor has for us, we would.

What we can do is save ourselves from resentment, vengeful thoughts, anger and more violence. The steps to do this are not so flashy or fancy; but, when we receive some personal benefit from an action step, we are more likely to get involved rather than if we hear an abstract rationale whose benefit will help the world.

The pow-wow of 3, the moderator and 2 individuals from opposing tribes shall be planned. If 2 opposite tribe members are not present, the moderator can take on the role of the member of the opposite tribe who is not actually present.

ACTION STEPS

1) The moderator serves tea and talks about the tea ritual for 5 minutes.

2) As in Phase 1, the moderator will allow 5-15 minutes for each person to speak about her/his experience. The difference here is that each person would have to give full attention to someone from the opposite side’s story.

REITERATE THE RULES

No verbal or body language blame, no cursing or other violent language, no abusive physical contact.

3) The moderator asks each participant to speak about her (his) story.

4) After both people have spoken, the moderator asks:

a) How is your pain different from her (his) pain?

b) Did talking help you get closer to understanding the person next to you?

5) Tea is served.

6) Moderator thanks both participants for their time.

CONCLUSION

The people who agree to participate in this process are, at least, curious about some sort of peaceful settlement. They may still hold blame for the hardships they have endured, but they have some curiosity about what a peace process might look like.
In sharing our stories, we face our pain; we become less alone with the burden of pain and suffering; the perceptions we have about the wrongs that have happened come out in the open. Sometimes, this allows us to have a cathartic experience that heals us; may find others who feel the same torment, or we may find others who have a completely different burden; we may be helped, or we may help.

Here is a quote from Robi, a member of the Bereaved Families Forum in the above-cited movie, whose peace-loving son, David, was killed by a sniper. Robi is a devoted mother who believes that revenge does not belong in the peace process. It sums up a great possibility,

“I believe removing the stigma from each side and getting to know the person on the other side allows for a removal of fear, and a way to understand that a long-term reconciliation process is possible.”

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She has seen the way people learn tolerance through communication. This is the same process used in academic debates, brainstorming groups and personal growth sessions. She says,

“A systematic approach can create new trust, once we establish the best way to send a gentle breeze to our opposite tribe. It’s all about taking 1 step.

“It’s extremely difficult for most people to let go of their ideas. Most of us “know” we are right and are not interested in changing. In some cultures, heads of families abuse their family group should the family question the head’s authority. This type of rigid behavior often maintains the wall of war.

“I see progress with the peace process. And the latest generations are multicultural. They far surpass the “flower child” generation whose slogan was “make love, not war” because of the global network in which they have grown up.

“The peace issue” is engrained in Millenials, or so it seems. That’s why we live in a great climate for The Peace Process Formula to spread, one group at a time until it catches on worldwide.”

BEFORE OUR MAIN ESSAY, A WORLD TAI CHI DAY ANNOUNCEMENT

World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day is coming up on April 27, Saturday, at 10:00 am. There are events all over the world. It’s free and fun, for beginners or experienced people. If you are in Boca Raton, I’m coordinating the event at Sanborn Square, my 14th year in Boca. I would be honored to have you attend. Spread the word! If you’re not going to be local, I will look for an event near your location if you contact me.

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WOMEN AS SLAVES: HOW TO CHANGE THIS HABIT (ISSUE 73)

By Diane Gold

The perpetual work that women who are slaves perform is a habit.
As with anything else, we know that anything can be a habit. Habits are formed by repetitive behavior leading to some reward. So, what’s rewarding about abusing human rights? How can men morally write down stories on which religions are based that condone stoning women, placing women in a cattle-like position of being bought and sold, using women as slaves by the husband and using a god as the excuse for the actions?

Our own President Jimmy Carter’s article Losing My Religion For Equality mentions,
” Women and girls have been discriminated against for too long in a twisted interpretation of the word of God.”

HOW IT BEGAN

Here is how it started, as far as we know; and it is also why it continues. It is exactly related to why we have habits that stay with us unless we choose and then change them.

 

 

People who have control like to keep it.

 

Whether it is the news media, the banking systems or the political system in any country; these machines will advertise (using the news companies which they own) to support their agendas, whether this advertising is by way of print media in 2013 or through concepts taught in school, such as: men are more worthy than women or women are evil. This control premise also applies to the single farm girl who has 1 acre of land to farm and wants to fight to keep it in her possession. We all want to possess something, even if it means stepping on someone else to get it. This human truth is how it started.

 

Now, I don’t believe that blame is something helpful, but I do believe that, because women have accepted the position of inferiority, they have perpetuated a myth that carries on to this day. I also believe that, if women who are oppressed fight for their own equality (I am not speaking of the gentle oppressions where women make less money, have more domestic responsibilities, get worse jobs, but of stark, horrific oppression such as domestic slavery, sex slavery, trafficking, second class citizenship that exist in many nations), the fight would cause as many female deaths as in any civil war to date.

Women make less money, in general. Women have fewer civil rights in many constitutions. They are treated as second-class citizens under some laws.

Women accept being second class citizens out of habit or out of fear of being stoned, murdered, mutilated or disfigured should they be discovered at working on changing their working condition.

BORN INTO PROSTITUTION

There are women who are born into prostitution. In certain sections of the world, 3 generations of women can be found to be prostitutes. In the red light district of Kolkata (formerly spelled Calcutta), a prevalent family business is this: the mother is a prostitute as is her mother. The father waits for the female children of his wife to become 10 years old (or worse, 7 years old) so that he can turn them out into prostitution so that the family can eat and live.

When asked to leave the life, many child prostitutes say they don’t want to leave. This is their heritage, and they would be afraid to do anything else and leave the protection of the mother, father, aunty managing their prostitution.

According to a 2010 interview by the United Nations Office On Drugs And Crime, a 16-year-old sex worker in Sonagachi, Kolkata, India said,

“Ma [the madame] will never let me go, and … this is my home … I am here of my own free will. Even if I leave this place, where will I go? The society will always label me as a prostitute. I am scared wherever I will be employed, the men will rape me. Even if I marry a prince tomorrow and wear expensive saris … and sit in a big car; people will still think I am a prostitute. I cannot change that. I wanted to become a nurse and take care of people. I have a secret lover … and we are planning to marry. I will make sure my daughter is never born into a brothel, is educated and lives her dream.”

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

According to a verified BBC News report from 2001; prostitution, itself, is not illegal in India. According to a completely unverified source listed on Wikipedia; solicitation, brothels, trafficking are illegal in India as is working within 200 feet of a public place. Unverified map of legality of prostitution is here:
http:/warriorsofweight.com/images/prostitutionmap.jpg

Accepting the thinking that it’s OK to putting children into prostitution for money is a bad habit. It is also a way of thinking and acting that has been accepted in current and past society as normal.

If we do a behavior once, it is new, unfamiliar, easy never to do again. If we do something twice, it is easier to do it again. If we do it for a week, we start getting into a groove of familiarity, and we are on our way to making it a habit which solidifies in another week or two.

There are 3 habits at play. One is that the parent often the father) sends the female child out to sell sex. The second habit is the child does it thinking its normal. The third is that the act on the parent’s part is repeated over and over again as normal behavior.

