7 REASONS FOR WORKOUT BURNOUT: THEN DO TAI CHI (ISSUE 125) April 15, 2014

By Diane Gold

How often do we get workout burnout and why do tai chi to avoid it or to fix it?

We are all about getting ourselves in shape, greedy to feel great and look spectacular. This is a good kind of greed because it keeps us healthy and our country flourishing. But, in my over 15 years of teaching martial arts (of which tai chi is one) and all my life watching people and their workouts, I have heard story after story about people’s workout history. There are only a few stories, even though we all, as individuals have our own.

1.  My Workout Is  Boring.

2.   I Feel Empty And Disconnected From Myself When My Workout Is Over.

3.   My Mind Is Not Relaxed  After My Workout.

4.   My Motivation Is Gone.

5.   My Muscles Are So Tight From Working Out, I Move Like A Robot.

6.   I Feel Totally Selfish When I I’m Finished.

7.   I Want A Workout That Builds Me Spiritually.

These reasons may sound familiar. We can give ourselves reasons to quit or continue.

 (1) If our activity doesn’t keep our attention, we quit. We usually are not taught the merits of follow through and perseverance, so we quit.

(2) If we don’t feel as if we have done something important, we quit. We usually don’t take the time to examine importance.

(3) If we are jittery and unrelaxed, we are forced to stop the behavior that’s causing it. We usually don’t know how to make the small adjustments needed to relax the situation.

(4) If we’re not motivated, we quit. Even if it’s one time, so often one missed session is enough to end the habit of working out.

(5) If our muscles are unnaturally tight, we may see it as counterproductive and quit. Most everyone has not been taught how to keep loose or to get loose.

(6) If we feel selfish, we may not like the feeling and we quit.

(7) If we see our workout as devoid of anything spiritual, we may feel plastic, unsubstantial and quit.

ENTER TAI CHI.

The art of tai chi is a system of movement that uses wave-like, circular patterns of moving the body, arms and legs. Its purpose is to connect everything that we do with the body with our mind and our spirit. It’s not a magic potion of movement; what it is is a very slow moving discipline that, because of its slowness, allows the mover to connect the movement to the mind. Its purpose is to teach the mind to act fluidly like the body movements. The physical moves are tools to connect us to ourselves.

Here’s something to think about. When I am doing tai chi, the speed at which I am moving allows me to focus my attention on my movement. The movement allows me to focus on only 1 thing. This focus allows me to follow each body part, 1 at a time. I can, as well, connect my motion with the heat and the balance of my body, the expansion and compression of my lungs, the flow of my blood, and the space in which my body exists. I am in moving, martial meditation.

Picture the adventure of a dandelion seed, using the fibers of the dandelion flower to keep it airborn, and it is whisked away by a fluid stream of the wind. The ride is smooth with no sudden movement other than what the airstream provides for it. This fluidity likens it to the journey of tai chi, where we learn to follow the line of movement of one body part from its beginning to its end which leads it into a new beginning of the next body part. This rolling rhythm that is tai chi allows us to translate our wave-like action of our body to our mind, reducing or removing jerky decisions, panic or despair.

And yet, the standard joke in tai chi is this:

“If tai chi is for the mind, why are my legs shaking?”

The true answer is that tai chi uses the body to teach the mind. And the shaking will pass. It’s only mild discomfort on which we are not focusing.

When people do tai chi, they move throughout the session. So tai chi has the advantage of allowing the blood to continue flowing throughout the session, permitting easy self-monitoring of the body so that there are no strains and there are enhanced respiration and circulation without any impingements from closing the body off in any way.

Further, tai chi works to relax every muscle, tendon and joint by teaching focus on one movement or body part at a time. Eventually, the goal is to move while looking at nothing at all. But that takes time.

The very nature of tai chi, that we move everything simultaneously, that we focus on one body part at a time, that we feel our blood moving around in our body and learn to picture the air that surrounds us makes it ideal for someone who is looking for something more. The blood’s moving is our life energy or chi that we hear so much about. The slowing down of movement, the reduction of thought to only one thing (and then “no” thing) and our being able to feel our chi moving up and down our bodies and limbs allows us to have a spiritual, meaning part of ourselves, experience. We know we are not doing traditional working out because we feel especially tuned in to our bodies and our own essence at the same time.

For those special reasons, tai chi helps us to avoid workout burnout. Tai chi is always new because the moves we do reflect the way we are in our lives on that particular day, and we are always feeling a physical connection to our feet, our hands, our bodies, our fronts, our backs and heads when we do it. We remember more as we train ourselves to notice more. The fact that we are able to establish a strong foundation for ourselves allows us to see others in a compassionate, even protective, way. This foundational root takes away the feeling that we are doing our workout just for ourselves, alone, since we start to become kinder and wiser the more we do it. The objection to our doing a selfish workout dissolves, and we evolve.

For all the reasons that we don’t burn out when we do tai chi, this old and sophisticated art offers solutions to people with a huge list of physical and emotional issues: memory disorders like Alzheimer’s Disease, muscle disorders, like Parkinson’s Disease, Anxiety Disorder, Chronic Organic Pulmonary Disease (COPD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), cardiovascular disease, balance disorders, diabetes and more. And it’s a martial art that teaches self-protection, one-pointed focus, stress-free living and how to maximize health.

ACTION STEP

Consider doing tai chi. The training teaches you to move every part of you at a time. It’s always new because your movements change with understanding.

Go HERE to begin the inquiry process.

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DIANE GOLD, PUBLISHER AND AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She is excited to share some insight about workout burnout. She says,

“I have watched and experienced over and over the cycle of getting into a routine or habit and then, because of missing one instance of it, dissolving the routine for a new one. When we skip an activity or class once, we are beginning a new habit, that of feeling what it feels like to skip the activity and doing something else with that time. This starts the beginning fibers of a new routine which replaces going to the activity or class. When we skip the activity or class two times, it is sooooooo much easier to skip and put less importance in the third time and the fourth time. Pretty soon, the class is out of sight, out of mind; and we are on to the next routine.

“This is OK, as long as we know it is our choice and that is the right choice for us. If it is laziness, stop skipping, and get back to the original routine. And may the force be with you.”

THE HABIT OF PEACEFUL CONFLICT RESOLUTION  (ISSUE 122)

By Diane Gold

I have been considering the idea of the habit of peaceful conflict resolution and how it affects world peace. This kind of thinking comes from deliberating about the anger and hate that lead us to vengeance, jealousy and greed. I am always examining new ways of conflict resolution and looking at how our reactions to these fight or flight emotions can be tempered.

Are we uncontrollable animals who need revenge to survive, or are we civilized beings who can calmly resolve our differences without annihilating each other if someone steps on our prideful ego in some way? The microcosm, meaning conflict resolution between two individuals, mirrors the macrocosm, meaning conflict resolution, country to country. And vice versa. As we work it out individually, we can work it out globally. As I see it.

This leads us to the “habits vs. instincts” discussion.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HABITS AND INSTINCTS

I have been searching for the words that define the difference between habits and instincts. Here’s a quote from the differencebetween website which had a brilliant and superlatively simple way of putting it,

“Habit is a fixed tendency or pattern of behavior that is often repeated and is acquired by one’s own experience or by one’s own learning, whereas an instinct tends to be similar in nature to habit, but it is acquired naturally without any formal training, instruction or personal experience.”

What makes the above quote a great definition is that Charles Darwin alludes to something similar in his Origin of the Species as did his predecessor, Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, 500 years before Darwin. They both arrived at the idea that traits can be passed down generationally even if they are acquired through acquired training of the previous generations. Another way of saying this would be that the offspring of parents who are trained in a certain behavior are born with the behavior and no previous training in the future generations.

For example, if it became necessary for all of us to swim a lot to survive well, we, primates, might, in generations to come, be born with the ability to swim without being taught.

We can look at the domestication of one or two wolf species. The domesticated wolf became the dog, according to James Serpell, professor at University of Pennsylvania’s School of Vet Medicine in his 1995 The Domestic Dog. Through teaching the wolf pup of the wild wolf to be calm, gentle and social with humans; the offspring of the tamed wolf pups began to exhibit the gentler traits at birth, without any training.

HABITS AND EVOLUTION

So, the way of our evolution has to do with the training we are given which, if ingrained in us well, can be passed down to our offspring or to their future generations from birth. What could exist is our own domestication, cultivating the habit of peaceful coexistence.

We are no longer savagely beating each other for food, land, shelter. We are civilized society. Unless someone takes our food, land, shelter. Then our survival instinct comes into play, and we become original savages. We create laws to temper our survival instincts. Good. This is civilized. But isn’t our penal system based on vengeance and our forgiveness based on remorse?

