HOW PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD (ISSUE 111)

By Diane Gold

When one person betters herself, the world is better by one person. When many better themselves, this is multiplied. Therefore, personal development changes the world, one person at a time.

But, we may say, personal development is evolution of the individual, and changing the world requires understanding government, corporate and independent machines and acting upon given situations. So how can working inward affect working outward?

The main thing to remember is that we are not stagnant beings; we grow in one direction or the other, so when we cultivate ourselves on a regular basis and facilitate our own flourishing, we are, in essence, changing and improving the world.

PRELUDE TO BEGINNING OR NOT?

Before we can work on ourselves, do we have to stop any downward spiraling that exists from any part of our lives or from any self-limiting beliefs? ABSOLUTELY NOT, NOT NECESSARY, BARRIER THINKING, NO.

There is no need to work toward beginning. We just begin. Yes, in order to be able to pass a standardized test, we may have to take some courses to qualify. But, this is not a prelude; beginning constitutes beginning from wherever we are, so that we can go from there to achievement.

Let’s bold this rule to live by and make it an action step.

ACTION STEP

BEGIN FROM WHEREVER WE ARE. It makes no sense in comparing ourselves to someone else, because we are not someone else. We will always be ourselves, so let’s begin from where we stand. We can learn characteristics and skills of others, but we will always be ourselves and available to become higher humans.

TYPES OF PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Let’s look at some of the different ways people develop themselves.

Some of us read books. Many of us believe we are helping ourselves by the mere fact that we have purchased and read a book from the self-help section of the book store (the placebo effect). That’s a good thing, though. It promotes balanced people which creates a more stable world.

Others of us mingle with great humans and take on a little of each of them through every connection.

Others of us go to support groups or prayer groups, where there is a leader. The leader discusses, speaks; hopefully we get a chance to speak. Definitely we get the chance to learn to learn.

There is also the newer group model for creating a solution, where there is no leader for an agenda-driven gathering, but participant’s input creates the solution.

Another type of personal development fortifies us by our absorption of the very method we are studying. Tai chi, the other martial arts, free dance, meditation, yoga are disciplines in this mind-body arts category. Music, visual art, poetry are in the creative arts category. By studying any of these methods, we consume a system of learning. This system develops who we are. This development fortifies the world.

MY RECENT PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT EXPERIENCE AT  5-RHYTHMS’ DANCE SESSION

I had the pleasure of attending a 5-Rhythms’ dance session on Friday, January 3, led by Amber Ryan, in Miami. The purpose of the session was to spread goodness, to cleanse the body, mind and spirit and resonate with learning about ourselves. The ultimate goal was use the dance method (which is a method of doing your own steps with a little bit of guidance) to shake off all our own personal garbage so that we could let our own inherent love shine through.

What is important to me about this session is that we are not told what to do or what step to dance. This freedom allows me to learn and grow. The instructor guides us on what part of our body on which to focus. Most of the time, though, we are dancing freely, with no instruction, just moving to the music, between 100 and 126 BPM (beats per minute, which you may remember from some of my other articles or from your own knowledge base – for reference, the heart beats at about 60 or 70 BPM). It is the least egocentric dance discipline I have seen. That’s because people are busy getting to know themselves, rather than comparing their dance moves to others. There is a guide, but there are no leaders.

I was very involved in the dance. But the word love came up several times. One of the other partners in the event kept expressing how she felt “so much love;” whether this was inside herself or from the group, I will not speculate. Although I could speculate because I felt some kind of love-y feeling inside, radiating out to the group and back to me. Nothing ethereal, I was heated from dancing. I was happy from releasing the tension in my body through dancing. I was dancing with others, one of my favorite activities. And I was socializing with people who had nothing, at that moment, to prove.

EUREKA

I realized that developing this positive inner feeling was personal development at its finest. If everyone were developing this joyous feeling within, we would be employing the changing the world principle, making positive humans, one individual at a time. By multiplying one times the number of people working on themselves, the world became kinder, more confident, more respectful, more social in a gentle way, with better human beings.

TAI CHI ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I know this EUREKA PRINCIPLE to be true from tai chi, also. Because of the biological effects of doing it and the concentration required to execute it; we feel balanced, moral, cleansed, helpful to others from the inside out as well as the outside in. And, here, I can clarify that the dancing I mentioned earlier uses the same principles to move the arms, the body, the legs, the head and to personally develop the self.

CONCLUSION: HOW PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

We know that personal development is individualistic, but individuals make up the world. We know that if we develop ourselves through certain disciplines, we will become spiritually rich humans and contribute good acts in the world.

When we as people become better rounded, we contribute good deeds. Lots of individual good deeds changes the world, as the more personal development we do, the more our generosity prevails and the more, we contribute 1 individual at a time.

When we as people become better rounded, we contribute good deeds. Lots of individual good deeds changes the world, as the more personal development we do, the more our generosity prevails and the more, we contribute 1 individual at a time.

ACTION STEPS

Here are several steps that might be of interest to further our personal development.

1)   Choose a discipline to do on a daily basis. (It works best if you are receiving non commercial gain from said discipline. Example: this is not about painting a picture in order to sell it.)

2)   Decide on an amount of time to which you commit that is comfortable to you: 10 seconds a day or 15 minutes a day. Once you pick a number, it cannot decrease. Also, take note: once you increase your time on any one day, your increase now becomes your new daily duration of time for the discipline.

3)   Do the discipline every day before the end of your day (works best in morning, if this works for your schedule).

4)   After 30 days, decide whether you are a better human being because of this discipline.

5)  No matter what the answer, do it another 15 days. Remember this can be 10 seconds a day or 15 minutes.

6)   At the end of the 45th day, decide whether it is making you peaceful, happy, relaxed, creative, motivated, balanced. If yes, keep going. If not, go to 1).

RESEARCH NOTE

According to neuroeconomist, P.J. Zak’s research, we do good acts to maintain our position in the community because we are social creatures and wish to stay in favor in our society. When we have our food and shelter, it’s easy and we produce an adequate amount of hormone oxytocin, which gives us our generosity. When we have no food, we are out of balance, will not produce enough oxytocin  and will do anything to survive, thus lose our generosity. This research also mentions the 5% of people who are in great socioeconomic situations but do anti-generous things like take billions of dollars in Ponzi schemes that hurt others. And another 5% of people who renounce their good socioeconomic status to be generous and Mother Theresa-like to others.

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes that, in order to change the world, we must first change from the inside, each of us, individually. She says,

“Each of us needs personal development, be it tai chi, music or weekly self-help meetings. In order for us to accommodate our own changes and grow ourselves, this is best done on a daily basis.

“If we all do it, we will all become better people. If we are better people, we are changing the world for the better.”

THE BENEFITS OF FORGIVENESS AND REVENGE (ISSUE 93)

By Diane Gold

We hear the words “benefits of forgiveness,” and we feel all mushy and tingly inside, feeling good about our ability to be good, moral people. When we hear the words “benefits of revenge,” most of us question whether there are any. The feeling of wanting to get back at someone who has hurt us is a natural, human reaction, according to evolutionary biologists, Martin Daly and Margo Wilson, whose research led them to study 60 societies and whether each had the words “blood feud” or “capital punishment” in evidence (as per Michael McCullough’s article, referenced below). 57 out of 60 did.

According to Michael E. McCullough, researcher at University of California, Berkeley, who wrote the article “The Forgiveness Instinct” in Spring, 2008, forgiveness is also a natural, human. He says,

“My research on forgiveness has led me to this unsettling conclusion: The desire for revenge isn’t a disease that afflicts a few unfortunate people; rather it’s a universal trait of human nature, crafted by natural selection, that exists today because it helped our ancestors adapt to their environment.

