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Homeless – How We Can Help

by Diane Gold on April 5, 2016.

Today’s issue focuses on being homeless and how we truly don’t think about situations until we are in them.

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The Secret Of Habit Change Is To Step

by Diane Gold on December 9, 2014.

Our main essay talks about the secret of habit change, which is to step, make that move, do.

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Think Life Sucks? 10 Things That May Not

by Diane Gold on November 4, 2014.

Our main essay talks about 10 things that may not suck in the life of someone who thinks life sucks.

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Recognizing 9 Early Warning Signs Of Depression

by Diane Gold on September 2, 2014.

Our main essay talks about recognizing depression and how we each can be aware if the signs in ourselves or others.

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Inflated Ego At The Expense Of Others

by Diane Gold on August 12, 2014.

Our main essay talks about how, sometimes, our inflated ego can be cruel in order to cover up our own insecurities.

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When We Delay Gratification…

by Diane Gold on June 10, 2014.

Our main essay is about the process of delaying gratification, how it’s done, when we might decide to do it and what it builds in our foundation.

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The Habit Of An Eye For An Eye: Changing The Penal System For Non-Violent Crimes

by Diane Gold on May 13, 2014.

Our main essay talks about the concept of an eye for an eye and some action steps to change the penal system for non-violent offenders.

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Move Over Botox, Exercise To Rejuvenate Skin

by Diane Gold on Apr. 22, 2014.

Our main essay is about how exercise can rejuvenate the skin. It includes comment about injectable face fillers.

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The Real Scoop On The Health Care Law!

by Diane Gold on Feb. 18, 2014.

Our main essay talks about the health care law and how it may cause people to work less as W-2 employees.

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The Number One Method For Habit Change

by Diane Gold on Feb. 11, 2014.

Our essay delivers the simplest, universal formula for how to change a habit. This was inspired by my talk at the Women Referring Women luncheon.

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The Habit Of Forgiveness: How To Forgive Even When It Seems Impossible

by Diane Gold on Dec. 24, 2013.

This week, our main essay talks about developing the habit of forgiveness and how to go about it even when it seems impossible.

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Best Ab Exercise In 30 Seconds Or Less

by Diane Gold on Dec. 10, 2013.

This week, our main essay is a less than one minute exercise, in itself, along with an explanation about how to avoid injury during training.

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Are You An Enabler, Codependent On A User?

by Diane Gold on Nov. 26, 2013.

This week, our main essay talks about being an enabler, someone so wrapped up in a user’s behavior, it’s bad news for both people.

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Habitual Behavior Develops Valuable Skills

by Diane Gold on Nov. 19, 2013.

This week, our main essay talks about how, through learning how to maintain our habitual behavior, we develop very valuable skills that are beneficial to us and to the world.
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Social Influence, Habit Change And What’s Missing!

by Diane Gold on Oct. 7, 2013.

This week, we bring you our main essay about groups that influence habit change and what’s missing from many of them.

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The 5 Biggest Mistakes Of Habit Change

by Diane Gold on Sept. 23, 2013.

This week, we bring you THE mistakes of habit change that seem universal to humans. From these come the commandments to change a habit.

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Our Path To Happiness: Do Our Genes Know Before We Do?

by Diane Gold on Aug. 26, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on how the significance of how we achieve happiness is detected and processed by our genes to our benefit or our detriment.

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Habit Masters; We Are

by Diane Gold on Aug. 12, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on the idea that we are habit masters from all the training we have given ourselves with various life behaviors. There are 12 proposed action steps.

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Are You Liberated? And What That Means For Habit Change

by Diane Gold on July 29, 2013.

This week, our main article talks about personal liberation and what it means for habit change. There are 10 action steps.

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Habits In Medical Care, Part Two: Pay That Bill!

by Diane Gold on June 24, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on habits in medical care: autopaying our bills.

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The Biggest Habit, The Inflexible Mind: 3 Scenarios

by Diane Gold on June 17, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on THE habit of the mind: inflexibility and three scenarios to recognize.

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Why Change A Habit? Your Legacy Awaits

by Diane Gold on May 27, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on why to change a habit and how that ties to our legacy.

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Education And Parenting: How To Build Good Habits

by Diane Gold on May 13, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on education and parenting, dedicated to all of us who have nurtured someone or something in this life.

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The Grade Game: Successful Habits In Education

by Diane Gold on May 6, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on using grades to measure success in education.

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Guru, Master & Mentor: Are You In The Habit Of Verifying The Title?

by Diane Gold on Apr. 29, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on the use of the words “guru, master and mentor.”

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The Peace Process Formula: Phase 3

by Diane Gold on Apr. 15, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on the peace process formula. It is the third installment in the series.

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Women As Slaves: How To Change This Habit

by Diane Gold on Apr. 8, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on women as slaves and how we change this habit.

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What Martial Art … Helps Change A Habit?

by Diane Gold on Apr. 1, 2013.

This week, our main article focuses on tai chi and how tai chi principle can help change a habit.

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Martial Arts Of The Mind

by Diane Gold on Mar. 25, 2013.

This week, our main article is about martial arts of the mind. This article transpired as a discussion for a kung fu student who needed to understand that the physical exercises are the tools for the accomplishments of the mind. This article is a reminder of that truth.

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The Gender Issue

by Diane Gold on Mar. 4, 2013.

This week, our main article talks about the gender issue as it relates to women.

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Peace Needs A Bridge: How To Build It And Keep It Open

by Diane Gold on Feb. 25, 2013.

This week, our main article talks about the fact that Peace needs a bridge in order to make it real.

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Food Cravings: How To Maximize Them For Our Good Health

by Diane Gold on Jan. 7, 2012.

First issue in 2013, and we are raring to go!

This week’s article talks about maximizing our food cravings so that we can be healthier.

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Appetite Control: How Saving Someone Other Than Ourselves Balances Appetite

by Diane Gold on Dec. 17, 2012.

This week’s article talks about the appetite and how saving someone other than ourselves can balance our appetite.

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The Peace Process: A Step-By-Step Formula To Achieve Peace And Replace Overeating At The Same Time

by Diane Gold on Dec. 3, 2012.

Our main article offers a strategy for the peace process whose doing can reduce one’s weight by the very focus of the activity.

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3 Feelings That Can Cause Teen Girls Weight Gain Plus Unique Solutions And Food Tips For Each

by Diane Gold on October 29, 2012.

This week’s main article discusses 3 feelings that cause teen girls to weight gain including solutions in the form of action steps and food tips for each.

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Check out our Meditation Music at

Peaceful Impact

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MOTHERHOOD: 5 THINGS ALL MOTHERS HAVE IN COMMON (Issue 27)

by Diane Gold

Since Mother’s Day is coming on Sunday, I would like to write a little about motherhood. Congratulations to you all. You are at the top.