Example 1: When someone commits, some of us say an eye for an eye.

Example 2: When someone commits a crime and shows no remorse, we want to penalize that person with the maximum sentence. When the same person with the same crime shows remorse, we show leniency, and it is easier for us to feel for this person as a human being and forgive. Those of us who can forgive the non-remorseful who laugh at the pain they have caused have developed inner wisdom. I aspire to that, although I am far, far away.

CULTIVATING THE HABIT OF WORLD PEACE

The point here is if we start role playing peaceful solutions to different circumstances when we are young, we will be very experienced at conflict resolution by the time we reach 25 when our voices can help run the world. We will recognize human rights violations and know how to use our voices against them using our peaceful methods. This means we may be interested in letting go of our old ways.

We know that repetition develops a habit. So, if we continually come up with solutions using peaceful methods, we eventually will develop the peace habit. If we then cause peace to happen due to solution-based strategies rather than problem-centric ones, several generations down the line can be born with the peace gene more inherent than ever before.

CONCLUSION

Educating our young is the way to world peace. Changing ourselves is another way, but this may the hardest of all endeavors. The subject of peace must be added to the worldwide curricula, not for one unit in fourth grade, but every day and week of every year through graduation. If we begin the process today to regularly replace our own fight or flight emotions when we are not really in danger of losing our lives, future generations have the chance to be born with more tempered spirits. Instead of keeping our eyes closed, we can see that cultivating the habit of peaceful conflict resolution is our responsibility. We can make an effort to balance ourselves; we can also volunteer to teach the way to do this.

Becoming involved in educating about peace is worth everyone’s time. Make some.

ACTION STEPS

1)   NEIGHBOR A TAKES NEIGHBOR B’S LAND

a)   Gather a group of 5 family members, friends or associates.

b)   Agree to do an exercise where none of you will be speak or act disrespectfully or raise her voice.

c)   Agree to speak about your emotions during the exercise.

d)   Put names on individual pieces of paper, and put papers in a top hat or bag. Draw two names out without looking to see whose turn it is.

e)   Neighbor A will be the aggressor neighbor, and neighbor B will be the neighbor upon whom aggression is taken.

f)   Neighbor A takes 25% of Neighbor B’s land. The town in which they live has given jurisdiction to the individuals to work out their own issues, so there is no town board to intervene. Both Neighbors A & B say their ancestors owned the land.

g)  Neighbor B will come up with one possible peaceful solution to this issue.

2)   NEIGHBOR B TAKES NEIGHBOR A’s LAND

Follow all steps a) through g), but reverse roles.

3)   EACH OBSERVER COMMENTS ON THE METHOD USED TO SOLVE THE ISSUE

4)   DO THIS ONCE A WEEK WITH FAMILY AND AT LEAST ONCE A MONTH WITH FRIENDS OR ASSOCIATES.

5)   PASS IT ON TO MORE GROUPS.

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Please leave  a comment.

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Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She is concerned with the peace of the world and believes educating youth at an early age holds the key. She says,

“We defend ourselves for no apparent reason other than soothing our egos. And we are encouraged to do so. This behavior perpetuates the war mentality.

“Consider that if we could tame ourselves, we could create world peace. Isn’t it worth it to learn peaceful conflict resolution? Isn’t it worth it to teach it early?

“It starts with each of us individually. We may even begin our personal journey by teaching the peaceful way to our young ones. Through our teaching, we will learn.”

QUITTING A HABIT! (ISSUE 118)

By Diane Gold

Quitting a habit! Quitting is such a simple word. It has two very different connotations, although they both mean the same thing. It means the act of stopping doing something. But, in our minds, it usually refers to stopping our current job or ceasing our current habit. We will focus on the habit.

PSYCHOLOGICALLY HELPFUL?

When we use the word “quitting” for the cessation of a habit, it conjures up the image of life being sucked out of our bodies. Even thinking about stopping a habit feels as if we are going to lose something instead of gain something. Psychologically, these concepts direct our actions, so they are not just semantic observations that only have intellectual use. When we see we are going to get something; it can cause pleasure, and we are more likely to move toward it. On the other hand, when we are going to lose something; it can cause pain and we avoid it.

That’s why it’s much more advantageous for us to use the correct word and one that is more pleasing to our psyche: replacing. When we replace something, we maintain a feeling of abundance. This keeps us balanced and happy.

THE TRUTH

The truth is this:

ONCE A HABIT, ALWAYS A HABIT.

This is not a bad thing, so please, let’s hold onto our hats and rejoice! It’s a reality that when we respond to an urge for something over and over again, it becomes a habit.

And, once we have learned it, we usually do not unlearn it. What we do accomplish is we replace it. And this is the interesting fact.

REPLACING A HABIT

So, here’s this task we have for ourselves. We have a habit, and we want to replace it.

One of the online dictionary’s defines replace as,

“Take the place of” and

“Put back in a previous position.”

I would edit the second definition to be,

“Put in position,”

merely because where the “something” is placed could be in an old or new area of our lives.

REPLACING VS. QUITTING

When it comes to habits, replacing and quitting are like opposite sides of the yin-yang symbol, where opposing forces make the whole.

Consider the glass’ being half empty or half full concept. When the glass is full, we think of richness. The empty term, in Western terms, can speak to barrenness, although, in the Eastern way, emptiness is the way to abundance.

Deleting the term “quitting,” when it comes to habit change is a freeing experience. So many people are anxiety ridden when they think they have to quit something. Many fewer people are troubled when they think about replacing or doing a new behavior and keeping the attention on that new behavior.

In fact, the idea of focus comes into play. When we focus on quitting our old behavior, our mind is filled with all the old memories that go with the behavior. When we focus on replacing our behavior with the new one, we walk in the new direction, which is where we want to go.

There’s all that talk about keeping the eye on the target, the goal, the ball. It’s true that if we keep focused on the new behavior as if it comes naturally, eventually, with repetition, the replacement behavior will become natural, and we will have a new habit. Or, at least, we will get good at replacing it.

CAUTION: THE BOREDOM TRIGGER

Be careful of the feeling of boredom. It can act as a built-in excuse for doing a certain behavior that is not good for us. We might think that if we had excitement rather than stagnation in our lives, we would not act out the behavior we wanted to change. We might even create the boredom to delude ourselves.

Boredom, in many cases, is the actual trigger that causes our over and over again behavior that becomes a habit. Rather than knowing there are an infinite amount of things we can do to lead full lives, it’s important to pre-plan one or two of them. That way, we will be armed against even the most common cues like boredom.

ACTION STEPS

So, let’s get started and see how it feels.

ACTION STEP 1

1)   Pick one thing you wish to “put in position.” This means pick any habit you would like to replace, such as eating desserts or sleeping too much.

Let’s say we always get the urge to eat dessert. We can change our reaction to this trigger by planning another behavior in its stead, such as going jogging as soon as that urge is felt. This will begin the process of replacement. Repeating this behavior will turn it into a habit. By behaving consistently by jogging and not dessert eating, we will have replaced our old with the new behavior. Although this certainly is quitting acting out the old behavior from the sheer repetition of the act; it’s easier to accomplish by using the concept of “replace.”

ACTION STEP 2

2)   Keep a record of what time the urge occurs, what time you start the new behavior (like jogging) and how long you do the new behavior and each time this occurs for a week. If this is accomplished for a week, continue the process for another week, another week and another week.

ACTION STEP 3

3)   Promise yourself you will not judge whether it is just as difficult to do the new behavior a month later as it was on the first day. This feeling is not important. It just exists and doesn’t work only one way. For some people, it becomes easier with time to be automatic about doing your new behavior. For others, you will have to be deliberate in directing yourself to do your new behavior.

Just keep replacing. Each time you do, it’s OK to give yourself a high five in the mirror.

CONCLUSION

Think about quitting a habit. It reminds me of wrenching something from life. We have to do without which causes pain.

Now think about replacing a habit. Ever more gentle it is, causing some growing pains, yet not attacking our psyche in the same way.

Of course, when we want to do something new in place of some old habit, we want to give ourselves the easiest path to follow. That path involves planning one simple action that will be repeated over and over again. It also requires saying “replace” instead of “quit.”

Armed with these tools, we have every opportunity to have a pain-free experience of moving from one habit to another.
___

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FEEDBACK

We value your feedback very much. Please leave  a comment below.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes “replacing a habit” is a more nurturing way of the phrase “quitting a habit.” She says,

“How we are treated by others is really important. How we treat ourselves is crucial.

