LUNCH HOUR, THE MOVIE: AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT THE LACK OF NUTRITION IN SCHOOL FOOD (Issue 24)

by Diane Gold

School food is an important part of our children’s school day. It is a developmental tool that enhances young minds, builds mental focus and gives the right amount of energy needed for children to consume knowledge at a high capacity. But wait. Under further examination, we find the nutrition part of the food is often very much left out. Lunch Hour, the movie, simplifies the complex story of school food, its results and how we can help now.

Here is a movie review. The trailer is below.

Lunch Hour, the Movie, is a fresh, new look at an age old problem that affects the health, mindset and the future development of our children. This captivating documentary offers experts in the fields of school food, psychology, finance, government and education who give their insights as to how we can work together to change the nutrition in our schools, be able to afford this change as an industry and empower our children through healthy food in school.

What we see is a bird’s eye view of what goes on in the schools, including the perspective of school administrators, who feel some responsibility for the less than nutritious food that elementary school students are being served daily.

This movie is a call out to all of us to take notice and take action. We see the history of the school food industry, including how the government began offering food programs to assist our farmers. We hear about past and present financial struggle. We are exposed to complex relationships between food companies and politicians as well as government regulations that restrict all but the largest suppliers.

The greatest thing in Lunch Hour, though, is its passion. From celebrity chefs to sitting U.S. Senators, we hear how the state of our school food must be changed so as not to impair our children, contribute to obesity or give them the wrong message about their own nutrition through a mismatch between what’s good for them in theory and what schools deliver.

The film shows pioneer thinkers in the food and restaurant industry and how their passionate involvement has helped. There are also definite action steps suggested for every parent, teacher and community member who wants to be cooperate toward solution.

Of course, the film talks about how important it is to make these same changes at home and how much fun it can be to eat nutritiously.

James Costa’s Lunch Hour points out that parents and teachers must get involved should change be made to happen. It is my suggestion that every parent-teacher association, school board, teacher’s union, student and mayor’s association throughout the United States would do well to see it.

As a former teacher, I recall the Professional Day in which mundane information was disseminated slowly. It was not the purpose to test our patience, but it seemed that way. Maybe the next professional day in every school should include a viewing of this very film. This is an urgent film with a timely message that must be heard for the sake of our children and our future.

CONCLUSION

If we take one small step, progress is made. If each person in each of our 3,000 or so counties in the United States makes one small effort, progress is made on behalf of our kids. We have to start now, using this movie as our catalyst.

ACTION STEPS

1)    We, parents, teachers and students, can change what is currently culturally acceptable food to exclude junk food.

2)    We, parents and teachers, can provide a fruit at playtime or snack time.

3)    We can all ask our local chefs, nutritionists, restauranteurs, food experts to come to our school to help.

4)    We, parents and teachers, can join the school wellness committee of teachers and parents or start one.

FEEDBACK & FREE SUBSCRIPTION

Please leave your comments below or visit on facebook or on Twitter at @warriorsoweight.

Click here to subscribe to this newsletter, if you are not already on our list. If you need help with your school’s wellness program, send your contact information through our contact form.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned that patience brings power. She says, “If looking at a whole task seems insurmountable, look at the first step only. Then, the entire task does not seem so big.”

LUNCH HOUR, THE MOVIE: TRAILER

THE POWER OF SILENCE: 5 WAYS THAT SILENCE CAN BE ACHIEVED (Issue 23)

by Diane Gold

The Power of Silence? What’s that, you might say! When we take away distraction, our vibrant power expands or just remains. Removing the noise from our lives serves us well.

Let’s picture a dam and what happens to the water. We stop the water from moving by placing a barrier up, the water is contained but its momentum builds up at the point of the dam. The same thing happens when we create silence by first removing noise from our mental and physical environments. We build up energy by not wasting it unnecessarily and by learning to focus it.

Think about what would happen if we did not rest. I know I, myself, accustomed to a certain amount of sleep, always know when I have too little. I bow to those who regularly complete missions with little or no sleep. We wouldn’t go without rest, though, right? And our bodies and minds tell us we need it. So, why would we go without silence and relaxation?

Let’s look at how beneficial it would be to plan silence for ourselves. We realize that we need to take periodic breaks. Do we realize these breaks are from the noise in our head from meaningless conversation or the noise at our place of work or school? It is no coincidence that there are thousands of retreat centers, a growing number of tai chi, yoga and meditation centers and more active attention on personal development training all over the world and tai chi and meditation in elementary schools. The growth of these quieting activities directly relates to the growing noise level in our everyday lives, be it from information overload online, local gossip or the 200 ads a day targeted at making us consumers of some 200 products that distract us from our one-pointed focus.

From music therapy training, we know that noise or music that is forced upon us and not to our liking causes agitation, aggression, anxiety, general deterioration of motivation. In tai chi, we know that the use of silence or soft sounds makes people calm and helps them learn to flow and relax and to understand that relaxation augments power. We build silence into every session of tai chi, during a music therapy session between the sounds, in meditation training and at retreats.

In the same way that silence is built into these formal trainings, we naturally are attracted to it because we like feeling renewed and balanced. Tranquility in our environment usually includes some type of silence so that our minds can re-energize, almost like a battery’s re-charging.  When we expend energy, whether it is by listening or by creating; we need a way to rejuvenate and replenish ourselves. Many times a day. That way is through silence.

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Below are 5 simple examples of being in silence, that will work in most situations for most people. We are all in different circumstances, so we may have to make certain adjustments. Whether we are at work; school; in detention; not able to walk, in active military duty; we usually have a free 30 to 45 seconds. We are the best judge of this.

BATHROOM FACILITIES

Even though there may be elevator music in a bathroom, it is a place that is usually free from constant chatter and other people. If there are stalls in the facilities, we can go inside one. Then we are in our own private cocoon and can use it to our advantage.

Standing with our knees bent, butt tucked, feet shoulder width apart, shoulders over hips, facing away from the toilet; we can take 30 to 45 seconds to look straight ahead. The idea is to let the serenity of solitude allow the mind to be silent and regroup.

There may always be sounds from other people’s closing doors, gossiping, blow dryers; but we have just begun taking an active part in creating silence for ourselves. With repetition, we will feel the difference and will achieve resetting ourselves with our own power. And we might get lucky and be alone in the bathroom.

STEPPING OUTSIDE

We don’t need a beautiful park with a pristine lake and humming birds to grab a taste of silence. We should watch out for nature’s creatures who protect their territory with a vengeance (yes, I had to take down 3 wasp’s nests today to protect my cats and the roofers). Just the nature of stepping out of our building or away from our outside workplace gets us into another space, both physically and mentally, even if we just walk two steps away or turn in another direction.

All it takes is a second, but we will take 30 to 45 seconds. The rules are the same. This time, though, we don’t focus on have to choose where to focus. Those 30 to 45 seconds need to be spent with our eyes looking at one point. The position we stand in is knees bent, butt tucked, feet shoulder width apart, shoulders over the hips, facing the least active direction. Relax.

THE LIBRARY

With all the digital material available to us, many under 50 do not automatically turn to the library. When our kids are young, we take them for special reading programs. When we are of public school age (and undergraduate college), we use Wikipedia and textbooks. In higher education, the libraries are so super fantastic, that, and contain a lot of research material.

However, since we are talking about silence, a library is a great place to seek refuge. If we are in school, most schools have a library that offers quietude. If we are at work, most corporations or organizations have a research room, if not a library. These collections are often sitting and waiting for the students or workers in the buildings to come and use the physical area. Using the same physical exercise as in the above sections, take 30 to 45 seconds in the library. The great reset.

THE PARK

Depending upon where we are locationally, we may have a full-sized park with flowers and trees. We may also have a cement wall to bounce a ball from. The same activity can be done at either park. Since the goal is power in silence, we can do 30 to 45 seconds of the same position as above.

In either park, we must focus our attention on a flower or blade of grass, if there is one, or a particular crack in the cement, if our park has an old wall. We can find silence in the act of taking the time to set up the activity. If there is no wall, we can focus our attention 10 feet in front of us at the ground. This will center us. This will bring us silence.