Of all the things I am, being a mom is at the top of my accomplishments. Why do I say this? Why would I single out this one role I play in life? It’s because it is the most infinite role I play.

If you are a mom, you probably have heard this attitude before or know other moms who feel it. I have always marveled to myself,

“Why didn’t anyone tell me how spectacularly mind-blowing and unbelievable this experience of being a mother actually is?”

When I was 35 years old, I had my first (and only) son. Before he arrived, I had never, I mean never, held a baby, except for a baby puppy or kitten. This is quite unusual for a mother-to-be and for someone who has reached the age of 35. That was my truth. I did not know what to expect, knew that I was enduring a pretty easy pregnancy, a little nausea, some weight gain, some gentle kicks to my mid-section, and I did not have any idea what was ahead, other than that my husband (the baby’s father) and I were so excited.

So I gave birth, a month early and held my first child. Wow. I was so in awe of this beautiful being whose life I was to care for. I knew immediately, at the time of his birth, that motherhood was gigantic. It was the most wondrous role I had ever had, and my amazement with life and my good fortune was pouring out of me.
I stumbled along doing what I thought was right for my son, with guidance and cooperation from his dad, who was just as in love with our son and fatherhood as I was with our son and motherhood. But each book of bringing up baby is written differently for each child.

Two years and 10 months later, my adorable one and only daughter arrived, was mine to care for and my son had a sister. Another first, I had two children. So everything I had learned or thought I knew from raising a first child had to be altered or did not apply. Everything was different, but yet, it was similar. I had to learn all over again because my daughter, a unique individual, deserved it.

 

What a gift to have borne these children and to have had the opportunity to be close to them and get to know them. My gratitude is unfathomable, and they are amazing.

But, let’s look at what we, as mothers, have in common, not in any particular order.

 

1) HEALTHY CHILDREN

The first thing is we hope to have healthy children. We are ecstatic when our child is born with no problems. Or, when we see that there are problems, we realize that we can handle the problems and, hopefully, we reach out for that help. Either way, health is first on the list.

2) HAPPY CHILDREN

Next, we notice the temperament of our baby, whether our baby seems playful and happy or inactive and sad. We look at the expressions on her/his face and count the squeals or smiles. Some moms even have a record book for their child’s first smile. The important thing for most of us is that our child is enjoying the world as much as possible. We care for our child’s sake and not because it will be a lighter work load for us to raise a happy baby. We always care for our children’s happiness, no matter what age they are.

3) BOUNDARIES FOR CHILDREN

We all set boundaries for our children. This very commonality has everything to do with this website because learning about setting boundaries as children helps us as we mature. We all construct them in ways we believe will help rather than harm. We all walk that fine line between too much control and too little. We have to use our best judgment as to what rules will cause constriction, fear and oppression and what freedom of rules will create proper, respectful and groomed adults.

Within this similarity, there are as many formulas as there are different noses on our face. As mothers, some of us emulate the rules of our parents. Some of us oppose the rules of our parents. Some of us stifle the growth of our children by too much interference. We hold them back by placing rules upon them when it is time to let go. Some of us create instability in our children by giving them too much freedom.

We all discipline our children the amount that we each believe will show them the authority, creativity and kindness of leadership in order to develop nurturing, cultivated, prepared leaders in our children.

4) WE ALWAYS REACT AS MOMS

Once a mother, always a mother. Throughout the lives of our children, we react as moms. Whether it is our duty to be involved in our children’s decisions, we always have concern for our children. No matter where we are, we always root for our children’s well-being. We are there for them, even when they are far away; we care for them even when we are on vacation; we always work hard to guide them as best we can, no matter when or where. We all share the reality that Motherhood Doesn’t Stop.

5) LETTING GO

Because we love our children and have invested so much time in their development, we tend to forget how important it is to step back from their growth process so that they can grow. Through each stage of development, whether as babies, toddlers, youth, teens or adults; we must place boundaries on ourselves. We must realize that our children’s maturation has everything to do with how well we formulate letting go of control.

Sometimes, it is difficult for us moms who have experience in exactly the area our children are struggling. But, sometimes, letting them proceed on their own is the way that will give them the personal satisfaction necessary for them to become evolved.

I remember years ago watching my children in martial arts class. I recall clearly when one of them would get punched and look for me while considering whether to cry. I very distinctly disappeared from view. My goal was not that they become macho, although a little tough skin is a good thing, and all beings should understand personal self-reliance, but that they learn there are times for nurturing and other times for learning to stand through the lesson of the moment from the teacher in front of us. Nurturing is not part of every lesson.

The important thing is to remember to let go. When we do, we give up the nature to be part of everything because we know best. It is sometimes difficult to step back, but sometimes, it is the right thing to do. Whether to input our opinions/lessons/directions or to stand by as our children make their own decisions based upon what we have taught them to do; we want our children to excel on their own. Letting go is an import step toward this excellence.

CONCLUSION

In conclusion, motherhood is grand. Our experiences vary greatly. We each have different priorities on our list of traits in common. However, all of us care for our children for the long haul. We always nurture them, even when we hold back for their good. We always root for them, even when we walk away. Why? Because we are mothers. That’s what we do.

FREE CONSULTING SESSION CONTEST

Because this is our Mother’s Day issue, we would like to give away a consulting session.

All you have to do is answer one question to be entered in to win a 20-minute consulting session worth $75.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that writing can free us. She says, “When we write, we purify ourselves. And what we write can help others. For all the mothers of the world, let us connect through writing and sharing the words of experience.”

WARRIORSOFWEIGHT.COM PRESENTS A GROOVY FOOD ADDICTION SEMINAR, May 15, 2012, 8 pm

Two friends of WarriorsOfWeight.com are giving a one-hour presentation on food cravings. Check it out below, and sign up for May 15 at 8 pm.

Do you struggle with food addiction?

Do you crave processed foods loaded with salt, oil, flour and sugar?

Do you find it hard to resist foods like pizza, pasta, baked goods, chips, crackers, ice cream, candy or chocolate?

Are your cravings getting in the way of making sassy food choices, reaching your ideal weight, optimal health or looking like your sexy self in your swim suit?

If so, we’ve got a groovy guide in store for you!

Join us for a captivating class on Tuesday May 15th at 8-9pm EST as we tackle the tough topics underlying food addiction.

For only $19.99 you’ll receive access to:

a 45-minute informative session online with Ronni and Elisa.

a 15-minute follow up discussion, including Q & A

handouts summarizing key points

We’ll examine the two major types of food addiction, strategies to overcome food addiction and we’ll share resources to support you moving forward.

We anticipate this class to fill up quickly…

There are only 200 spots available, so be sure to reserve your seat TODAY!