Since we, as humans, are social; we have developed a code of mores that define what is and is not acceptable reaction to various actions. We have laws that help regulate our actions, as well.

It might seem that forgiveness is an impossible task were it not for the threads of hope that make us human and make us change makers. We are all daughters; we are all sons. We, as parents, have the duty to educate and protect. When someone does something wrong, it is our duty to teach a better way.

But, oh, we are so complex.

As per Martin and Margo,

“Morality is the device of an animal of exceptional cognitive complexity, pursuing its interests in an extremely complex universe.”

What I get is that because of our complexity, we have the ability to choose how to deal with our innate forgiveness and revenge mechanisms.

It’s almost but not impossible to temper our lust for that joyous fire of revenge on auto-pilot. In modern-day society, it is often not a good choice to act on our revenge, other than to experience that momentary rush of personal power. And it’s always a good thing to reveal our forgiveness.

Animals act to survive. Sometimes, we perform a vengeful act to feel satiated, even if we know the act is not necessary and is hurtful. Is our fancy of hate and revenge so important, even if it doesn’t help our circumstance and although it is damaging?

I am not speaking about the need to retaliate in order to preserve our lives or our way of life, no. I am questioning “an eye for an eye” without good reason. I was raised in the “make love, not war” era which developed in response to the loss of international life in an era of war in Vietnam. Eye For An Eye Imbalance

CULTIVATION OF FORGIVENESS

I know that forgiveness trumps revenge (when it’s not about survival). I also know that educating new ways to respond to hurtful deeds needs to be a more common option. It is always more courageous to put out a hand of forgiveness, especially if we have done so one minute ago and been scorned. Always one more attempt at a peace offering is the way to educate and cultivate forgiveness.

CONCLUSION

We have talked about intrinsic traits of our humanity: forgiveness and revenge. With repetition, we can choose how to act. We don’t go around clobbering people who hurt us; we turn toward our laws. We sometimes choose to talk to our attacker about the behavior and its effect on us. We also may choose to educate her. The education process is one of the hardest since, despite our efforts and our honesty, the aggressor who has hurt us may show no remorse and may spit in our face.

It’s so much easier to be charitable to someone who regrets her act, much more difficult to be magnanimous toward someone who laughs at our pain and is happy about causing it. Having the capacity of grace in this instance shows our choice to build meaningful lives. We can walk away, keeping our anger in; we can be confrontational and let our anger out; we can peacefully talk through our anger; we can train ourselves in forgiveness. As recycling cartoon character, Captain Planet, used to say,

“The power is yours.”

Here are some actions that can benefit us. The actions are a process toward becoming more evolved beings. As with all changing habits, we need to repeat the steps in order for them to take effect.

IMPORTANT NOTE

We are going to treat revenge as an addictive chemical substance, one that does not benefit our life or the lives of the community, as if we are addicted to it and are replacing the habit with forgiveness. Yes, we can keep in mind that standing our ground or defending what is ours can protect the survival of our kind and our community. But peaceful alternatives are always a better option.

The lines are not so far apart between taking vengeful action and defending our home. And the lines blur easily. Should we repeatedly act with kindness in our heart, we will see the benefits of forgiveness. We easily can make the better choice and be better equipped to know when we act from bruised ego or from the need to protect our way of life, with work, will and focus.

ACTION STEPS

1) Look for your vengeful feelings, and recognize them as soon as they appear. Applaud this recognition.

2) Reach out immediately and tell someone of your vengeful thought or act. It is not important that most human beings are wired to feel vindictive. It does matter that humans temper their spirit.

3) If appropriate, tell the person who wronged you what s/he did in calm, kind words and how it made you feel. Discuss another option that would have been better for you.

4) Look for the times you have feelings of forgiveness, and recognize them as soon as they appear each time. Be happy, and see how to replace revenge with this forgiveness.

5) Pick one special activity to do when you feel the revenge bug coming on such as dance for a few minutes, jump rope for one minute or call a friend. It must be pre-planned in order to be ready for the moment of decision, to make it useful. This preparation avoids stomach ulcers and regret.

6) Go take the Forgiveness Quiz, based upon Michael McCullough and colleagues’ research scale:

The Forgiveness Quiz

7) Come back to comment at:

http://warriorsofweight.com/the-benefits-of-forgiveness-and-revenge.

Think of all the ways in which we have learned to control ourselves. We can make revenge one of those ways. Think of all the good that comes from forgiveness. We can consciously pump it up.

Let’s get started now.

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

As of late and because of the climate of our world, she has been looking at whether environment or nature is the cause of forgiveness and revenge. She says,

“It would be easy to say we could work on our behavior and then, in generations, if we gave good example and showed forgiveness and not revenge, the latter would go away.

“No! It’s in us for survival reasons. As humans with high thought process, we CAN realize when revenge is for survival and when it’s only for ego. We can temper ourselves. That’s why I equate forgiveness and revenge with any habit of substance, emotion, gambling or ice cream; it will always be there, but doesn’t always require an action.

“We have choices, and, because of our “exceptional cognitive complexity,” we can make great ones. Let us all team together to step toward enhancing our forgiveness in substitution for our revenge, when possible.

“We’re all connected, so let each of us take part in working the benefits of forgiveness and revenge.”

GURU, MASTER & MENTOR: ARE YOU IN THE HABIT OF VERIFYING THE TITLE? (ISSUE 76)

By Diane Gold

Are we so in the habit of using the words Guru, Master, Mentor with every teacher who advertises a class on a social media network that the words no longer hold their traditional meaning? Do we wonder what these words mean and how a person gets the title?

In 2013, these words of distinction are similar to the word, “natural” in the early 1980s. The word “natural,” according to the FTC (Federal Trade Commission) is a generic word that misleads and misrepresents. It can refer to anything that is minimally processed and not manufactured. It can be animal, plant and made from a substance that is naturally occurring in the earth such as petroleum. So its original intent is worthless. The words guru, master and mentor seem to be going in the same nebulous or altered direction.

I realized that the words guru, master, mentor had special meanings in the 70s when I started learning meditation from a 30 year master. But, at the time, there were lots of hacks because meditation was then the rage.
It must have been in the 1980s when I was charging $40 to give a one-hour piano lesson. I had been paying $80 for the best teachers on the planet, Norman Gold and Sanford Gold (no direct ancestral relation to me or each other). And THE ever-popular, all-in-one New York music store offered the same duration piano lessons for $12 a pop.

It must have been in the 1980s when I was charging $40 to give a one-hour piano lesson. I had been paying $80 for the best teachers on the planet, Norman Gold and Sanford Gold (no direct ancestral relation to me or each other). And THE ever-popular, all-in-one New York music store offered the same duration piano lessons for $12 a pop.

They had students as teachers. But the idea of “master” musician had already crossed my radar, and I knew these students did not have decades of training in them. I knew I had learned from two masters. Sandy had 50 years training. Norman had 30. That’s how it was supposed to be. Right?

I had earned a Bachelors and a Masters in Music, and I had had lessons for over 15 years. Teaching harmony was my forte because Sanford laid out the simplest, most ingenius approach to it; and I was fortunate to have learned it from him, personally. I was a beginning teacher, and that was a supervised part of my lessons.

But there were people out there teaching after having played or having taken lessons for 6 months or a year. (It’s not as serious as having surgery done by a medical student, but there should be some public differentiation between teacher and student.)

Next, from 1995 to the present, I’ve been in the martial arts business. And the same thing has happened. Throughout my martial arts career, I have seen people who trained for a year or two or people who trained for three months and won one tournament, open a school and hang a sign that said “Master Smith’s Martial Arts.” I have also experienced teachers along the way who were called “master” but did not possess the honesty, integrity, knowledge, skills or humanity to hold the title.