With regard to nurturing children, people in every country think about how to give children the most opportunity for growth, education, socialization, creativity. In the United States, we protect our children until they have reached 18 years old, for the most part.  We protect them from harm and abuse from families whose financial need or choice to teach work ethic responsibility might put their children to work at the expense of their education, childhood or health.

The U. S. Department of Labor’s Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 (amended last on April 5, 2011) lists jobs that are considered hazardous for minors (under 18). Prostitution is not on the list because it is not legal. Even if it were, it is not a profession that many groups of parents would consider the choice profession to teach children. Other conditions that are “detrimental to their health and well-being” have various FLSA restrictions to see that kids go to school and are not overworked.

Internationally, people protect their children. Parenting refers to care, love, guidance. However, financial hardship changes what we do, what we will do and, as a result, how we end up. This is universal. Not all governments protect children or enforce laws that are on the books, especially when bribery is rampant.

WOMEN AS SLAVES

In certain cultures, women are forced into being one of many wives, forced into being consorts, forced into the life of a sex slave, a baby machine or a maid. This is partly the fault of women who accept this. But their alternative would be death, ostracism or, at least, fear of death and disfigurement.

The families of some girls who sell them into bondage are making a hard choice in
order to feed their other children. This decision, though ghastly, must be the hardest one in a lifetime, but is the only alternative to starvation in the eyes of the family who commits a daughter into this life, similar to killing daughters in China before 1979 for the good of the state.

WHAT CAN WE DO ABOUT THESE SITUATIONS?

1) EDUCATE BY CONNECTING

Talk is cheap, and having lengthy discussions about how terrible these situations are does little. It boils down to changing a habit, as I see it.

Introducing young girls to associations of women who want to escape or have escaped prostitution, slavery, mutilation and the like opens their minds to new options. Instead of the habit of obeying the parent or aunty who demands the child go into prostitution, the child who has been exposed to alternatives is more able to take the first step toward changing the habit of submission and changing the thinking for the future.

One such association is Apne Aap, founded by Ruchira Gupta, a former UN worker whose film The Selling Of Innocents won an Emmy in 1997, and 22 women working as prostitutes in Mumbai’s red light district. Their message was to highlight the link between trafficking and prostitution laws, believing that changing the laws would change the reality.

Although all the founding 22 women from Mumbai are dead due to suicide, AIDS and hunger; this inspirational group still reaches 15,000 women as a safe house and education center to help women get out of the trapped life and to institute enough influence to outlaw prostitution as a crime of exploitation.

2) WRITE ABOUT THE ISSUE

Although journaling helps one to stay balanced and sane, it does not get the word out. Taking one’s safety into account, there are media sources that publish stories of inequality. The more people write, the more they will heal themselves and the more they may have their story published. There is danger in going public with one’s real name, so a pseudonym may minimize the risk, depending upon where one lives.

3) SPREAD THE WORD

Join a group that works to eliminate abuse of power against women. Decide to offer your time to get the word out to those women who are unaware they have options. Your time spent can change the habits of many women who don’t know any better, are complacent with an abusive type of life, who are waiting for encouragement to take their first steps.

4) RESEARCH ABUSE IN RELIGIOUS LITERATURE

Take a good look at the books we use as daily reference. Rewrite some of the archaic interpretations of our religious and social doctrines to fit the modern time citing women as equal to men. Or, at least, consider how they got there.

5) SEE A DOCUMENTARY ON ABUSE OF WOMEN

At this time in history, there are so many films available about violation of human rights. Go check one out. If you are so inclined, offer to have your own screening with 4 others in your home.

CONCLUSION

It is time we worked on changing the concept and reality of women as slaves. It is time we all became better human beings. It’s crucial to engage in conversations. It is also important to consistently talk about abuse of women in literature and in every country in the world.

These customs and habits have taken a long time to evolve. We can work for change by following the action steps. By not abandoning the women in terrible circumstances, we take small steps toward the goal of stopping the abuse.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She considers abuse against people a shortcoming in the human spirit. Why would we think it right to be hurtful. She says,

“If we are taught that God said we are supposed to abuse women, we are being fed convincing evidence to justify second class status and abuse. We, as thinking beings, need to consider the flaws in such terminology that ostracizes anyone. We are all equal.

“If we are taught that it’s OK to abuse someone, we need to do our own research and come to a different conclusion.”

MARTIAL ARTS OF THE MIND (ISSUE 71)

By Diane Gold

Martial arts are a group of disciples known throughout the world as the art of war. This article will mention 1 such discipline specifically, kung fu, which is the term that has been associated with Chinese martial arts, but the article’s focus is generic. It is about using the method that is used to train the body to train the mind. This is martial arts of the mind.

What many outsiders (meaning people who are not practitioners or people who learn bastardized versions that are one-sided fighting technique) do not consider is that this “art” very much includes discipline of the mind and spirit. An example of this would be that we learn that quickest is not always best. Of course, when someone is looking to hurt us and we can outrun the aggressor or execute a physical technique more swiftly, this is good and to our betterment. But the physical aspect is secondary, even though we spend hours training the body. It is to train the mind and spirit, for the most part.

Because of this training, we have the ability to consider taking the longer path if it is more strategic to get where we are going because we know patience, the first lesson in any martial art. We learn to take time out to consider, meditate, evaluate, even if, in physical combat, it is only a split second.

Another example of using the martial arts mind would be that we allow a hostile, aggressive person to beep her horn at us on the parkway and we let her go ahead of us. We are secure in ourselves so there would be no need to fight for “control of the road” just because someone wants to advance in front of us. Some would say that giving up position is cowardice.

To the kung fu artist or other martial artist, there is no sense in acting with impatience, hostility, irrationality unless the behaviors of the other affect us. If our self-esteem is intact and does not depend upon how others see us or treat us, we have no need to pump ourselves up like peacocks on display being macho to find a mate or bearded dragon lizards who puff their necks to make themselves bigger when they sense a threat.

Let’s look at the yin and the yang of things, yin meaning giving and yang meaning taking, more or less. If person 1 yells at person 2, person 1 is showing yang qualities, taking and aggression. Most people would react to person 1 by yelling back, giving it back to her. If person 2 does this, she is meeting yang with yang, like the standoff between 2 wolves, 2 rhinocerii, 2 warthogs. This causes friction, fighting, discomfort and rarely ends positively.

If person 2 is a skilled martial artist, she is trained not to develop aggression from someone else’s aggression. She maintains her own balanced nature. Often times, if person 2 lends an understanding ear and shows the yin, nurturing quality; person 1 will calm down. That is the nature of yin-yang. They balance each other everywhere, all the time. That separates us from wild animals.

Here’s a common scenario and a breakdown of possible action steps in response:
I have a conversation with my friend, and we disagree. My friend yells at me, insults me and walks out on me. I have 2 options:

A) I can choose to call my friend back later or the next day because I want to see how she is doing. Since I do not need to keep score of my friend’s poor behavior, I do not shun my friend because she shunned me. I take on the role of nurturer toward my friend. It usually ends up putting me in role of teacher, not that that is my intention, but that’s what happens when I call and communicate well.