We look forward to helping you benefit your body and satisfy your soul with this Groovy Guide to Food Addiction!

Elisa Rodriguez is a registered and licensed dietitian who has worked with many self proclaimed “food addicts.” She understands the deep-rooted struggles faced when dealing with food addiction, and has successfully empowered individuals with the knowledge that enables freedom from the bonds of addictive food. Read more about Elisa.

Ronni Arno Blaisdell is a Certified Holistic Health Counselor who has battled food and weight challenges throughout her life, which has motivated her to seek real and sustainable solutions. She combines two key concepts into a simple summary that makes conquering food addiction understandable and feasible. Read more about Ronni.

Register Today!

FITNESS BY INFLUENCE: HOW TO MOTIVATE AT HOME FITNESS BY EXAMPLE (ISSUE 26)

by Diane Gold

Everybody’s talking about fitness, motivation, abs, fruits and veggies, muscle tone. We see videos and photos of models who are size 2s and, if they are very tall, 4s. So where does that leave girls who are size 18 on their thinnest day?

At home, whether we realize it or not, we learn from the habits of our family. When our mom does no physical exercise, we don’t criticize her for it (although it never hurts to talk about it); we probably think,

“Oh, she’s not working out because she is getting older.”

When exercise is not done by one of our main role models, our mom, we are being taught that it is not important. In this day and age, we know it is necessary for health. The truth, obvious by looking around at all the senior sports programs and the 50-year-olds who look 35, is that fitness becomes more important with age. And by being an example of fitness and health, we have big influence over our daughters. We always need to be sensitive to our daughters and don’t want to boast or swagger if our daughters are struggling with weight and exercise. That is why the below actions use relatively easy action steps.

With that said, we are going to go over 3 simple non-earth shattering ways that can jump start fitness by example. They require no huge sacrifices, are best implemented together and are common sense ways we can add to our lives without much effort on our part or the part of our daughters.

EXERCISE: ROUND THE BLOCK WALK

As a mom, we can tell our daughter that we want to hear about her day, but that we are starting a new fitness program that requires walking around the block 1 time. We can say we’d like to hear about her day while we are doing that walk. If she is under 10, we can probably say,

“We’re going for a 1 walk around the block.”

If she’s between 10 and 13, we might say it a different way but can usually get it to happen.

If she’s over 13, we may have some resistance. We can keep asking her for 31 days straight to see whether, one day, she says yes. While she is saying no, we have to go out and do the walk. It’s not a marathon, remember. It’s only a block. If it’s a country road with no block divisions, approximate the distance.  This whole time, she will see that we are going out and doing 1 block only. This way, she will know she can do it and will grab motivation from our perseverance.

If medical issues preclude this activity, we can spend the same amount of time inside moving and talking with our daughter.  If psychological issues make our daughter say no because it is too far, we can make adjustments.

When she says yes and our daughter agrees to walk, we need to be observant. When we see that our daughter is slowing down and does not want to continue, don’t continue so that we get our work out in. Remember this particular activity is for our daughters with the added benefit of helping ourselves.

We can do a little coaching to see whether we can get her to walk a little more. The next time, she might get further before she says she’s had it. The time after that, she might go all the way. If she won’t budge, we can talk while heading back home.

MOTIVATION: FITNESS ACCESSORY

How often do our daughters want to buy something for themselves? When our daughters are carrying extra weight, they might not be interested in new clothing because they may not like how it looks on them. In the coming weeks, we will have a world renowned fashion expert talk about the clothing she has created because we are all beautiful.

In the meantime, let’s go to the sports store with our daughters. An alternative, depending upon where we live, would be to go to a wholesale or department store. On the way to the store, to build anticipation and to quench curiosity, we can say we wanted to get an accessory for ourselves and wanted our daughter’s opinion. Then, when we walk over to sweat bands, sun visors, wrist bands, anything that does not require trying on over the body, there will be no threat to our daughters.

Asking for our daughter’s opinion makes them important, and they will probably want to help with our workout. Don’t be surprised if requests to try on clothing come up. Depending upon the family budget, this might encouraged, even though this buying trip’s purpose is to get a colorful, new accessory for the walk. Sometimes, wanting to wear the accessory will be enough to get our daughters to say yes to everything.

IMPORTANT CALORIES: VEGETABLE JUICING

A simple food preparation is juicing, not a new concept, and one where there has never been a negative word about its benefit. In any diet, adding a little juice to the day is a healthy way to get vitamins, minerals, nutrients. If there is a lot of resistance to vegetable juice, mix it with apple.

I remember going to brunch the morning after a family celebration. The hotel buffet was serving wheatgrass shots – but they were half apple juice. One of the main reasons to drink wheatgrass juice is to utilize the live nutrients which work best on an empty stomach and without another ingredient. I had never heard of diva wheatgrass juice, which, of course, thwarts much of the mission. But, better to have diluted wheatgrass juice than none at all.

OK, I’m not suggesting wheatgrass juice as a first juice with daughter, although I do recommend it to everyone. I am suggesting gentle juicing, which is the juicing of items whose taste we already know and enjoy. Adding juicing to our kitchen teaches our daughters healthy food preparation.

Did you know that as a result of eating raw foods such as juicing, our tongue receptors become more sensitive? This is a good thing and can train us to recognize food additives and chemical substitutes.

Here’s a recipe for rhythmic carrot-orange juice (rhythmic because it has a beet). To begin, start with once a week, 4 ounces for ourselves and 2 ounces for our daughters. This should begin at the same convenient time every week. We must keep at it so that our daughters see consistent, healthy eating habits. Our persistence will be effective whether our daughters watch or partake. And it will be healthy for us in the process.

Rhythmic Carrot-Orange Juice (with a Beet) by Anahad O’Connor and Dave Lieberman’s 10 Things book. The number of units of the raw ingredient is dependent upon the size of each unit.
2 2/3 ounces of carrot juice

2 ounces of beet juice

1 1/3 ounces of fresh orange juice

Stir the juices together and serve.

(Often, to get one ounce of carrot juice, 2 carrots would be used. Let us know how many you needed.)

CONCLUSION

The beautiful thing about leading by example is what a profound but subtle effect it can have. When we set up a way to work together with our daughters on activities that are not too demanding, we will get our daughter’s thinking. At least, our daughters will know that we care about them.

As mentioned earlier, it is very important not to compete by showing off the progress we have made, unless our daughters are working right alongside of us and succeeding, too. We want to encourage, not discourage. The purpose of these small actions is for our daughters, even though the exercise and the juice will serve us well.