Many people whose careers have soared because they were charismatic, good at business, connected to celebrity or just plain well-marketed use the titles. Their seminars or conventions sell out; they teach hybrid versions of their subject, and they are not master teachers. But they use the title, anyway.

To this day, I have a debate with myself regularly,

“Is it better to have people out there teaching half-baked versions of a subject or is it better to have them withhold that information because their qualification is limited on their subject? Meaning, should we restrict teaching to 20-year veterans who may have mastered their material, or should we marvel at clever entrepreneurs who create education systems for the quick fix, abridged lesson or certificate program? Then there are the good, old honest people who just love their subject and want to pass it along, so they teach it.”
I am concluding, more and more, definitely that there is merit to all learning, but the public should have a method of distinction. Much like educational institutions give different degrees for different training, it might be helpful to have some qualification next to the titles of guru, master and mentor, so that the general public can understand the intent.

AN EFFICIENT METHOD OF LABELING

It could be as simple as placing two dates next to a teacher’s title, the chronological year studies began and the chronological year teaching began. This would create a transparency that everyone could understand.

Below is a sample of what I mean:

As a martial arts teacher [1986/1996, additionally, 1971-1976], it is my role to provide a peaceful way of resolving issues as well as the physical skills necessary for this to happen and as a personal protection regime should peaceful encounter fail. In doing so, I have to instruct students to call me something. “Teacher” has been the word of choice for the past several years, especially since every internet marketer who makes six figures is deemed a guru.
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In 2013, with our shrinking world, we have much information at our fingertips, both accurate and inaccurate, much to build consumers rather than for academic knowledge or creative culture. Are there “gurus, masters and mentors” leading classes just because their publicist billed them as such? Of course, but the info may be useful, just the same. Or are these lessons being taught to keep us mediocre? Maybe.

PERSONAL STANDARDS

We each use our own standards to discern the master dilemma. It is easy to parrot knowledge, even easier to regurgitate tiny bits of it. Not so easy to “master” a subject in such a profound way as to interpret it and make it useful in a creative or scientific way.

It is not common knowledge that the black belt in martial arts is a symbol of a dedicated student who, if very conscientious, has learned no more than 10% of her subject. All over the world, though, because we can acquire testing fees and sell uniforms to go with new belts, this very fact is rarely emphasized or understood.

The black belt is symbolic of the dirt on the white cotton belt of the Chinese rice farmer whose belt got dirty from years of labor. (The farmer’s belt then frays from wear and tear and becomes white again with time, symbolizing that, after the student becomes the master, the master is always and becomes the student.)

We all have our own method of evaluating mastery. It could seeing a PhD after a name, which is a common academic standard. It signifies study in one particular subject in great depth. Another measure could be to evaluate a teacher by the number of people who gather to listen to the teachings.

In the 70s when I was following the meditation training of the philosophy, Radha Soami, the leader was named guru. He wore a turban as those in his tribe did before him, and he taught people how to live happily in the world. The word “guru” was not bandied about for every successful seller of wares. He studied the teachings of his teacher and his teacher’s teacher and was chosen to be the one disciple upon death of the previous guru. We didn’t buy T-shirts, cups or pens.

And then, in that very era, probably due to the Western thirst for knowledge, more gurus popped up, many with T-shirts and uniforms.

CONCLUSION

Should we abandon the words guru, master and mentor from meaning true studiers?
In my opinion, there’s no need to feel anger at the overuse. Language is alive, and it changes as we change it. There’s no need to delete any words. They have taken on a more casual meaning, but they also maintain their original meanings. Here’s what I think.

ACTION STEPS

1) When you see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; look at the person’s biography and check for study time in (years of study) and “teaching since” year. Then evaluate whether it’s the old word or the new. If this is information is not plainly spelled out through video, audio or print (or any newer technology); chances are the title is being used the new way.

2) When you see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; it’s important to evaluate for yourself whether you resonate well with the person. Even if the guru has 50 years, we are all different and have to choose what teaching will work for our own learning mechanisms.

3) When we see the word guru, master, mentor in front of a name; and we discover the title is the new millenium title, we may be quite satisfied with the teachings this person has to offer.

4) Be happy we can choose from whom to learn.

5) Respect the words guru, master and mentor as words as meaningful words whose depth vary.

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She has been in learning situations through Sound Yoga and Martial Arts where the words guru and master are used. She says,

“Throughout my training, there are distinctions between the standard teacher and the guru. However, along came internet marketing. This field overused the words drastically, and now, aside from Guru, the rapper, each person with the ability to teach a money making technique online is known as a guru. And many start off their pitch by mentioning the abuse of the word “guru” and that they are not abusing it.

“We are habitual. We tend to trust a title without verifying expertise. Some gurus have studied long and deeply to procure the title they hold. Others made money with a great product, and they are the new gurus. It is our responsibility to discern the difference. To do so, we need to take a peek at credentials, just so we clarify terminology. Someone who can help someone make money is a valuable asset. 20 year veterans who can teach meditation, instruct in martial arts, teach plumbing to junior plumbers and paint a masterpiece that will be shared for centuries are gurus of the rare and olden kind.

“Our habit of trusting must be adjusted to be a habit of verifying. Then we can live with this language of our day. “

THE PEACE PROCESS FORMULA: PHASE 3 (ISSUE 74)

By Diane Gold

The Peace Process Formula is an evolving series of steps that gently create dialogue and resolution of a peace conflict based on our sameness and not our differences. This is Phase 3.

The Peace Process Formula: A Step By Step Guide, was published on December 3, 2012. The process involved a moderator’s talking to 1 person who had experienced geopolitical conflict and really listening to what that person had to say.

The Peace Process Formula: Phase 2, from December 10, 2012, outlined role playing action steps involving a moderator and 2 people from the same conflict role playing leadership roles. They each would have individually been through Phase 1 of the process, where each talked about her (his) experience.

After seeing the documentary, The Two-Sided Story, a peace process story about bringing together bereaved family members from both sides of an age-old conflict; I am convinced, more than ever, that The Peace Process becomes solid when people talk to each other and get to see their humanity in each other. When I watched this movie, it was as if I were seeing this process in a film that I had directed.

The poster for the process at The Parents Circle-Families Forum says,

“It Won’t Stop Until We Talk.”

This seems simple enough, but, as we know, it is not.

Nelson Mandela said,

“…courageous people do not fear forgiving, for the sake of peace.”

This simple quote points to the importance of stepping off our path of revenge for the greater good.

The fact that my family was blown up by your family is a big deterrent in the peace process. My blowing up your family to stop you from future action is another action that stops peace. The heart does not forget, even when we show forgiveness on the outside. So, what are we to do?

What if we tell another bereaved person how we feel? It will be extremely difficult, at first, because we do not want to be in the same room as our opposite bereaved tribe member. If we make the choice to do it, we may see that our feeling of pain and loss is very much the same as that of our fellow bereaved on the other side and that continuing violence upon violence to revenge violence upon violence perpetuates violence upon violence and doesn’t help our loved ones or our children. The big picture shows that both sides of the conflict, whichever one it is, have suffered tremendous losses. History shows that killing begets killing and more sorrow; listening begets understanding and the possibility of peaceful co-existence.

To outline the steps in The Two-Sided Story, participants go through a process:

1) Bereaved people from opposing sides of a conflict share their story, 1 at a time, with the whole group. (Image depicts a generic group.)

2) They continue listening by separating into pairs of opposite tribes and share their story with the opposite tribe member who is sitting next to them.

3) They role play by getting back into the group and speaking as if they are their counterpart, describing what the counterpart has said about life and situation.