“We have the opportunity to be nurturing to ourselves. Making it easy for ourselves is one such way to nurture. This includes speaking of ourselves fondly and setting up the user friendliest situations. For habit change, this means using the word ‘replace’ and not ‘quit.’ It’s similar to the difference between exercising on a rocky field or exercising on a flat cushy matted floor. One is easier than the other.

“Be nice to thyself whenever possible. This will facilitate us in any habit change endeavor.”

THE NUMBER ONE METHOD FOR HABIT CHANGE: THE SECRET IS OUT (ISSUE 116)

By Diane Gold

Before we reveal ”The Number One Method For Habit Change” for free, in this very article; let’s look at habits, in general, to understand how many we have and the potential simplicity of changing them.

PERSONAL HABITS vs. NON-PERSONAL HABITS

Our habits are either personal or non-personal. We all easily identify with habits and actions that relate to ourselves, since we are usually quite concerned with ourselves: whether we can or cannot control our eating, drinking, drugging, picking, blinking, speaking. These habits are physiological or mental and connect to our senses, rather than related to ways we act toward the outside world.

Non-personal habits define how we act toward our environment through repetitive actions passed down from families – political agendas, belief systems, what paper towel brand we use, what is acceptable to wear, eat, the way we were brought up to speak, the way we do or do not speak with people on the street or in our neighborhoods, listening to certain music because that’s what we’ve been exposed to, the amount we allow ourselves to dance in public, our understanding of social customs of our area, the way we treat others, the way we resolve conflict, whether we are first to help or wait for the crowd to do it first. These are all external to our own personal habits. They influence them and cross over into the personal, but they are outside them, for the most part.
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Both personal and non-personal habits make us who we are. Although we will focus on the personal, the number one method for habit change is the same for each.

APPEARANCE

We develop habits based on how certain actions make us feel. Whether we wear designer clothes, keep our hair immaculate or stay fit because we enjoy people’s staring at us; we act out behaviors regularly to achieve these good feelings, aka rewards. The cue, which is the original feeling that makes us do a behavior urges us to work so we have access to buy clothing, get our hair done, so we look how we like. This urge also pushes us to work out so that our bodies look good, which gives us the end result: the reward of having people acknowledge our beauty. Appearance

These are only examples of appearance habits we may have. There are others of us who specifically wear clothing to make us invisible, since we don’t like it when people stare. And there are others of us who do not consider what people think; they are busy with their own lives and work.

PHYSICAL CRAVINGS

Quite often, our habits become founded in the urges we feel. By acting out a certain behavior, we can receive a hormonal rush of happiness. Because we want to experience this “reward” again, we repeat the same behavior to get it. That’s how habits begin, with repetition.

The craving, urge, cue, whatever we call it, that drives us to behave a certain way can be a similar feeling no matter what reward our end product (the result of our action) achieves. Whether we eat a yummy food, take a tranquilizing drug, drink a drink that makes us tingle, play a card game that thrills us; we are seeking the end delicacy that our hormones produce.

TIME FOR HABIT CHANGE

As may be common knowledge, once we have a habit, it belongs to us. Like gene expression, it can be dormant or active. We don’t unlearn to ride a bike, and we don’t lose our blue-eyed chromosome that may express itself in our children, even though our eyes are brown. When we turn social drinking into excessive drinking, we own it. That doesn’t mean we have to express it in the future.

When we choose to change one of our habits, we replace the habit that was there with a new one. The old one is still there, but it is a “habit in the closet,” so to speak. As long as we are doing a new behavior and not opening the closet, the habit will stay put. For as long as we choose. Habit In The Closet

So the big trick to creating a new way of acting is SPEED, not the drug, but the swiftness with which we act after a cue. We have to be ready starting now for the very first cue that comes that has previously made us do the habit we want to change. From now on, we must replace this action within 15-30 seconds of getting that cue so that the mind doesn’t have a chance to intervene.

Once we have made the decision to do something different, that is, change a habit, we can remember,

“Immediate Action Required.”

That’s the simple answer to what could seem a monumental issue. Rather than struggling with “not” executing an act we have done over and over again, like giving in to our desires that lead us down a path we want to avoid, we take our attention and our bodies to a new place, a new action and, therefore, a new, but rewarding, outcome.

ACTION STEPS

1) As soon as the almighty urge shows up that sends us to get our reward, IMMEDIATELY DRINK WATER, TWO GLASSES AT ROOM TEMPERATURE. Bam! That’s it.

2) OK. That’s not exactly it for some people. We may need another action to lead us to the reward we want which is to look good, feel good and, ultimately, change our habit. We may need to VERBALIZE that we have had the craving out loud to another person or people.

Of course, if we have an appropriate friend, we can tell the friend. If not, we can tell a stranger. It’s surprising how many people want to listen to what we have to say, even if we just know them from shopping where they work. Naturally, we can reach out in social media, but this digital admission does not give us the same mirror reflection that telling a live person gives us.

We may be afraid, nervous, embarrassed to admit our urge. That’s fine. That has nothing to do with taking the action. We have plenty of time after we admit our urge to be afraid, nervous, embarrassed. As long as we take the action of saying it out loud first. This works best if it is done within 5 minutes of drinking the water.

If you’re near the beach, tell a lifeguard. If you’re in-city, tell a librarian. If you’re on the farm, tell a fellow farmer. The worst that can happen is that you will be judged by someone else. Most people are not qualified to make a judgment, so the judgment would be like someone not liking the color of your eyes. Those who are qualified to judge who make a negative judgment about someone’s decision to change a habit lack the compassion and humility that are found in a quality human being.

Think about it. What’s worse, not changing a habit whose time has come or the possibility of embarrassment? The obvious answer is not changing.

Granted, it does get tricky when we have children and they will be heckled in school. In that situation, it is time to trust the children and speak to them honestly.

3) Here’s a quick step in not being embarrassed. FOCUS on discussing your urge and on doing the new behaviors. When you are finished drinking water and verbalizing, you will have time left to be embarrassed. Or you may feel the power that comes with self-help.

CONCLUSION

What habits we develop depend on who we are, what we decide and our body and mental chemistry. Not every person raised in luxury with servants and dinner parties has the habit of overdrinking. Not every person raised in poverty who gambled in the park to feed her family lets gambling take over her life when other financial opportunities appear. The number one method for habit change works universally.

THE NUMBER ONE METHOD FOR HABIT CHANGE

When we are ready to change a habit, this is the process:

1) Make a contract with self to replace a behavior for a day or a week. The contract must include the action step to be taken immediately upon having the craving that starts the habit process in motion (such as when the urge to drink alcohol or eat a cookie comes; drink water, not alcohol or drink water, instead of eating a 3:00 pm cookie).

2) Take the contracted action step immediately every time the urge shows up, starting immediately. It’s only for a day or a week. You can un-contract yourself at any time after the first contract or renew it. Your choice.

3) Be consistent with the contracted behavior every single time you feel the craving or you start to think about it. It’s only for a day or a week, whichever you have chosen.

Once this process is completed, you have the choice to renew the contract or stop. The choice for changing a habit is yours.

HELPFUL HINTS

If this process does not work the first time, it’s okay to start again and again.

If someone says anything about your habit change question, it is not important. What is important is to do the action steps. That’s it.

It is not necessary to believe you can do it to succeed. What is important is to act. By doing so, your belief in self will arrive, while you are changing your habit. You will believe when you see what you have done.

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback very much.
Please leave a comment below.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we complicate. She says,

“Simplify, simplify, simplify. When we make things so complex, we miss what’s right in front of us. When we have one choice, we take it. When we have one road on which to walk, we walk it. The habit change process outlined as ‘The Number One Method For Habit Change’ proposed to do just that: offer one choice and one road on which to act out the choice.

“When we look at one thing at a time, we just might accomplish our goal. So let’s make a contract, act on it and repeat the actions for the contracted duration. That’s all we need, and that’s plenty.”

10 HABIT CHANGE MISTAKES EDUCATED PEOPLE MAKE (ISSUE 113)

By Diane Gold

With regard to habit change, we don’t start out by saying,

“It’s time to make 10 habit change mistakes. Or 5 or 1. Oh, boy. I’m ready to make those mistakes.”

Of course, we don’t. We have every intention of carrying out our newly designed plan that we’ve been considering for some time. We have the motivation, and we know all we have to do is,

“Do it,”

so we’re going to start. What goes along with this commencement is an understanding of what goes along with the method we have chosen.