LOOKING AT AN IMAGE

Most of us have a computer. If not, we have a book. We can choose a , there is a local museum or historical society. In most cases, we are welcome to go inside at no charge. We can spend time in this type of establishment doing the same exercise as above in order to create silence for ourselves. Most caretakers of history will be glad to have us as guests. So, it might be the perfect place that is rich in history and respects that history in glorious silence.

CONCLUSION

There are many opportunities to build silence into our lives. The simple 30 to 45 second breaks are solutions to do so. By being purposeful, we create our horizons. By taking these silence breaks, we revv up our energy. We also become adept at doing it in a 30-second period.

Confucius has been quoted as saying,

“Silence is a true friend who never betrays.”

Although there are many interpretations of this, I see it as meaning that silence will always be good to us and for us because its power is biological. Because it is a scientific truth,  it does change or betray, the way of a bad friend. Because it is based upon science, there can be no way the effect of silence can disappear. Therefore, the power of silence is faithful, useful and universal.

FEEDBACK

This article will be posted at http://warriorsofweight.com/issues in 48 hours. Please leave your comments there or visit on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned through her kung fu, tai chi and music training that silence can enhance our power. She says, “We are fortunate, as humans, that we can reset our minds and bodies by a small, incremental step. Silent action is one of the most powerful ways to make this happen. “

CREATING POWER: 5 OPPORTUNITIES TO BUILD IT AND KEEP IT (Issue 22)

by Diane Gold

Many of us, on an hourly basis, let distractions lead us into the temptation of walking off our path. We see a recipe we like and start reading about it; we turn on the weather channel to see if it will rain and end up watching 15 minutes of TV. We see a headline on some news source and read, and read, and read and read. Online, we click for reference material and read 5 more things. All while we are working on another task.

When I sat down to write this very article, it was 2 hours later than when I planned to start. Hand feeding my courageous cat, pondering global energy and catching up on some internet reading actions that got me off my intended schedule. Valid they were, but they took me off my schedule. In this article, we will explore together five of the most common ways we give away our power which, of course, we need to accomplish our goals.

ANSWERING OUR PHONE FROM KNOWN CALLERS

One of the greatest distractions in our lives is the phone. We rarely turn it off.
Unless we are life and death workers; it’s a safe bet to say that it is not necessary at all times of the day. There are many reasons we answer it when we are busy:

1) We don’t care about the work we are doing.
2) We want a distraction or socialization.
3) We have little self-worth and believe that whomever is calling won’t call back because we are not that important.

True phone story: Years ago, I recall saying no to my dad, Harry, when I was 13, when he asked me to go see The Guns Of Navaronne with him. I said no because I was waiting by the phone for one of the girls in my group to call and invite me to go downtown. The result of my having said no was that my father went to the movies on his own, the girls never called me which hurt my feelings, I hurt my father’s feelings and he passed before there was another movie opportunity (his photo left).
I’m not suggesting we always have to say yes; far from it. I am remembering the sequence of events that ensued from my shaky self-worth and misplaced priorities.

So, the bottom line is that the phone can stop us from completing our goals by stealing our focus. Just because it rings, we don’t have to answer it. We become powerful when we realize this.

ANSWERING AN UNKNOWN CALLER

This type of phone call has its own category because it is an opportunity for big power, a gift in disguise. Here’s how.

Let’s say, we respect people who work on a commission job, like the people who might call unannounced, so we won’t flat out hang up on them. But we do answer, even though we are busy, in the middle of work, leisure, play, homework or zoning out. Here’s a sample script of how to pull the power out on these calls:

D(iane): Good day.

M(arketer): Good day. It’s Tammi Tune. I’d like to talk to you about a new weight management program we have just opened up.

[Here comes the power.]

D: Do you have an appointment?

[Immediately, we own the conversation. And we make M realize we are busy, breathing, warm humans who have lives other than answering the phone for marketers. Then M is more respectful. ]

M: No, my company wanted to save you money on fresh water for your home.

D: I’m not available now. I appreciate the call, though.
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Or if s/he asks for us by name when we answer the phone,
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D: Good day.

M: Good day. It’s Tammi Tune. Is Diane Gold available?

D: That would depend. Do you have an appointment, Tammi?

M: I wanted to share something wonderful about our new collection of meditation robes.

D: Thank you so much for the call. I’m not available now.
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We can always choose to listen to the pitch or schedule a call back time. We can also give the caller 30 seconds to pitch us.

But, it’s our choice. We are in charge of whether to answer our phone and how far to go.

ACTION STEP

Schedule times when we are available to take calls. We can still choose to ignore a call. Most phones have an ignore button. Same for texts and emails.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AND TECH SUPPORT REPS

Have you ever noticed that for many of our home services, like telephone, electric, tech support; we are on hold for lots of time? Those of us who cannot relate to this may be too young to have handled this type of call or may pay other people to make the calls.

Most of us have called customer service or tech support reps. And we wait. And wait. With music we have not chosen in a genre that is not to our liking. Every minute we wait costs us time. If we bill at $100 per hour (round number example) and hold for 22 minutes, we have just given up $22, and, still pay the company for a service.

ACTION STEP

Currently, we must plan to be on hold. Before we call any service or tech rep, we must schedule work simultaneous to the call. This way, we will accomplish our work and not waste our time on hold. And we will feel happy and powerful.
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It is important to remind the rep that our time is worth money and that it is unfair for us to pay the company and work for the company by being on hold for no pay. We own the conversation, and we teach reps to be considerate.

Norton usually gives us an extra month of internet security service to compensate for hold time, though it usually equals the $5 an hour rate. Some type of compensation should be the norm, not the exception.

It is also important that we make it clear, when our issue can’t be resolved in the current phone call, we are not available in our busy schedule (even if we are lounging around doing nothing) to call back. Why would we, as customers, who pay for goods and services have to call the company back, which would be working for the company without getting paid? Very often, when customer service and tech reps boss us around, they are reading scripts. We must smile and take charge.

NAME CALLING

We each have some characteristic worthy of being called a name by some mindless twit who, at that moment, does not have a drop of empathy. I am reminded of the construction worker next door who, when I asked if I could walk through the house he was working on my sick cat who needed medicine was lost, said,

“That’s your problem.”

To give myself power, which I didn’t really have because the gates to the yard where I wanted to look were locked and I was not going to fight the worker for access; I imagined that the worker got locked in the house, his phone battery went dead and he asked for my help through the window.

I said, “I think that’s your problem. Oh, wait. That’s what you would say. I’m not a jarhead like you, so I will help you.”

Forgive them for they know not what they do is easier said than done. It’s tough to forgive when people hurt us. We must muster up power to do it.

The first thing to do when people call us names is – no, not go into our room and sulk – go change our perspective. Emotions are like reflexes. They show up after certain actions affect us. They are actually biological reactions to situations. So they are not right nor wrong. They just are. So how do we grab our power?

ACTION STEPS

Our first action is to look in the mirror, throw ourselves a big kiss and tell ourselves we are awesome. No matter what!

Our second action step is to go talk it out with someone, anyone. The power comes to us from changing our perspective and not dwelling on the words of some blockhead at school or work or in the street. If we don’t have an available friend, we can go to the library, the local food mart, the closest religious structure, the grocery store, the café. There are lots of people just waiting to listen to us. It will create more power when we approach them.
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REACHING OUR GOAL

On the road to reaching our goal, whether it’s to lose weight, gain friends, become vegan to balance weight issues, eradicate hunger or learn to sing; there are always potholes, bad weather and trials on the way to success. And there are many successes on the goal highway.

ACTION STEP

Here is THE effective action step that will serve us all well no matter what our road looks like:

Notice that we are more powerful for having begun our journey. No matter how many mudslides we encounter, we as a remarkable human being can create new ways to maneuver the twists and turns of the way to reaching our goal, moreso, because we have begun.

CONCLUSION

There are many ways to create power in ourselves. The more we do it, the better we get at it, and the more confidence we will have because we will be experienced power creators. These 5 opportunities consist of three everyday occurrences, two that come up from time to time. The more practice we get at stepping up to being powerful, the more natural it will become, and the more it will creatively arrive in a variety of situations.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below or visit on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned through her kung fu, tai chi and music training that repetition can change our framework. She says, “The way we used to handle a situation becomes obsolete when we become familiar with a better way. Further, what used to make us uncomfortable, with repetition, becomes comfortable and easy. “

DIANE GOLD INTERVIEWS V. MARK DURAND: THE HIGHLIGHTS (Issue 21)

by Diane Gold

Last week, I had the pleasure of interviewing V. Mark Durand, PhD, specialist in autism spectrum disorders and behavior change. What I found fascinating was the interview offered simple, five-word or less solutions to difficult problems. Mark has the ability to communicate how to get it done and do the research his solutions are based upon. Very rare in one person.