4) They become empathetic by talking about how they feel as if they are their counterpart.

5) They notice they are beginning to understanding their partner is not a monster, even if just a little.

This 5-step process, shown in Two-Sided Story, produced by Yoav Leshem, directed by Tor Ben Mayor, created through The Parent’s Circle-Families Forum, resulted in emotional healing, human understanding, personal friendships and a wonderful peace model for others to follow that has begun to be successful.

CATHARSIS

Since The Peace Process Formula is a fluid, open process; we are open to evolve the more we understand and experience. With this said, Phase 3 of the process focuses on sharing the individual perspective. 2 people from opposing tribes will get together with a moderator. To follow is the rationale.

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WORLD TAI CHI DAY IS A WEEK FROM SATURDAY

World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day is coming up on April 27, Saturday, at 10:00 am. There are events all over the world. It’s free and fun, for beginners or experienced people. If you are in Boca Raton, I’m coordinating the event at Sanborn Square, my 14th year in Boca. I would be honored to have you attend. Spread the word! If you’re not going to be local, I will look for an event near your location if you contact us.

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RATIONALE

We know that “what’s in it for me” is always an easy way to get people to listen. If we could bring back the life of a loved one lost in war, we would immediately pay attention. Unfortunately, we cannot. If we could erase the hatred our neighbor has for us, we would.

What we can do is save ourselves from resentment, vengeful thoughts, anger and more violence. The steps to do this are not so flashy or fancy; but, when we receive some personal benefit from an action step, we are more likely to get involved rather than if we hear an abstract rationale whose benefit will help the world.

The pow-wow of 3, the moderator and 2 individuals from opposing tribes shall be planned. If 2 opposite tribe members are not present, the moderator can take on the role of the member of the opposite tribe who is not actually present.

ACTION STEPS

1) The moderator serves tea and talks about the tea ritual for 5 minutes.

2) As in Phase 1, the moderator will allow 5-15 minutes for each person to speak about her/his experience. The difference here is that each person would have to give full attention to someone from the opposite side’s story.

REITERATE THE RULES

No verbal or body language blame, no cursing or other violent language, no abusive physical contact.

3) The moderator asks each participant to speak about her (his) story.

4) After both people have spoken, the moderator asks:

a) How is your pain different from her (his) pain?

b) Did talking help you get closer to understanding the person next to you?

5) Tea is served.

6) Moderator thanks both participants for their time.

CONCLUSION

The people who agree to participate in this process are, at least, curious about some sort of peaceful settlement. They may still hold blame for the hardships they have endured, but they have some curiosity about what a peace process might look like.
In sharing our stories, we face our pain; we become less alone with the burden of pain and suffering; the perceptions we have about the wrongs that have happened come out in the open. Sometimes, this allows us to have a cathartic experience that heals us; may find others who feel the same torment, or we may find others who have a completely different burden; we may be helped, or we may help.

Here is a quote from Robi, a member of the Bereaved Families Forum in the above-cited movie, whose peace-loving son, David, was killed by a sniper. Robi is a devoted mother who believes that revenge does not belong in the peace process. It sums up a great possibility,

“I believe removing the stigma from each side and getting to know the person on the other side allows for a removal of fear, and a way to understand that a long-term reconciliation process is possible.”

FEEDBACK

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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She has seen the way people learn tolerance through communication. This is the same process used in academic debates, brainstorming groups and personal growth sessions. She says,

“A systematic approach can create new trust, once we establish the best way to send a gentle breeze to our opposite tribe. It’s all about taking 1 step.

“It’s extremely difficult for most people to let go of their ideas. Most of us “know” we are right and are not interested in changing. In some cultures, heads of families abuse their family group should the family question the head’s authority. This type of rigid behavior often maintains the wall of war.

“I see progress with the peace process. And the latest generations are multicultural. They far surpass the “flower child” generation whose slogan was “make love, not war” because of the global network in which they have grown up.

“The peace issue” is engrained in Millenials, or so it seems. That’s why we live in a great climate for The Peace Process Formula to spread, one group at a time until it catches on worldwide.”

THE PEACE PROCESS FORMULA: PHASE 3, CATHARSIS

WILL BE COMING ON MONDAY, APRIL 15, 2013.

In the meantime, you might like to review:

The Peace Process Formula: A Step-By-Step Guide HERE.

and

The Peace Process Formula: Phase 2 HERE.

WHAT MARTIAL ART IMPROVES BALANCE, GETS RID OF STRESS, FEELS LIKE DANCING AND HELPS CHANGE A HABIT? (ISSUE 72)

By Diane Gold

Okay, you knew. It’s tai chi, the system of movement that looks like rolling liquid that never stops. It teaches personal protection and awareness, creates relaxation of both mind and body (yeah, spirit, too, but there are too many discussions and interpretations on that subject that we won’t mention again in this piece), improves health, feels good and looks good.

In order to talk about how tai chi helps change a habit, let’s define the different aspects of the training, similar to what happens when someone joins the United State Military Service or a dance troupe.

According to Staff Seargent Curtis Osburn, USMC, San Diego,

“…from the minute recruits get off the bus, they are guided through physical challenges, mental challenges and moral challenges.”

So far, this sounds like any martial art. We get strong  of mind, body and moral fiber by going through the physical demands of the movement system. The physical regime prepares us to be flexible of mind as well as body.

According to New England Journal Medicine, Feb. 9, 2012, tai chi helped Parkinson’s patients with balance more than stretching and weight training.

But tai chi has other functions. There is scientific evidence that tai chi also improves flexibility, focus, respiration, muscle response, memory, mental attitude.

To the tai chi player (as the rest of the world says it), it feels similar to dancing or swimming because each movement is connected to the previous. I like to call it “air surfing.”

So, how can this change a habit?

Okay, remember that we build habits by receiving some signal (THE CUE) which leads us to do the same BEHAVIOR over and over to receive a REWARD. We eat 3 pieces of pie so we can say,

        “Yum.”

We take chemical or recreational risks because we like “the instant stimulation or rush” or because someone prescribed it. Sometimes we get stuck repeating the behaviors over and over again in a habit.

Where it used to be unusual for us to eat 3 pieces of cake, now it is normal to do so and seemingly impossible to stop. We crave it regularly.

Where it used to be occasional to drink champagne at New Year’s Eve, now it is normal to skip dinner and drink alcohol. It is seemingly impossible to stop. We crave it regularly.
The once exceptional event has become the standard way to act. Those brave souls among us who want to change a habit to support their lives in the best way possible want to reverse the process.

Tai chi can help. Here’s how.

In order to learn tai chi, we have to concentrate on the actual movement we are doing. We do the same movement over and over again until it becomes familiar to us. Sounds a little like a habit, right? It is different from jumping rope, doing a dance routine, going to the gym because every time we do it, it is different. Tai chi movement involves every single part of the body. And we are different of mind and body every day. That is why it is different. As with any martial art, the movement is a tool for training and changing the mind. However, the physical way we execute the motion is related to our mood at the moment, what we choose to express, how relaxed our body is and whether we are working on warding off a potential attacker. These factors affect the movement and make it unique in the world of movement arts.

The fact that tai chi involves mind, body and the way we live our lives, but all we have to do is watch our moving hand or foot to grasp our own attention is the very reason it can help change a habit. When we get the CUE, that urge, craving, onset of desire to behave habitually, we can

CHOOSE ANOTHER BEHAVIOR!

We just have to plan it!

I’m being a bit dramatic here because this statement is all we have to do, even though thinking about it may make it seem impossible. Of course, it may not be easy or we would have done it already. But it’s doable. I’m living proof many times over.