B) I can choose not to call my friend because I am keeping score. Who does this serve?
When we are young, we say,

“I’m not gonna be your friend because you said this to me, and you didn’t apologize.”

This is expected because we work from our feelings alone.

When we are older, acting the way of the child does not utilize our reason and the wisdom from our experience we have taken so long to gain.

During kung fu training, we study and learn who we are. We do focus training which is mental and physical. We learn not to react because someone reacts. (We may act if we are in danger, but we act in the way that best suits the situation, not the way someone else acts.)

We don’t have to defend because someone has offended. If our personal space or that of someone we want to protect is not violated, we don’t have to take an action. Part of this is because we have physical confidence. But, mostly, it’s because we have a greater capacity for patience, tolerance and understanding because we have taken the time to look inward. We also have developed an attitude of responsibility to communicate clearly to others, because we have learned the right way to be.

CONCLUSION

Most of what kung fu or any true martial art is is a systematic approach to living our lives with temperance, forgiveness, honor, respect for others and respect for ourselves. So, before we go on with a few action steps, here is A SECRET, which is only an interesting fact, not known by many who haven’t studied kung fu.

The words “Kung” and “Fu,” together, refer to work successfully accomplished over time. Here’s the secret: What’s fascinating to most of us is that kung fu can refer to any work where someone has applied mastery. That means a chef, a hair stylist, a chemist, a firefighter, a writing professor can all be doing “good kung fu.” which is the translation when we say ho kung fu to someone other than a martial artist studying the Chinese variety.

What this means is that people who master their craft are kung fu artists. They use the same focus, patience, examination, reason, integrity, perseverance, creativity and self-discovery used by the kung fu master. So, the secret is not really a secret, as you see. But, it defines people and process and the fact that the study of kung fu is parallel to the study of music, dance, invention, psychology, masonry, cooking, surgery, oral presentation. And martial arts of the mind is studied by all who train in every martial art.

ACTION STEPS

Consider taking these action steps in the spirit of martial arts of the mind. You may find, if you haven’t already, that reducing aggressive behavior we show due to sadness or anger is not as hard if we give up our own behaviors that do not support us. These methods do not work 100% of the time, but they give us great opportunity.

1) Next time someone yells at you, decide whether the someone is important enough for the relationship to continue. If the answer is yes,

a) if the person is inconsequential, let it go completely.

b) if the person is valuable to you, tell the person s/he is hurting your feelings. When we personalize that what someone has done hurt us, this usually makes the someone stop, take note and change attitudes or even apologize.

c) if the person has value, gently have an internal dialogue with yourself. Recognize that the someone’s being nasty to you usually means you have struck some insecure bone in that person or the person is in pain on her own. Be compassionate of that insecurity or pain by not macho-ing out (yelling back to be the big cat on the mountain). Reach out to the person and ask how you can help and alleviate any bad feelings.

2) See how it feels to withhold aggression. Does it make you feel good or bad? If you feel good, great. Continue it. If you miss the anger conjured up by retaliation, at least you will know what you like. And you will have martial arts of the mind to think about since we can all learn it and implement it in our lives.

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She believes that martial arts of the mind is something each one of us can cultivate. This comes with proper contemplative training. She says,

“The training must be systematic, so that we learn 1 step, then another, then another, leading to mastery of our own selves. The martial training applies in all walks of life, no matter what we are doing. We use the principles of empty mind and building a foundation that we employ in the physical training to learn martial arts of the mind.”

THE GENDER ISSUE: HOW WE AS WOMEN SEE OURSELVES (INCLUDES 7 ACTION STEPS) (ISSUE 68)

By Diane Gold

The gender issue is alive and well all over the world. There are many sides to it and hurdles we can turn to our advantage. I just read in Wikipedia,

“Professional women are still responsible for domestic labor and child care.”

I just sent an email to wikipedia.org that it is supposed to read,

“Often, even in 2013, professional women take responsibility upon themselves for domestic labor and child care, even though they work. They fail to create shared effort with their partners who may fail to see or correct the imbalance of duties. ”

This example, from a 2013-edited open source reference tool. used 2500 times per second for a total of 7 billion visits per month, gives us a clear understanding of how misconceptions, falsities, mistakes are spread.

In general, would someone born in 1970 or before describe women as sensitive, soft and knowledgeable about design, clothing and fashion?

In general, would someone born in 1970 or before describe men as strong, mechanical and able to cope with life’s decisions?

These descriptions are examples of stereotypes created about gender. The children of the people born in 1970 heard these stereotypes and saw many of their parents living them. Stereotypes can ruin lives if we cling to them and let them take over. We can all use a dose of the age old philosophy,

“If it doesn’t apply, let it fly,”

but, what’s tough about this one is that many of us may be confused as to whether a stereotype applies, and this confusion can drag us down.

Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, author of Lean In, writes about how women are still not equal and how women may be holding themselves back.
___

When we buy into The Gender Issue, meaning we believe we are inferior or we don’t get educated because we just want children and marriage or we believe stereotypes that feel wrong to us, this holds us back.

OVERCOMPENSATION

As a direct result of our having been deemed the weaker sex in the past, women may act with cold, ruthless and inflexible behaviors. If we react because of a perceived vulnerable reputation, we’re living someone else’s perception. If we become strong, capable achievers, we will change old thinking. As the decades pass.

To compensate for our diminished status, we may also train in self-defense and become the best fighters of our time, just to get rid of our self-doubt. However, if the doubt was there to begin with, it will be there now. What won’t be there is the insecurity that comes without personal protection skills. So this, in itself, is invaluable.

PERSONAL PROTECTION TRAINING

Because our families may have bought into the gender issue; we women may not have learned boxing, martial arts, how to stand up for our physical selves. We may be walking around lacking personal protection training with that shaky inner feeling of slight anxiety. This emotion is not gender specific, although many favor the old gender specific attitudes; this insecurity shows up in anyone who has not been trained in strength training, meditation and some type of combat. A big oversight in our school and parenting systems leaves this out. This deprivation of training causes much stress that exists in anyone who has ever been confronted by a bully, a demanding significant other or an authority figure.

THE DRILL SERGEANT LED BY OUR SELF-IMAGE

We all have internal drill sergeants. We drive ourselves to mold our self-images. If we are women whose parents, teachers, neighbor gangs, local bullies, heritage, culture have drilled into us that we don’t need personal protection techniques or to take care of our own safety; we may have been led to believe in ourselves as weak by picking up the attitudes of others with “gender issues.”

It is most appropriate for every one of us to learn how to protect ourselves: girl, boy, woman, man. As they say, knowledge is power. When we are well trained, we doubt ourselves less, maintain awareness of what’s around the corner and are more prepared to interpret and successfully meet physical contact and body language of others.

This holds especially true of those who did not fit into the formula of “girls play with dolls and don’t fight; boys play with guns and fight” of the past.
Going to school for self-protection opens up a world of relaxation and confidence.

One wonders why personal safety training has not been added to “the” required school curriculum beginning in elementary school. This type of training is basic to our ability to build a strong emotional and physical foundation. How could it be left out? It also tempers the spirit so that violence is met with temperance. Go figure.

