INFLATED EGO AT THE EXPENSE OF OTHERS (ISSUE 141)

By Diane Gold

THE BIRTH OF THE INFLATED EGO

The inflated ego begins the
minute we are exposed to a pat on the back or the chant of someone’s saying,

“Good job.”

This incantation teaches us, from a very young age,

1)   there is something to judge, and someone is judging us;

2)   we have a lone or team of cheerleader(s) to make us feel safe and not alone;

3)   we work to act in ways to cause the chant “good job” to be repeated so we can feel warm and fuzzy;

4)   if there is a good job, there must be “not a good job;”

5)   we copy the behavior we see, so we begin to judge ourselves and others.

The chanting of encouragement is not a bad thing. In fact, it’s extremely important to have support at every stage of our lives.

Although we all like encouragement, we can become dependent upon it. Unfortunately, hearing we did a good job sets us up to buy into the “compare me” way of living (on which most societies depend), rather than the “no judgment” way of living, on which few societies depend.

With this said, our society judges: our laws are based upon behavior within certain rules; this keeps order, for the most part. Our acceptance into schools and job positions has to do with how well we are judged as people and through academic and personality testing.

PRAISE FROM A RELIGIOUS GROUP

When the preacher or leader of our chosen group discourses that our particular congregation of members is loved more than other religious groups, we are refining how we see the world. Our ego becomes falsely inflated with the knowledge that we are in a special tribe which means we have been taught that there are other tribes less worthy. We have been lifted up while others have been lowered.

SCHOOL

We go to school and get rated on academic prowess. The tests we take for our ratings may be nothing more than our ability to memorize well. For performance of the task that is tested, we may hear,

“Good job,”

by the teacher or

“Not such a good job.”

This reinforces the idea that some people do good jobs and others do not.

Although it is true that some people do better jobs than others, the rewards through smiles and cheers at home, house of worship and school set us up for the laser-focused competition circuit. We get social credibility from classmates and home/ house of worship credibility from the success or failure of our intellectual endeavor.

And so the comparison game is in full swing now. We’re comparing ourselves to others at home, at house of worship and in school. Which means we are pushed to focus on ego issues rather than on the importance of bettering ourselves for ourselves.

WORK

Finally, we choose a field assignment, aka a job, whose acceptance or rejection may be dependent upon our being better than the girl who interviewed before and after we did. We are measured by the grades we received in college and community. Or how many customers buy our product. Being faster, wiser, a better learner all matter on the path to securing the work we desire or that for which we trained.

DON’T MISS At Peace With Diane Gold
TUESDAYS, 2 pm ET on Internet Radio 

http://bit.do/atpeace or call in at 1-425-440-5100, 836846#

Past Shows: http://bit.do/at-peace-archives

WHAT’S MISSING?

It’s great to strive to be the best that we can be. We become more knowledgeable for the effort and may end up helping humanity as a result.

The lesson that is missing, in general, and it goes way back to the first day we were told,

“Good job,”

for the most part. It is that we are all equal. Most of us rarely consider this point, and we are often too busy getting the better clothing, car, phone, vacation to think about it. And, let me be the first to say it’s fun and great to play with new cars, clothing and collectibles. But, without realizing that a human is a human, we may live a sad life.

Comparing our worth based on financial status, color, intellect, college status or vehicle is one way of looking at life; as I see it, this is the plastic dance (plastic referring to something that is not real or genuine). We are not considering that it takes air for each of us to breathe. It takes water for each of us to survive and it takes nourishment for each of us to live healthy lives. No exceptions.

Would we refuse the hand of someone who was unschooled if we were hanging off a cliff?  No.

Would we refuse lifesaving medicine our baby needed from the only doctor on our isolated island because her skin was the wrong color? No, again.

How can we judge that a person with a high profile job is a better human being than someone whose position is low profile?
Electricians may say,

“Teachers have easy jobs. We, the electricians, are the ones who are really working.”

Or teachers may say,

“Those multinational CEOs sit around in their offices all day doing nothing while we work hard.”

Or CEOs may say,

“Teachers have the easiest job. They get to go in late, leave early; and we have 12 hour days every day.”

This inflated ego talk is harmless and never carries over to discrimination that may result from the comparison game.

LABELS

Let’s look at what happens when people are labeled. Being labeled “gifted” does not mean we are better than someone labeled “intellectually challenged,” or as I say, “intellectually different.” It does get us better jobs and acceptance to better schools because the world runs on the comparison system, and with more intellectual expertise, we can engage in more complex projects. Although we may be able to generate more income than the next person; it certainly has nothing to do with our worth as a human being. Unless that worth is being measured by how much financial value a person has; then it is true.

WHEN INFLATED EGO CAUSES CRUELTY

Anyone who teases, bullies, insults  people with lesser intellectual capacity, less expensive clothing, a physical imperfection,  is doing it to inflate the ego. It serves no other purpose. This has come out of the original “good job” that was uttered way back when to encourage us along into the competitive world. This simple statement or one like it started our competition engine, but competition is not the culprit here. It what we were supposed to learn along with this concept.

Anyone who teases, bullies, insults  people with lesser intellectual capacity, less expensive clothing, a physical imperfection,  is doing it to inflate the ego. It serves no other purpose. This has come out of the original “good job” that was uttered way back when to encourage us along into the competitive world. This simple statement or one like it started our competition engine, but competition is not the culprit here. It what we were supposed to learn along with this concept.

I’m talking about the “kindness is more important than competition” rule and the concept that supporting people who ignore this rule means we are breaking it.  

The whole concept of some comedic acts is to tease and bully others. We laugh while one person cringes. I know I’m being dramatic, but comedy can be legal use of a non-lethal firearm in a crowd. We say comedy is in fun, yet comics who rely on singling out individual’s defects in the audience probably never learned that kindness overrules the need to feel powerful.  Worse than this type of comic is the bully who picks on her victim’s ethnicity, religious difference, sexual preference or physical traits.

CONCLUSION

Excelling is great. Belittling someone whose excellence is slower, weaker, less beautiful, less academic wreaks of poor self-esteem, nothing more.
Let us make an effort to keep our inflated ego from causing others emotional harm.

“If it’s not kind, truthful or necessary; don’t say it.”     I have a friend who used to say,

“If it’s not kind, truthful or necessary; don’t say it.”

ACTION STEPS

Here are several steps we can take to insure we turn our kindness up a notch.

1)   Notice the next time you gossip about someone in the same room. Stop doing it as soon as you realize it.

2)   Vow to help someone or converse with someone you have ridiculed in the past or have thought less of for any reason.

3)   Stop yourself the next time you are having a random comparison conversation aka gossiping about someone who is not present.

If you wish to share your story, please hit reply in your email program to be contacted.

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment below.

Please LIKE us on the website

and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook.

You can also follow us on

Twitter @warriorsoweight.

Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, PUBLISHER AND AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition, conflict resolution and habit change.

She believes we must temper ourselves to enjoy a great life. She says,

“Just like any habit, we can take praise and get addicted to it. This happens when we don’t get strong within ourselves. In this case,when we do get praise, we’re seemingly balanced. When we don’t get it, we become savage-like and bully others to cover up our insecurities.

“We will get bigger and better the kinder we are to others. The more we replace our bullying behavior with niceness, the more we will like ourselves.

“Let’s be nice instead of nasty to those we see as weak. Let’s treat others the way we’d want to be treated if we were vulnerable and weak (which we are). This will make us strong and balance our need for inflated ego at the expense of others.

“Finally, let us all take good care of ourselves because we are so worth it!”