TAI CHI AS IT APPLIES TO CHANGE OF HABIT

Here’s where tai chi comes into play. And these are the sequential steps that allow us to change a habit using tai chi:

1) Tai chi teaches us to take our time with movement because understanding the movement takes time.

2) In order for us to be successful at tai chi, we learn patience.

3) This patience with learning tai chi, a martial arts system, translates to patience in our lives and more control over what we do, including our impulses and the cravings that appear out of nowhere and demand some type of behavior.

4) This control translates into having the strength to do a new behavior, different from the old one, that also creates some type of reward.

At the beginning, meaning for 3 to 4 weeks, if possible; it’s a good idea not to look at the new reward or evaluate it or compare it to the old reward. We have to remember it took lots of repetition to learn the old behavior, so give the new behavior some time to become beneficial to our lives before deciding to judge it. Otherwise the mind will play the old trick that the new behavior doesn’t work for us (which is. most of the time, a self-con so that we can go back to our old behavior).

Just like with tai chi, the reward of a new behavior takes time to learn, time to appreciate, time before it becomes a habit.

PRACTICAL ACTION STEPS TO CHANGE A HABIT

So once we have decided that we have a habit that is not supporting our life, here are some simple suggestions to start moving toward success:

1) WRITE IT DOWN!

When you are not craving, urging, desiring your old behavior – which may only be for a quick minute at a time – get out a pen and paper and write down what new behavior you will do instead of the old one. This way, you are contracting with yourself.

2) GO TO THE MIRROR

Go to the mirror and tell yourself that, when you get your next cue, you will do your new behavior.

3) BE PHYSICAL

Consider doing something physically exerting for your new behavior, like walking around the closest building or house, so that using your physical body has a chance at calming down your urges through the release of new hormones or neurotransmitters that feel good to the body. to   so that It should be physical and in a different location from the one where you do the old behavior.

4) CHANGE LOCATIONS

Make sure that you go in the opposite direction from the place where you did your old behavior. Sometimes if you travel away from the source, you will be too lazy to go toward it, or, by the time you get part way toward the location of the old behavior, your urge will be gone.

PUBLISHER’S NOTE:

It’s simple distractions such as these that keep us focused on our new behaviors.

5) CALL SOMEONE

Find a friend, a stranger or an association where you can call and tell someone you are traveling away from the source, or you are walking around the building. You are more likely to talk yourself down (talk yourself out of falling back into the old behavior) if you have a supporter.

PUBLISHER’S NOTE:

If you don’t know who to call, call 211, option 3, to talk to someone. As of February, 2013, this free service is available in 50 states (39 of them with 100% coverage) and Washington, D.C. and Puerto Rico (100% coverage).

CONCLUSION

Tai chi is a beautiful system of movement that makes our minds more flexible to succeed at our goals. That’s why it is so helpful when we want to change a habit. It’s also another alternative we can choose instead of our old behavior. We can write about it, do it in a mirror, it’s physical, we can do it far away from our old behavior location, and we can call someone else who does tai chi.

It’s a great preparer for life’s changes. We become rooted physically from the actual movement we learn as our legs gain strength. We begin to see a glimmer of understanding about why it’s called an art – because each of us creates our way of doing it. Our will power grows and can support us when we change a habit.

PUBLISHER’S DEDICATION

This article is dedicated to the art of tai chi and what it does for those who do it. It’s also a good place to announce WORLD TAI CHI AND CHI KUNG DAY, April 27, 2013, a free event where close to one million people all over the world do tai chi and chi kung in public events starting at 10 am local time in the first time zone and continue in most time zones across the globe to create a wave of peace and harmony.

As the organizer of the Boca Raton event, we welcome you to participate. It’s the 14th year for Boca. We’ll be in Sanborn Square, Boca Raton, Florida 33432 to celebrate. Details here: https://www.facebook.com/events/148699685298664.

If you are not local to Boca Raton (which most of you are not), we may be able to help you find an event in your city. Bottom line, If it sounds good, put it on the calendar. It’s free and fun. If you can’t make it, think tai chi at 10 am on April 27, 2013.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She has seen how tai chi helps change a habit. She has watched people balance their weight, their emotional state, their physical habit of falling, their appetite. She says,

“Tai chi gives us a foundation, a root, like the root of a tree. When we have this infrastructure, we can require of ourselves new behavior by using tai chi principle. While doing tai chi, we do tai chi. We don’t think of shopping, finances, family feuds. In this same way, when we get our cue which used to cause the old behavior, we can do the new behavior by not thinking about it. We will just do it. That’s how we do tai chi: we just do it.If we are thinking about it, we’re not doing it. So we don’t think about it when we’re doing it.

“Similar to the scientist who can apply the scientific theory anywhere in the universe, the tai chi principle of “just doing it,” with no thought or mind deliberation, can be applied to changing a habit or any situation in life.”

PEACE NEEDS A BRIDGE: HOW TO BUILD IT AND KEEP IT OPEN (ISSUE 67)

By Diane Gold

Peace Needs A Bridge! Not a new concept, but 1 whose time has come. Again.

In November, 1969, I ended up going to the Palm Beach Pop Music Festival, a glorious lifetime game changer of 3 cold, wet and muddy days where I saw Janis Joplin, The Rolling Stones, Iron Butterfly and a host of other musicians, friends, action. Yes, they were singing about peace and what was wrong with our time with our presence in Vietnam very much on our minds. We wore tie dyed t-shirts, flowers in our hair, peace signs on our clothing and marched for various freedoms which are now common place.

Present day in the two thousand teens, many people see the need to work toward curbing human anguish, violence, bullying, not unlike the sentiments of my youth. Because we are technically far ahead of that time and live within a speedway of information submission and retrieval, these issues are much more complicated.

In order to enable human beings to take action in any era, they must be motivated beyond apathy, other driving motivators and the urge to relax and let someone else do it. When it comes to peace, there are lots of organizations that talk about peace.

But what really gets done, and what needs to get done for peace to exist?

BUILDING THE BRIDGE

Most of us would prefer to have peaceful dealings than to have conflict, although I remember Robin Williams’ role as a man in a heaven where there was no fighting, and there was only peace (What Dreams Are Made Of). Some say conflict makes it interesting and saves us from boredom. Those who have experienced war and many others of us would opt for its end.

SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW THAT DOESN’T WORK?

INTELLECTUAL PURSUITS

We have all listened to lectures, read some article, report, paper or book justifying the need for peace. Although these intellectual pursuits are impressive, they are not exciting enough to make us get involved enough to empower a movement. Most of the time, we do not move because most of what we hear and read is dry and does not create that exponentially growing enthusiasm we require to take a committed step.

Although empassioned about their projects, lecturers usually deliver their information without humor, pizazz and charisma. Their material may be brilliant, but it usually doesn’t drive the masses to action. Think of how many seminars you have attended where the material is interesting but nothing happens as a result. It enhances our intellect and makes us feel intelligent but doesn’t stimulate our action gene enough so that we take a step.

AGGRESSION

Aggressive behavior involves fighting, yelling, anger and conflict resolution that usually ends in violence. We, as civilized people, accomplish temporary territorial expansion, human rights as we see them at the time of issue and winning a struggle of will until the next powerful wave of fellow humans decides there is a need for change. Not a great show of modern civilization.

(I am in deep gratitude to our military fighters who protect our children, our way of life, our freedoms. At this time, there is need for such military strength. Will this always be our nature, or can we evolve?

I believe in our ability to build a bridge to peace.

FIRE UNDER OUR BOTTOMS

It’s because of the pizazz in some of us, often celebrities, that the others of us are sparked to take action.