Here are 10 habit change mistakes and the action steps we can take to dissolve them.
With a good foundation, we can stay on our path and avoid these common mistakes.

NOTE TO REMEMBER

Every mistake is an opportunity, no matter who we are. And most times, we would do well to substitute the word opportunity for mistake.

#1 MISTAKE)

Run right out and join a gym challenge.

What’s great about this is that action was taken. What stinks is that we didn’t prepare our minds for the task ahead. Our path is our path. A gym challenge is a competitive race and, although, infrequently, we can get the ball rolling for our motivation effort, most of the time, looking at the way others train allows us to miss our own rhythm and causes us to fall off the wagon and stop the process.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #1

a)   Realize that you are your own person.

b)   Keep your mind on your work. Although we have been taught to judge, taking the time to judge yourself slows you down, is wasteful and is unnecessary.

c)    If you absolutely have to judge or compare, only look at yourself: compare yourself today to yourself tomorrow.

d)   Have a fun time.

#2 MISTAKE)

Start an exercise program doing 3 hours on the first day

When beginning an exercise routine, it is crucial to be consistent, energized and motivated. Tempered training is best, meaning that every day, the same amount of work is accomplished. Or overwork may lead us to walk away from the exercise program.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #2

a)   Commit to a specific amount of time to will work daily or every other day for one week, no changes.

b)   After week one, decide to continue for 1 week, 2 weeks or 3 weeks.

c)   Commit to the same amount of time or a new amount of time. Do not pick an amount of time that will strain your mind.

#3 MISTAKE)

Start consuming special weight reduction pharmaceuticals or supplements with the idea that there are no side effects during the regimen and after stopping.

Everything we ingest in our body affects our body and chemistry. Weight loss supplements have the added disadvantage of developing a tolerance in their consumer, requiring an increased dose after a short time. The other hindrance is that when we use an external apparatus to change, we don’t make a lasting change in ourselves.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #3

a)   Start a 1 daily one minute exercise program. This will motivate further work that will act as a catalyst for a lasting good habit.

b)   Carry out this daily program for at least one week before you take the weight loss supplement. This will give you the best chance not to take it. When we change ourselves, we change ourselves. When something outside us changes us, we have not changed, and our weight loss will not sustain itself.

#4 MISTAKE)

Use a supplement without researching its research and realizing that the referred to research isn’t public, is disorganized, was done using inconclusive method, doesn’t exist, is too old, was mismanaged, was word of mouth, used evidence-based information based on a control group of 30 people on which all world info is based, was gathered by the manufacturer and publicized in a magazine published by the manufacturer.

(sound like any pharmaceutical products you know where the manufacturers may not own the journals where their trials are published but whose board members play golf and vacation with journal publishers, academicians and government regulators, the last of whom will most certainly ask colleagues in big pharma for a consulting job when s/he has done enough favors for them as a regulator?)

Since supplements are not regulated by the FDA, supplement labels are allowed to say,

“Proven effective by medical science,”

without citing the proof. Hoards of products carry similar labels for the purpose of selling product and having us believe in research that may or may not exist. Data on each ingredient may be secondary information, meaning that the manufacturer got the data from some other company which is not the direct supplier from whom they got the ingredient.

Drugs that are FDA approved have their own flaws. And drugs that may be approved for weight loss for bariatric surgery patients may never have been tested on non-bariatric surgery patients, but doctors prescribe them anyway. This is called off-label prescribing. So, do the research after the FDA, also.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #4

a)   Eliminate one food that is not good for you one time a week, and hold off on starting your supplement for one week.

b)   Call customer support at your supplement manufacturer, and ask them to point you to the research on each of their ingredients. They will balk, say hold on, come back and read from a sheet they have been given about allergies. At that point, ask them to reach out to their Research and Development Team to get links to the necessary public information. Be patient. It takes a while.

c)   Look up the side effects of each ingredient in your supplement, and evaluate your risk.

d)   Look at the comments about the supplement online, and see whether any of those come from a researcher. If not, evaluate accordingly, and keep digging.

e)   Repeat a) once every 72 hours until you get an answer. It may take a year, but keep companies accountable by following up persistently.

#5 MISTAKE)

Decide to lose weight and stop eating.

Obviously, we need our nutrients to be well. By eliminating our meals for the sake of weight loss, we are putting our body at risk. Instead,

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #5

a)   Do 2 stretching exercises, each for 30 seconds before drinking water in b).

b)   Drink one- or two-12 oz . glass(es) of water before eating each of 6 half-size meals a day.

c)   Leave a little bit of each meal on the plate.

#6 MISTAKE)

Decide to lose weight, stop smoking, quit alcohol and drugs, stop gambling all at the same time.

We need one-pointed focus to embark on any strategy. It’s hard enough without our giving ourselves scattered mind.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #6

Commit to one area for habit change, stick with it for a month or two. Then, look at changing another.

#7 MISTAKE)

Decide to take time off from your work to do everything in 6).

Keeping the regular routine, including work, helps us habit change. Often, we need distraction from thinking about our old reward. Work helps this.

ACTION STEP TO AVOID MISTAKE #7

Don’t stop work or your regular routine.  Just begin your strategy.

#8 MISTAKE)

Forget to look at your nutritional intake as a responsible factor for cravings, anger, depression, hyperactivity.

What we put in is what comes out.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #8

a)   Do some research on the food that you eat and drink.

b)   Eliminate some sugar, salt, oil and animal fat every meal.

#9 MISTAKE)

Depend upon a buddy system for doing your habit change without doing personal development.

Buddies are great, but we need to change ourselves along with whatever else we are doing with our buddy. That way, if/when the body system goes away, we will stand on our own with our new habit intact.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #9

a)   Do tai chi or some other mind/body work along with your habit change.

b)   Go to your library and help a non-reader read.

#10 MISTAKE)

Not join a mind/body or straight body program because you are waiting until you have lost weight, gained weight, stopped smoking, lost your flab, quit alcohol and drugs, stopped gambling.

Waiting until … is a mistake. Do it now, whatever it is. Put the ego in the closet.

ACTION STEPS TO AVOID MISTAKE #10

Join a gym, a dance class, meditation session now, even though you don’t want people to see the many rolls of fat you have. Waiting means not progressing, so go, go, go today!

CONCLUSION

Look at your special curves that you might want to reduce or your wrinkles you might want to tighten, and say to yourself,

“You look mahvelous!”

And truly mean it. Because you are.

See if any of the 10 habit change mistakes above sound familiar. Use the action steps to avoid them, and plan habit change for life support. We need to be rooted to embark upon habit change that will last. All we have to do is prepare the mind.

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback very much.

Please leave  a comment.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She sees the myriad of people who jump into habit change without grounding themselves. She says,

“No matter our education, no matter our common sense; if we don’t prepare our minds for our task, we can easily get side tracked. I’m not saying we have to go to an ashram to center ourselves. I am saying we have to settle ourselves in some way before we make a decision that will have lasting results. Otherwise, the decision may be perpetrated by a tornado of feelings and our poorly built foundation may begin to crack.

“All we need do is take a pensive moment. This will help us to avoid most of the 10 habit change mistakes we have covered and maintain the habits that are suitable for our lives.”

HABITS IN MEDICAL CARE – PART 3: READY FOR CHANGE? (ISSUE 112)

By Diane Gold

This article looks at 7 habits well ingrained in our standard behavior in those of us who have put our faith in the medical care system without realizing the pitfalls and the dangers and before examining the outcome. Its purpose is to highlight our automatic acceptance of these behaviors and to offer alternative options to anyone ready for change.

1)   Depending upon a primary care physician and giving up our personal responsibility for our care.

In the previous article in this series (June 24, 2013), I mentioned I was still looking for a primary care provider. I have found her. It is I, an unlicensed, non-medical person who knows a lot about nutrition and mind, body, spirit fitness. So far, I care the more about my own care than anyone I have found; I don’t treat myself like just another chart; I know the details of my case without having to look at a chart which is brief, at best; I have done research on nutrition and fitness and body processes and interactions that no medical personnel I know has done.

I work on always being open, as I believe it is a great way to live. But I am responsible for myself and count on specialists for specific parts of my body. Shouldn’t we all be responsible?

2)   Having to pay for a 2nd doctor’s visit to get the results of the diagnostic tests whose prescription we paid to get at the 1st doctor’s visit.
When we have a question, we must make an appointment to ask the question: unless we have some type of concierge version of a relationship with the medical pro. In days to come, it is likely that we can use telehealth (virtual medicine) to get our question answered. Of course, we will pay for the medical pro’s time in school, cost of school, cost of overhead including office staff, whether face-to-face staff or virtual, and medical expertise.