It’s sometimes difficult to see how difficult it might be for our daughters to move, motivate, act on their own behalf. If we invite exercise, create motivation and do family juicing with love, our daughters will be exposed to positive influence that could happily impact their fitness.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below. We value them. You can also converse with us on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes we are role models to our children throughout our lives. She says, “Hopefully, we are showing our true side to our daughter when we influence her, and we remember that we can always learn from our daughters.”

TAI CHI: HOW TAI CHI CAN POSITION US TO CHANGE THE WORLD (Issue 25)

in honor of: World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day 2012 – Apr. 28 – 10 am

by Diane Gold

This coming Saturday, April 28, is my birthday. Oh, wait. Broadcasting this fact is the very opposite of our message here: that of getting away from me, me, me. This article is about the power we have as developed individuals to make a difference on global issues.

Tai chi, chi kung and other mind/body training teach us self-cultivation. Alone, the training can make us remarkably well-tuned, aware and healthy. However, we may classify it as the “what’s in it for me” attitude if we don’t take it further. With continual training, the true goal of mind/body teachings – to inspire, cultivate and motivate change for humanity – is realized and embodied. When people dabble, they rarely learn this true purpose. So, let’s begin again.

Of interest to all is that World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day, April 28, 2012, is a world event, the 14th annual. It is a coming together of tai chi and chi kung teachers, students and community members to do tai chi and chi kung and view lively demonstrations.

What’s bigger about it than just doing tai chi and chi kung as a group is how it can make change. Although it introduces people to tai chi and chi kung that can heal our bodies, minds and spirits; the real treasure that most people don’t get to, because they see it as an exercise program, is that the strength and understanding we get from the program gives us the power and the incentive to do good. If we stop at fixing our arthritis, our weight or our mental stability; the world is still better off because we are better human beings from the training. But, that is small scale. If, however, we take it to the next level, which comes with “time, experience and inner balance,” we will find it our duty to take humanitarian action to cause and be change.

Nicole Brochu, journalist at the Sun-Sentinel in South Florida, opens her coverage of World Tai Chi Day by saying,

“Think of it as the yoga version of a tandem flash mob.”

I like that image. Let this flamboyant vision not lead us away from the grand ultimate purpose of tai chi in 2012, which is not a display for publicity, a way to get a date, a way to be cool or marketing for consumerism; although all of these things may happen as a result of doing the training in a public place. The point is to spread peace, harmony and unity through exposing people to movement that changes mindset leading to global action. Change in mindset, as with any discipline, is a process.

Tai chi is a way of being. World Tai Chi and Chi Kung Day is an event to harness the harmony, compassion and balance of the tai chi way. What we do with the embodiment of harmony determines how and whether we will make a difference in the world. If we keep our tai chi-found bliss for ourselves, our opportunity to impact our world is minimized. We are still younger, more vibrant, happier people; but it has been scientifically shown that, if we give of ourselves, we get it back exponentially. And if we don’t, it may not grow.

When people do tai chi once, it’s rare that they gain enough wisdom and momentum from it to become landmarks of social change because of tai chi energy. With experience doing tai chi; commitment and understanding grow in a way where practitioners are more driven to help humanity. The rooting learned as a physical exercise transfers to personally ground the motivated leader.

Similarly, when we go on a weight loss program and gain wisdom through the success of action; we gain a spiritual connection with ourselves. When we choose to keep our stories to ourselves, meaning the “what’s in it for me” attitude; we have improved ourselves only. If we share what we have accomplished – our story, our knowledge – we help others.

Another example is that, when we attend a seminar, we become motivated to act. The internal motivation we get usually dissipates within 48 hours into non-action. It’s not that we are lazy lugs; it is because we need continued exposure for the motivation to stick and develop our minds. If we study the seminar subject for 3 hours every week for 52 weeks; we have an arsenal of knowledge that will stay with us.

THE CHANGE

When the physical work of tai chi causes us to become more tranquil, we have made the first change.

The second part is that we take this peace we have created and give it back to the world. This can be in a number of ways:

1)    Through being a positive influence in the world, which causes more positive energy to exist.

2)    Through being kind to others.

3)    Through mediating arguments in day-to-day life using the skills that personal balance supplies.

4)    Through teaching others how to live a harmonious existence.

5)    Through volunteering services or choosing a business that helps the world.

MAKING WORLD CHANGE

When someone has a belief system and talks about it, isn’t this a step toward change? Since we know marketing is everything, it depends upon how many people hear about the idea and its benefits.

Take any large religious group. The spread of a belief system caused changes in behavior. These changes cause mindset change. This mindset change causes global action.

Take any political system. The spread of support for a system causes change in behavior. These changes mindset change, which, in turn, cause political change.

Take tai chi. Its personal benefits help personal struggles. People minimize depression, arthritis, vertigo and anger, by doing tai chi. Without this help, people wouldn’t be available as thinking, acting, supporting, inspired individuals; they would be busy struggling. The tai chi causes biological changes. These changes cause spiritual development. This development takes us to pursue personal and global passions.

PASSION

People who do tai chi and chi kung, like many who are committed to other studies, are privileged. They can do meditation-on-demand (similar to Dish TV on demand) by accessing their own internal renewable energy. And there’s no monthly bill for the energy.

There is nothing more special than this ability to harness our own power, focus and noise buffering. We become tai chi, rather than doing it. Analogous, we go from waving hands and doing movement to becoming responsible to our world.

POPULARITY

Some of us are socially conscious leaders who have become popular. We have best-selling books, make appearances as motivational speakers and mentors. We engage the masses, command an audience and have built an access point to change the world. After all, isn’t changing the world, changing many minds at a time so that they take action and keep taking action until a goal is met? Without the popularity, we can be creative to make a global change, as long as we are heard.

If I do tai chi and teach 8 students, then 8 minds get changed. If these 8 students have 8 students, then 64 minds get changed. If these 64 have 8 students, then 512 minds get changed. If this group of 512 goes to 1 of the 300 World Tai Chi And Chi Kung Day events and mingles with the 512 students of each of 10 other teachers; that’s 5,632 minds at 300 events. That’s over a million changed minds, which is the power of community.

 

SOCIAL PROOF

In our consumeristic society, why do we hire celebrities to campaign for us? It is because listeners, buyers and joiners act because they see others acting. The concept of “social proof” is, oh, so common.

If the popular people are doing it, others will follow. If the obscure people are doing it, although it may be just as valid, others usually will look away.

Tai chi training teaches us to act based on ourselves. The knowledge of right and wrong leads to global action.

PHILOSOPHY

Because tai chi is a martial art, I will mention one tenets of a true martial artist. And that has to do with caring for humanity. Skills are honed for the betterment of the world. Martial artists train to fight for social justice, whatever brand it is, whether this means temperance and patience or assertion and mobilization. Their actions change the world.