Think of Oprah Winfrey’s asking her followers to pledge a $10 donation texting to a 5 digit code on our cell phones to support orphans in a war zone. We react to this appeal almost on auto pilot to contribute. Why? Because her charisma gets us movin’ and shakin’.

You may remember USA For Africa, a collaboration of many musicians, and their single, first to go multi-platinum, We Are The World, and the subsequent album which raised over $64 million in sales toward African famine in 1985. The musicians were the draw, and they pulled us right along with them: to buy their song, to enjoy the multitude of fine musicians, producers and promoters, to spread the word about saving Africa, to believe in its message.

SO, WHAT CAN WE DO THAT BUILDS THE PEACE BRIDGE, THAT’S MORE PRODUCTIVE AND LEADS US IN THAT HARMONIOUS DIRECTION NOW?

All of us want peace of some sort. But what are we willing to agree upon? All of us are interested in the “what’s in it for me” concept, such as,

“I want to live in a peaceful neighborhood, but I’m not willing to let the homeless live here,”

or

“Why can’t we all get along, but I’m not sharing my land with anyone because I worked hard for it.”

Some of us are leaders; some of us are followers. Some of us get inspired by a single leader, and some of us spread that message, ourselves.

Since we all like to be entertained and we get involved by celebrity messages, let’s continue to use entertainment to make sparks fly. It’s sexy, creative, diverse, instantaneous. We become instantly involved when we hear a song that we like or see art that is beautiful.

THE SECRET

All we need is a system that gives us somewhere to put the enthusiasm created by the entertainment so that we can change ourselves and act in and for peace, a network of accountability.

ACTION STEPS

While we are creating such a system, I see a very definite direction in which to go to put building blocks into the construction of the peace bridge. They are immediate.

1) START COMMUNICATING

Start talking to someone who has grown up in war. When they get inflammatory about their opposing tribe, don’t get inflammatory or judgmental. Work to understand this behavior.

Continue this discussion so that you learn the dynamics of reason in war, first-hand.

2) FIND PERFORMERS THAT FIRE YOU UP

Commit that you make it your goal to pick a performer that fires you up: a musician, a visual artist, an actor, a creator. Pick one who donates to a peace cause. Go to concerts of this performance troupe, either in person or online. Follow the network attached to this performer, and look into the organization that benefits from the donation.

Performers and creators didn’t get there because they aren’t interesting. So, chances are keeping abreast of this 1 person will keep you excited and you will be more likely to keep on this peace path. You might, one day, work side by side with your performer of choice. On the journey, you will be privy to that performers’ art.
__

Special note:

If you find that you are more interested in another cause, we must follow our hearts, so switch to that cause and stick with it.

3) NETWORK

Join a network that is all about getting people together for the purpose of creating new art, new music, new creativity for the sake of upgrading our peace, our resources, our human rights and downgrading our greed and our habits that cause us to be unhealthy.

4) 1 MINUTE A DAY

Commit to connecting with a peace organization, based upon your most pressing goal. Go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Peace_organizations and pick one.

5) THE BRIDGE’S FOUNDATION STARTS WITH OUR OWN LIVES

In order to build a peace bridge, we have to work every day to rid ourselves of old ideas, old reactions, our own prejudices. How?

a) 1 time a day, be less controlling, more understanding, a better listener and a more tolerant person.
b) Tell a friend you did this.
c) If you really want to make peace, set up role playing peace talks at the local elementary school or community group. If our young aren’t given the opportunity to work on the process, they will learn our mistaken concepts. If our old don’t give it a whirl, we’ll be stuck.
d) If you really, really want to build the bridge, continue step a) until it becomes part of every day for a year.
e) Together, let’s create some peace cards that urge people to collaborate more than they confront.

CONCLUSION

Peace needs a bridge that we, individually and collectively, can build. Every day, we can choose to back away from our own need for power by submitting to listen to someone; we can build the bridge. When we act well, others see it and may make it part of their culture. When we yield, the more powerful we become. We may even release the anger that causes war.

This is a seemingly impossible task, but it is possible we use a consistent systematic approach on a daily basis, within and in the world. It means we have to give something of ourselves to make it happen. Could be false pride, could be our heart, could be land, which is the most difficult thing of all, it seems.

If we start now, we can build a more peaceful culture into the next generation and those to come. What do you think? Is it worth sacrificing our old ways?

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She believes we can adjust our hostile ways. She says,

“When we yell at someone and that someone reacts in an understanding, non-angry way; we usually simmer down and become (more) reasonable.

“When we yell at someone and that someone yells back, we usually puff out our peacock feathers and yell twice as loud.

“Of the 2 scenarios, only the first 1 makes peace. Therefore, we, as humans, are half way there, already. We can work on the other half that stays peaceful in the face of adversity.”

HOW TO CHANGE A HABIT BY REALIZING OUR LUXURIES (ISSUE 65)

By Diane Gold

How many of us think about how to change a habit? Most of us at 1 time or other, I’d venture to say. At these times, we are focused on ourselves, our frustrations, our strengths, the habits we have created for ourselves and our dreams.

I was thinking about the studies I read, the nutrition I study and have access to, the articles I write on how to lead a better life through no stress, better habits and good times. When all of a sudden, I realized that the techniques I write about are luxurious. Meaning able to be executed because of our luxury. I knew it was time to focus on some of those luxuries that we take for granted.

To see what I’m talking about, consider:

1) how inconsequential it is to have a neighborhood store that carries flax seed if we don’t know that 1 TBS. of ground flax seed will give us a perfect¬¬ 4 to 1 ratio of Omega 3 (alpha-linoleic) essential fatty acid to Omega 6 (linoleic) essential fatty acids or

2) how stress relieving tai chi movement is if we are not permitted to engage in movement.

_____

Here are 7 categories of luxury. Most of us don’t consider 4 of them to be luxury. We take them for granted. All 7 are part of the luxury package needed in order to create and change habits we accumulate that are not necessities. Let’s consider them.

NUTRITION & WATER

Almost 1 billion people do not get the correct quantity or balance of food worldwide. Often lack of protein is targeted as responsible, rather than lack of education needed for healthy plant-based eating.

According to stopthehunger.com, $100 million of food was bought an thrown away today in the United States. This amount would more than cover the $30 million cost of feeding the entire world’s hungry for the day (the difference between $100 and $30 million would cover the cost of administration and transportation to get the food to the hungry). Another interesting fact is that $150 million was spend today on weight loss programs in the United States.

There are 750 million people with no safe drinking water.

CLOTHING

Rumi, philosopher and poet from Persia said,

“I have seen so many people on whom there were no clothes; and I have seen so many clothes in which there were no people.”

Obviously, some of us have 100 things to wear, and some people have none.
Rumi is from the 13th century. Not much seems to have changed in the way of haves and have-nots.

SHELTER

There are so many different levels of having shelter. Some of us used to have a tin house that was washed away by a hurricane. Others of us have a small apartment. And others own several palatial homes in different parts of the world. Whatever we have, it is a gift. Especially if we can actually be comfortable in it.

I remember the movie, The Ron Clark Story, about an elementary school teacher who was determined to raise the grade point averages of his inner city Harlem students by raising their self-esteem. He arranged to take them to South Africa to visit South African students. Ron’s kids saw gratitude and joy in the South African kids who had no cafeteria, 1 teacher, no bathroom, other than an outhouse, a 1-room school and 80 kids per class. These kids took nothing for granted and opened the eyes of Ron’s kids from Harlem to how joyous life can be with the right perspective.

EDUCATION

With education, we can learn to eat,  drink, grow, produce and live according to the latest discoveries, both medical and production. There are those who believe living the simple, natural life is more advanced than the “civilized” life with education.