This article will focus on the important points of the interview. Although we did speak about children from all behavior groups, these lessons can be applied to any parents and children.

NORMAL PARENT FEELINGS

D: What would you say in laymen’s terms, are the three emotions we parents have to experience to lose our optimism or our ability to act like adults when kids do misbehave?

M: Well, speaking with lots of families, and we’ve worked with hundreds of families now, both with children with autism spectrum disorders, those with other kinds of disorders, and those without disorders.

D: Right.

M: Common emotions are frustration. That can be also anger at a child who is not behaving, who is not doing what’s being asked. Sometimes guilt, somehow feeling that it’s my fault that this is going on, and they feel guilty.  And also, especially out in public, or among family members, embarrassment.

D: Right.

M: That somehow I’m doing something wrong, people are judging me or people are judging my child.

D: Right.

M: Those are the three major themes that we hear from most of the families we work with.

D: I would say that most parents feel those emotions. That’s pretty normal. I know that emotions don’t have a normal and a not normal. But, would you say that most parents who are having a fine life have those emotions?

M: Oh, absolutely. And that’s one of the secrets. I think that many parents feel that they’re somehow different because they have these emotions. And that their parenting must be different because it looks like other people handle everything fine. And everything is perfect in their family. And once you delve into what goes on, you realize that 99.9% of parents feel these kinds of emotions.

The difference is when those emotions start to overwhelm you and get in your way of making good judgment with your child.

OPTIMISTIC PARENTING GIVES US TOOLS NOT TO LOSE IT WITH OUR KIDS

When I was a parent of young children, I would say that I would yell at my children for playing too loudly in the back seat. I’m not saying there’s pride here; I’m saying I did this. Or they might hit each other in the back seat. If I had taken an Optimistic Parenting course and utilized the teachings, what would I have done to control the emotions that made me yell or what would I have done to calm the kids down?

M: Well, there are a couple of issues. What I mean by Optimistic Parenting [is] it doesn’t mean that you walk around thinking that everything is perfect and fine. That’s not optimism. Optimism really is this ability to take the situation and kind of figure it out and wake up the next day and do it again.

D: Mmm.

M: So you’re not giving up. You’re not thinking that everything is futile.

D: Right. What you’re able to do is continue to do what you’re doing.

M: The first or one of the first things we would do in Optimistic Parenting is start to think or say to the parent,

“What are you thinking when your kid is screaming in the back?  What are you saying to yourself?”

And there’s another thing. We don’t directly try to change your emotions. So, if you’re feeling guilty or feeling embarrassed, we’re not going to say you shouldn’t feel guilty.

D: Right.

M: That’s insulting in some ways.

D: Right.

M: But, what we’ll say is,
“What are you thinking?”

(as the parent answering)
“Well, I think other people are judging me.”

M: And sometimes that’s true.

“So, how can we help you deal with those thoughts in a way that’s productive? Does it help you to think that way?”

(as the parent answering)
“Well, no, not really.”

M: “Can we do something to change your mood or to change your outlook so this does not get in the way?”

And the book is called Optimistic Parenting: Hope and Help, so we provide techniques for dealing with kids’ yelling in the back seat.

D: Direct techniques that can be applied specifically to specific situations.

M: Correct. So, we might say, often the reaction at the moment is not the most important thing.

“All right. Let’s plan for it. You know your kids tend to yell in the back seat. How can I organize some activities for them, some games, whatever, so, at least, they’re kept busy. How can I also alert them ahead of time that, should you yell in the back seat, I will give you one warning. After that one warning, something will happen.”

And it might be a check depending on the child’s age; you know, you lose a star, you lose a privilege or something like that. So that act of planning also helps the parent think that I’m now in control. So, this isn’t just a catastrophe that happens all the time. This is something I know is going to happen. I have a plan walking in. I’m going to stick to my plan. It may not work the first week. But it will eventually start to work. We try to get parents to start thinking that way. And, along the way, those emotions stop taking over. I might be frustrated, but I know I have a plan. And that’s what Optimistic Parenting is.

D: That’s great…That’s very helpful to me.

BEHAVIOR CONTRACTS

D: So fast forward. Let’s say the kids in the back seat grew up, and now they’re 12, or one of them 15 and one of them is 12. And they’re in the back seat, and they’re not supposed to be on their phone, or they’re being too animated on their phone, and it’s distracting my driving, let’s say. What do I do then? What do I do if they don’t listen to me, if I say you’re too loud?

M: Well, as kids get older, we make those kind of rules much more specific, if necessary. For example, numerous times, I’ve written up behavioral contracts.

D: Mmn.
M: “Here are the rules in the car.”

D: OK.

M: “You want me to drive you someplace.”

D: Right.

M: “I want you not to use your phone.”

D: That’s great. Aha.

M: “And so, you know, now, we’re going to put this in writing. We’re going to agree on it. We’re going to sign it. And if you don’t follow your end of the contract, I won’t follow my end of the contract.”

And this takes away the yelling, the screaming, the emotions of it. It’s just now a business deal.

D: What do you do if the kid won’t sign the contract, or if the kid breaks the rules, and the parents work so they can’t be home to monitor the kids. And they have to go to work. And the child didn’t do the jobs. And the child missed the bus and the child didn’t eat breakfast?

(Laughter)

M: Well, there are a lot of things in there. But, again, what you’d want to do is build in some accountability.

D: Um-hum.

M: I might come home and find out you didn’t eat breakfast and you missed the bus. So what’s the consequence for that? And, again, start to build into the contract,

“Here are the things you’re supposed to do. Here are the things you want me to do.

D: Right.

M: “You want me to take you to your friend’s house.”

D: Right.

M: “You want me to do your laundry.”

D: Right.

M: “You want me to give you money to go shopping for clothes. Whatever those things are, I’m agreeing to do that. And you’re agreeing to do X, Y and Z.”

D: That’s great. That’s so beneficial. I love it.

ACTION STEPS

1)    PARENT SELF-AWARENESS
When I asked Mark what one technique he would give to parents, he said,

“The first thing is to become self-aware.”

He suggests that we ask ourselves what we are feeling about our parenting skills and to be aware of what we feel and why when our kids don’t act the way we want. He says,

“It’s important to be in touch with what you’re thinking…Because that part [ your thoughts] will sabotage your effort,” [if we only focus on our kids and not ourselves].

2)    COMMUNICATION TIP FOR US TO HELP OUR DAUGHTERS

When I asked Mark for his one tip on mother-daughter communication, he said two words,

“Practice listening. We spend so much time lecturing and reacting. It’s listening. It’s also doing what I call ‘parenting in the moment.’ You know, just be aware of what’s going on. Don’t react to everything. Don’t judge everything. Just look. And look for the good things. But also listen.”

3)    RECOGNIZE ONE GOOD THING OUR DAUGHTER DOES FOR US

Acknowledge it to ourselves and to our daughters. This tip comes out of the interview.

4)    MAKE A ONE GOAL BEHAVIORAL CONTRACT

Based upon what Mark has given in this interview, when he described one of his most inspirational encounters with a mother and daughter he helped. They made a contract to start working on behavior. Why can’t we make a simple contract with our daughter, with only one requirement from each person.

This follows Mark’s saying,

“You’re not going to address everything at the same time.”

Mom picks one thing she wants from the daughter, such as the daughter’s waking up for school independently.

The daughter picks one thing she wants from her mom, such as her mom won’t yell each day she gets up on time.

This is a start. And there are many more ideas in Mark’s book, Optimistic Parenting, which, now that I’ve got it, I can’t put down.

5)    HOPE

Mark’s book is titled, Optimistic Parenting: Hope And Help For You And Your Challenging Child. So, he believes in hope and gives us lots of tools on the road. Although our situation may seem the worst, when we realize that one other person may be going through what we are, when we read that there are many families that have had success; when we know we are not alone, these are reasons for hope.