CONCLUSION

We each change the world by the minute actions we take, by the minute thoughts we have, by our very connections to each other. We bring ourselves with us when we act. When we develop ourselves through going to an event such as World Tai Chi Day, taking a seminar or studying auto mechanics; we cultivate ourselves and bring that development with us. The more advanced we are, the higher the synergy created, the bigger the action that ensues. The more we work on change, the more change occurs.

ACTION STEP

Pick one goal related to a passion, and study it for 30 days, whether it’s saving the world or saving yourself. Write down what you have achieved in that short time and, somehow, keep going.

FEEDBACK & SIGN IN

Please leave your comments there or visit on Twitter @warriorsoweight. If you would like to read more like this,  go to warriorsofweight.com/go to get free report and regular free magazine.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes we can all make a positive difference in the world. She says, “Some go about it from the inside out; others self-develop through fixing the world. Either way its done, we are all on the human mission. Decide whether you will get side-tracked.”

LUNCH HOUR, THE MOVIE: AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT THE LACK OF NUTRITION IN SCHOOL FOOD (Issue 24)

by Diane Gold

School food is an important part of our children’s school day. It is a developmental tool that enhances young minds, builds mental focus and gives the right amount of energy needed for children to consume knowledge at a high capacity. But wait. Under further examination, we find the nutrition part of the food is often very much left out. Lunch Hour, the movie, simplifies the complex story of school food, its results and how we can help now.

Here is a movie review. The trailer is below.

Lunch Hour, the Movie, is a fresh, new look at an age old problem that affects the health, mindset and the future development of our children. This captivating documentary offers experts in the fields of school food, psychology, finance, government and education who give their insights as to how we can work together to change the nutrition in our schools, be able to afford this change as an industry and empower our children through healthy food in school.

What we see is a bird’s eye view of what goes on in the schools, including the perspective of school administrators, who feel some responsibility for the less than nutritious food that elementary school students are being served daily.

This movie is a call out to all of us to take notice and take action. We see the history of the school food industry, including how the government began offering food programs to assist our farmers. We hear about past and present financial struggle. We are exposed to complex relationships between food companies and politicians as well as government regulations that restrict all but the largest suppliers.

The greatest thing in Lunch Hour, though, is its passion. From celebrity chefs to sitting U.S. Senators, we hear how the state of our school food must be changed so as not to impair our children, contribute to obesity or give them the wrong message about their own nutrition through a mismatch between what’s good for them in theory and what schools deliver.

The film shows pioneer thinkers in the food and restaurant industry and how their passionate involvement has helped. There are also definite action steps suggested for every parent, teacher and community member who wants to be cooperate toward solution.

Of course, the film talks about how important it is to make these same changes at home and how much fun it can be to eat nutritiously.

James Costa’s Lunch Hour points out that parents and teachers must get involved should change be made to happen. It is my suggestion that every parent-teacher association, school board, teacher’s union, student and mayor’s association throughout the United States would do well to see it.

As a former teacher, I recall the Professional Day in which mundane information was disseminated slowly. It was not the purpose to test our patience, but it seemed that way. Maybe the next professional day in every school should include a viewing of this very film. This is an urgent film with a timely message that must be heard for the sake of our children and our future.

 

 

CONCLUSION

If we take one small step, progress is made. If each person in each of our 3,000 or so counties in the United States makes one small effort, progress is made on behalf of our kids. We have to start now, using this movie as our catalyst.

ACTION STEPS

1)    We, parents, teachers and students, can change what is currently culturally acceptable food to exclude junk food.

2)    We, parents and teachers, can provide a fruit at playtime or snack time.

3)    We can all ask our local chefs, nutritionists, restauranteurs, food experts to come to our school to help.

4)    We, parents and teachers, can join the school wellness committee of teachers and parents or start one.

FEEDBACK & FREE SUBSCRIPTION

Please leave your comments below or visit on facebook or on Twitter at @warriorsoweight.

Click here to subscribe to this newsletter, if you are not already on our list. If you need help with your school’s wellness program, send your contact information through our contact form.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned that patience brings power. She says, “If looking at a whole task seems insurmountable, look at the first step only. Then, the entire task does not seem so big.”

LUNCH HOUR, THE MOVIE: TRAILER

THE POWER OF SILENCE: 5 WAYS THAT SILENCE CAN BE ACHIEVED (Issue 23)

by Diane Gold

The Power of Silence? What’s that, you might say! When we take away distraction, our vibrant power expands or just remains. Removing the noise from our lives serves us well.

Let’s picture a dam and what happens to the water. We stop the water from moving by placing a barrier up, the water is contained but its momentum builds up at the point of the dam. The same thing happens when we create silence by first removing noise from our mental and physical environments. We build up energy by not wasting it unnecessarily and by learning to focus it.

Think about what would happen if we did not rest. I know I, myself, accustomed to a certain amount of sleep, always know when I have too little. I bow to those who regularly complete missions with little or no sleep. We wouldn’t go without rest, though, right? And our bodies and minds tell us we need it. So, why would we go without silence and relaxation?

Let’s look at how beneficial it would be to plan silence for ourselves. We realize that we need to take periodic breaks. Do we realize these breaks are from the noise in our head from meaningless conversation or the noise at our place of work or school? It is no coincidence that there are thousands of retreat centers, a growing number of tai chi, yoga and meditation centers and more active attention on personal development training all over the world and tai chi and meditation in elementary schools. The growth of these quieting activities directly relates to the growing noise level in our everyday lives, be it from information overload online, local gossip or the 200 ads a day targeted at making us consumers of some 200 products that distract us from our one-pointed focus.

From music therapy training, we know that noise or music that is forced upon us and not to our liking causes agitation, aggression, anxiety, general deterioration of motivation. In tai chi, we know that the use of silence or soft sounds makes people calm and helps them learn to flow and relax and to understand that relaxation augments power. We build silence into every session of tai chi, during a music therapy session between the sounds, in meditation training and at retreats.

In the same way that silence is built into these formal trainings, we naturally are attracted to it because we like feeling renewed and balanced. Tranquility in our environment usually includes some type of silence so that our minds can re-energize, almost like a battery’s re-charging.  When we expend energy, whether it is by listening or by creating; we need a way to rejuvenate and replenish ourselves. Many times a day. That way is through silence.

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Below are 5 simple examples of being in silence, that will work in most situations for most people. We are all in different circumstances, so we may have to make certain adjustments. Whether we are at work; school; in detention; not able to walk, in active military duty; we usually have a free 30 to 45 seconds. We are the best judge of this.

BATHROOM FACILITIES

Even though there may be elevator music in a bathroom, it is a place that is usually free from constant chatter and other people. If there are stalls in the facilities, we can go inside one. Then we are in our own private cocoon and can use it to our advantage.