 Although I am looking forward to the day when all medical professionals offer  electronic consults, the telehealth-telemedicine industry is already having us form a new habit, should we choose to accept what it is pushing. Their business model saves provider overhead, saves the government emergency visit costs for patients who get government subsidies, but the patient pays the same as before. As are many infrastructures, this one is abusive.

The televisit might be no more than 50% of an actual face-to-face visit if we were taking into account there are no office to clean, no employee needed to meet and greet, no sterilization of instruments and no need to prepare an office for the appointment. Further, more of us would be happy not to have an in-person visit if our virtual encounter cost less. It doesn’t. Why would it not, except that the industry has made a pact not to train us patients to pay a non-reduced cost?

3)   Taking doctor recommended drugs from doctors who are paid by the pharmaceutical companies to prescribe.

Does your doctor work for a pharmaceutical company? Did you know that some are commissioned to recruit patients for a new drug, getting paid per each head brought to the study? They are also trained to educate other doctors about the possible benefits of the drug so that other doctors will recruit patients to take the drug. Don’t know for sure, but I suspect that the educating doctor gets a cut of the stipend that every other doctor gets for bringing patients to the study. If this is the structure, it is multi-level marketing which I firmly believe in. But, in medicine, might there be agendas pushing prescribing techniques?

Just like the pharmaceutical rep I met the other day, the doctor paid by big pharma has been trained by the pharmaceutical company on the merits of the drug. Had s/he seen all the trials, even data of patients who didn’t finish or on patients who dropped out because of side effects? Makes us wonder.

4)   Accepting that doctors don’t get to see the full data on drugs they prescribe.

Doctors and health professionals only get to see a summary of abstracts or the full abstract if they pay for a medical journal subscription that houses the abstract. The abstract is some editor’s summation of facts which may not reflect study results. How weird that drug study results are not open to patients. We’re the ones who have to decide to take them or not. These data are also not open to doctors. Should we just say,

“Yes, ma’am. Thank you, ma’am,”

when told to take a drug when we don’t even know whether evidence collected shows its merit or not?

5)   Accepting that the drug administrator in our country permits pharmaceutical companies to hide drug trials from doctors and patients.

6)   Not being told, in advance, the cost of what we are purchasing at the doctor’s office.

7a) Not being given full explanation before a procedure is done at a doctor’s office so that we can decide whether we agree to have a procedure done.

7b)  Not standing up for ourselves and asking for full explanations at a doctor’s office before we have a procedure done.

CONCLUSION

We all have habits in medical care. Whether we are aware of them or not is another story.

The way to better ourselves is to notice how we treat ourselves and notice how people we pay in the health care system treat us. We deserve good treatment. This may mean changing our habit.

WHAT YOU CAN DO, THE ACTION STEPS

These action steps require that we be our own advocates. It’s not as hard as we may think. And, many providers will be willing to talk and change, should be we bring our concerns to their attention.

1)   Study how the body can be made to be healthy, and do this for the rest of your life.

2)   When you call the provider’s office to get the results of your test, have the provider fax or email you your results. Then you can decide whether a follow-up appointment is necessary.
Ask your medical provider if  you can confer by email and what it would cost.

3)   Ask your provider if s/he is in any way affiliated with the pharmaceutical company of any drug prescribed.

4)   Ask your provider how much data she has read on any drug she suggests. Ask that she get that data to you for your review. This does not mean the insert inside the drug box or the summary of any abstract that is available online.

5)   Call the drug administrator in your country, and talk about how you want drug trials to be public, not proprietary.

6)  Call you provider a day before an appointment. Request of the front desk that they tell you up front what your responsibility will be for the visit. This may mean they have to call your insurance company to find out what your responsibility for payment will be. I they say you have to wait, you can tell them you would need to know this information before you go to the appointment.

If you have no insurance, ask the provider’s office person for what you will be responsible if you have a routine visit, an x-ray, anything else commonly done in your type of provider’s office. Of course, the office person will say s/he won’t know until afterwards. At this point, mention that you are asking for the cost for an office visit and 3 x-rays. If you don’t have the x-rays, you can deduct that amount. Also, if you have no insurance, request of the office personnel that they request of the provider to be permitted to pay the allowed amount paid by people on an in-network insurance plan. Sometimes, they will have mercy. But, if you don’t ask, you’ll never know.

7)   Tell your provider that you are always interested in a full explanation of anything that s/he wants to do so that you will feel more comfortable with the process. Be clear the provider knows you have full confidence in what she is doing but wish to understand the process before it happens. That way, no ego gets bruised, and you can still decline the procedure once you understand what it is.
_

AWARENESS

Be aware of how many habits in medical care we have. We can change them today to support our lives.     Awareness

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback very much.
Please leave  a comment.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we are responsible for our health and its treatment. She says,

“When we allow a medical provider to work with us, we are giving opportunity. True, we are also fortunate to have the benefit of such a person, especially if we find a caring and competent provider.

“But part of our responsibility, as I see it, is to ask questions about every step of our medical care and to inform all providers how we want to be treated. Otherwise medical professionals will not know that we want discussion and disclosure and may not realize we wish to approve or disapprove what is being suggested.

“The more we speak out, the more medical professionals will feel comfortable talking to us instead of at us. If we stay silent, care providers sometimes think we don’t want to participate in our own medical life. So, make it known that we want to be very much involved in all procedures.

“If we’ve never asked questions, habit change is in front of us. If we have been expressive about our involvement in our own medical care, it’s always great to reinforce a good habit.”

HABIT CHANGE: OUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION (ISSUE 110)

By Diane Gold

Habit change, New Year’s resolutions, success. That’s what we want. That’s what is possible. Whether we want a total make-over or a tiny change, now’s a motivating time to make it. This begins with a tiny plan, 1 step and repetition. Along with this, an inventory of our own personal foundation is in order.

OUR FOUNDATION

We, as humans, have a variety of requirements. To be at our best, we need a balanced infrastructure to support us. The simple version of this concept is that we need great nutrition, a little exercise, a way to be creative, love and companionship, daily relaxation, enough rest and a place to do this in. Each of us has a little bit different make-up and needs more or less in each of these areas, depending upon who we are.

GREAT NUTRITION – this means getting most of our enzymes, vitamins, minerals, phytonutrients from food, not supplements, with little or no pesticide present. Hard to do in an age where we use genetically modified seeds that live through toxic pesticide sprays so that we get maximize crop yield for maximum profit, without regard for the damage the sprays and the genetically engineered seed do to our bodies.

DAILY EXERCISE – this physical fitness can be anything from stretching to walking to climbing stairs to bicycle riding.

CREATIVITY – being creative can range from telling a joke to writing a letter to mixing an album. When we communicate with others in a way where we are expressing our own uniqueness, we are creating.

LOVE AND COMPANIONSHIP –

we are social creatures. Reaching others is truly important for us.

DAILY RELAXATION – although we see the need in others, sometimes we leave out this all important area of what’s necessary to keep us whole. We would never think of skipping our daily hygiene. In the same way, we need to keep our insides clean through some type of calming activity. Daily.

ADEQUATE REST – can anyone relate to having gotten too little rest? I start to fall apart most quickly without just the right amount of rest. And that makes sense, since we are like machines with electrical signals for our brain and our heart. We need to recharge ourselves regularly and completely to work well.

Sometimes, we take these beauties for granted. They are important to upkeep so that our habit change, New Year’s Resolution, whatever it is, will have a leg to stand on, so to speak.

THE NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION

No matter what we want to change, if our foundation is solid; we will do well. This means if we monitor our nutrition, exercise, creativity, companionship, relaxation and rest; we have a super chance of breezing through our task. Our New Year’s resolution may, in fact, be in one of the areas mentioned.

ONE-POINTED FOCUS

As with any goal, it’s important to apply one-pointed focus and go in one direction. Once 1 step is taken, then another comes. So often, we attempt 2 things at once before we have an understanding of one path. So nothing gets done because our attention is not exclusive. Here’s another factor that might help.

PERCEPTION

The way we perceive things makes the difference between bewilderment and understanding, collapse and success. There is only one small difference between the two. It’s our perception, whether we are victims or conquerers. When we realize that we are replacing a new and wonderful action in the place of the old action that we wish to change, we can focus on that new action and all its joys, rather than becoming victims who are depriving themselves of something.

If we have the capacity to think, we have the capacity to be our own heroes. Make sure to leave the victim mindset in a small box outside the door. There’s always opportunity to go get that box later. Leave it outside for the first 21 days of the habit change, and let’s see how that goes. It’s only 21 days. If it’s not necessary to get it after the first 21 days, leave it for another 21 days, etc., etc.