CONCLUSION

There are more techniques discussed in the full interview, but the above excerpts are fascinating. V. Mark Durand has many years of experience that can help us with self-examination as well as helping our precious children. I am very inspired to share this work with you and trust the action steps will work well.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments there or visit us on Twitter @warriorsoweight.

V. MARK DURAND, PhD

Mark Durand is a world renowned psychologist and professor at University of South Florida known for his work with autism spectrum disorders. He has received seven figure federal grants to study this group. He is co-editor of the Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, is on various editorial boards, is a journal article reviewer, a long-distance runner and a consultant. You can grab a copy of his new book at http://warriorsofweight.com.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that reaching out can save us. She says, “Speaking to one person can change our perspective. This can change our lives. It’s worth the effort.”

HOW IS PARENTING A CHALLENGING CHILD LIKE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT? (Issue 20)

by V. Mark Durand, PhD

After decades of research and millions of dollars spent on diets, we now know the secret to losing weight—eat fewer [empty] calories and move more! Not exactly a major new headline, yet millions still struggle with this simple strategy. Why? Because our thoughts and emotions get in the way of making better choices (e.g., eating healthier foods, getting more exercise). Anxiety can cause you to lose your willpower and eat that chocolate cake. Stress and thoughts of your past failures make you once more skip that trip to the gym. Our new research is finding that some of the same obstacles that interfere with successful weight loss also face parents who are challenged by their child’s outbursts. Despite hours of parent training, many families simply are not able to follow through on the techniques they learn because of interfering thoughts and emotions.

Picture a child screaming in a supermarket for a candy bar. Now put yourself in the place of the child’s parent. What are you thinking or feeling? If you are like almost half of the families we serve, you might be thinking what a catastrophe this is. You are becoming anxious and feel that all eyes are on you. You might also be feeling judged as a bad parent and can’t wait for this to stop. And because this seems to happen so often no matter what you try, you think that your child is just not capable of behaving. Despite your better judgment you decide to give your child the candy because you know the tantrum will end. Negative thoughts about your skills as a parent and perhaps about your child’s ability to improve seem to get in the way of good parenting skills—sometimes “giving in” just to keep the peace.

In our 5-year study across two research sites in Florida (University of South Florida, St. Petersburg) and New York (SUNY at Albany), we recruited families who had a child with significant behavior problems (e.g., severe tantrums) and who self-reported being pessimistic about their abilities as a parent and their child’s ability to change. These parents would often make statements like,

“I feel that everything is out of control,”
or
“I get upset because I feel others are judging me as a parent.”

One group received 8 sessions of behavioral parent training which included finding out the reasons behind their child’s disruptions and showing them various methods for reducing these problems. A second randomly assigned group received the same 8 sessions of parent training with the addition of “optimism training” (adapted from the pioneering work of psychologist Martin Seligman).

Here we taught them to become aware of the interfering thoughts and taught them skills to either distract themselves (sometimes with humor) or perhaps substitute the negative thoughts with positive ones (“I have a plan for dealing with this tantrum and things will get better.”). They learned both how to help their child but also how to be more positive and hopeful in their application of these plans.

At an invited address at the annual meeting of the American Psychological Association this summer in Washington, D.C., I presented the results of this study. First, it was encouraging to note that the children from families in both groups improved their behavior at home significantly after only 8 sessions with the parents. And the group that received the optimism training reported even larger improvements in their child’s behavior than the group that did not receive this form of cognitive behavior therapy. Interestingly though, when we looked at how the children were behaving at home through videos before, after and one year following treatment, the child from both groups were better behaved, but not significantly different. Why would the parents from the optimism training group report bigger improvements?

To answer this question “we went back to the video tape” and looked at what the parents were doing with their children to make them better behaved. What we found was shocking. In the families who only received parent training, we saw that they became experts at avoiding problems. For one mother whose son tantrummed at bedtime, she adapted the routine by lying down with him in bed and let him watch television until he fell asleep. He was much better at bedtime now, but this was not our goal. We wanted him to get to the point where he would go to bed and fall asleep on his own. She and other parents in this group just became better at avoiding problems—a process we call the “Concession Process.”

On the other hand, parents who received the optimism training did not concede to all of their child’s demands and persisted in getting their children to do things like put their toys away or get dressed without problems. Their optimism training helped them to keep it up and not concede.

This work points out how important it is to look closely at how our treatments actually work. An important goal in clinical research—much like what is done in medicine—is to find the active ingredients in the treatment. It may also teach us to talk to clients about these cognitive obstacles (“What were you thinking to yourself when this happened?”) to following through on our suggestions.

CONCLUSION BY DIANE GOLD

We sometimes think we are alone in our quest, whether it be parenting a difficult or diagnosed child, journeying to weight loss or climbing Mt. Everest. We are not alone. Because we are not alone and we share so many traits with others, we can learn from each other. We are best off using a system created by an expert to get there, be that a psychologist, a nutrition and fitness expert, a master mountaineer or ourselves, through trial, error and intuition. When we encounter a hurdle along the way, the system will help us through.

Although  many scientists now point out that calories from different sources provide different results in our body, no one disputes that healthy food and moving more are the keys to renewed health, happy weight and complementary behavior training.

From this article, we can see how breaking down the issue trains for success.
Because we all learn differently, a technique for one person may not work for another. However, one of Durand’s assets is in putting forth solutions that are surprisingly simple, yet so intense as to be used with ease in many areas.

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback. Please leave your comments or questions below this article.
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V. MARK DURAND, PhD, AUTHOR

Mark Durand is a world renowned psychologist and professor at University of South Florida known for his work with autism spectrum disorders. He has received seven figure federal grants to study this group. He is co-editor of the Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, is on various editorial boards, is a journal article reviewer, a long-distance runner and has been a consultant with the U.S. Departments of Justice and Education. Mark has authored three books, the newest of which is Optimistic Parenting. You can grab a copy at warriorsofweight.com in our resources section.

DIANE GOLD, PUBLISHER

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music pro and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes we can learn so much from each other’s experience. She says, “The more we see our similarities, the more we can understand each other and ourselves.”

MOTHER-DAUGHTER ANTI-COMMUNICATION AND HOW TO FIX IT (Issue 19)

by Diane Gold

It is the difficult interaction between mothers and daughters that requires all the courage in the world. The way this mom and daughter are communicating can be classified as ANTI-COMMUNICATION. Not all families experience it. Most do. But there’s no mistaking it when it starts to break down and erase effective human interchange. Every word exchanged or action shared sets the other off.

The cause is always internal to the individual, although it feels as if a razor gun is being pointed at us by the other person at the moment of deepest struggle. This very human tipping point occurs when neither the mom nor the daughter speaks to communicate. Each speaks at each other with anger, frustration, bravado, hurt, resentment, exhaustion, despair, disappointment, sadness. (Writing this brings back many memories of my speaking cruelly to my mom because of my own weaknesses. I don’t know how she handled it, other than that she was my mom and it was her job of love.)

True, the mom is the adult and authority and, according to one assessment, is the one who chooses whether to fix the situation or not. But this is often easier to say as an outsider that when it is happening in our lives right then and there.

Because there are so many people struggling with their daughters, I am going to include below an excerpt from my new consulting package.

Upon first glance, it looked as though the mom in our story is at her breaking point because she yells (or rages) instead of mediating in response to her daughter’s tantrums. But let’s take a closer look at why this is. This mom works 10-hour days, 6 or 7 days a week, has no support from and difficulty with other family members, has no health insurance which might help to pay for counseling, has other financial challenges which most of us have and is dealing with her daughter’s maturity, puberty and rebellious nature, common in the teen years.

The daughter has her school frustrations, issues with extra weight, also so common in puberty, fights with her sibling and is a latch key teen whose parents do not come home from work until 9 at night.

As one mom said when asked what she would do to help the communication between the mom and the daughter; she would sit down with the daughter and tell her what the rules are today. I agree with this. and believe that the rules that the mother wanted had not been clearly outlined to the daughter before the problems started. Now that the difficulties are here, clarification is one of the best strategies.

If the mother-daughter relationship is volatile, it is highly unlikely that the daughter will sit with the mother unless another program is brought in that is run by a third person. Eventually, the daughter will trust the mom again, especially when the mom shows that she will give up ultimate control, temporarily, for the sake of her daughter.

That’s where my step-by-step consulting program comes in.