Standing with our knees bent, butt tucked, feet shoulder width apart, shoulders over hips, facing away from the toilet; we can take 30 to 45 seconds to look straight ahead. The idea is to let the serenity of solitude allow the mind to be silent and regroup.

There may always be sounds from other people’s closing doors, gossiping, blow dryers; but we have just begun taking an active part in creating silence for ourselves. With repetition, we will feel the difference and will achieve resetting ourselves with our own power. And we might get lucky and be alone in the bathroom.

STEPPING OUTSIDE

We don’t need a beautiful park with a pristine lake and humming birds to grab a taste of silence. We should watch out for nature’s creatures who protect their territory with a vengeance (yes, I had to take down 3 wasp’s nests today to protect my cats and the roofers). Just the nature of stepping out of our building or away from our outside workplace gets us into another space, both physically and mentally, even if we just walk two steps away or turn in another direction.

All it takes is a second, but we will take 30 to 45 seconds. The rules are the same. This time, though, we don’t focus on have to choose where to focus. Those 30 to 45 seconds need to be spent with our eyes looking at one point. The position we stand in is knees bent, butt tucked, feet shoulder width apart, shoulders over the hips, facing the least active direction. Relax.

THE LIBRARY

With all the digital material available to us, many under 50 do not automatically turn to the library. When our kids are young, we take them for special reading programs. When we are of public school age (and undergraduate college), we use Wikipedia and textbooks. In higher education, the libraries are so super fantastic, that, and contain a lot of research material.

However, since we are talking about silence, a library is a great place to seek refuge. If we are in school, most schools have a library that offers quietude. If we are at work, most corporations or organizations have a research room, if not a library. These collections are often sitting and waiting for the students or workers in the buildings to come and use the physical area. Using the same physical exercise as in the above sections, take 30 to 45 seconds in the library. The great reset.

THE PARK

Depending upon where we are locationally, we may have a full-sized park with flowers and trees. We may also have a cement wall to bounce a ball from. The same activity can be done at either park. Since the goal is power in silence, we can do 30 to 45 seconds of the same position as above.

In either park, we must focus our attention on a flower or blade of grass, if there is one, or a particular crack in the cement, if our park has an old wall. We can find silence in the act of taking the time to set up the activity. If there is no wall, we can focus our attention 10 feet in front of us at the ground. This will center us. This will bring us silence.

LOOKING AT AN IMAGE

Most of us have a computer. If not, we have a book. We can choose a , there is a local museum or historical society. In most cases, we are welcome to go inside at no charge. We can spend time in this type of establishment doing the same exercise as above in order to create silence for ourselves. Most caretakers of history will be glad to have us as guests. So, it might be the perfect place that is rich in history and respects that history in glorious silence.

CONCLUSION

There are many opportunities to build silence into our lives. The simple 30 to 45 second breaks are solutions to do so. By being purposeful, we create our horizons. By taking these silence breaks, we revv up our energy. We also become adept at doing it in a 30-second period.

Confucius has been quoted as saying,

“Silence is a true friend who never betrays.”

Although there are many interpretations of this, I see it as meaning that silence will always be good to us and for us because its power is biological. Because it is a scientific truth,  it does change or betray, the way of a bad friend. Because it is based upon science, there can be no way the effect of silence can disappear. Therefore, the power of silence is faithful, useful and universal.

FEEDBACK

This article will be posted at http://warriorsofweight.com/issues in 48 hours. Please leave your comments there or visit on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned through her kung fu, tai chi and music training that silence can enhance our power. She says, “We are fortunate, as humans, that we can reset our minds and bodies by a small, incremental step. Silent action is one of the most powerful ways to make this happen. “

CREATING POWER: 5 OPPORTUNITIES TO BUILD IT AND KEEP IT (Issue 22)

by Diane Gold

Many of us, on an hourly basis, let distractions lead us into the temptation of walking off our path. We see a recipe we like and start reading about it; we turn on the weather channel to see if it will rain and end up watching 15 minutes of TV. We see a headline on some news source and read, and read, and read and read. Online, we click for reference material and read 5 more things. All while we are working on another task.

When I sat down to write this very article, it was 2 hours later than when I planned to start. Hand feeding my courageous cat, pondering global energy and catching up on some internet reading actions that got me off my intended schedule. Valid they were, but they took me off my schedule. In this article, we will explore together five of the most common ways we give away our power which, of course, we need to accomplish our goals.

ANSWERING OUR PHONE FROM KNOWN CALLERS

One of the greatest distractions in our lives is the phone. We rarely turn it off.
Unless we are life and death workers; it’s a safe bet to say that it is not necessary at all times of the day. There are many reasons we answer it when we are busy:

1) We don’t care about the work we are doing.
2) We want a distraction or socialization.
3) We have little self-worth and believe that whomever is calling won’t call back because we are not that important.

True phone story: Years ago, I recall saying no to my dad, Harry, when I was 13, when he asked me to go see The Guns Of Navaronne with him. I said no because I was waiting by the phone for one of the girls in my group to call and invite me to go downtown. The result of my having said no was that my father went to the movies on his own, the girls never called me which hurt my feelings, I hurt my father’s feelings and he passed before there was another movie opportunity (his photo left).
I’m not suggesting we always have to say yes; far from it. I am remembering the sequence of events that ensued from my shaky self-worth and misplaced priorities.

So, the bottom line is that the phone can stop us from completing our goals by stealing our focus. Just because it rings, we don’t have to answer it. We become powerful when we realize this.

ANSWERING AN UNKNOWN CALLER

This type of phone call has its own category because it is an opportunity for big power, a gift in disguise. Here’s how.

Let’s say, we respect people who work on a commission job, like the people who might call unannounced, so we won’t flat out hang up on them. But we do answer, even though we are busy, in the middle of work, leisure, play, homework or zoning out. Here’s a sample script of how to pull the power out on these calls:

D(iane): Good day.

M(arketer): Good day. It’s Tammi Tune. I’d like to talk to you about a new weight management program we have just opened up.

[Here comes the power.]

D: Do you have an appointment?

[Immediately, we own the conversation. And we make M realize we are busy, breathing, warm humans who have lives other than answering the phone for marketers. Then M is more respectful. ]

M: No, my company wanted to save you money on fresh water for your home.

D: I’m not available now. I appreciate the call, though.
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Or if s/he asks for us by name when we answer the phone,
___
D: Good day.

M: Good day. It’s Tammi Tune. Is Diane Gold available?

D: That would depend. Do you have an appointment, Tammi?

M: I wanted to share something wonderful about our new collection of meditation robes.

D: Thank you so much for the call. I’m not available now.
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We can always choose to listen to the pitch or schedule a call back time. We can also give the caller 30 seconds to pitch us.

