Giving To Charity Can Help Our Daughters With Weight
GIVING TO CHARITY CAN HELP OUR DAUGHTERS WITH WEIGHT (Issue 40)
by Diane Gold
Giving to charity is the strategy to end all strategies.
WHY WE DO IT
It’s OK to give to charity so that we feel good because the result is that someone gets.
It’s OK to give to charity because it makes us realize others need us, because the result is that if we give, someone gets.
It’s OK to give to charity because the Women’s Club (or for Kid’s Club) or religious house says it is our duty, because the result is that if we give, someone gets.
It’s OK to give to charity because we want to show off and wear fancy clothes, get our picture in the Society section of our paper, compete with our neighbors or counterparts in charity; because the result is that if we give, someone gets.
It’s best if we give to charity because it’s part of our spiritual job in life; again, because the result is that if we give, someone gets. But we become a giver, less for what’s in it for us and more about doing what’s right in the world.
WHAT IT DOES FOR THE WORLD
When we are giving to charity, we are doing something positive for the world. We are not having poor communication with our daughters. We are creating good energy. We are being a great example for our daughters and our community. And we are promoting good behavior by our donation of our time or money.
THE TIE-IN TO OUR DAUGHTERS AND THEIR WEIGHT
Here’s the mega tie-in that can actually help us help our daughters with their weight issues.
When we are at a charity event, we eliminate stress because we are happy, motivated and recognized for our time or money. We are more interested in helping others than in food.
Our act of charity is separate from the dynamics of family life. Because we are working or socializing to help others, we don’t have enough time to worry about our home, our money, ourselves. We are too busy saying,
“You’re welcome,”
to the event leader for rolling out the red carpet to symbolize gratitude for donations or for walking down it as a donor of our hard-earned money, whichever we do to get involved.
5 ACTION STEPS FOR MOM AND DAUGHTER
CHOOSE A CHARITY
Although choosing a charity to support is a very personal thing, if we want to use gifting as a way to bond with our daughters; we might pick a cause that has to do with animals or children or whatever we know our daughters like to pique the interest of our daughters. It should be an organization, ultimately, that we, as moms, care about because there is no guarantee our daughters will choose to become involved. In fact, our daughters may choose not to work for the same charity to show their ability to choose for themselves.
If the emotional climate is right, mom can ask her daughter what charity she would be interested in helping. This way, the daughter will feel important and respected.
BE A GOOD EXAMPLE
Unless we have begun the work with our daughters, casually, without being too assertive, we can talk to our daughters about the work we are doing. The most enticing might be to show photos of the people we are helping, the people we are meeting because of the work and the events we are attending to do the work. Our daughters should know that we, their moms, are good citizens so that they can learn by example.
INVITE DAUGHTERS TO JOIN
As mentioned in Choosing A Charity, above, it might work best for some moms to start the process with their daughters. For those who did not, there are several ways to invite: (1) mention a specific job our daughters can do, such as playing with puppies on display or reading to kids who are sick or (2) just ask your daughter to accompany you.
We know the way our daughters respond and have to decide which of these invitation methods would be most successful.
TALK ABOUT CHARITY
No matter when we invite our daughters to join us or if our daughters have resisted charity work, it’s a good idea to talk about what good fortunes we have by stopping by an animal shelter, going to a cancer center for kids, watching a 5-minute video about poverty or hunger. Talk about the value of doing charity work, either for the benefit of helping or to explain why schools require community service hours in school – so that our daughters realize the importance of community work.
Take a look at programs like Just Like My Child, a foundation that has brought the first doctor, the first roof and floor to any school in Uganda. Watch The Ron Clarke Story, a movie about a creative teacher who got through to dissatisfied have-not children in Harlem, NY by introducing them to wildly happy have-not children in South Africa as part of their education; or Big Cat Rescue in Tampa that saves large and small cats that have been abandoned or abused.
But these may not be the charities your hearts are drawn to, and they may not be in your local area. Every community has many programs that need us and need our daughters. Do some local research before this discussion, which is important, whether our invitation has been accepted by our daughters already or not.
BE UNDERSTANDING AND CONSIDERATE OF YOUR AWESOME DAUGHTER
As compassionate as you are for the charity you choose, remember to be that compassionate toward the daughter you love so dearly. Make sure she knows she is more important than the charity.
Oftentimes, girls with weight issues have self-esteem issues. Because of this, be aware that your focus on the charity does not overtake your focus on your daughter, either in reality or in your daughter’s eyes.