The following information is an excerpt from Diane Gold’s Step-By-Step 24 Consulting. By reading this, we ask that you not take pieces of this program and use them. Either use the whole sequence or don’t use it at all. It is simple, involves a consultant or third person for accountability and accuracy and requires faith in self.

Furthermore, if you choose to read it, we ask that you not repost it. Also, please report how the experience goes by leaving comments using the feedback info below.

INITIAL MOTHER/DAUGHTER COMMITMENTS REQUIRED TO BEGIN

1) Both mom and daughter agree to include a consultant, middle person or mediator and no other person shall be present in a beginning consult. A professional with experience is preferred, even if it a volunteer.

2) Both mom and daughter agree to have this consult at a table outside the house or work, even if it’s in a public library or a beach picnic table. It is preferred that the table be 3 feet or more wide and 5 feet or more long.

3) Both mom and daughter agree to answer, honestly, questions about themselves.

4) Both mom and daughter decide whether to be recorded so that they can review their session, learn from it, remember it and pass it on to help others.

5) Mom and daughter agree not to discuss the specifics of this consult or anything about the program, itself, with any other family member or friend or school mate until directed to by the consultant, other than that she is involved in a special consulting or counseling program for a week. The reason for this is that not every family member or friend will agree with the technique, and the decision to go ahead with it should be the decision of the mom and the daughter. No one else. Therefore, no comments from anyone can be helpful at this point. And objections from others will be hurtful.

For those families who tell each other everything, I want you to think back to the time that you didn’t tell the family about the abdominal gas you experienced from the spicy food you ate last month. This will make you recognize that you don’t share everything and that there is a time and a place for optimal sharing. Once there is success, there will be time to share.

MOM & DAUGHTER FIX – ONE WEEK COMMITMENT WITH RIGHT TO QUIT IN ONE DAY

1) Mom and daughter commit to work very hard to let their interactions with other family members be separate from this very special interaction with each other. They will both do this by a hand shake or hug each morning or night.

2) Mom and daughter commit that for this one week, shorter or longer as decided by joint decision of mom and daughter, no added questions will be asked other than those written into the program.

3) When times get tough, mom and daughter will remember this is only a one week commitment with the right to quit at the end of the day. But during the day that is committed, follow the protocol.

HERE ARE THE RULES

1) No interaction is left to chance, so all rules must be followed. Everything is planned to result in specific, civil interaction with clear progressive outcome so that there are no misunderstandings and so that both people agree to and know the new rules.

2) Mom and daughter will carry matching notebooks with this printed information in it and a pen with which to write. Both will have them available at all times (not left in car or school). The notebook must be completely blank and unused to start. No exceptions.

3) Mom and daughter will refer to the rule page every time when interacting at the specific time of day or for the specific activity.

4) Mom will buy daughter an alarm clock if she doesn’t have a working or loud enough one, teach her to use it and watch her daughter demonstrate that it works.

5) Mom will give up the responsibility of waking her daughter and transfer it to her daughter. She will require her daughter to wake up on her own. If daughter does not get up on time, she will miss her breakfast which is scheduled at a specific time in 11) below or her bus or both. Mom’s (who have a car) will drive daughter to school only 1X a month for missing the bus because of getting up late.

6) Mom commits to her daughter, even though she doesn’t have to, that she will say please when she gives a command, to show respect to the daughter.

7) Daughter commits to her mom that she will acknowledge the command by saying, “I don’t like this, but I will do this for you, because you are my mom and I respect you.”

8) Mom and daughter will not yell for the week of the program. Each can dream about the end of the week when she can yell, if this helps. When/if one person makes a mistake and yells, the other will put up the index finger as a reminder of this commitment (vertical only, no pointing). The mom will accept this behavior from her daughter as part of the week of training and consider that it is not a disrespectful act. The one who is not yelling will ask the following questions of the one who is yelling. If both are yelling, use the 1-2-3 shoot method or the dice method in 16) below to determine who asks first.

a. What emotion are you feeling that made you yell?

b. How long ago in minutes did you start feeling it?

c. What was one good thing that happened in your day, today?

9) No blaming words will be used at any time. When one of you finds the other blaming, the one who is not blaming will raise the index finger as reminder described in 8) above and ask

a. What emotion are you feeling that made you use blame words?
b. How can I help?

and declare

c. I respect you.

10) Mom and daughter will not whine or complain during the course of the program. When either feels the need to do it, she shall write it down in her notebook with the date, time, feeling she is having and reason she thinks she is having it.

11) Breakfast will be served at ___ o’clock. Breakfast will be over at ____ o’clock (20 minutes later). These blanks are to be filled in by the mom. Daughter will be required to be at table at this time if she wishes to have breakfast. Mom will choose and prepare breakfast which will be cleaned up promptly at the closing time. No exceptions.

12) Lunch will be prepared by daughter the night before to take to school. No lunch money for this week. Having the daughter take responsibility for her lunch will get her to plan ahead and see the consequences of not doing it.

13) If Mom works late and daughter is home alone, mom will
a. call her daughter at 4 o’clock (or when daughter will be home from school) to ask

i. How the day went

ii. What homework she has.

iii. What future tests or work she has.

iv. Tell her she loves her and is happy they are working together.

v. Tell her what snack is available to eat.

b. Call her daughter at 6 o’clock when mom will ask daughter to make her lunch for the next day (so that daughter can help out financially by saving money, even if the family does not have a financial hardship), plan what she would like available for the next day’s dinner and ask her to eat dinner.

c. Mom will call daughter at 8 o’clock to see whether she has cleaned up after dinner and to see whether she has made her lunch.

14) Daughter will

a. Respond cheerfully when mom calls.
b. Wait for those 3 times to speak to mom, unless she has an emergency.

c. Ask mom how her day was.

15) Daughter is responsible to do her homework.

16) Mom and daughter will decide whether or not to continue this program for another day in step 15).

17) At end of day, mom and daughter will step outside or go into a basement, garage, park, quiet room to ask each other 2 questions and say 1 affirmation. Each will listen to the words of the other. No other questions may be asked about this process during this week.

a. What did I like about the way we spoke to each other today?

b. What did I learn about myself today?

c. I affirm that I am ready to work with you tomorrow.

The person who answers first will be determined by the 1-2-3 shoot method, extending 1 finger or 2. The daughter wins if the number is odd. The mom wins if the number of fingers is even. Or, if inside, roll the dice if you have real ones or go to: http://www.bgfl.org/bgfl/custom/resources_ftp/client_ftp/ks1/maths/dice/ and use the six sided ones.

18) If mom and daughter are finishing the 7th day, mom and daughter will decide together whether they wish to continue to week two.

CONCLUSION

When we are so entwined in getting through the day, we sometimes forget about respecting each other and sometimes take each other for granted. No matter how bad our mother-daughter situation is, we are family. It is our duty as parents to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to lead our daughters there. We would protect them with our lives against an attacker; we must also endure the pain of forming them and reforming them again in the harder struggle of day-to-day living.

I was extremely fortunate that my mother forgave everyone immediately if needed and started each day with a clean slate. I live this way because of her. I don’t know how she survived my difficult behavior, which was much worse than a lot I have seen. But she was a mom. And she championed through it for me. (Thanks, Ma.) She also reached out to a support structure of professions for help.

Part of the forgiveness that we may need includes listening to our children’s ideas and frustrations even though we are so tired that we think we will drop. It also includes setting up a structure for our children right now, if one has not been set up beforehand or if that one has fallen apart, so that our children have a framework from which to live. As much as kids like to be independent, they need a foundation from which to be independent.

Part of the forgiveness children need may come from seeing their parents as human beings. This is pretty hard before you are a parent.

As the above set of techniques indicates, one step at a time can do wonders. When we answer questions about ourselves, we are directing ourselves away from slanderous talk about the other in the relationship and allowing the other to get to know us. When we follow through on goals for a day at a time, we have a great chance of succeeding at them and, ultimately, learning new ways of relationship building.

There are many free services available in the United States for getting help. If you don’t have the time to find them, please contact me and I will try to help. Watch for the opening of StepByStep24.com, where you will be able to take advantage of our one week trial and our entire consulting package. It’s an excellent program that will allow you to feel in control, powerful and bonded with your daughter. Get ready for this package. We will help you with an advocate for the program, too. May the force of one step get you to the next.