But, it’s our choice. We are in charge of whether to answer our phone and how far to go.

ACTION STEP

Schedule times when we are available to take calls. We can still choose to ignore a call. Most phones have an ignore button. Same for texts and emails.

CUSTOMER SERVICE AND TECH SUPPORT REPS

Have you ever noticed that for many of our home services, like telephone, electric, tech support; we are on hold for lots of time? Those of us who cannot relate to this may be too young to have handled this type of call or may pay other people to make the calls.

Most of us have called customer service or tech support reps. And we wait. And wait. With music we have not chosen in a genre that is not to our liking. Every minute we wait costs us time. If we bill at $100 per hour (round number example) and hold for 22 minutes, we have just given up $22, and, still pay the company for a service.

ACTION STEP

Currently, we must plan to be on hold. Before we call any service or tech rep, we must schedule work simultaneous to the call. This way, we will accomplish our work and not waste our time on hold. And we will feel happy and powerful.
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It is important to remind the rep that our time is worth money and that it is unfair for us to pay the company and work for the company by being on hold for no pay. We own the conversation, and we teach reps to be considerate.

Norton usually gives us an extra month of internet security service to compensate for hold time, though it usually equals the $5 an hour rate. Some type of compensation should be the norm, not the exception.

It is also important that we make it clear, when our issue can’t be resolved in the current phone call, we are not available in our busy schedule (even if we are lounging around doing nothing) to call back. Why would we, as customers, who pay for goods and services have to call the company back, which would be working for the company without getting paid? Very often, when customer service and tech reps boss us around, they are reading scripts. We must smile and take charge.

NAME CALLING

We each have some characteristic worthy of being called a name by some mindless twit who, at that moment, does not have a drop of empathy. I am reminded of the construction worker next door who, when I asked if I could walk through the house he was working on my sick cat who needed medicine was lost, said,

“That’s your problem.”

To give myself power, which I didn’t really have because the gates to the yard where I wanted to look were locked and I was not going to fight the worker for access; I imagined that the worker got locked in the house, his phone battery went dead and he asked for my help through the window.

I said, “I think that’s your problem. Oh, wait. That’s what you would say. I’m not a jarhead like you, so I will help you.”

Forgive them for they know not what they do is easier said than done. It’s tough to forgive when people hurt us. We must muster up power to do it.

The first thing to do when people call us names is – no, not go into our room and sulk – go change our perspective. Emotions are like reflexes. They show up after certain actions affect us. They are actually biological reactions to situations. So they are not right nor wrong. They just are. So how do we grab our power?

ACTION STEPS

Our first action is to look in the mirror, throw ourselves a big kiss and tell ourselves we are awesome. No matter what!

Our second action step is to go talk it out with someone, anyone. The power comes to us from changing our perspective and not dwelling on the words of some blockhead at school or work or in the street. If we don’t have an available friend, we can go to the library, the local food mart, the closest religious structure, the grocery store, the café. There are lots of people just waiting to listen to us. It will create more power when we approach them.
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REACHING OUR GOAL

On the road to reaching our goal, whether it’s to lose weight, gain friends, become vegan to balance weight issues, eradicate hunger or learn to sing; there are always potholes, bad weather and trials on the way to success. And there are many successes on the goal highway.

ACTION STEP

Here is THE effective action step that will serve us all well no matter what our road looks like:

Notice that we are more powerful for having begun our journey. No matter how many mudslides we encounter, we as a remarkable human being can create new ways to maneuver the twists and turns of the way to reaching our goal, moreso, because we have begun.

CONCLUSION

There are many ways to create power in ourselves. The more we do it, the better we get at it, and the more confidence we will have because we will be experienced power creators. These 5 opportunities consist of three everyday occurrences, two that come up from time to time. The more practice we get at stepping up to being powerful, the more natural it will become, and the more it will creatively arrive in a variety of situations.

FEEDBACK

Please leave your comments below or visit on Twitter @warriorsoweight.
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DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She has learned through her kung fu, tai chi and music training that repetition can change our framework. She says, “The way we used to handle a situation becomes obsolete when we become familiar with a better way. Further, what used to make us uncomfortable, with repetition, becomes comfortable and easy. “

DIANE GOLD INTERVIEWS V. MARK DURAND: THE HIGHLIGHTS (Issue 21)

by Diane Gold

Last week, I had the pleasure of interviewing V. Mark Durand, PhD, specialist in autism spectrum disorders and behavior change. What I found fascinating was the interview offered simple, five-word or less solutions to difficult problems. Mark has the ability to communicate how to get it done and do the research his solutions are based upon. Very rare in one person.

This article will focus on the important points of the interview. Although we did speak about children from all behavior groups, these lessons can be applied to any parents and children.

NORMAL PARENT FEELINGS

D: What would you say in laymen’s terms, are the three emotions we parents have to experience to lose our optimism or our ability to act like adults when kids do misbehave?

M: Well, speaking with lots of families, and we’ve worked with hundreds of families now, both with children with autism spectrum disorders, those with other kinds of disorders, and those without disorders.

D: Right.

M: Common emotions are frustration. That can be also anger at a child who is not behaving, who is not doing what’s being asked. Sometimes guilt, somehow feeling that it’s my fault that this is going on, and they feel guilty.  And also, especially out in public, or among family members, embarrassment.

D: Right.

M: That somehow I’m doing something wrong, people are judging me or people are judging my child.

D: Right.

M: Those are the three major themes that we hear from most of the families we work with.

D: I would say that most parents feel those emotions. That’s pretty normal. I know that emotions don’t have a normal and a not normal. But, would you say that most parents who are having a fine life have those emotions?

M: Oh, absolutely. And that’s one of the secrets. I think that many parents feel that they’re somehow different because they have these emotions. And that their parenting must be different because it looks like other people handle everything fine. And everything is perfect in their family. And once you delve into what goes on, you realize that 99.9% of parents feel these kinds of emotions.

The difference is when those emotions start to overwhelm you and get in your way of making good judgment with your child.

OPTIMISTIC PARENTING GIVES US TOOLS NOT TO LOSE IT WITH OUR KIDS

When I was a parent of young children, I would say that I would yell at my children for playing too loudly in the back seat. I’m not saying there’s pride here; I’m saying I did this. Or they might hit each other in the back seat. If I had taken an Optimistic Parenting course and utilized the teachings, what would I have done to control the emotions that made me yell or what would I have done to calm the kids down?

M: Well, there are a couple of issues. What I mean by Optimistic Parenting [is] it doesn’t mean that you walk around thinking that everything is perfect and fine. That’s not optimism. Optimism really is this ability to take the situation and kind of figure it out and wake up the next day and do it again.

D: Mmm.