If we are not sure what that one New Year’s Resolution is going to be, here are several action steps that may help.

ACTION STEPS

1)   Write down 5 habits that you wish to change. (Don’t worry if you don’t have 5.)

2)   Next to each, write down a replacement action you could do in place of the action that is your habit. It can be fun, creative, unrelated, as long as it is immediate and available to you within 10 seconds of getting your original cue.

3)   Next to that column, on a scale of 1 to 10, write down how much you wish to change each.

4)   Use the 1 to 10 guide to decide which habit will be your New Year’s Resolution. Keep judgment out of it. This is for you, alone. If one is more pressing than others, but everyone thinks you should change another, go with your gut. It’s your New Year’s Resolution, and it’s your habit. And you know better than anyone else what it feels like inside you.

5)   Now that you have picked 1 of the 5 habits you have written down, decide whether the replacement action is accessible to you 24 hours a day. If it’s not, pick another one. If what you picked requires eating food, drinking water; make sure that you can carry the food and water with you at all times.

6)   Get ready to start by buying any food or bpa free water container you will need and preparing it now, since your plan starts January 1, 2014 for your Happy New Year.

SPECIAL EMPHASIS

The plan must be in place before you move a muscle so you will be ready when the cue (the trigger that makes you want to take the old action) shows up. That’s what 6) is all about.

7)   Tell a friend, storekeeper or some online social media connection about your decision. Keep talking about your resolution behavior on a regular basis. It will encourage follow through.

8)   Do it! You can, you know!

CONCLUSION

1 step at a time will get us changing whatever habit we choose. We can make a list. We can manage to have water or carrots with us all the time. We can go to a public grocery store or library and tell an employee there what we’re doing. The employee will listen. This declaration usually helps us stay on track.

Most important, though, is to be consistent with keeping up with the new behavior, and, if this involves food or drink, prepare it. We need to be ready so that the first time and the 100th time our body or brain tells us to act out the old habit, we are ready with the pre-planned all, new behavior.

To succeed at our New Year’s Resolution Habit Change, repetition is key. Whatever our new behavior, it must be repeated for a good 3-week period as a humble beginning. I just read an article saying how 21 days to change a habit is a myth, and 66 days is more realistic. If you’re like me, it can take 90-180 days to take hold, and repetition is still necessary on a daily basis after that.

Bottom line, a strong foundation is extremely helpful when changing a habit. It makes the efforts that will surely be difficult, a little less difficult and absolutely possible. Wish you an extra bit of energy for your resolution! Follow the steps and see if it works. We’re all together.

SPECIAL NOTE ABOUT MAX-NEEF’S HUMAN DEVELOPMENT MODEL

It should be noted that Alfred Manfred Max-Neef developed a more complicated, yet more complete, human development model which he based on fundamental human needs and discussed in his 1991 book, Human Scale Development. This model includes:

subsistence, protection, affection, understanding, participation, leisure, creation, identity, freedom. The reason I favor the simple version is it is more concrete at spelling out our needs. It is a lovely list that is worthy of thought.

New Year’s Resolution 3-Question Survey
For All Survey Participants: Free Habit Change Plan.
Click HERE to proceed.

but don’t forget to read Diane Gold’s comments below!

FEEDBACK

We value your feedback very much.
Please leave  a comment below.

Please LIKE us on the website and at WarriorsOfWeight on Facebook. Thanks.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we each succeed at our great New Year’s Resolution. She says,

“With a simple instruction of how to walk a path, the path does not have many holes. That’s because we are prepared for the holes when they arrive. In the same way, with a little planning and straight-ahead focus on our part, we can proceed with habit change and have a positive outcome. Rather than think about whether or not we can accomplish our task, let’s just do it. That is the way!

“Happy New Year! Be safe.”

THE HABIT OF FORGIVENESS: HOW TO FORGIVE WHEN IT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE, 7 WAYS (ISSUE 109)

By Diane Gold

“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize the prisoner was you.”

This quote is associated with  Lewis B. Smedes, author of The Art Of Forgiving. It is also associated with Corrie ten Boom, author and Dutch protector of Jews and resistance workers during World War II. When Corrie, who was imprisoned for hiding Jews and those who didn’t support the Nazi way, came face to face with one of her captors, she walked the walk of forgiveness. She and one of her former concentration camp guards came face to face. They held hands, and she forgave his acts, according to review of her book, which mentions that, in her experience, those who are able to forgive are best able to rebuild their lives.

Forgiveness author, Smedes, quotes,

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

This is the way habit change works. We don’t get rid of it; we replace it with a new action and reward.

THE CUE

All of us have experienced hurt, whether it is a small trauma in our lives or an unspeakable wound that is life changing. We always attach the event to a person or people involved. If that person or group had not hurt us, we would not be hurt.

Being hurt is the cue that triggers our action.

THE ACTION

In many cases, we are led to defensive behavior. For small infractions in our lives, we may cry, stomp our feet or laugh it off. For larger, more devastating experiences, we may go to a support person or group. Whatever action we take leads to a reward of some kind.

THE REWARD

The reward we experience from crying is relief from the outlet. Same with stomping our feet. These behaviors help us cope. We may have a moment of patting ourselves on the head through crying or foot stomping. When we laugh something off, we are experiencing the joy of living and being able to deal well with discomfort. Not always possible.

For larger events, being supported by others leads to being able to cope with a situation. Coping is our reward.

ACTION AFTER TRIVIAL HURT

Here’s a good place to mention that trivia is in the eyes of the beholder. If we think we have been wronged, then we act in a way to get comfort. What is trivial to you may be traumatic to me.

I am reminded of one of my neighbors who often holds on to the spats she has with local merchants. When she feels violated by the merchant, her action is to talk about the experience at length and to announce that she will no longer patronize the merchant. This leads her to her reward, getting recognition for her plight and for personal grandeur.

With any trivial hurt, people act timidly, angrily or in a tempered manner.

ACTION AFTER IMMEASURABLE HURT

Once we are hurt in a life changing way, we still act timidly, angrily or in a tempered manner. We probably reach out for support which brings us the reward of lessening the pain.

UNDERLYING OUR HURT

As we all know, we feel more than one thing at once, such as anger and vulnerability or happiness and confidence. Next to these emotions, we place responsibility for our being hurt on someone; often we put it on ourselves. Other times, we put it on the person or group who created the hurtful situation.

When this underlying responsibility lingers, and it usually does, we are blaming someone. This is part of the reward phase when we blame others. It helps us cope. It is reverse reward when we blame ourselves.

Either way, that’s where developing the habit of forgiveness comes in.

DEVELOPING THE HABIT OF FORGIVENESS

There are 3 scenarios when we were hurt:

1) it was our fault.

2) it was someone else’s fault.

3) it was no one’s fault.

In the first 2 scenarios, the forgiveness habit can move mountains. People do religious rituals, go to forgiveness classes, go to support sessions, read forgiveness books, all in order to learn to forgive. These avenues are fabulous. Every one of them develops a new pattern of action when we feel hurt, just like the way we develop or change any other habit. And just like with any other habit, we have to replace the old habit for the new one to be currently accessible.

WHY FORGIVENESS?
The reason it’s so important to forgive is because blame eats us up. We may think that if we mortally hurt the responsible person, we will be healed. This is one of our baser instincts that is worth looking at. It’s not legal to wound someone, so it’s not a solution. It’s not moral to wound someone. It’s not wise to stoop to the bad behaviors of others. This is where forgiveness comes in.

HOW TO FORGIVE?

How to forgive? We must develop it.

People have always thought of me as a forgiving and understanding person. They have not seen me in the face of being assaulted, having family members hurt, being cheated out of money, having a car accident because of a drunk driver. Fortunately for me and mine, I have not had to experience all of these atrocities, although some have crossed my path. I don’t feel cool, calm and collected when I am hurt. But, I do have certain methods of dealing with forgiveness that I will share.

When people lash out and hurt us, they are insecure, self-absorbed, immature, impatient, fearful and hurt from a broken heart. They have become this way because someone has taken a part of their life, and they have not been able to forgive it. Do they always know it? No. In the odd cases where this is not the case, the individual is usually broken in some other way.

Every time we get hurt, we must look at how ethical we have become, how much we have grown as humans. Even if we have had a bad day every day of our lives, someone has had it worse. If we have 4 limbs, we’re ahead. If we went to school, we’re ahead. If we have a toilet, running water and have seen a doctor, we’re ahead.
Just because others are in worse shape is not going to develop forgiveness in us. However, this concept can prepare us for new action.