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This piece is dedicated to my mom, Gertrude Gold Koplowitz, and to all the mothers and daughters out there who are having a hard time making sense of their relationship with each other. There are many ways we can get along with happiness. We just have to work together to find them.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below and follow us on Twitter at WarriorsOWeight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a consultant in music and stress and a dedicated mom. She has seen untapped powers become available in the name of love. She says, “We must place our frustrations in a box outside the door and access our reserve strength in the name of helping and saving our daughters.”

TAI CHI FOR WEIGHT LOSS: PREPARING FOR YOUR JOURNEY WITH WEIGHT (Issue 18)

Think, for a minute about baking a cake without first mixing the flour and water in the bowl. The cake would end up to be a clumpy, texture-poor mess. Or imagine joining a fighting championship without every having watched or studied fighting. Or what if the doctor we entrusted our surgery to had no medical training and had never done an operation before?

All these situations lack necessary preparation. We would prepare ourselves before running off the cliff with our hang gliders, right? We practice penmanship so that other people can read what we write. We practice in the mirror before we read our essay in school. The same holds true for taking on a weight loss program that could totally empower our lives.

One of the greatest tools to put us in a state of readiness is tai chi. What is it, exactly? It’s a method of exercise that teaches us to be patient, prepared, precise and powerful at all times. It’s a mind/body program that gives us a place to begin. We build a foundation of understanding how to be stable on our journey, and time reinforces the lessons as long as we do a little movement.

We as mothers very much crave to understand what makes our daughters choose to crave foods that put weight on them. Most of us are a little concerned in what ways, if any, our parenting skills have contributed to this behavior in our daughters, out of guilt (rather a waste of time), out of wanting to be able to teach better behaviors and, most often, just to make our daughters feel happier. We would give up all our analytical curiosity and even our own brow beating in a heartbeat if we could snap our fingers and see our daughters instantly be joyous in their bodies, beaming from ear to ear.

In this article, we will pinpoint several skills that tai chi is famous for. Doing it to any extent will decrease appetite almost immediately in most people. This phenomenon has to do with focusing the attention on the tai chi work, alone, with no time to defocus the attention. This is, of course, a general consensus and can fluctuate by individual.

PATIENCE

Tai chi teaches patience. The movements are so much slower than almost any other physical system which means that, in order to learn it, we have to direct our bodies to slow down. Many systems, such as kung fu, baseball, tennis, require elements of speed.

Tai chi requires us to slow down and move like a wave in a giant ocean of water. If we imagine the lines in a profile of the ocean, we can see each line rolling into the next. This is analogous to each body system moving harmoniously with the other. Here is a graphic representation of this concept.

So, let’s take that first step. In tai chi, it’s easy, because we don’t have to do much preparing. We begin by standing still. We continue by doing circular motions. Both these activities make us feel good. In doing so, we become patient with the way we feel, act, think, look, are. What’s so cool about the tai chi is that it produces its own endorphin rush every time we do it as we are learning the slow and simple movements. As we become smoother and more flowing with the movements, we teach our body and mind to be more powerful, abundant and patient. The tai chi almost engulfs us in positive energy.

Doing tai chi is a perfect complement to the journey to weight loss because it is a physical tool that shapes, tones and chisels the body as it mentally establishes the patience we need to achieve our weight goals.

BALANCE

One of the lessons in most physical movement activities is the art of balance. Tai chi is no different and is known for elevating balance in the body and mind at the same time.

The tai chi approach starts with stilling the mind and body. The lack of demand for rapid movement is what makes tai chi a great partner for the struggles with weight. Although we don’t have to overexert ourselves to do tai chi, the system is adjustable so that we can increase our effort as we see fit. It is a surprisingly full workout, no matter how much effort we give it.

The balance work in tai chi achieves three things:
1)    It gets us to establish a balance base line so we can see where we are to see where we want to go,
2)    It gets us moving our bodies so that we can succeed right away,
3)    It calms our mind and alleviates stress.

An example of a balancing exercise we do in tai chi is this:

The trick is to stand with a straight back, with the shoulders over the hips. No matter what else we do with the body, we need to make sure we keep the back straight. What happens to most people in most disciplines is that they are not aware when they are tipping backwards or forwards. So, once we have gone through this exercise, it might be a great idea to do it looking in the mirror to make sure the back is straight.

BIG TIP ONE: Make an effort not to judge whether you are or are not able to keep balanced during this exercise. If you are stronger and more balanced tomorrow than you are today, you have a success story.

BIG TIP TWO: If you compare yourself to yourself, you will be better able to concentrate on yourself and get caught in fewer traps.

This is a less than one minute balance exercise.

 1)    Stand straight with legs as close together as possible.
2)    Stand with heels together, toes apart, or as close to this as possible.
3)    Raise the arms in front of the center of the chest as if holding a big tree trunk or pillar.
4)    The palms should be facing the center of the chest.
5)    There should be a small space between the L and R hands.
6)    Relax the shoulders.
7)    Bend the knees a tiny bit.
8)    Keeping the back straight, slowly lift the R knee as you point the toe down.
9)    Hold this position for the count of 1, 1000, 2, 2000, 3, 3000.
10)    Slowly lower the knee so that the feet are in the 2) position.
11)    Keep the 3), 4), 5) position without dropping the arms.
12)    Repeat 7), 8), 9), 10) with the L knee.
13)    Slowly place the arms at the sides and let them hang with relaxed shoulders.

If you like the exercise, please do it daily for two weeks and let us know that you did so that we can send you a special bonus gift for your efforts.

MINDSET

Probably the biggest advantage tai chi gives to people on a weight loss path is mindset. As mentioned above, we have to prepare ourselves for the road ahead. I guess it’s akin to getting antibiotic shots when we are going to travel abroad. I was just reading about a retreat in Costa Rica where I am considering taking a group. Without the right shots, our bodies would be vulnerable to certain conditions in the area.

Similarly, if our mind is not ready, we have much less of a chance to succeed at our goal. If we don’t peel the old paint off, we don’t get a smooth new layer.

Tai chi creates a new layer, a new outlook on everything. It’s not magic; it’s effective use of our body parts. Instead of zooming through exercise, tai chi movement allows for deliberate use of every body part. That way, we don’t work out the core one day, the legs one day, the upper body one day. We work everything together with every movement. Not to say it’s the greatest discovery for womankind, but tai chi is pretty powerful because its inventors utilized movement that integrated all the body systems at once.

(Interesting note: While taking a 5-minute break after writing the last paragraph, I read an article by one of the most successful abs marketers. One of his fitness people lists 3 things I just wrote about: not isolating muscle groups on workout, not using different muscles on different days and not comparing ourselves to others. Important concepts.)

CONCLUSION

Tai chi is a miraculous invention for weight loss. There is no rush; there is no competition; the system easily allows complete adjustment on a per-person and on an ongoing basis. It works every part of us in a way that impacts the health of our mind and body without requiring our bodies to go on a roller coaster ride of endowment and deprivation as many programs do.

Tai chi is based upon ancient principles of ebb and flow. It is one of the easiest ways to relax and the easiest exercises to begin doing. It builds the foundation necessary to start an endeavor with the clear and patient mind. The physical balance it teaches translates to the emotional balance needed for a successful weight loss program. It gets the body in shape by building long, lean muscle and strengthens the joints and tendons. For further tai chi information, email me at 1 [at] warriorsofweight [dot) com. For a special discount, just mention coupon code PATIENCE & WEIGHT LOSS.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below or on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that tai chi is important for the world. She says, “Five minutes of tai chi a day will make us powerful, compassionate, creative and healthy. Do it, at least, one time.”

SUBLIMINAL SEDUCTION:
HOW WE ARE SEDUCED AND HOW WEIGHT LOSS SUFFERS (Issue 17)

by Diane Gold

Before we talk about the myriad of times per day we are seduced by advertising, let’s go to the dictionary. Subliminal seduction is a type of allure that takes place covertly, not behind closed doors, but without being overt like a male peacock displaying his feathers to a female, under our awareness.

The word, subliminal, means stimulating below the threshold of consciousness but able to register a response. We could think of it as planting a seed in our mind that continues to grow, even though we don’t see it. The word, seduction, means persuasion and enticement.

Let’s ask ourselves how many times a day we are subliminally seduced? And how often does this happen to our children, our teens.