Some type of education, whether it is passed on by the generations or in a formal classroom in a school, can help us learn many things to further our lives, such as the value of the flax seed (mentioned earlier), which we might choose for nutrition and longevity, if we knew its benefit.

PEACE & FREEDOM

September 11, 2001 in the United States was the first time many civilians ever experienced an act of war. Yes, I do remember the results of the Vietnam War on several classmates and the nation, but it was not part of my home life.

Many, many people experience war on a daily basis, whether it is guns in the streets due to gang crime and drugs in the neighborhood or guns on every shoulder due to civil or religious war. As we listen to our friends tell their stories of war, do we imagine how we would have pulled through?

Not to get gushy, but, the 1 thing the United States offers is a special array of freedoms. True, we have a little imbalance of power, from time to time, when it comes to the corporation vs. the individual. But, mostly, we have the largest vat of freedom in the world.  Not to be taken lightly.

FINANCIAL POSITION

Whether or not we have a way to sustain our lives and those of our families is often on everyone’s mind. I always say,

“Money is not important unless we don’t have it.”

A huge percentage of the world’s citizens have far less financial backing than makes them comfortable. If we have even a little security, this is a big thing. Most have none.

TIME FOR PERSONAL GROWTH

Time has to do with all the other categories. The better our circumstance, the more time we could have. Many of us work from 9 to 5 every day for 40 years. Others in the world started working 16 hour days from the age of 7. And are still working at the same position 60 years later. When we think about these different scenarios, time takes on a new meaning. We often think about time and how much of it we have. Do we spend it wisely if we have a choice?

ACTION STEPS

1) NUTRITION & WATER ACTION STEP

Consider the beauty of enough food and water. Give some away on a daily basis instead of eating too much or just to be nice. Daily for a week to see if you like doing it.

2) CLOTHING ACTION STEP

If you have enough, give away an outfit of clothing. Pick something you like, and remember your great fortune in having enough.

3) SHELTER ACTION STEP

Keep your place neat and clean in honor of the fact that you have a place to live. Put something cool on the wall to make it homey so you can enjoy working on yourself there.

4) EDUCATION ACTION STEP

We all know something. Why not take on a student, and teach what you know. The teaching experience can change a life. It can also help us change habits. Better to be doing peer or student tutoring than to be hanging out on the corner.

5) PEACE & FREEDOM ACTION STEP

If you are reading this, you are probably not at war. Take a moment to realize this good fortune, and use the gratitude to step forward into a new habit and out of an old.

Bonus: go forgive someone.

6) FINANCIAL POSITION ACTION STEP

There’s a time and a place to think about finances. Pick a 15-minute time slot per day in which you can think about your finances. Same time every day for at least a week. Think everything you want in that time.

For the rest of the day, put it aside. Laugh at yourself and relax, knowing you have your time slot in which to do your financial position thinking, so you will have success with working on goals the rest of the day. Make an adjustment if your day is comprised of financial decisions, but, if it is, take time out.

7) TIME ACTION STEP

Create an extra 5-minute time slot every day for a week. How? By being more organized. In that 5 minutes, listen to music and dance, do tai chi, run around your house/building/farm to focus on the habit you wish to change.
_____

CONCLUSION

Look at the good and use it to reach your aspirations. As we change, so will our need to change our habits. Go with the flow, and be true to what supports us at the time. Habits are like inertia. Once we get going, we will have little trouble continuing to go toward whatever it is we want.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition.

She is extremely grateful that not a day goes by where she doesn’t realize how lucky she is. She says,

“We can use our good fortune to mold the most creative, productive, meaningful life for ourselves and others. No matter how big or small it is.

“Once we recognize how to see abundance, the smallest morsel is not only enough but it is vast.”

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CROSSROADS: SUCCESSFULLY CHOOSING THE WAY WE MAKE DECISIONS (ISSUE 58)

By Diane Gold

Congratulations. The crossroads ahead is a grand opportunity.

The definition for crossroads is intersection, focal point, turning point. This means a crossroads is a time in life that is perpendicular to, yet entwined with, whatever is happening in life. It also means we are giving razor sharp attention to an issue. And, finally, it means we are going to evaluate the best direction we can take to efficiently support the most positive development of our lives.

When we decide we are going to change our weight to help ourselves, we are at a crossroads. This also holds true when we take time to decide to buy solar cars, LED lights, compost our food waste, forgive someone, go back to school, have a baby, or join a peace process. We will furnish this article with weight loss in mind, although our world, our humanity, currently, is at a major crossroads of what makes sense to sustain the human race well.

The weight loss goal is huge because it relates to almost every aspect of our everyday lives. Often times, we have to change many behaviors of our eating process in order to change 1: the way we move, the way we rest and the restaurant or food preparation routines we have grown to love.

Fortunately and happily for us, we get to develop new and wonderful ways of acting in all these areas. Imagine finding the most delectable food at our new favorite restaurant or cooking healthier, lighter, more satisfying foods for ourselves and any others who are in our lives. And what about the prospect of developing new friends who also eat well and care for their bodies. This is a real treat.

Remember the story about the man in the flood who didn’t take a ride in his neighbor’s car because he said he was waiting for god to save him? And when the water rose and he fled to his second floor, he still wouldn’t take an escape ride from a fire truck because god was going to save him? And after the water rose and he fled to his roof, he still wouldn’t take a ride when a helicopter threw down a ladder because he was waiting for god to save him? And, when he reached heaven and asked god why he hadn’t saved him, and god said,

“I sent you a car, a fire truck and a helicopter; and wasn’t that enough?”

It’s a story about crossroads and opportunity. We have many throughout our time. Whether we see the right cues determines our outcome. Some people go with the flow automatically. Others fight the inevitable or refuse to be flexible.

I know it always takes me a few minutes to process the possibility of change, a few minutes to get used to the idea and another several minutes to accept the change. This usually takes a good 30 minutes. It’s very comforting to watch myself through this process. I usually laugh at myself during it, as I am so predictable to myself. Luckily for me, because of my mother’s bright attitude and the practicality for which my martial arts work has prepared me, I always, and I mean always, end up looking for the good in the crossroads.

Certainly, it’s not always fun to shake ourselves up and make life changing decisions that will take us down new paths and throw us into a new direction that we might not have orchestrated entirely or at all. But, to see it as an opportunity, opens up great promise.

THE CHOICES

So what are the choices we have before us?

1) We can rebel and stomp our feet at our new situation. If we turn music on and stomp to it, we can turn our reaction into a totally therapeutic action. Verbalizing to the music helps us to accept the change, too, as is done in improv or rap.

2) We can resent our situation and turn our grudge inward. Obviously, this weighs us down and needs a replacement strategy.

3) We can remain calm, ask for help if we need it and look at the pros of our new situation. Of course, it’s always good to be balanced and positive. Not always easy and not always sensible. It always pays to stay aware and focused.
___

Whichever direction we choose at our crossroads; the happier, healthier, more fulfilled we become, the better life we are creating for ourselves. So, we can agree that to give ourselves extra weight of any kind changes balance, confidence and peace of mind. That’s why no matter which crossroads are in front of us, the same action process applies.

ACTION STEPS

Pick 1)(a) or 1)(b) to start.

1)(a) Pick a crossroads in front of you that has to do with replacing bad fat 1 time a week with good fat 1 time a week OR

1)(b) Pick a crossroads in front of you that has to do with moving to a town where you have to change schools or jobs and don’t know anyone.

2) Prepare to make a list of the pros and cons that come along with 1 of these crossroads. They will both affect the appetite. Also, feel free to substitute the crossroads.

3) Write 5 pros and 5 cons for the scenario you choose. Here’s an example of 1)(a), such as

PRO: “I want to lose weight and changing bad fat to good fat 1 time a week will start to cleanse my body.”