CONCLUSION
Often, seeing is believing, meaning that when we experience something in actuality or see it in action; we believe in its worth more than if we talk about it or see a still photo.
When daughters hear that we have done a charitable act, they may start thinking about giving. They may not. But, when we ask them to join us, we offer an opportunity for our daughters to become bigger than their own personal scope of life and to focus on others who need their help.
They feel needed, their self-esteem grows, they meet good people, they have more confidence and trust in Mom. They also get the chance to mingle in a positive environment with happy people who are not pressuring their lives.
Giving for charity gets us out of our own heads. It is a perfect chance for moms and daughters to bond and get a step closer to better communication.
For daughters, if they are doing charity work, their focus will not be their own traumas with food and weight. They are focused outside their own struggle and are making a difference in someone else’s life.
When we begin to see the gravity of the problems of others, ours sometimes lessen, or we become stronger in working on them. This is a huge connection that charity has with weight loss and how it can help our daughters.
FEEDBACK
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR
Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music, fitness and stress expert and a dedicated mom.
She has watched how giving to others, sharing our time and money can make a big difference in our own lives. Diane says,
“When we focus outside our own personal worlds, we embark upon new ways to empower ourselves. We learn much, meet many and develop gratitude that stays with us forever.”
by Diane Gold on August 6, 2012.
Being in a new environment has given me a clean slate. It was a disruption in my life that has been freeing, energizing and eye opening. As a matter of fact, the training I do as a tai chi mentor works on the premise that every day is a new day and is an opportunity for a new beginning.
I gave away a pair of socks that belonged to a previous relationship I had. Who would have thought this would make a difference? But the actual removal of this tiny little item from my drawer caused me to feel an emotional blockage empty itself and feel free.
One of the most amazing things my move taught me is the importance of living simply. The amount of boxes that were in each room actually inhibited my respiration, plus the adhesive holding the boxes together affected my breathing. The biggest factor was that the collection of “things” I had accumulated over the years was resident in my mind. I realized the importance of minimizing.
So what is the key to this tolerance that is the same for losing weight, gaining weight, stopping our urges, removing our prejudice? And how do we get it?
Similarly, the more we develop the ability to control our urges, such as eating chocolate, drinking soda or maligning a religion; the more we can exercise tolerance of ourselves and others.
The BIG ACTION STEP, should we choose to take it, is that we must look at our homogeneity. We must celebrate our sameness and be enlightened by it.
If I could animate, I would draw a giant globe with people in every country representing all of us. Every time any one of us executed a prejudicial act, even if against ourselves; one of the cutout figures would collapse, only to be regenerated by a positive act, such as generosity or forgiveness. If we saw this visual representation on an ongoing basis, which measured our love and hate, we might more easily cherish, forgive and love each other.
I can think of the many times I have said,
5) Once a day, we should look in the mirror at our lips smiling and know that we have just seen a very worthy human being.
As someone who enjoys teaching, my main focus in passing on self-help is to teach people that it is easier and more effective to create smooth, one-step transitions in our lives than heart-wrenching, deprivation-based pathways. I am not saying that we don’t have to work hard to achieve change. I am saying that our attitude about the work can come from a place of endowment and not of hardship.
I remember how I really wanted to motivate a great romantic relationship with my live-in partner. I was smothering, jealous, hovering and naggy, not so much, outwardly, but inside. I was, of course, not motivating the responses I wanted. I was acting from attachment, short- sighted perception and delusion. I couldn’t see the forest because the trees were blocking my view.
Whatever made me cry may have come with me to NY since I didn’t get to deal with this teacher torture in Philadelphia. My point is that I could have had the same reaction to some issue in NY which stemmed from not being able to fit in. I didn’t have such issues, so maybe, in this case, it was the teacher.
There are times when it makes sense to move. When we are teens and go to a particular school, if we have friends; moving is devastating. If we have none, it is a blessing. When we are adults and are leaving a broken relationship, a dead-end job, a family tragedy; we are moving ourselves. But we get to see new people, trees, streets. This is motivating and empowering. So many of the bonds that bear down on our ability to inspire ourselves or to be productive are left behind.
When we begin a new food plan, it is exciting. It’s a chance to succeed. We have that motivated feeling because we are ready, and nothing is there to stop us. We are working with that clean slate.
I have a special exercise gift I want to share so that we can all feel results almost immediately. It comes with a request, and that is that you commit to do it for 1 week. For those who choose to do it for 1 week, I ask that, if you want to continue, commit for 14 more days. After the 14 days, I ask for another 14 days. There are really no strings attached, but I want you to feel the present.
Please read this lower back warning before starting.