DRESS

Whether we wear a veil to cover our heads with long sleeves and floor length shirt or we wear very short shorts and a low cut T-shirt; the way we dress makes an impression on others and on ourselves. The way we dress affects how we feel about ourselves, and it is important to consider this well.

We are not objects to be gawked at dressing for the pleasure of others. We are brilliant beings who can choose the way we look and feel in a world we are involved in changing. If we choose to dress for others, that’s great. As long as it soothes, rather than inflames, our nature.

It’s easy to forget we dress for ourselves, especially if the company we keep dictates our wardrobe. When someone else controls us, we can get lost and forget we are not someone else’s image of us, only our own.

The same occurs for anyone who doesn’t fit into the “frills are for girls, football is for boys” convention.

So what can we do to insure that we nurture ourselves and support who we are?

ACTION STEPS

1) Take a few minutes to go over how you feel on certain issues, either digitally or with pad and pen.

2) Write down one of these words per line, leaving white space after each for writing:
confidence, personal safety, gender fitting in, being an example

3) For confidence: rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being high.

4) For personal safety, rate how safe you feel on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being high.

5) For fitting in, rate how well you fit into the gender situation you have established for yourself with the same rating scale.

6) For being an example, rate how well you set an example to exemplify your perception of a woman.

Here comes the real fun!

7) Pick 1 of your scores and talk to yourself about it. The action step is to figure out a way to bring it up by 1 scale number within the next month.
Here’s how:

For confidence: tell yourself,
“I am super fantastic,”
3X while looking at yourself in the mirror every morning for a month. Don’t forget to laugh and smile. If you haven’t seen this video, take a look: youtube.com/watch?v=qR3rK0kZFkg

For personal safety: from now on, talk with your hands by always having your hands a foot in front of you as if you were holding the front of a beach ball – so that no one can come closer than that to you, unless you choose it. This is a simple way to start thinking about the space around you and how to maintain it.

For gender fitting in: find a group of anonymous buddies online by typing in your issue. Start reading how other people feel and deal. Jump in if it moves you. If identity is an issue, 1-888-843-4564 is the help line at glnh.org.

For being an example: to upgrade the way you are a good example, write down what you would like your daughter to learn about being a woman, getting a job, being a partner, facing prejudice. Talk with a friend about 1 of them. Or, if you have a daughter, focus on discussing 1 of these items with her.

CONCLUSION

Sometimes we see ourselves through others’ eyes. We look past the goodness that we are and hear the worst things people have said to us based on our womanhood, such as,

“You’re only a woman,” “you’re not worthwhile,” “there’s no need for you to get an education.”

We remember the impressions from our childhood, the good, the bad, especially the ugly. There are many we haven’t even actualized into words. They form us, though.

Therefore, we need to put new impressions onto ourselves, those that spell out the way we are and aspire to, the way we want to be treated, the way we want others to see us. Through discussion with others, through fortifying ourselves with protection training, support groups, personal work and gratitude; we can better our own lives and be part of moving the gender issue to change.

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She believes we all can pay a little more attention to the gender issue. She says,

“If we are women, we can take a good close look at remnants of old ideas that may be floating around in our head and motivating us. If we are men, we can consider what is fair and just in the world and how we would feel should we be belittled.

“We can all be more aware of diminishing stereotypes as well as how stereotypes diminish us. This reflection will help us in every way.”

PEACE NEEDS A BRIDGE: HOW TO BUILD IT AND KEEP IT OPEN (ISSUE 67)

By Diane Gold

Peace Needs A Bridge! Not a new concept, but 1 whose time has come. Again.

In November, 1969, I ended up going to the Palm Beach Pop Music Festival, a glorious lifetime game changer of 3 cold, wet and muddy days where I saw Janis Joplin, The Rolling Stones, Iron Butterfly and a host of other musicians, friends, action. Yes, they were singing about peace and what was wrong with our time with our presence in Vietnam very much on our minds. We wore tie dyed t-shirts, flowers in our hair, peace signs on our clothing and marched for various freedoms which are now common place.

Present day in the two thousand teens, many people see the need to work toward curbing human anguish, violence, bullying, not unlike the sentiments of my youth. Because we are technically far ahead of that time and live within a speedway of information submission and retrieval, these issues are much more complicated.

In order to enable human beings to take action in any era, they must be motivated beyond apathy, other driving motivators and the urge to relax and let someone else do it. When it comes to peace, there are lots of organizations that talk about peace.

But what really gets done, and what needs to get done for peace to exist?

BUILDING THE BRIDGE

Most of us would prefer to have peaceful dealings than to have conflict, although I remember Robin Williams’ role as a man in a heaven where there was no fighting, and there was only peace (What Dreams Are Made Of). Some say conflict makes it interesting and saves us from boredom. Those who have experienced war and many others of us would opt for its end.

SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW THAT DOESN’T WORK?

INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS

We have all listened to lectures, read some article, report, paper or book justifying the need for peace. Although these intellectual pursuits are impressive, they are not exciting enough to make us get involved enough to empower a movement. Most of the time, we do not move because most of what we hear and read is dry and does not create that exponentially growing enthusiasm we require to take a committed step.

Although empassioned about their projects, lecturers usually deliver their information without humor, pizazz and charisma. Their material may be brilliant, but it usually doesn’t drive the masses to action. Think of how many seminars you have attended where the material is interesting but nothing happens as a result. It enhances our intellect and makes us feel intelligent but doesn’t stimulate our action gene enough so that we take a step.

AGGRESSION

Aggressive behavior involves fighting, yelling, anger and conflict resolution that usually ends in violence. We, as civilized people, accomplish temporary territorial expansion, human rights as we see them at the time of issue and winning a struggle of will until the next powerful wave of fellow humans decides there is a need for change. Not a great show of modern civilization.

(I am in deep gratitude to our military fighters who protect our children, our way of life, our freedoms. At this time, there is need for such military strength. Will this always be our nature, or can we evolve?

I believe in our ability to build a bridge to peace.

FIRE UNDER OUR BOTTOMS

It’s because of the pizazz in some of us, often celebrities, that the others of us are sparked to take action.

Think of Oprah Winfrey’s asking her followers to pledge a $10 donation texting to a 5 digit code on our cell phones to support orphans in a war zone. We react to this appeal almost on auto pilot to contribute. Why? Because her charisma gets us movin’ and shakin’.

You may remember USA For Africa, a collaboration of many musicians, and their single, first to go multi-platinum, We Are The World, and the subsequent album which raised over $64 million in sales toward African famine in 1985. The musicians were the draw, and they pulled us right along with them: to buy their song, to enjoy the multitude of fine musicians, producers and promoters, to spread the word about saving Africa, to believe in its message.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO THAT BUILDS THE PEACE BRIDGE, THAT’S MORE PRODUCTIVE AND LEADS US IN THAT HARMONIOUS DIRECTION NOW?

All of us want peace of some sort. But what are we willing to agree upon? All of us are interested in the “what’s in it for me” concept, such as,

“I want to live in a peaceful neighborhood, but I’m not willing to let the homeless live here,”

or

“Why can’t we all get along, but I’m not sharing my land with anyone because I worked hard for it.”