The hardest thing to forgive is when someone hurts our child. It is unthinkable that we could ever forgive this. Deep hurt might be 50 years old, and we still sit with it. Does it help if we sit in anger, torment and vengeful scheming? No. We are probably shortening our lives. And, yes, this feels like the right thing to be doing. Because we have let this behavior develop.

WHAT IF?

Here are some action steps that may lead us to begin the path of forgiveness. It is not impossible, no matter what it feels like. It’s like any other habit that requires a starting point and constant repetition. In the spirit of any holiday that may have to do with forgiveness, these action steps may be surprisingly useful.

ACTION STEPS

These steps are based upon our tendency to forgive someone who shows remorse. Even though the person who hurt us may not show it, and this lack of it can conjure feelings of revenge in each of us, these steps take us one step back in the life of the hurter who is still acting out revenge from the day she was hurt, in the first place. So the remorse is the acting out.

There is no justification for hurt; the explanation of why, though, helps us to forgive.

1)   When someone hurts you or your family member, think of the person as an abused child. Even if it is not specifically the case, in some way, it very definitely is the case. Take that thought action immediately. It will calm you down and allow you to help yourself forgive a person like that. Realize that you would make allowances for a child who had been hurt in such a manner.

Or

2)   When someone hurts you or your family member, think of the person as the victim of someone who stole her limb at an early age. Even if it is not specifically the case, in some way, it very definitely is the case. Take that thought action immediately. It will calm you down and allow you to help yourself forgive a person like that. Realize that you would make allowances for a child who had been hurt in such a manner.

Or

3)   When someone hurts you or your family member, realize that the person feels as small as a small crawling insect. Otherwise, the person would not take liberties with someone else’s life. It is not too difficult to forgive someone like this, especially someone who may have been made to feel this way all her life.

Or

4)   When someone hurts you or your family member, picture the hurter as having just experienced the same, exact hurt. Think of how surprised this person must have been and consider that it’s your responsibility to act well.

And

5)   When someone hurts you or your family member, join a group of people who have also experienced the same hurt. Type in your type of hurt followed by the word group in your favorite search engine or card catalog. Many groups await you.

And

6)   When someone hurts you or your family member, watch this trailer and decide if you want to watch the movie. It depicts The Parents Circle Families Forum’s group of bereaved Palestinians and Israelis, all of whom had a family member killed by the other side. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzJkBxQC4Tg

And

7)   When someone hurts you or your family member, realize that every negative thought or action we have or take creates negativity for the world. Likewise, every positive thought or action we have or take impacts the world in a positive manner. Consider choosing the positive road in the name of those who were hurt (including yourself) for the sake of the evolution of morality.

CONCLUSION

I believe that we are all one, that all energy falls into one big vat with all the positive and all the negative thoughts, emotions, actions. Therefore, the more goodness we bring, the more goodness there will be. Forgiveness is part of this pot. The more we contribute to it, the richer and more beautiful our civilization will become.

Happy Forgiveness Season. May we develop the habit of forgiveness and be the shining examples we all need.

FEEDBACK

Please leave  a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She believes we can develop forgiveness. It is one of the hardest habits to develop. She says,

“We don’t let go when someone hurts or our family. But that is commonly because we see the hurter as different from who we are and forget what makes most people hurt: being hurt. In looking at ways to forgiveness, we can go back to the life of the one who hurt us and realize the pain that is being acted out now.

“We are civilized and have will power. We were also raised with some sense of morality. With these traits, we have a chance at forgiveness. It may not happen overnight. I know it didn’t for me. But pre-planning and repetition will make it happen. And then, we will be free.”

HABIT CHANGE: SOLVING NOT COMPLAINING (ISSUE 108)

By Diane Gold

All of us have developed the habits of solving and complaining. The very assertive yet ineffective method of complaining has been reinforced into our beings since our families and our teachers said,

“Speak out,”

without giving us parameters about what that meant in terms of effect and solution. Many of us thought it meant speak about a topic, and point out what’s wrong with nothing further. Informing is a crucial part of the process, but it is not enough. Once we have informed, we have to start a path to solution, if solution is our goal. Speech

Because society keeps changing and each generation latches on to slogans, I remember,

“Question authority.”

The point of this commandment was to get us to think, communicate, create and solve. However, many people neglected to encourage the create and solve mechanisms necessary for us to accomplish change and allowed us to gossip, nag, criticize, whine and moan since this piece of the speaking out concept occurs without much effort.

The slogan, as I see it, was meant to stimulate the mind into founding new solutions. Parents wanted children to think for themselves and accept not what others fed them without critical thinking and deduction.

What transpired for various reasons has been a culture of speakers with no solutions, many just “orating for ego” (good T-shirt). Since there has not been a focus solving vs. complaining in modern times, it is more common to hear groups of complainers than groups of problem solvers. Plus, it’s more difficult to create than to condemn (another good T-shirt, “create, don’t condemn”).

HABIT CHANGE, FROM COMPLAINING TO SOLVING

In order to solve vs. complain, we follow the process for any habit change: cue, replace the old action, reward.

In the old scenario, we saw something we disagreed with (the cue or trigger that sets off the action).

We went on our internet radio show (well, not when I was young) and complained or preached about it (the action).

We felt good because we had talked (the reward), but what we saw as wrong did not change.

In the new scenario, we see something with which we disagree (the cue, same as original).

We have a pre-planned new activity such as going to a focus group strictly to work on a solution (the new action).

We feel good because we have created or are on the path to creating a viable solution to the issue (the reward).

THE ACTION (AFTER THE CUE, IN ORDER TO GET THE REWARD)

Of course, it is important to communicate our thoughts, desires, opinions. Exclusively talking about the wrongs, the negatives, the bad situations may bolster our egos or get us into a clique, but it deludes us into feeling accomplished and obstructs our path toward solution.

What if all the people in our clique used our wonderful brain power to brainstorm about how to solve something? We would use up the same amount of time and energy. We would be sharing ideas that could sprout into solutions. True, we would expose ourselves to ridicule if our clique did not agree with our solutions. But, creating a solution is what everyone wants, right?

If we truly believe in an idea, we will want it to have a result. This means acting toward moving it forward.

We can ask,

“If I could be instrumental in solving a national feud through some super technique, would you want me to talk about how terrible war is or would you want me to administer the technique so that we could accomplish cooperation and harmony?”

Or,

“If we all had a loved one who was sick from a disease, would you want me to talk about how terrible the pharmaceutical industry is or would you want the cure to the disease?”

Or, let’s get personal.

“If you had nightmares, would you want me to talk about how many illegitimate techniques offer to alleviate them or would you want that one super relaxation technique that stopped nightmares?”

SYSTEMATIC APPROACH

I’m pretty sure we would all rather have a solution than to hear the story about the problem, rather than the process for solving it. I’m also pretty sure we all have many useful ideas that can turn into brilliant formulations toward solving or beginning to solve a situation or preparing a solution. All we need is a systematic approach to discovering a solution. In order to limit the possibility that we go off track, we could employ the following systematic approach:

1) Use no statements that self-aggrandize.

2) Make no judgments when an idea is brought to the table.

3) Minimize kvetching (Yiddish word for complaining) as soon as it arrives out of our mouths.

4) Keep doing it. Place as much energy on solving as we have on complaining; and we will make a difference.

CONCLUSION

Now that we are evolved enough to understand this, it is time to consider the solution process with every speech. We may have to change our habit, if we are used to being critical, not constructive. We can certainly slap the wrist of education for lack of emphasis on oration without solution. And we can change how we educate from now on.

I am reminded of the 2013 engineering toy for girls, built on the premise that girls need engineering concepts as do boys. This toy is breaking the gender-biased stereotypical mold that girl toys should be dolls and boy toys should be construction sets. The creator, whose training is in engineering, saw the need and created the solution. She could still be talking about it, but she executed a solution and talks about that.

In the same way, educators can start forming the creative solution process at very young ages. And families that encourage their children to speak out can back that up with the importance of solving, rather than complaining.

ACTION STEPS

Here is a process for creating a solution. Do it to see what happens. Using a simple process of writing down the first 5-10 things that come into your head, come up with your own process for the scenario in 1):

1) Family 1 lives on 1 side of the river. Family 2 lives on the other side of the river. Each family has had one of their family members hurt by the other family as a result of war or land disputes, and the families currently have sworn animosity toward each other.
Family 1 needs a special berry that grows on Family 2’s side. Family 2 needs a special root that grows on Family 1’s side. Both the root and the berry will save lives, but the families do not speak to each other.

