Our Habit Of War: 5 Mistakes We Make


By Diane Gold

Our Habit Of WarOur habit of war is based upon our upbringing. We learn to stand up for ourselves, but we are not always groomed in the world of tolerance and forgiveness. We are taught that courage means fighting for our place, rather than showing that changing someone’s mind through talk is far braver.


In order to see what our opponent sees, we must look through her eyes. The only way to do this is to listen to her story, through research or face-to-face meeting. The only way to listen is to place our entire agenda on hold. We may have to imagine that the file cabinet with our belief information is closed and inaccessible for a certain period of time.

Once we do this, we have an easier time seeing another way, even if it is against what we believe. We can go back to our agenda and our belief system later, but, in the meantime, we may learn something about our enemy that helps us progress to resolve.

This is both frightening and brave but may be the true solution to resolving many conflicts. Martial artists, law enforcers and military commanders consider their opponent’s politics, history and reasoning before considering approach. Looking through another eyes takes temperance. Temperance is what is required for a settlement of any conflict.


We are all very proud and committed to our birth country, our adopted country, our family’s land, our culture, especially if someone else wants to or has taken it away. The fact of the loss, when someone has taken it away or when we have agreed to give it away, builds our pride even more. In other words, we feel more connected to our birth place, our parent’s birth place or our culture if someone outside it controls it and takes it from our grasp.

When we let pride rule us, we become blinded by it. This does not help create a new agreement.

American Indian; Native American An example of successful use of pride can be seen in the first people in the United States, American Indians, whose connotation “Native Americans” currently includes Alaskan Natives, Native Hawaiians and American Samoans. In order for these groups to live in peace on land that was acquired by their ancestors, they had to participate willingly in a process of cooperation, compromise and huge sacrifice. They chose to be proud of their heritage at the same time as they agreed to give some land to get security, restitution and to live in peace. (When I say successful pride, I use the word “success” to mean making the best of a not so good situation.

They chose peace of mind to live stably by giving up most of their land, knowing that no one would ever take it away again and the remaining land would be protected and paid for.)

Here is how it worked. The Europeans came west, across the Atlantic, and claimed land that was already lived on, not thinking it belonged to American Indians, only thinking they found it so would lay claim. They had might, so they thought they had right.

Years later, to make amends for this action, whether for the eyes of the world or for our own consciences, we (Americans, born from immigrants) have made efforts to offer ongoing payment for land and mineral rights we have claimed as our own, we offer military protection, we offer the security of U.S. citizenship with the ability for registered tribes to govern autonomously as independent nations. (Yes, all American citizens pay U.S. federal income tax, whether part of a tribal treaty or not.)

So, we live in peace together, even though no one other than American Indians and Native Alaskans, had those rights.


Scientists in all the fields, be they biological, chemical, psychosocial, economic, civil have written brilliant papers on how the mind, the body, the society work. These truly affect how we think about humanity, what we believe and how we live our lives.Solutions To War

These great minds may have created solutions to war, needed by our species; yet no one is talking about this work or publicizing it for use.

We are working on cancer which, like war, is one entity taking over territory where it wasn’t before and where it is encroaching now. We are working on psychology of mind, how people think in common. Our philosophers are working on ethics. And we are geniuses at creating markets and consumers.

So what is the hold up? Why don’t we take the solutions to war that our studies and researchers have unfolded and role play them in our universities, high schools and all our hoity toity charity events for use in the field?

Livelihood From War

Please don’t tell me the answer is because there are too many industries who make their entire livelihood from wars. This would be as counter-humanitarian as having cures for cancer and not sharing them because the profit from current cancer treatment is so astronomical. Can we hope these are not the reasons?




Many nations signed the Treaty of Non-Proliferation of Nuclear Weapons. We did so for the sake of humanity. We realized that using nuclear weapons could annihilate tribes, territories, countries, civilizations, and, ultimately, our entire species; so many of us agreed not to develop nuclear weapons in countries who did not already have them.

This model seems ripe for duplication and edification. We could scale down the use of weaponry by creating the Weaponry Scale Treaty. All signers would admit that all human life is precious, that we will work to avoid any loss of life and that every loss of life, no matter whose, is a tragic loss to someone. Before any weapons would be allowed to be used, countries/territories who signed the treaty would go through a three-level process before any military action could take place:

Peace ConferenceThere would be 3 sets of peace conferences: the first, with representatives at the Secretary of State level. If no agreement were reached here, the second conference would include military commanders at a high level. If no agreement were reached through conference with these individuals, the third conference would include the second in command of the respective territory/country.

Each conference would be for no less than 72 hours. Each subsequent conference would take place 72 hours after the conference before it. Each member of every conference would recite these words at the beginning of the conference,

“We, the representatives of our respective territories, admit that all human life is precious, that we will work to avoid any loss of life and that every loss of life, no matter whose, is a tragic loss to someone. Our territories disagree, but we will make every effort during this conference to create a non-military solution to our disagreement.”

The conference between these 2 representatives would aim to work out the solution as follows: at least 3 suggested compromises would be proposed. Each of these compromises would be publicly listed within 24 hours of creation and circulated to international media.


In a previous article, at http://warriorsofweight.com/prejudice-is-a-habit-we-can-replace, we have talked about how we are trained through repetition to be prejudiced. And that we can replace this training by realizing that we are all made out of the same skin, and that we all breathe the same air.

If we clear our minds every day so that we can put new information into it, we let go of the past repetitions that caused the prejudice. Most of us don’t do this, since there is comfort in being part of a group mindset, and we have been trained that vengeance is good.

It is not. It is a mistake that we keep repeating over and over again. We disagree, we fight, we kill, then we live a little until we disagree, we fight, we kill, then we live a little until… We have never learned the peace process. Isn’t it time?


Missing The Ring On The Carousel I am not a military strategist. I am a thoughtful human being who sees the cyclic behavior of human beings and how we keep missing the ring on the carousel. Our habit of war is based upon being trained to take revenge. We omit looking through another’s eyes.

What if we replaced our habit of war? What would our first action be? We would, of course, have to create new products for the companies who profit from war, and we would have to continue to spread action steps for peace throughout the world. But, if we replaced our old habit with the habit of temperance, how amazing would that be!


What is not effective exclusively is training ourselves in personal development. This is necessary and crucial, but if we don’t take this training further; we are not fulfilling the bigger need.


Talk to someone who has seen combat, and ask how peace can be achieved. Should you not know where to talk to one, visit a veteran’s hospital. There are many.


By acting out conflict, we get to see how difficult it is, and we get to use various techniques for progress. Make sure that looking through the other person’s eyes is part of the process.

You can refer to steps at http://warriorsofweight.com/the-peace-process-a-step-by-step-formula-to-achieve-peace-and-replace-overeating-at-the-same-time.


By telling one person, you increase the knowledge and the chance we have to achieve understanding on the road to peace.
The Road To Peace


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Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, peaceful conflict resolution and habit replacement.

She believes in the good in all people. Lately, she has been thinking about the immediate challenges of ongoing conflict resolution. She says,

“The most difficult work in the world is getting along with another person when there’s disagreement. It is multiplied by each individual when it is a group conflict. As civilized people, we learn by sheer will that it is possible to cooperate with each other and temper ourselves. Sometimes, we have to hold our words, our actions, our dreams in order to build the bridge of compromise. Sometimes, we just give because we are willing to do it for the sake of a peaceful resolution or because we are better able to place our ego or pride in the imaginary box right outside the door.

“Is there a winner to a disagreement? Hopefully, both parties are willing to look through the other’s eyes. Let us work toward this grand feat.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”

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