Some of us are leaders; some of us are followers. Some of us get inspired by a single leader, and some of us spread that message, ourselves.

Since we all like to be entertained and we get involved by celebrity messages, let’s continue to use entertainment to make sparks fly. It’s sexy, creative, diverse, instantaneous. We become instantly involved when we hear a song that we like or see art that is beautiful.

THE SECRET

All we need is a system that gives us somewhere to put the enthusiasm created by the entertainment so that we can change ourselves and act in and for peace, a network of accountability.

ACTION STEPS

While we are creating such a system, I see a very definite direction in which to go to put building blocks into the construction of the peace bridge. They are immediate.

1) START COMMUNICATING

Start talking to someone who has grown up in war. When they get inflammatory about their opposing tribe, don’t get inflammatory or judgmental. Work to understand this behavior.

Continue this discussion so that you learn the dynamics of reason in war, first-hand.

2) FIND PERFORMERS THAT FIRE YOU UP

Commit that you make it your goal to pick a performer that fires you up: a musician, a visual artist, an actor, a creator. Pick one who donates to a peace cause. Go to concerts of this performance troupe, either in person or online. Follow the network attached to this performer, and look into the organization that benefits from the donation.

Performers and creators didn’t get there because they aren’t interesting. So, chances are keeping abreast of this 1 person will keep you excited and you will be more likely to keep on this peace path. You might, one day, work side by side with your performer of choice. On the journey, you will be privy to that performers’ art.
__

Special note:

If you find that you are more interested in another cause, we must follow our hearts, so switch to that cause and stick with it.

3) NETWORK

Join a network that is all about getting people together for the purpose of creating new art, new music, new creativity for the sake of upgrading our peace, our resources, our human rights and downgrading our greed and our habits that cause us to be unhealthy.

4) 1 MINUTE A DAY

Commit to connecting with a peace organization, based upon your most pressing goal. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Peace_organizations and pick one.

5) THE BRIDGE’S FOUNDATION STARTS WITH OUR OWN LIVES

In order to build a peace bridge, we have to work every day to rid ourselves of old ideas, old reactions, our own prejudices. How?

a) 1 time a day, be less controlling, more understanding, a better listener and a more tolerant person.
b) Tell a friend you did this.
c) If you really want to make peace, set up role playing peace talks at the local elementary school or community group. If our young aren’t given the opportunity to work on the process, they will learn our mistaken concepts. If our old don’t give it a whirl, we’ll be stuck.
d) If you really, really want to build the bridge, continue step a) until it becomes part of every day for a year.
e) Together, let’s create some peace cards that urge people to collaborate more than they confront.

CONCLUSION

Peace needs a bridge that we, individually and collectively, can build. Every day, we can choose to back away from our own need for power by submitting to listen to someone; we can build the bridge. When we act well, others see it and may make it part of their culture. When we yield, the more powerful we become. We may even release the anger that causes war.

This is a seemingly impossible task, but it is possible we use a consistent systematic approach on a daily basis, within and in the world. It means we have to give something of ourselves to make it happen. Could be false pride, could be our heart, could be land, which is the most difficult thing of all, it seems.

If we start now, we can build a more peaceful culture into the next generation and those to come. What do you think? Is it worth sacrificing our old ways?

 

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She believes we can adjust our hostile ways. She says,

“When we yell at someone and that someone reacts in an understanding, non-angry way; we usually simmer down and become (more) reasonable.

“When we yell at someone and that someone yells back, we usually puff out our peacock feathers and yell twice as loud.

“Of the 2 scenarios, only the first 1 makes peace. Therefore, we, as humans, are half way there, already. We can work on the other half that stays peaceful in the face of adversity.”

FOOD CRAVINGS: HOW TO MAXIMIZE THEM FOR OUR GOOD HEALTH (ISSUE 60)

By Diane Gold

Before we talk about food cravings and how to maximize them for health, I’d like to say that this article is about FAITH, not faith in someone or something else, but faith in ourselves that we may not be able to see yet. It is similar to that faith that many people attribute to a supreme entity; yet, we are going to use faith in ourselves for this lesson.

I want to mention a video clip I saw this morning. It pictures a just-turned 4-year-old girl pumping herself up by speaking positive statements to herself in the mirror. Many call these daily affirmations, you know, the kind where we tell ourselves we are amazing, happy, talented as we watch our mouth in the mirror as we say the words. This act, many have demonstrated, solidifies our belief in how amazing, happy and talented we actually are.

So, here’s a little girl, Jessica, standing on the bathroom counter, looking into her bathroom mirror, saying, with enthusiasm and self-assuredness,

“I can do anything good. I like my school; I like my dad; I like my cousins; I like my aunt; … I like my mom; I like my sister; I like my haircut… I can do anything good; I can do anything.”

DEFINING CRAVINGS

Let’s define cravings, since we all have them. A craving is a strong desire, which we all have. Synonyms for cravings are appetite, which we all need to self-sustain, and yearning or yen. If we all used our appetite for health, we would all be in good shape. But, when we talk about food cravings, we are generally speaking about following our urges without using self-control.

CHARACTER TRAITS

Like any other habit, we can change the way we act once we get our cue, which, in this case, is the food craving. So, let’s examine what we cravers have in common, for the most part.

Here are the traits that usually accompany a food craving person.

1)  Our food craving is a special cue that demands immediate attention on our part.

2)  We enjoy pleasurable sensations. We may also be experiencing what used to be pleasurable and just going through the motions.

3)  We consider the pleasure from food more important than our own health, so we are strong- willed in that we do what we decide.

4)  We are risk takers, and, like the casino gambler, we bet that eating healthier foods and amounts tomorrow is reason enough for us to gamble with our health and maintain our same habits now.

5)  We believe that eating what we currently believe to be the best pleasurable food at the moment is not such a big thing.

What we don’t count on is that, if we do this for day after day, month after month, we will seriously impair our health. But, we were willing to create a habit in the first place, so we have the ability to create another 1 or change the original one.

These traits shows we are seekers of good times, able to live for the present. They also lead to adventure and following our hearts. All of these traits are usually present in people who have not adjusted their urges to parallel how they want to look and feel. They are strong qualities that can be easily used to maximize what we do with our urges for health.

WHAT RESULTS FROM OUR CURRENT ROUTINE

When we have food cravings, and we are in the habit of acting only 1 way to them, we end up causing 1 or more of the following things to happen: we gain weight; we don’t like the fact that we gained weight; we don’t like how we look; we are replacing our sad/angry/lonely/frustrated with food; we get sick as a result of not eating well resolution.

Understanding why we act on our cravings in a way that ends up unhealthy for us is not necessary in order to add a new act to our repertoire of what routine we go through when we get the food craving cue. The important thing is what we do with the cue.

Think of a band member who is playing the wrong note because she has gotten used to playing that particular note and even enjoys how it sounds. When her band leader corrects her, she will have to change her habit to balance the group. In order to keep her job and continue playing the music that she loves, she will make the change.

It’s a little different with food, although not very. The biggest difference is that we are both the band leader and the player.