M: So you’re not giving up. You’re not thinking that everything is futile.

D: Right. What you’re able to do is continue to do what you’re doing.

M: The first or one of the first things we would do in Optimistic Parenting is start to think or say to the parent,

“What are you thinking when your kid is screaming in the back?  What are you saying to yourself?”

And there’s another thing. We don’t directly try to change your emotions. So, if you’re feeling guilty or feeling embarrassed, we’re not going to say you shouldn’t feel guilty.

D: Right.

M: That’s insulting in some ways.

D: Right.

M: But, what we’ll say is,
“What are you thinking?”

(as the parent answering)
“Well, I think other people are judging me.”

M: And sometimes that’s true.

“So, how can we help you deal with those thoughts in a way that’s productive? Does it help you to think that way?”

(as the parent answering)
“Well, no, not really.”

M: “Can we do something to change your mood or to change your outlook so this does not get in the way?”

And the book is called Optimistic Parenting: Hope and Help, so we provide techniques for dealing with kids’ yelling in the back seat.

D: Direct techniques that can be applied specifically to specific situations.

M: Correct. So, we might say, often the reaction at the moment is not the most important thing.

“All right. Let’s plan for it. You know your kids tend to yell in the back seat. How can I organize some activities for them, some games, whatever, so, at least, they’re kept busy. How can I also alert them ahead of time that, should you yell in the back seat, I will give you one warning. After that one warning, something will happen.”

And it might be a check depending on the child’s age; you know, you lose a star, you lose a privilege or something like that. So that act of planning also helps the parent think that I’m now in control. So, this isn’t just a catastrophe that happens all the time. This is something I know is going to happen. I have a plan walking in. I’m going to stick to my plan. It may not work the first week. But it will eventually start to work. We try to get parents to start thinking that way. And, along the way, those emotions stop taking over. I might be frustrated, but I know I have a plan. And that’s what Optimistic Parenting is.

D: That’s great…That’s very helpful to me.

BEHAVIOR CONTRACTS

D: So fast forward. Let’s say the kids in the back seat grew up, and now they’re 12, or one of them 15 and one of them is 12. And they’re in the back seat, and they’re not supposed to be on their phone, or they’re being too animated on their phone, and it’s distracting my driving, let’s say. What do I do then? What do I do if they don’t listen to me, if I say you’re too loud?

M: Well, as kids get older, we make those kind of rules much more specific, if necessary. For example, numerous times, I’ve written up behavioral contracts.

D: Mmn.
M: “Here are the rules in the car.”

D: OK.

M: “You want me to drive you someplace.”

D: Right.

M: “I want you not to use your phone.”

D: That’s great. Aha.

M: “And so, you know, now, we’re going to put this in writing. We’re going to agree on it. We’re going to sign it. And if you don’t follow your end of the contract, I won’t follow my end of the contract.”

And this takes away the yelling, the screaming, the emotions of it. It’s just now a business deal.

D: What do you do if the kid won’t sign the contract, or if the kid breaks the rules, and the parents work so they can’t be home to monitor the kids. And they have to go to work. And the child didn’t do the jobs. And the child missed the bus and the child didn’t eat breakfast?

(Laughter)

M: Well, there are a lot of things in there. But, again, what you’d want to do is build in some accountability.

D: Um-hum.

M: I might come home and find out you didn’t eat breakfast and you missed the bus. So what’s the consequence for that? And, again, start to build into the contract,

“Here are the things you’re supposed to do. Here are the things you want me to do.

D: Right.

M: “You want me to take you to your friend’s house.”

D: Right.

M: “You want me to do your laundry.”

D: Right.

M: “You want me to give you money to go shopping for clothes. Whatever those things are, I’m agreeing to do that. And you’re agreeing to do X, Y and Z.”

D: That’s great. That’s so beneficial. I love it.

ACTION STEPS

1)    PARENT SELF-AWARENESS
When I asked Mark what one technique he would give to parents, he said,

“The first thing is to become self-aware.”

He suggests that we ask ourselves what we are feeling about our parenting skills and to be aware of what we feel and why when our kids don’t act the way we want. He says,

“It’s important to be in touch with what you’re thinking…Because that part [ your thoughts] will sabotage your effort,” [if we only focus on our kids and not ourselves].

2)    COMMUNICATION TIP FOR US TO HELP OUR DAUGHTERS

When I asked Mark for his one tip on mother-daughter communication, he said two words,

“Practice listening. We spend so much time lecturing and reacting. It’s listening. It’s also doing what I call ‘parenting in the moment.’ You know, just be aware of what’s going on. Don’t react to everything. Don’t judge everything. Just look. And look for the good things. But also listen.”

3)    RECOGNIZE ONE GOOD THING OUR DAUGHTER DOES FOR US

Acknowledge it to ourselves and to our daughters. This tip comes out of the interview.

4)    MAKE A ONE GOAL BEHAVIORAL CONTRACT

Based upon what Mark has given in this interview, when he described one of his most inspirational encounters with a mother and daughter he helped. They made a contract to start working on behavior. Why can’t we make a simple contract with our daughter, with only one requirement from each person.

This follows Mark’s saying,

“You’re not going to address everything at the same time.”

Mom picks one thing she wants from the daughter, such as the daughter’s waking up for school independently.

The daughter picks one thing she wants from her mom, such as her mom won’t yell each day she gets up on time.

This is a start. And there are many more ideas in Mark’s book, Optimistic Parenting, which, now that I’ve got it, I can’t put down.

5)    HOPE

Mark’s book is titled, Optimistic Parenting: Hope And Help For You And Your Challenging Child. So, he believes in hope and gives us lots of tools on the road. Although our situation may seem the worst, when we realize that one other person may be going through what we are, when we read that there are many families that have had success; when we know we are not alone, these are reasons for hope.

CONCLUSION

There are more techniques discussed in the full interview, but the above excerpts are fascinating. V. Mark Durand has many years of experience that can help us with self-examination as well as helping our precious children. I am very inspired to share this work with you and trust the action steps will work well.

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V. MARK DURAND, PhD

Mark Durand is a world renowned psychologist and professor at University of South Florida known for his work with autism spectrum disorders. He has received seven figure federal grants to study this group. He is co-editor of the Journal of Positive Behavior Interventions, is on various editorial boards, is a journal article reviewer, a long-distance runner and a consultant. You can grab a copy of his new book at http://warriorsofweight.com.

DIANE GOLD, AUTHOR

Diane Gold, Founder of Warriors of Weight, Moms For Healthy Daughters, is a mentor in tai chi, kung fu and meditation, a music and stress expert and a dedicated mom. She believes that reaching out can save us. She says, “Speaking to one person can change our perspective. This can change our lives. It’s worth the effort.”