As kids, we watch TV and, through the programs we watch, we are seduced into wanting clothing, body art, toys, homes and FOOD that we see on TV. Since broadcast services are changing, a lot of advertising is focused on mobile devices.

With TV, if we can’t fast forward past it, we wait for a commercial to be over to watch the rest of our program and, even though we are multi-tasking on our computer, phone, tablet during the commercial; some of the marketing message aimed at us about some mouth-watering food, bathed in high fat (that clogs arteries), oil devoid of the good stuff (essential fatty acids and antioxidants) and very processed sugar (which always contains high calories and, when processed, offers no nutritional value) reaches us and, the next day, we want this very item when we are at the mall, coming home from sports or school.

Or, if we are teens, depending upon where we live, we can get off the school bus or drive ourselves to buy this treat ourselves with our lunch money, our savings from our summer job, or from money from not working anywhere because we get an allowance from our parents. We don’t realize this urge came from the commercial during last night’s TV show or the ad that came on when we were looking up something for our school assignment on our computer. And we learn this craving behavior for items that may not be healthy.

As adults, how many drug commercials do we see that are not relevant to us? So how is it that, when a friend talks about sleeplessness, we recite the name of some sleep drug whose commercial we thought we didn’t watch. Or when we have a back pain, we remember a sparkly celebrity associated with the drug whose commercial we didn’t think we watched, and we go out and buy the very brand the celebrity pitched because the celebrity is shiny and knows how to act. And then we get hungry from the back pain medicine, and we crave some of the food on the billboard down the block. Even though it is not on our diet plan.

Then there are the friendly fast food restaurants that have built a culture around our ignorance. We were pulled in by the special toys they give away and our belief that, if there are 5 major companies advertising sugar cereal for our kids, it must be good for them. Or if there are 6 major companies all competing for the burgers, fries and drinks market; they all must have studied the nutrition behind the food and it must be healthy and safe for us as consumers. After all, they all have salads, now, so that would make for a balanced meal. And the FDA wouldn’t allow them to be in business if their food was no good.

Seeing diverse cultures with perfect smiles portraying highly manicured magical food that came from a company that made donations to charity convinced us, until not too long ago, that fast food was part of our American dream and couldn’t be dangerous.  In the past 20 years, although food labeling (one of my studies) has not changed much in 40 years; we know that being bombarded with advertising convinces us of falsehoods. Internet advertising actually follows us around online based upon our previous search patterns, buying patterns and demographics including age of our kids. These ads can appear in the form of banners on top in the header, flashing ads on the side, video clips that automatically start playing or just plain text. There’s so much visual noise that we probably don’t realize we are being bombarded.

If it’s creative, glitzy and has flash and bang; it builds brand loyalty. More than half of us don’t realize we buy many of our products based upon whose face is on the product or what happy feeling we associate the product with. We also like feeling wise about knowledge departmemt. We forget to care that we might have been enticed or educated through subliminal seduction and that our knowledge could be tainted with the deception that goes with ad campaigns.

When I was a kid, there were glamorous commercials and ads with big celebrities advertising cigarettes. We wanted to be like these celebrities, so it is fair to say that we were directly influenced to smoke by glamourous, subliminal TV and newpaper ads. Of course, it was found that the ads caused us to smoke. The ban on tobacco advertising came in 1971; the Surgeon General’s tobacco warning was required in 1984.

When my children were very young, there was a very successful multi-national fast food chain that began a monumental advertising campaign that continues today. This company spent massive amounts of money on tantalizing, musically catchy persuasion to show off their food. Of course, that’s what an ad campaign is supposed to do, seduce us. The ads that were on billboards and in newspapers were overt.

The much larger and more damaging subliminal part is (and I say is because it continues today) that we, the consumers, are given an entire mis-education whereby we learn that  food is good if commercials are pretty, because the companies align themselves with special charities that help sick children, because they serve not one but 5 kinds of salads, so how could we not trust them to maximize this food with nutrition and safety?
One of our biggest failures today is that commerce has been allowed to develop without regard for the health and welfare of its consumers. We trust that, when our government agency puts a stamp of approval on food or drugs, we can trust that the research and testing that has gone on will keep us safe and well. Sadly, this is not the case.

So, what can we do for ourselves right now?

As always, we have a special action step that will be fun and helpful. We have a survey for you. If you are a mom (dad) reading this, share this survey with your daughter (or son) or do it together. We would like to hear your input. This should take no more than 10 minutes to do and there’s one secret solution to curbing the food urge that is fantastic and proven to work.

ACTION STEP: TAKE THE SURVEY HERE

http:/warriorsofweight.com/survey1

CONCLUSION

Subliminal Seduction is everywhere. Once we realize that point, we can begin to utilize it to our benefit. All we have to do is notice ourselves a little more closely. If we look at some of the outside influences that make us want to eat or go and eat; and if we use that one step in the survey; we may reach and maintain our goals more quickly.

It’s easy to be influenced if we are not paying attention. All we have to do is be observant.

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback. Please leave your comments below and twitter us @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that, when we can learn a greater awareness if we put in a little effort. She says, “The secret formula is to put in a little time every day. A few minutes daily makes a huge difference.”

THE O WORD AND HOW EDUCATION DEVELOPS SENSITIVITY IN SPEAKING ABOUT WEIGHT ISSUES (Issues 16)

by Diane Gold

This article is written about the concept of extra weight and obesity in hopes that we will consider kindness and education for health and for to be kind, not because of what’s in it for us, other than wisdom (unless we value having it), but because of what we can give if we have a greater understanding.

But, wait. We can use our selfish nature to benefit ourselves, if we only think back to that one embarrassing moment when it all fell apart. Let’s think about the time we had a bathroom accident during the school assembly and our thoughtless classmate sitting next to us yelled out loud and exposed us to the whole auditorium or if we think about the time someone in our family passed away and the kids down the road laughed about it and said they were glad the person died because she was ugly or, when I was young, there was only one girl in the whole elementary school whose parents were getting a divorce. Everyone was talking about her because we were unfamiliar with the concept, thus we were ignorant. Now, divorce is as common as marriage, so its stigma has gone away. But, in the 60s, divorce had a stigma and my classmate was ostracized with whispering, gossip and pointing. No one was thinking about this girl’s loss of the privilege of living with both her parents under one roof.

STATISTICS AND MEASUREMENT

One way we measure our weight is by using the Body Mass Index. A great way to measure what this index defines is to feel whether or not we can pinch much excess skin around our body.  If we can, we are probably carrying extra weight (which scientists have deemed is unhealthy for our organs, our body systems and emotionally), and we have just used a less clinical, simpler method of defining whether our body mass index is high. There are suggestions below as to what to do should we find this in ourselves. The result of this index is what people usually see when they look our way.

Technically, Body Mass Index is a measure of the body’s weight in relation to the body’s height. Overweight refers to people with a Body Mass Index between 25 and 30, 20% or more above one’s ideal weight. The O word refers to people with a Body Mass Index over 30. There is a BMI calculator at our main website  homepage on the right hand. It may be helpful for our goals. And it’s free to use.

According to the 2012 update of the American Heart Association/American Stroke Association, around 1 in 3 kids between 2 and 19 carry too much weight, 1 in 6 having a body mass over 30. Compared to comparisons from 1973-4, the 2012 figures are 5 times higher. Why have we in the United States increased our weight? Is it abundant life style? Is it food scarcity where we are forced to eat the wrong foods? Is it the thought of scarcity? Is it our consumption-driven society, where we care more about selling product that teaching the correct paradigm for healthy eating? Is it that the stigma of having extra weight has skyrocketed? This seems to be the case, and due to the growth in this population, we notice more people who distinctly buy larger sizes and more advertising to address these consumers. There is a small group of 1 in 12-15,000 kids born with Prader-Willi Syndrome, a disorder of chromosome 15, which presents as insatiable hunger for life, but this condition does not apply to most people with more weight.

PREJUDICE

Both those who are large and those who are thin seem to show prejudice toward those who are large. This may come from lack of education and lack of sensitivity, fear of a situation not fully understood and self-deprecation. In 2012, we in the United States are legally protected against race/ethnicity, color, national origin, sex, disability, veteran status, or age prejudice at work and at school. (This does not stop the sadness from bullying when people violate this code and the victim does nothing, as happens most of the time.)