So, let’s say we have just experienced 1 of the results from our eating current routine, listed above. Let’s say we have gained weight and don’t like it. The easiest way (and 1 of the only ways) to change a habit is to tweak the routine. We have to keep at the front of our mind our weight loss goal.

ACTION STEPS

It’s time to use the character traits listed above to change our habit of bolting to eat when a craving arrives.

We have established that most of us, in some ways, are attentive to cues, pleasure lovers, strong-willed, risk takers and willing to create habits. All we have to do is immediately react to our urge cue with a new action. Much in the same way we must combat our fear when being attacked, we must automatically, whether we want to or not, get up and do something new upon feeling our craving. We have the will, and we’ve automatically done something before which is what created the habit to begin with.

1) We need to act with NO THOUGHT. Our mind will trip us into thinking. When we are thinking, we are not doing. We must be doing.

2) What we will do for our craving is go to our refrigerator and get a cup of already made steamed vegetables that we cooked at the beginning of the week to have available for snacks.

3) We can add a few drops of sesame oil and a little liquid amino acid soy-sauce alternative, for flavor. If the blandness of steamed veggies is screaming out, stir-fried veggies cooked in a drop of olive oil work, too.

4) Eating with chop sticks and chewing at least 20 times per bite, preferably 45, slows the eating process.

5) Always take a container of these veggies to work or school for 2 planned snacks, am and pm. The veggies can also be used to curb a craving at any time during the day. If we find that we need 3 cups, 2 for snacks and 1 for a craving, we will have them available.

CONCLUSION

Be confident that change is possible as long as there is a start-to-finish method in place. Even if this is the first time we ever exhibited self-control, we have a specific method with a specific action step: a systematic approach. Therefore, we all will be able to take charge and maximize our health.

Maybe we won’t succeed on day one, but day two brings another opportunity. An attempt must be made each time we have a craving so that we can get our current routine to match our current goals. What’s the worst that will happen? We will eat healthy veggies for snack. In having these veggies nearby, we will create a new habit. Our success might start off slowly, but our results will be positive, with the patience we will establish.

We will find new, exciting flavors in our veggies, too. That is something to look forward to.

Make sure not to warm our veggies, even if we think there is time. This is food kung fu. Get used to cold veggies since there is no time to spare between the food craving, our cue, and our satisfaction of that craving with a healthy action.

Microwave ovens rob nutrients from our food, and stoves take longer than our craving will wait. Eventually, when we have changed our habit from “cue to instant eating” to “cue to patience to eating healthily,” warming our veggies may be an option.

And, finally, rejoice, this is a food adventure and the next chapter in our self-mastery.

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.

She believes we can change a habit but changing our routine, as long as there is a system in place in which to do it. She says,

“We always create habits, so we are practiced at this aspect of behavior. We are also not new at changing the ways that we act. We do it all the time, based on how we feel, how we must act in social settings and how we consider others who might be affected by our actions. So, we are experienced.

“All we need do is prepare what we are going to do, smile or frown and do it. The next time, it will be easier, and the next time, even easier. Pretty soon, we will be accomplished and moderately comfortable at the new action step, so much so that it will become our new habit.

“To succeed, we must have faith in ourselves and begin!”

APPETITE CONTROL: HOW SAVING SOMEONE OTHER THAN OURSELVES CAN BALANCE OUR APPETITE (ISSUE 57)

By Diane Gold

Appetite is a tricky thing. It depends upon the interplay of hormones, insulin, activity, fatigue and our personal control.

Leptin suppresses appetite. Lack of it causes us to crave food.

Ghrelin increases appetite. A lot of it signals the brain that we are hungry.

Adiponectin signals fat-burning. If we don’t have enough, our body won’t burn fat.

If we eat too many sweets, there’s too much sugar in our blood stream which can disrupt insulin production which leads to the body’s storing fat.

There is a lot of juicy research on all this stuff, but, for now, let’s state that these hormones are very complicated. There are some side effects from using leptin and ghrelin as medicine, so far, we can’t use those whenever we have the wrong urge.

Adiponectin, aside from weakening bone cells in older people, has positive research behind it as an aid for big overweight issues.

Researchers are currently working on developing the perfect relief from gaining weight.

Here’s where saving the planet comes in.

When we get involved in a cause, a project, a special job; we find spiritual nourishment. It is like food for the body as it is food for the mind. We may get obsessed. Certainly, our minds become busy with the project, so much so that we may forget our food urges.

When we are making a difference, be it helping impoverished communities to get drinking water or helping the homeless woman who sits on the bench; we like how we feel when we give of ourselves. We like it more than our favorite snack. It is a warm, internal satisfaction that increases our productivity (and our metabolism) which reduces our craving for food.

How often have we lost weight when we fell in love, had to care for our friend’s health condition, became mothers, did fundraising for orphans? These activities required selfless action on our part, and we do it wholeheartedly without taking time out to overeat.

I’ve seen people working on behalf of others where their work has taken away the urge to overeat, the urge to smoke, the urge to drug (although there are physical side effects when we change some habits). Saving Others And Our Planet is phenomenal.

If I were building housing for abandoned cats, I would be nourishing myself through helping cats.  I can remember 1 day when one of our cats had kittens. My children and I spent every free moment tending to the kitties (mostly looking for them) as soon as Momma Cat would let us near them. We were consumed.

Then there was teaching music. I spent lots of my free time working with these emotionally and developmentally challenged kids. And through my wonderful principal’s approval, I was able to buy turntables and teach them mixing. Increasing their self-esteem made me full (which I discuss below).

I always ended up getting spiritual nourishment from their success. What an opportunity working with kids whose parents either left them or abused them. And I was involved in their strengthening themselves through mixing records and words.

Before we look at the ways to get involved, let’s look at the 3 things that change us and, ultimately, change our relationship with our appetite.

1)
FULLNESS FROM GETTING INVOLVED
It’s that feeling of joy, confidence, belonging, importance that goes along with the giving. This feeling, itself, can melt away our cravings. When we feel satisfied, whether it be from physical or mental pleasure; we feel balanced and full. It’s this fullness that we are looking for.

There is a similar but different feeling. It is a separate satisfaction that comes from stepping outside of our own world and getting involved in someone else’s. It happens when we successfully teach anything.

2)
INCREASE IN METABOLISM
When we do physical work, we fire up our metabolism. This reduces our appetite.

3)
THE SECRET: SELF-ESTEEM
There is a feeling that occurs after the fullness of joy and metabolic change. It is subtle but has everything to do with changing the habit of eating too much that is dissuaded by reduction in appetite. It is the tipping point.

The secret is that our self-esteem increases as we feel all the fullness and the good feeling from reduced appetite. We are happy to make more of an effort to succeed at our food plan when we look better in our eyes, we feel better from eating less because of the spiritual/emotional fullness and the metabolic boost and we actually are better because of the healthier way we have been living.

Self-esteem created by the first 2 factors permeates one’s essence and is the driving force in changing a habit. We want to savor this feeling when it arrives.

LEVELS OF INVOLVEMENT: WE PICK THE ACTION STEP RIGHT FOR EACH OF US

Typically there are 7 ways in which to become involved in something other than ourselves. These examples are examples and represent the depth with which we are willing to go to contribute of ourselves.