What process can we offer the families to start talking again, and how can they curb their hate?

2) Email us your process. It will be kept anonymous.

3) To get thinking about solutions, not complaints, let us know how you would respond to the following:

a) On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a lot, how much do you believe you can make a difference of any size in your community?

b) On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being a lot, how much would you like to contribute to human rights and social harmony?

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

She knows from personal experience how easy it is to get caught up in opinion sharing which can take people away from creating solutions. She says,

“It’s pretty natural to speak out when we see wrong. Especially if we were encouraged to do so as kids. Based on all the speakers and regular folk who are complainers, we, as parents, and the education system from which we come, did not appropriately teach that solutions are a large and necessary follow up to any criticism. Without it, we are just exercising our mouths.

“Solutions are scary because we do not have a whole crowd around us when we are the solution creator and sole discoverer. When we complain, there are always people who can relate to our complaint. But when we solve, this leaves us completely vulnerable to disapproval and social scorn. Which is part of why we gravitate toward complaining and not solving, in the first place.

“Let’s make sure, from now on, we show by example that we devote as much energy to solving a situation as we do discussing what needs solving. This will guarantee positive direction for all humanity.”

BEST AB EXERCISE IN 30 SECONDS OR LESS (ISSUE 107)

By Diane Gold

Best ab exercise in 30 seconds is so simple, protects the back, is adjustable based on fitness level and can be done by almost anyone. It doesn’t take equipment or getting in shape to do it. It’s sexy for trainers, gym buffs or never-work-out-ers. And it’s practical.

THE REASON FOR THE BEST AB EXERCISE

The reason I’m giving it away is simple and timely. Here’s the story.

I saw a photo and exercise routine one of my (actual) friend’s shared on a social networking site. My friend is an avid athlete and 30-year yogi, which means she is strong and fit. She communicates with many people who are also strong and fit.  So when she shared a plank photo and instructions for a plank exercise, starting with 20 seconds per day, she was probably directing it to the fit crowd. I immediately responded to her post with an EXTREME CAUTION comment because…

A plank is a stationary exercise where we maintain a flat horizontal position, emulating a piece of plywood, holding ourselves off the floor using our abdominal muscles. If we have abs from regular correctly executed workout, whether in martial arts, swimming, gym-ing or dancing; this exercise may be a wonderful treat.

BACK INJURY

Most people are attracted to an interesting workout photo that gets passed around. What was missing, and I’m not pointing fingers, was a super big warning sign. Having owned an active martial arts school for over 15 years, I have heard many stories about injury due to improper workout. I have helped show many a newbie student why proper alignment is everything and that haste can cost precious training time as we heal from beginner, didn’t-follow-directions injuries.

It is extremely easy to hurt the back doing the plank exercise, even though it is a wonderful technique if we have the abs for it. It’s whether or not they are strong enough to hold our entire body upon command. And that is what today’s exercise is about.     Back Injury

YOGA AND TAI CHI

Any time extreme fitness is done, injuries abound. That includes yoga, even though it is a spiritual non-martial art. Typically, it’s because people are holding one position. If they have been taught proper alignment, they have a great chance of never being injured. Without it, many injuries occur. In 2010, the Consumer Product’s Safety Commission reported 7,369 yoga injuries. Many of them were back injuries.

Let’s state here that most of the time, experienced teachers in any discipline who understand movement will make certain to teach basics before any aggressive movement exposes the student to harm. There are many inexperienced teachers out there in every discipline, and they don’t understand the importance and the essence of basic training. They also may minimize safety as a priority.

I just read an Indian newspaper that said that tai chi is taking over yoga. I’m not sure on what it’s based or how valid it is. I do know, from having taught tai chi for over 15 years, that tai chi is a non-rigid, flowing way. Each movement, like time-lapse photography, is always new as we, the creator of the movement, are always changing. This liquid movement and traditional dedication to basics are two reasons tai chi is known to be safe with few injuries.

EFFICIENCY AND SIT-UPS

Most of us want efficiency and want the shortest road toward what we consider perfection that we can take. That means we would like to bypass any frills and get right to the real work. Yet, some exercises, worldwide, put, at least, 50% fluff in them.

Take the sit up. Most people know the sit up to involve 90 degrees of movement: from a sitting up position to a lying down position. Wrong! Ehhhhhhhnnng! Unnecessary.

Much of the 90-degree sit-up is wasted time and energy, hurts the back and doesn’t do what we want it to do. And, it’s so stressful that we stop doing sit ups shortly after we begin because we don’t love them or we are already feeling twinges in our back or side. Soooooooo many people injure themselves with sit-ups because the exercise is designed to strengthen the abs without protection for the back.

So, what’s the answer?

DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME FOLKS?

I was so moved by seeing the plank exercise without any qualifying comments and by knowing how harmful it can be to the unsuspecting newcomer or restarter that I was moved to reveal this one simple secret that protects the back, is quite adjustable to people who are just starting out and can be challenging to advanced movers and shakers.

You know the warning labels on new equipment that says,

“Don’t try this at home, folks?”

I really wanted to say that, then ease into why the plank exercise can be dangerous if not done properly. Since most people don’t understand that the strong abdominal plate (the core) allows us to hold our back in a plank-like position, the caution lights would be appropriate on this plank exercise.

BEST AB EXERCISE IN 30 SECONDS OR LESS

Instead, here’s the best ab exercise in 30 seconds or less. It is designed for safety and effectiveness. If you need a towel under your coccyx or want a towel or mat, do it! The harder the surface, the better, though.

1)   Lie down on the floor with knees raised at shoulder width apart, feet flat on the floor.

2)   Place the arms across the chest, elbows flat on the body. This will protect the back from strain.

3)   Adjust the legs so that the distance between the knees and the belly button is the same or more than the distance between the knees and the toes.

4)   Press the lower back into the floor from the belly button/abs region throughout the exercise. This will protect your back from curving the wrong way or straining.

Now comes the adjustable part.

5)   Keeping the spine as straight as possible with the back pressed against the floor, lift the shoulders a comfortable amount off the floor.

6)   Breathing normally through the nose, hold the position for a comfortable amount of time.
   a)   If 10 seconds works, immediately lower the shoulders at 10 seconds and stay with back pressing into ground in rest position for 15 seconds.
b)   If 20 seconds works, immediately lower the shoulders at 20 seconds and stay with back pressed against the floor in rest position for 15 seconds.
    c)   If 30 seconds works, immediately lower the shoulders at 30 seconds and stay with back pressing into ground in rest position for 15 seconds.

FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS

7)   Do not do sets. Do it once, and you are finished for the day. Write down the amount of time you lifted the shoulders and repeat that amount of time for 6 more days.

8)   After the first week, you can increase the amount of time, if you wish, but you must maintain that increase for the rest of the week.

9)   Do not exceed 45 seconds for the first 21 days.

CONCLUSION

The important thing is following through with the best ab exercise on a daily or every-other-day basis. That’s why we don’t increase the reps on a regular basis or worry about how fancy the exercise is. Consistency is more important than duration. Getting started is more important than anything.

If you would like 1:1 discussion as you are doing this exercise, please contact us and include a phone number. If you are not certain why we have given a certain instruction, it is probably a safety feature, but feel free to ask.

ACTION STEPS

1)   Do the exercise for 7, 14 or 21 days, once a day, and tell us what it has done for you.

2)   Keep a written or digital record of your work.

3)   Pass this on to 1 other person, or, at least, the warning about the plank exercise, if nothing else.

4)   Take your time, following the directions. Proper alignment is worth it.

WORK WITH US

If you would like to set up a consult or ask a question about your situation, please go to our Contact Us page at http://warriorsofweight.com/contact-us. Even if you are confused about your situation, you are welcome to reach out here. Please include the best time to contact you.

FEEDBACK

Please leave a comment and LIKE.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Turning Habits Into Health, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert, dedicated mom, studying plant-based nutrition and habit change.

Today’s essay is about the best ab exercise, but it really focuses on the importance of body alignment. She says,

“An exercise doesn’t have to be fancy to work. It has to be efficient. Any exercise can be easy if we are strong and if we pay attention to alignment details. Most people work from competition or some other ego-driven goal. Others work to get to know themselves.

“Whatever our objective, the instructions in this piece will save a lot of wasted energy and serve us well.

“Once we are familiar with how to do the technique, it can become part of our everyday routine. Because it’s an adjustable exercise, it can stay with us throughout  our lives. May it be fun and keep us healthful!”