Although we know it’s not “nice” to reject people because of their looks, we are human and have reactions. Usually, we no longer call people with developmental challenges anything but developmentally challenged. Usually, we no longer call little people anything else.  Usually, we, in the United States, no longer call African-Americans, colored. So why are we still using words not based on human kindness for people who have more to love (MTL) in the O word category?

According to Richard Conniff, a writer for Men’s Health Magazine,

“prejudice comes from ignorance, and learning about [this] problem may be the only way to solve it in our society and ourselves.”

EDUCATION AND ACTION STEPS

In order to educate others, we must understand ourselves. If we take a small amount of time, we may find some enjoyment in the knowledge that will come from the following mental workouts. Here are some action steps that may help us to understand external prejudice, prejudice toward ourselves, personal options, group options, educating others, helping others and ourselves.

1.    Take the time to understand why our bodies gain weight, meaning where does the craving that drives us to eat come from. Is it a lack of a particular hormone such as leptin, one of the proteins that helps regulate when we stop feeling hungry? Or are we sad because of a particularly recent loss? Or are we doing no physical movement but eating more than we were because we are not moving and have nothing else to do?

2.    Take the time to consider why we would have an unkind reaction to someone with extra weight (even if we, ourselves, are more than our ideal weight). How kind are we in other areas of our life? Are we being understanding in all things or do we have some prejudice of our own to reduce and remove?

3.    Take the time to study our own bodies and how we feel about food and with food. Through deeper understanding, we can make more informed decisions about how we want to live and how we want to proceed.

4.    Take the time to discover whether we have made a personal choice to be large or whether our biology needs monitoring and whether we are happy with and proud of our weight and why. This is a truthful meditation we can do with ourselves, with a coach or with a network of people doing the same thing.

5.    Take the time to learn about eating well and evaluate whether we need more education or assistance. There is always more to learn. And there are always people to help.

6.    Take the time to consider seeing a food advocate or joining a support network to help implement the actions we choose to take, for ourselves or to help others by sharing our discoveries.

UNDERSTANDING

Craving food is like any other urge. It is physiological, (1) sometimes set off by emotions which activate chemicals and (2) sometimes set off by chemicals which trigger emotions and reactions. We must become educated and sensitive to our situation, instead of taking the ostrich approach. What I mean is that we can feel great about ourselves with a little book knowledge and a little self-love. Knowledge truly gives us the power we need not to bury our heads in our pillow in hopelessness the same way as the ostrich in this graphic is burying his head in the sand. There is a prejudice about the ostrich from which this image comes. He does not bury his head in the sand. The male ostrich digs such a deep hole for the protection of the ostrich eggs [5-6 feet] that it looks as if his head is buried in the sand. It is not. To avoid making judgments without full awareness, we need to educate ourselves.

CONCLUSION

Clinically, there is no issue with the word obesity. Scientists, who look after the truth, do not judge the condition in research and don’t point fingers. They only study their subject. It is we non-professionals, even if we know about the burden of extra weight, first-hand, who put a social value on it, through lack of education or through irrational (as all emotions are) emotional reaction.

It is said that calling an extra weight person a name is the last socially acceptable form of prejudice. When we are kids, we claw up the pole of life and hurt those in our path, until we gain understanding and nurture compassion. As adults, we usually don’t tease each other for having cancer, for losing a limb, for having ADD or for being a different color. The operative word is usually. Yet, the trend of tolerance and sensitivity has yet to reach people who judge the community of around 75 million people whose BMI is over 30, and the derogatory words of the last century are still being used with ignorance.

It would seem that the current generation is more compassionate than the last four as it is more exposed to technological speed and fresh and uncensored truth, there are multi-national cultures in all major areas in the United States and it is clawing up a new ladder to adulthood where its generation members typically have a network of 1000 international friends as part of their every day life.

So, tolerance for difference is built in. It is up to all of us, especially the moms and the older generations, though, to take a look at our own humanity, acknowledge our own prejudices, make an effort to dump them in the corner garbage can or, at least, put them in the closet in front of our children until we can delete or temper them, educate ourselves and then go out and educate others as to what we have discovered about body weight and what we have learned about being sensitive to our fellow humans.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below, use our contact us tab or on twitter us: @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu, fitness and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that doing slow, consistent physical work will build foundation of the mind that will maximize our happiness and health, even in the most difficult of times. She says, “As we are coming and going in our daily activities in life, we might as well exercise during the times we are transporting ourselves.”

FOOD EDUCATION; WHO’S DOING IT AND WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR IT? (Issue 15)

by Florence Bernard

In my constant endeavor to understand what is going on in schools, it has been one of my big concerns to comprehend the lack of emphasis on nutrition in schools in this country.

OK, I am French so I realize that I come from a culture where food has a different place.  But whether you almost worship quality food or you just feed yourself, the fact remains that your body needs certain nutrients, vitamins and calories to function properly.

I can’t tell you the number of headaches that get cured by a simple glass of water in schools.  Why?  Because kids either forget to drink or drink sodas all day long, which not only makes them more hyper but thirstier as well. Plus, they get a buzz at the time, don’t get any hydration and actually literally “crash” an hour later.

Needless to say, this is not a very productive way to live at school. Children who are half asleep don’t exactly perform very well.

The choice of food is also crucial. I once had a student who stopped at a well-known fast food drive through (which I won’t name to avoid any publicity!) every morning and wondered why her daughter was complaining of stomach ache every day and systematically missed the first class.

Yes, fast food served in those places has nothing good for you!  In case you didn’t know.
[Publisher’s Note: the marketing budgets for many fast food restaurants are vast, so the information publicized focuses on the flash and bang of selling and not the side effects of eating poorly. How do these companies generate wealth when their products cause so many negative results? They have a beautiful and systematic approach to running a business. Some have the simplest, almost fool-proof business model that can be respected from a commerce perspective. Whether these organizations have thought about how their food builds a mindset that mis-educates consumers, especially children, is an interesting topic. One would think that multi-nationals who have achieved such status would take a stand and help rather than lead the public in food myths. But that is a discussion for another day.]

I am not just talking about potential weight problems here. I am talking about energy levels, performance and moods. A lot of kids stuff themselves with chips and snacks that have no real nutrition all day long. In the end, they become aggressive because they are still hungry. If they don’t know it, their bodies do and express it.

Response and concentration levels are directly linked to nutrition and yet there is barely any effort to feed children properly. School lunches are, for the most part, lacking. School dieticians just fill kids’ stomachs and send them on their merry way.

Worse still, very little is taught about practical, everyday nutrition. Yes, in biology class, students learn about the different food groups; they learn about carbs, fats and sugars…But kids are not taught to EAT the right way.

I don’t know why there isn’t a What Should I Eat 101 course in every high school. Or even before. And if not a program for kids, there is certainly a need for parents to learn about food. Many parents think they are doing the right thing, but how should they know? They were never educated on the topic themselves.

So as a parent and to fulfill your responsibility, it is your job as a parent to make sure that you educate yourself about nutrition. And more importantly, you have to lead by example.  Kids eat what their parents give them. They crave for the treats that their parents have gotten them used to. If you start giving your kids healthy snacks when they are young, they will want healthy snacks.

Don’t listen to TV commercials. Do your own research and find out what will work for you and your family.  You don’t have to make drastic changes. That probably wouldn’t work anyway. But little by little, change your diet, change your habits and let your kids follow. You will see improvements in many areas of their lives.

CONCLUSION BY DIANE GOLD

After hearing about the lack of food ed in the schools, it’s important to do something. As Florence says, not listening to commercials and doing research will help.

When will we take the step to outline what needs to be taught in the schools? Almost like a project. Then conduct Food 101 in the home, and make sure your kids are proficient enough to bring up the discussion in school. That way, they can reinforce their knowledge, pass it on and develop the education process.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below and follow us on twitter: @warriorsoweight.

FLORENCE BERNARD, AUTHOR

Florence Bernard has that special way of being able to tell it like it is so that both parents and kids can benefit and follow her methods. The answer is usually in plain site.

Florence is an internationally acclaimed teacher, a parent consultant and the author of Better At School. She has developed strategies to get the best out of her students, their families and teaches them the joy of learning. You can read more about Florence on our Experts Page and get her book at: warriorsofweight.com/betteratschool.