We welcome all examples in the comment section.

1) MOBILE PHONE DONATION

We can donate $10 to a charity by mobile phone should we use a major carrier. I learned today that we can even pick a specific micro-loan project and donate once.
This type of involvement doesn’t burn many calories. It does feed us spiritually, knowing we have helped. Not everyone has a spare $10. Almost everyone in the US has $1.

2) AUTOMATICALLY DONATING MONEY MONTHLY

Donating money is fantastic. It allows us to become bigger than ourselves. The fact that we are doing it regularly connects us to the cause itself.

Again, not many calories are burned, nor is there the physical workout that increases metabolism. Plus, giving money may not be an option.

3) REPAIRING 1 HOUSE AFTER A NATURAL DISASTER

Donating our time is huge. When we decide to give our precious time to others, we are giving up something big.

Fortunately, house repair requires physical work. Therefore, we will expend calories, learn something about construction and increase metabolism. This is 1 circumstance in which saving outside ourselves saves us as well.

4) REGULARLY VOLUNTEERING AT THE LITERACY PROGRAM

Giving of expertise is a wonderful thing. We pass on what we know.
The time it takes to be with someone is time away from eating. Helping someone’s lot in life feels good. However, we don’t expend many calories while we are reading, if it’s at the local library and we drive to the library. We could always opt to walk or bicycle to the library to do the volunteering. Or we could teach the lesson at the beach or on a mountain, both of which we could walk to in order to get there. Giving the skill of reading will change someone’s life forever. Walking to do it regulates our weight.

5) VOLUNTEERING FOR A WEEK TO HELP KIDS LEARN FARMING, FOOD GATHERING, BRIDGE BUILDING

1 week’s program can get us really motivated to take an active role in the particular project. 1 week might turn into 2 weeks.

6)  VOLUNTEERING FOR A MONTH TO HELP KIDS LEARN FARMING, FOOD GATHERING, OR SOME TYPE OF CONSTRUCTING STRUCTURES

A month of involvement can turn into deeper involvement. This method of caring for others takes our time, consumes our free time and helps those who are less fortunate than we.
Should we be involved to this point, our self-esteem will be full on, and our habit of overeating will be replaced by our habit of our volunteering work.

7) MAKING YEAR-ROUND PROJECT WORK A PERMANENT PART OF OUR LIVES

This type of involvement would fortify us on a permanent basis. We could even opt to work with kids who were struggling with weight as long as we could keep the snacks to veggies.

CONCLUSION

It is quite accurate that our hormones regulate our appetite, that we are born predisposed to a certain way. What is also true is that we have the ability to take action, no matter what our hormones are doing. What can happen in that case is that our own efforts can supersede and change our biology. It happens all the time. This is the process of making a change through saving someone other than ourselves.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She is motivated by motivation. She says,

“We are small beings, but we have huge power, even the power to change our own biology. If we reach out and become absorbed in creativity, productivity, love of another; we change our hormones as well as our lives and the lives of others.”

THE PEACE PROCESS: PHASE 2 (ISSUE 56)

By Diane Gold

In December 3rd’s article, The Peace Process: A Step-By-Step Formula, we talked about being able to understand conflicting views and really listening to the answers. Action steps were offered which included speaking with the 2 members of opposing geo-politico-religious sides and, by doing so, earning the trust of each.

If you haven’t seen it, go here.

OVERVIEW OF PHASE 2

After conversing with both participants on opposite sides of a brutally large conflict (PHASE 1); we, at least, have a better understanding of the passions and the tensions that run so very deep, including the history that has transpired, the way each side was brought up to think about the other, the atrocities incurred from the eyes of either side.

We may even think, as I originally did before I started having these discussions, the process might be simple, if only we would begin.  Very difficult if each sees the actions of the other as breaking the covenants of the rules of leading a reverent and noble life.

So Phase 2 has to be about creating a discussion between a neutral person and 2 participants on the same side, with 1 of those agreeing to role play a member of the opposite side: Phase 2 of the Peace Process Formula.

There’s no rush to get to this phase, and the initial discussion must take as long as it takes for trust to develop between the original participant and the neutral party. And, then again, the trust may not be 100% because we, the neutral parties, are outsiders in the eyes of the participants whose lives have been engulfed in the conflict. And it is common to hear,

“You cannot understand. You are not from there.”

Thomas L.  Friedman, former Jerusalem Bureau Chief of The New York Times and Pulitzer Prize winner, puts it this way in his Op-Ed column on December 8,

“…there is an unspoken question in the mind of virtually every [person who lives in a conflicted country] that you need to answer correctly: ‘Do you understand what neighborhood I’m living in?’ If [these country women and men] smell that you don’t, their ears will close to you.”

THE PEACE PROCESS FORMULA builds trust in the participants and the process.
I believe it is possible to help people achieve their goal of a peaceful community – even if we, the helpers, have limited knowledge of the others’ neighborhood or situation. This fact doesn’t dismiss how important the others’ situation is. It just bases its method upon our common human nature and not on our common neighborhood.

The Peace Process Formula goes for any goal. There is only 1 requirement: believe in people who honor unique situations with complicated agendas, but who believe we are similar to a precision with simple needs. It is this sameness of our humanity that allows us to supersede the objections that “we cannot be helped by strangers who do not know the neighborhood” so that this process can, inevitably, resolve conflict.  Trust and sincerity are the keys.

MOVING TOWARD OUR OBJECTIVE

If a method, program or an infrastructure is created for people to progress forward in their lives; anyone can use it with the same success.

It is not necessary for the moderator (the neutral person in this process) to have been in the struggle personally.

It is necessary for each side of a conflict to trust the moderator, mediator, arbitrator, counselor.
Often times, because the participant sees the neutral 3rd party, the moderator as “not being 1 of us,” trust is not established and the patience required to work the process is not cultivated.
For conflict resolution to occur, the Peace Process Formula must not be rushed. And each step must be followed sequentially.

PREREQUISITE KNOWLEDGE

Tensions that make geo-politico-religious conflict have taken years to develop.
These conflicts require delicate work since everyone on both sides has been offended many times.

In order to achieve peace, judgment on the part of the moderator is not part of the process. Listening and resolving are.

Trust must be acquired between the moderator and each person in the process.

PHASE 2 ROLE PLAY – THE RULES

1) 2 participants who take the same side who are willing to answer questions about the conflict in their country must be found. They should both be on the same side of a geo-politico-religious conflict.

2) 1 of the participants must be willing to play the role of the opposing view for this phase of the process.

3) Since the process will be extremely difficult, it must be established that there will be no voice raising and no disrespectful language and that a break from the discussion can be requested by asking the moderator if s/he can disengage the discussion.

4) Next, congratulate your participants for coming to the table in the first place.

ACTION STEPS

1) Participants will be asked to pretend to be a Leader for World Peace and peace for her (his) respective geographic area. This means each participant must consider the lives of everyone involved. 1 participant will be the leader for her (his) usual side. 1 participant will be a leader for her (his) usually opposing side.

2) With peace in mind, participants shall be asked to make a list of 10 changes they would like to occur to achieve that.