CON: “I won’t be able to use my beloved fat to calm down on the day I don’t use the bad fat. Can I handle it? Yes.”

4) Prioritize the pros and cons, eliminating the bottom 2.

5) Finally, pick the biggest pro and the biggest con and proceed in a way that will improve you.

6) To top it off, write a few sentences on how you will maximize the pro, including 3 action steps you would like to make happen. Send it to us, either just to declare it or if you would like to share it. If you are stuck at any point, let us know so we can help you.

CONCLUSION

Life is full of crossroads. They always show up, in our personal lives and in our lives as global citizens. Every time we make a life decision, we are at a crossroads. Every time we vote, we are at a crossroads. We can look at our choices as necessary steps leading us forward. We can also savor the opportunities they bring and use the pro and con method to ensure that we come to the most efficient understanding of our crossroads as they arrive.

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She likes to feel strong and very much enjoys using many body parts at the same time. She says,

“When we engage in an exercise that seems to use 1 part of the body alone, we are really accessing so many other body parts and body systems that we have an opportunity to rejuvenate ourselves each time. When we do 1 simple exercise correctly, it starts a chain reaction that manifests in other parts of our mind and body than the 1 whose name is in the title slot. It’s good to focus the attention on 1 body part with the understanding that each exercise affects many.”

THE PEACE PROCESS: PHASE 2 (ISSUE 56)

By Diane Gold

In December 3rd’s article, The Peace Process: A Step-By-Step Formula, we talked about being able to understand conflicting views and really listening to the answers. Action steps were offered which included speaking with the 2 members of opposing geo-politico-religious sides and, by doing so, earning the trust of each.

If you haven’t seen it, go here.

OVERVIEW OF PHASE 2

After conversing with both participants on opposite sides of a brutally large conflict (PHASE 1); we, at least, have a better understanding of the passions and the tensions that run so very deep, including the history that has transpired, the way each side was brought up to think about the other, the atrocities incurred from the eyes of either side.

We may even think, as I originally did before I started having these discussions, the process might be simple, if only we would begin.  Very difficult if each sees the actions of the other as breaking the covenants of the rules of leading a reverent and noble life.

So Phase 2 has to be about creating a discussion between a neutral person and 2 participants on the same side, with 1 of those agreeing to role play a member of the opposite side: Phase 2 of the Peace Process Formula.

There’s no rush to get to this phase, and the initial discussion must take as long as it takes for trust to develop between the original participant and the neutral party. And, then again, the trust may not be 100% because we, the neutral parties, are outsiders in the eyes of the participants whose lives have been engulfed in the conflict. And it is common to hear,

“You cannot understand. You are not from there.”

Thomas L.  Friedman, former Jerusalem Bureau Chief of The New York Times and Pulitzer Prize winner, puts it this way in his Op-Ed column on December 8,

“…there is an unspoken question in the mind of virtually every [person who lives in a conflicted country] that you need to answer correctly: ‘Do you understand what neighborhood I’m living in?’ If [these country women and men] smell that you don’t, their ears will close to you.”

THE PEACE PROCESS FORMULA builds trust in the participants and the process.
I believe it is possible to help people achieve their goal of a peaceful community – even if we, the helpers, have limited knowledge of the others’ neighborhood or situation. This fact doesn’t dismiss how important the others’ situation is. It just bases its method upon our common human nature and not on our common neighborhood.

The Peace Process Formula goes for any goal. There is only 1 requirement: believe in people who honor unique situations with complicated agendas, but who believe we are similar to a precision with simple needs. It is this sameness of our humanity that allows us to supersede the objections that “we cannot be helped by strangers who do not know the neighborhood” so that this process can, inevitably, resolve conflict.  Trust and sincerity are the keys.

MOVING TOWARD OUR OBJECTIVE

If a method, program or an infrastructure is created for people to progress forward in their lives; anyone can use it with the same success.

It is not necessary for the moderator (the neutral person in this process) to have been in the struggle personally.

It is necessary for each side of a conflict to trust the moderator, mediator, arbitrator, counselor.
Often times, because the participant sees the neutral 3rd party, the moderator as “not being 1 of us,” trust is not established and the patience required to work the process is not cultivated.
For conflict resolution to occur, the Peace Process Formula must not be rushed. And each step must be followed sequentially.

PREREQUISITE KNOWLEDGE

Tensions that make geo-politico-religious conflict have taken years to develop.
These conflicts require delicate work since everyone on both sides has been offended many times.

In order to achieve peace, judgment on the part of the moderator is not part of the process. Listening and resolving are.

Trust must be acquired between the moderator and each person in the process.

PHASE 2 ROLE PLAY – THE RULES

1) 2 participants who take the same side who are willing to answer questions about the conflict in their country must be found. They should both be on the same side of a geo-politico-religious conflict.

2) 1 of the participants must be willing to play the role of the opposing view for this phase of the process.

3) Since the process will be extremely difficult, it must be established that there will be no voice raising and no disrespectful language and that a break from the discussion can be requested by asking the moderator if s/he can disengage the discussion.

4) Next, congratulate your participants for coming to the table in the first place.

ACTION STEPS

1) Participants will be asked to pretend to be a Leader for World Peace and peace for her (his) respective geographic area. This means each participant must consider the lives of everyone involved. 1 participant will be the leader for her (his) usual side. 1 participant will be a leader for her (his) usually opposing side.

2) With peace in mind, participants shall be asked to make a list of 10 changes they would like to occur to achieve that.

3) Participants shall be asked to prioritize the 10 changes.

4) Participants shall be asked to eliminate the least important 5 changes.

5) Participants will be asked to alter each change and break it down to a smaller version of itself. Make sure to do this for all 5 changes.

Here are examples:

If the 5th change on the list were to raise the community flag in a particular location every day, you might be able to change that to raising the flag 1 day a week instead to begin.

If the 5th change on the list were to acquire 5 miles of land, you might be able to change this to 1 mile of land instead.

6) The moderator will have each participant read from the top of the list: first 1 person reads change 1. Then the other person reads her (his) change 1.

7) This continues, alternating, 1, then the other, until the entire list is read.

8)  A copy of each list will be given to each participant.

9) Each participant will be given no more than 15 minutes to comment next to each item. Of course, extra time (up to 30 minutes) can be given.

10) After each participant is finished, the moderator shall collect the lists.

11) The moderator will go over rule number 3 to temper speech and words.

12) The moderator will read the responses to the items on the list out loud and ask for 5 minutes of comment on each. The replies will be timed.

13) The moderator will thank both participants and ask if they would be willing to come back again after giving the ideas some thought or some research.

CONCLUSION

The Peace Process Formula has been developed to make small changes in a safe environment. It is easy to blow up and stop the process, as world peace issues show us every day. This method has been devised, in part, to create understanding of issues of conflict for outsiders, but mostly, to start to grow roots of peace that can lead to lasting peace.

Phase 3 of the Formula will be published soon. It is powerful and hopeful and on time.
If you would like to become involved in this process, as a participant or as a moderator, please let us know or leave a comment below. Becoming involved in this process can replace many less meaningful activities, including making poor food choices. It can also build the pride and joy that comes along with being involved in something bigger than ourselves.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She is thrilled with The Peace Process Formula. She says,

“Small changes on a regular basis add up to medium changes and then large changes. Those of us whose duty it is to help, let’s do this. Those of us who would like to observe, we welcome it.

“Did you ever notice how there have been times when we are not correct about an outcome. It is my hope that the adversaries and the friends who use this process will grow from it, and, if so, grow the method of the process of peace that can contribute greatly to all our lives.”