3) Participants shall be asked to prioritize the 10 changes.

4) Participants shall be asked to eliminate the least important 5 changes.

5) Participants will be asked to alter each change and break it down to a smaller version of itself. Make sure to do this for all 5 changes.

Here are examples:

If the 5th change on the list were to raise the community flag in a particular location every day, you might be able to change that to raising the flag 1 day a week instead to begin.

If the 5th change on the list were to acquire 5 miles of land, you might be able to change this to 1 mile of land instead.

6) The moderator will have each participant read from the top of the list: first 1 person reads change 1. Then the other person reads her (his) change 1.

7) This continues, alternating, 1, then the other, until the entire list is read.

8)  A copy of each list will be given to each participant.

9) Each participant will be given no more than 15 minutes to comment next to each item. Of course, extra time (up to 30 minutes) can be given.

10) After each participant is finished, the moderator shall collect the lists.

11) The moderator will go over rule number 3 to temper speech and words.

12) The moderator will read the responses to the items on the list out loud and ask for 5 minutes of comment on each. The replies will be timed.

13) The moderator will thank both participants and ask if they would be willing to come back again after giving the ideas some thought or some research.

CONCLUSION

The Peace Process Formula has been developed to make small changes in a safe environment. It is easy to blow up and stop the process, as world peace issues show us every day. This method has been devised, in part, to create understanding of issues of conflict for outsiders, but mostly, to start to grow roots of peace that can lead to lasting peace.

Phase 3 of the Formula will be published soon. It is powerful and hopeful and on time.
If you would like to become involved in this process, as a participant or as a moderator, please let us know or leave a comment below. Becoming involved in this process can replace many less meaningful activities, including making poor food choices. It can also build the pride and joy that comes along with being involved in something bigger than ourselves.

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She is thrilled with The Peace Process Formula. She says,

“Small changes on a regular basis add up to medium changes and then large changes. Those of us whose duty it is to help, let’s do this. Those of us who would like to observe, we welcome it.

“Did you ever notice how there have been times when we are not correct about an outcome. It is my hope that the adversaries and the friends who use this process will grow from it, and, if so, grow the method of the process of peace that can contribute greatly to all our lives.”

THE PEACE PROCESS: A STEP-BY-STEP FORMULA TO ACHIEVE PEACE (ISSUE 55)

By Diane Gold

The peace process is a methodical, step-by-step method that needs simple, focused attention and caring patience. Since we humans can truly focus in on only 1 activity at a time (even though we are a society of multitaskers), when it comes right down to it, when we target our attention in 1 place, it cannot be in another place at that very moment.

This means if we are working actively on the peace process, we have the chance not to be concerned with our food, our overeating, overindulgence, overzealousness, anger, jealously, greed, our finances or any of the other negative things that may reduce our greatness.

In the article, Peace And Prejudice, from June 4 of this year, we talk about how looking at the sameness in human beings can lead us to harmony and tolerance. I have said many times as has Charles Duhigg in his book, The Power Of Habit, that, in order to stop manifesting an old behavior, we have to learn and act out a new one.

Think of the video store clerk of 20 years wearing jeans to work every day who gets a job in an uptown law firm where suits are required. By wearing a suit, she feels different, looks different, acts different, is a little different. After months of suit-wearing and interacting with other suits in her law firm position; the suit truly becomes her and it is difficult to remember going to work in jeans (even if that attire might be preferable).

Another example, that I do not know firsthand, is how quickly we transform from civilian to soldier. One minute, we have a no combat life. The next, we are in a war.

The dynamics of changing the way we act holds true for eating and acquiring an overweight status; being a good example as a mother as well as acting in a harmonic way in the realm of the peace process. When we focus our attention on studying, our attention is not on food. When we are listening, we are not talking.

 

When we take a shower, we are not playing tennis. When we are determined to create harmony instead of promote prejudice, we are busy being mindful of the work through which harmony may be achieved. We are doing important work and are more willing to substitute the gratitude and joy that come with peace work for satisfying a food craving. And, focused work equals fewer cravings.

 

This leads us to the step-by-step Peace Process, which is more of a listening process and not a speaking process. The idea here is to get to know the person who has been in this situation, if you have not. If you, yourself, have been in this situation as you grew up, eliminate step 1) and please ask these questions of yourself instead.

 

ACTION STEPS ARE THE PEACE PROCESS

1)
Say “YES” to being willing to be a moderator for this process.
There is no time commitment. This step just affirms that you are going to work this formula once with 1 person. We always change our minds as to what actions support the way we want to live. We are free to do so here as we see fit. This 1 “YES’ gets the process started.

2)
Find 1 person who has lived under in a location where there is or has been political or religious terrorism. This can be done face-to-face through someone we know or someone who is a click away in our social media list.

3)
Ask this individual to sit and talk by an invitation to have tea. If this is an online meeting, consider it is tea time and actually pour a cup of tea. This grounds the conversation.

4)
Remember that you want to listen and not speak, for the most part. Tell the individual you want to learn and that this is about your understanding.

5)
Ask the following 7 questions.

a.     Is it OK to ask you a little about your experience so that I can understand a little bit?

b.    How old were you when you had your first encounter with terrorism in your location?

c.    How often did you have terrorism in your location?

d.    What precautions did you have to take?

e.    How did this form you as a person?

f.    Why did you think these people wanted to hurt you?

g.     If you were given the chance to talk to someone taught to attack you, would you allow her 1 minute to speak about what she was taught?

 

h.     Say thank you for being allowed to learn. Realize that you are honored to receive the information.

 

6)
Ponder what you have heard, and give yourself time to understand it. If we rush in without consideration for those who have lived for years in strife, we ignore what is absolutely necessary to make the peace process work: other people’s realities.

I want to refer to and salute a close friend of mine who was raised around air raids and bombings. When she said I, an American civilian, couldn’t possibly understand what it was like since I hadn’t experienced it – and we love and respect each other as sisters – I realized it was my duty to learn more about her experiences and the passionate feelings that go along with someone’s having lived in harm’s way as a child and a teen where the only “I Declare War” I knew was a game we played using a pink rubber ball on a safe suburban street.

I believe that the learning process ahead of you and me is making the peace process a reality.

CONCLUSION

 

 

The conclusion here is the peace process itself, not talking about it but getting going on making it happen. Follow the simple method above and, please, pass it on.

 

 

In order for us to have peace, we must be aware of how each side in conflict feels. We can learn this information and build trust at the same time through sincerely employing the action steps above. Once each of us starts the process and sees the value of passing it on, there will be firmer ground from which we can be the bridge makers of peace. We must be consistent, understanding and kind.

                                                  LET US START NOW.

                                                  WE CAN DO THIS!

*This issue is dedicated to my father who passed 49 years ago yesterday at age 49. To Harry!*

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She is concerned with tolerance and peace. She says,

“Each of us is responsible for the world’s peace. Each time we act with intolerance, we lose an opportunity to lead. Each time we take the time to understand an adversary or someone who is causing adversarial feelings or action, we lead by example. If each of us curbed an intolerance one time a day, we could develop the patience we want to teach our children and our enemies.”